Sunday, May 21, 2006

   Hello!
Hello! I would just like to say that I'm sorry I haven't updated in awhile [not like anyone reads this anyway] and I've been keeping an offline journal and I'm going to post the little I have in it here so that you guys can be updated with my life. Thanks and bye! [I'm really happy right now! And I hope you are too!] Please discard the "Dear paper friend Stan" Stuff. I was really bored so I gave the "paper" a name. Yeah, it makes it more fun cuz its like I'm writing to someone. More people should try it.

This is a picture of the computer technician at our school. We all think that he's really awesome. His name is Adrian Brush.



hehe, that was random...

2-10-06
Dear Paper Friend Stan,

Everything seems to be going wrong. First, let me start with Steel, because he's the first thing on my mind. He's awesome, blah, blah, blah, all the usual stuff you get from me and everyother teenage girl. But... i don't even know what to write. I'm so locked up inside myself and i can't express myself anymore. i'm stuck in a world where i have no outlet. i feel so indiffrent to everything, so lonely, and so damn bored all the time. there's never anything to do here, and there's really no where to go. i hate this; i swear i could just die of boredom, which is still a terminal disease in some third world countries. n-e-way, joking aside, not even my grammer and spelling is right, because im that bored. i don't know how to express myself properly, and its eating away at my insides, and soon there will be nothing left. there is nothing to do here at all. i'm always in my room, always doing the same thing. and im so afraid of toby. i know that was random, but im scared of him. he barks at me when i go outside and stuff, and usually that never bothers me with any other dog, but he's already attacked me a few times. im afraid that maybe someday he'll get his jaws on me and cause some serious damage. hes never attacked nicholas, and nicholas is with him lees time than i am. thats no fair if you ask me. y should i be the 1 getting attacked when nicholas sees even less of him? i used to play with him all the time, and i forgave him the first 2 times he attacked me, but after that, it was too much. i was tired of it, and now im afraid of him. he jumped at me in the morning, even though he was in a lesh, and i raised up my hands like they were going 2 hit me w/ a bat. it was the fastest reflexes ive ever had. i was really scared. my heart jumped a beat or 2. and i just feel so tired of everything and annoyed. i just want to end this painful, mundane existence! i don't want to be going through this n-e-more! see u around Stan! i love u! more tomorrow or however u spell it. bye

~Love, Blurr

3-2-06

Dear Paper Friend Stan,

I am so freakin bored. I have to write a report on the history of bridges and I'm writing to you to procrastinate (sp?). I wish Justin would call because I just feel like talking to him. Everyone tells me that I should ask him out, but I'm really shy. Besides, he likes Jessal. He knows I like him, so whatever. I sat with Melissa and Annaly for a while during lunch. It was really awesome. I meet this guy, who I knew, but didn't really know, named Javi (that's his nickname). He's so funny and he's pretty cute too. I hope I don't start liking him, because i want to like Justin. Wesley was like real love last year, like deep. I really loved Wesley, and for the whole year too! It took me almost half the year this year to finally decide on Justin, and now I'm not sure because of Javi. Everyone says he's weird, but I like him. He's cute and makes me laugh. When I was in Peter's class, he (Peter, sorry there wasn't a smooth trancition) kept hugging me and wouldn't let go, even though its usually the other way around. I didn't really want to hug him because Justin was RIGHT THERE! Right next to us. He was watching us the WHOLE time. I felt so bad. And Amir asked me if I still liked Justin and I said yes. He said I should ask him out. He then left to go tell Justin something. I swear, I'm getting closer to Amir and his group and further away from my friends everyday. But that's how it goes. Mark will prabably stay my friend for a real long time. Justin's going to band camp. Its just really funny because of that movie. And then that one time at Orchrestra camp. It was really weird and funny. I remember Andrew from San Antonio and I really miss him. I used to like Dalton that year (and now that I think about it, he looks kinda like Alex), but I think Andrew liked me. Andrew reminds me of Alex Tagle, except so much cutier. I bet that Andrew is really hot this year, because he kinda looked like Osmel and Osmel is so hot. They both have this boyish charm I can't get over. Their little smile. JUSTIN DID THE PUPPY DOG FACE A WHILE BACK!!! He was just so damn cute, I couldn't get over it! Bye for now.

