Tuesday, February 8, 2005

Sadly I'm Alive with people who cares for me Well the unexpected thing happened to me......... I was overwhelmed with serious pain that I just burst into tears,I was crying a bit in the classroom and decided to get out so that noone would see me but the ever worry-wart Alastor came looking for me and found me....dammit! Number 5 was there too.... I hate crying,it means that I'm weak...I hate expressing deep emotions,it just sucks for me.... Crying in serious pain and angry So mad that I just couldn't control myself so I cut my wrists alot of times and they were very deep wounds but what I did was stupid cause my classmates saw it Blue Hawk you fool!.They just stare at me,confuse and surprise.Those idiots called a teacher about it and the teacher wanted to talk to me but I wouldn't listen if I can't tell it to the closest people why tell a teacher?. But then Sir Joy my instructor,one of my closest friends,almost like a father to me better than my dad,came to me......He was talking to me,reasoning with me that it hurts for me not to tell him.I just can't tell anyone about this.... I just don't want them to be a part of this,I would just like them to leave me alone and have fun.Not thinking of me,not worrying about me and whatsoever. It would have been simple if it was that way.But nooooooooo................they just care! emotions should be ban! Its ticking me off!. The worst thing that could ever happen to me if that my mom knows.I don't want her to see the deep scars I have.I don't want to see her worried and sad look.It just reminds me of the past when she was in pain.I don't want her in pain anymore. But if my dad knows,well that's fine with me.I don't care.He may shoot me with his gun for doing it but I don't care but there's no way in hell that I'll die by his hands,that man I call my father,no way! I'll die a different way...... But I'm feeling good I guess.....I promise to Sir Joy,to Number,Madel and Roselle that I won't cut myself anymore.I'm keeping the promise just to show them that I care....didn't I tell you I hate expressing emotions? :P. I just hope noone in the school would discuss about this anymore,especially my class adviser and my evil Religion teacher that teacher just keep sticking her nose to other people,grrr!!!. ~Blue Hawk

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