Gender •
Female Location • Philippines, Cebu City Member Since • 2003-09-03 Occupation • College Junior Real Name • Jacky
Personal
Goals • A Successful Pharmacist with a powerful company
myOtaku.com: Blue Hawk
Friday, January 23, 2004
Confuse Emotions
I don't understand my emotions sometimes......it would just suddenly make me feel sad,making me remember my sorrowfull past that I don't want to see and makes me feel regret.
Why? What is it trying to say? How come when I'm already happy the horror comes back to haunt me.....even in my dreams.....am I not meant to be happy at all....how come I can make others smile and yet I can't do that to myself.....this is confusing.....until now I'm still living a confuse life....and whenever a flashback of my memory appears my heart would suddenly ache....it hurts alot....can't control my tears and my fears.....the mask was worn off for a minute....I panicked....what if someone saw me?....would they worry or just find my weird?.....*sigh* I hate emotions.....I hate on what I am now.....I'm just hurting myself.....I don't know how I can tolerate and supress the pain.....I want to let go of the pain.......but then I'll become weak......there is no one who will support me when I do release my pain....no one.....all on my own....as always....hmmm....I wonder how it feels to be hold by someone who cares for you....I know I have my family but I don't know.....I guess I'm already used to being alone....not wanting to be touch.......I've been pushing away the people I cared.....and well I'm not sure if I regret it though....*sigh*....such a confuse life I have.....why is it that?.....I don't know....EMOTIONS.....how confusing....
Confuse Emotions