3-16-06
2205 hours

Dear Paper Friend Stan,

I went to the movies with Jordan yesterday. On they way to the movies, we started talking about Justin and Edward. I told here that Justin had called me on the 14th and that he told me that he loved me. She was all freakin' out and told me to call him for her so she could talk to him and Edward. We talked with Justin for awhile on speaker, then Jordan told him, "I know what you told Blurr." And he said, "What? That I love her?" Jordan giggled and said, "Look, I didn't say anything. He admitted it by himself." She took him off speaker and asked him, "Justin, why don't you go out with Blurr?" and Justin said, "I'd go out with her." And Jodan said, "So as of right now, you two are officially going out." Since 1906 hours on March 15, 2006, Justin and I have been officially going out. We watched Ultraviolet and it was a good movie, although we were giggling at all the wrong parts. When we were going back home, Jordan told me to ask my parents if I could sleep over. when I called them, they said I couldn't sleep over, but I could stay until 12:00 [or 0000 hours], which I decided was fair enough. I mean, look at the people around her. I don't mean to be saying bad things about them, but they aren't exactly the most trustworthy people. Anyway, we got there and called Mark. [We had called him at the movies to tell him that I was going out with Justin and he said, "Ah great, now I'm all alone." Jordan told him that she wasn't going out with Ryan anymore and that Aggie, Anais, and Diana didn't have boyfriends. Mark answered [speaking respectively from Aggie to Diana] "I was talking about normal people; Anais is the kind of person who is likely to grow up and marry her cat; and about Diana, I wasn't talking about Lepercions (sp?)" It was really funny. Anyway, we called Mark and he was fishing with his cousin. We talked with him for awhile and then we started pretending that Trasiy was there and that she wanted to tall Mark something. Jordan changed her voice to sound more like Traisy's. Mark wan't buying it, so then I started to pretend to be Traisy. Then, we tried to call Randy on three-way, but he wouldn't answer. We gave up on him, and called Justin on three-way. We talked for a while and then Justin suddenly asked, "Does Mark know?" and I said, "About what?" and he said, "You know, about us?" [Note: this whole thing was on speaker] and Jordan says, "The way he says it, 'About us'." and I just said, "Yeah, he knows." Mark hung up a little while later. I swear I love Justin so much!!! Anyway, I spoke with Justin for about an hour before I asked him where Edward was. [Usually, when Justin and I talk, Edward is in the background, yelling things like "I love you, Blurr!" and "Barney!"] and Justin said that Edward was in another room [with the door locked] so that he wouldn't hve to talk to Jordan. I asked him if he could call Edward, so that I could talk to him. He said alright. A few minutes and much struggling later, Justin was able to pass Edward the phone. I asked Edward if he would go out with Jordan. Edward said, "Sorry, but I can't right now. I'm trying to get another girl." I told Jordan, who was waiting anxiously for the news. I felt sorry that I had to tell her. Then Edward was yelling in the background that he wanted to talk to Jordan, so Jordan got her grandma's cell phone and Edward called her. So, then we each had our own seperate conversation, Jordan telling Edward that she hates him and me telling Justin how much I love him. Total oppisites, but alright. We were outside, but then it started to rain, so we went inside. We went into this room [don't know whose's room it was] and we talked on the phone there, after we coaxed Forest [with a dollar] to get out of there. Jordan was talking to Edward and I was talking to Justin. We talked for awhile, and then Edward said he wanted to talk to me. [He was in the same room with Justin at their house and I was in the same room with Jordan at her house.] Jordan passed me the phone, which was on speaker. Justin was on my right ear while Edward was on speaker. Edward yelled, "Hey Justin, can you hear me?" And I heard Justin say, "Edward, you're right next to me." Edward mumbled something like "stupid" and left to another room. He yelled the same thing out again and Justin said, "Yeah, I can hear you." We talked for a while, all three of us, the whole time, Edward was pretending to hit on me, Justin was beating him up and telling him not to hit on his girl, and I was giggling. They're so funny and Justin is so cute. I love him. Suddenly, Edward got all serious and said, "Blurr, I have to ask you a serious question." I said, "What is it Edward?" And he said, "Will you go out with me" I heard Justin yell, "Hey, she's going out with me." And then he asked me [later on, of course] "What are you doing on Satrday?" And I said, "Going out with Justin." He laughed and said, "Justin's going on a date." or something like that. Justin told him to shut up. Edward has also told me that I'm beautiful, and I keep telling him, "You've never even seen me." And he says that "I can tell just from your voice that you're beautiful." And I always say I'm fat for no apparent reason, and Justin says that I'm not, and then Edward chimes in, "You're not fat." And I tell him the same thing, "You've never even seen me!" And he says the same thing, "I can tell just from you're voice that you're not fat." I always tell him, "Flattery's going to get you nowhere, Edward." I love Justin, and that's that. Even if my parents don't let me have a boyfriend, it's not like I'm going to do something stupid and get pregnant with his child. No matter how much I love a guy, I can't do any thing serious with him until I'm graduated and married. But I do love Justin, because he loves me and can make me laugh, and he's just the sweetest thing in the world. I never want to leave him. He asked me, "Blurr, do you want me to kiss you?" And I thought that was just the nicest thing, because usually, a guy never asks, he just reaches in for a kiss. I said that I did want him to kiss me. He said, "When can I kiss you?" And I told him, "The next time we see each other." I love him so much. I wish my parents would let me have a boyfriend, so that I could introduce Justin to them with that title, "My Boyfriend." O, how I love him. I want to write a poem for him, but all my poems dull in comparrison with the last one I gave him. All of my recent poems are full of hatred or sadness. I could never write another pretty love poem, no matter how hard I try. I'll try to buy a ryming dictonary, so then I can make a ryming poem for my Justin-koi. [Note: The suffix -koi means love, honey, boyfriend/girlfiend, baby, and things to that effect.] I love him. Let me try for a poem for him right now! Nope I've got nothing.

3-23-06
2055 hours

Dear Paper Friend Stan,

Today is a very important day in my relationship with Justin. Today was the first day we were affectionate towards each other. [I'm listening to HIM for the first time and its awesome!!!] Traisy made him sit in front of me, and then we were talking, and while we were, the whole world seemed so distant. It felt so awesome. Then, we threw our plates and he walked beside me. I sarted talking with Annaely, and she pushed me towards him. I ran into a chair and almost tripped. I decided being affectionate was better than getting hurt. I grabbed Justin's arm, and we walked with our arms interlocked, for lack of a better word. [Hold me, like you've held on to life.] It was awesome , our first act of affection towards each other. And I started it! I never start and affectionate moment, but I usually am the middle of it eventually. It felt so cool and nice to be walking with him. I love him so much. And then we were leaving 6th period, and he told "Bye Blurr" and HE GAVE ME A HUG! HE DID! I didn't start it! He just hugged me, and I hugged him back, and it was the best feeling in the world. swear, it felt better than hugging anyone I had ever hugged. I don't want my time with him to end, but I know he's going to end up breaking my heart or I'll end up breaking his. My parents dodn't want us together, I can tell that much. They're trying their hardest to pull us apart. I hate them so much sometimes. I wish they would just leave me alone. They always worry about me, and where am I most of the time? In shcool or in my room, all by myself, there's not even internet. How do they expect something to happen to me? I'm always with them. Nicholas is the one they should worry about. He's never at home and when he is, he has someone over. He doesn't talk to his mother or father about waht's going on. He's getting bad grades in school, and I'm still an A student, even though I desperately don't want to be. It's not fair, Nicholas has every thing that I want, and I have some things that he wants. I wish we could trade lives for a few days or even a week. Then, we could see what we really want. I want my parents to leave me alonse and let me go out with Justin. I'm not so stupid as to go and get myself pregnant. [Don't hang out with boys, they make you fat.] I'm not going to do something stupid like that. I'm not even that in love with Justin. I'm not so empassioned by my love that I would go and have sex with him. I DO NOT want a baby at this point in my life. Okay, well I do want a baby, but mostly I want a baby that I can take care of. I don't want to HAVE a baby, I just want a baby. Justin's going to break my heart, so I'm not going to have a child with him. I keep on saying that he's going to eventually break my heart, because I know that it will eventually come, and I want to strenghten my heart. Even though I'm trying to, I know that it is still going to hurt when he does break my heart, or I break his. Because if I break his, it's going to break mine because I know that I broke his, and I hope that we can always remain friends, no matter what. I'm just kinda confused right now, but I'm hopping that will start sorting out eventually, because I know I'm working on it. I honsestly don't know what to do sometimes. I have no idea how to deal with certain situations. ["And it's eating away at my insides and soon there will be nothing left!" ~Kain Fuery FMA Episode 37: Flame Alchemist: The Bacholor Lietenant and The Mystery of Warehouse 13] My back hurts from sitting up for so long. So you know what I noticed Stan? I noticed that Justin and Orlando walk the exact same way. It's really weird watchin one walk at school and then seeing the other walk at home. But that's not important. But then again, I don't know what really is important. I don't really know anything anymore. I'm getting really confused and now I have hiccups. I think I'm going to go lay down for awhile.


3-27-06
1930 hours

Dear Paper Friend Stan,

Hello, Stan. I just got off the phone with Justin and I'm going to call him back right now. Today has pretty much been wholly uneventful, as are most of the days in my life. I went to the movies on Friday the 24th. We saw Stay Alive and it was a good movie. Jordan, Anais, and Mark went with us in the car. Once at the movies, we met up with Justin, Ruben, Leeroy, and Roy. I sat next to Justin, but it's not like we could really do anything because Orlando was like four rows over us. I was afraid he would catch me and Justin doing something. I got away with putting my head on his arm by sinking really low into my chair. I loved it. I just love Justin so much. But Jordan was there [which was why Orlando had to stay there] so Jordan and I were giggling throughout the whole movie and annoying everyone with our randomness. We were talking alot. And then Leeroy was yelling out random things. When everyone would yell because there was a "scary" or startling part, he would yell "PIKACHU!" or "ASH!" And, even though they were on either side of the group, Justin and Ruben were doing the exact same thing. I just got off the phone with Justin's cousin, Daniel. He told me that he was bored, had no life, and loved to bother Justin. He told me to never beat Justin in a video game, because, no matter how good I am, I just have to let him win because he will go home and [physically] beat them. He said that Justin had a very short temper. And that I should never bother Justin at Band because he was like a Nazi there. And I asked them, "Like a real little Nazi? With the "Heil Hitler [Mrs. Banda]" and everything?" And they said that was how he was. [Random Note: We're making a comic book called "Beaner in Tokyo." and I'm going to add that little Band/Hitler part I just mentioned.] He said that Justin just unleashes something in Band and he turns all phyco and Nazi-ish. Daniel was really funny and weird. Then he said that Justin was on the cell phone with another girl named "Orlanda or Alonsa or something like that." Justin's other cousin was on three way. They said that Justin called her his "sweetheart." They were trying to get me jealous, but I showed restraint and I wasn't jealous. Although, I did get really jealous during school. You see, Arnel and Ruben were talking to Aileen about how their relationship was and stuff and then they were asking her questions like, "What would you do if you saw Ricky with a huge boner?" and things like that. They kept asking her questions, and then it got quiet for a few moments and Aileen asked Justin, "Have you ever had a *cough* boner *cough*?" And I just look at her and ask, "What the hell kind of question is that?" And Justin says, "Exactly." And Aileen didn't get it, and she says, "So have you?" And Justin says, "Well, um... yeah..." But that's just a side story, its not really relevent to the me getting jealous thing. What is relevant to me getting jealous is that Ruben and Arnel started asking Justin, "If Byonce came to this school and she was hitting on you, what would you do? Would you go out with her?" And stuff like that with diffent people. Even though Justin wasn't really answering, I felt really bad. And I had just told Justin that I had sorta kinda gotten molested by Ronnie Al, so it made me feel even worse. But I think they were doing that because those were proably the kind of question they were asking Ricky with the whole Aileen thing. Ruben's a real friend, and I don't have a friend like that. He was willing to kick Ricky's ass because Ricky hurt Aileen. I know Mark and Roy wouldn't try to take on Justin, no one would. I'm going to hate him when he breaks my heart, because he will be the first person to break my heart. The first wound is the deepest and then it leaves your heart vunarable for awhile. At least that's what I think, but I don't have any real experience.

4-3-06
1640 hours

Dear Paper Friend Stan,

I am so sorry that I have not written to you in the longest time. I haven't really had anytime until now. And right now I'm supposed to be working on this little filmstrip for history. I have been doing really bad in my classes lately. I forget my books, don't do homework, or turn in projects. History is the most distracting one, cuz Justin is really close by. But I understand history, so that's really cool. Anyway, something happened in my 7th period that I just have to tell you about. I walked in, right, same old same old, and this girl in my class [I don't know her name] was whispering to this guy and I heard my name. Then she asked me, "Brandy, do you have a boyfriend?" And I freaked out and said yes and asked her how she knew. She said she knew because her step-sister, Claudia, was his ex. Then everybody started asking me if I had a boyfriend, and when I would say yes, they would be all surprised and be like, "Brandy has a boyfriend?!" or "A boyfriend?! Blurr?!" And they were making me feel really weird and I was just like alright. Then they were asking me all these questions about him, like how he looked and stuff. I tried to explain, but its kinda hard when they know nothing about him. Anyway, that's pretty much it. There's really nothing esle to talk about. Oh yeah, I went to the movies yesterday, and the day before that I had a "party" at Flamingo Bowl. Ruben was there and he's like an expert bowler. He's been bowling since he was like five or something. Even when he tried to suck, he was still really good. I would really enjoy seeing him play a good game. He can make the ball look like its going to go into the gutter, but then it curves and hits the pins. Its really awesome and entertaining. He was being really nice to me and Adrian. Sometimes I think he does it for Justin. You know, he's nice to me and my brother, then he flirts with me, and if I accept the flirt, then he tells Justin/Chewy so that he can talk to me. At least that's what I think. Or it could always be that he's doing it simply because he can and he's a flirt. I honestly don't know his motives, but let's assume that they are for the best. Even Devin showed up close to the end. It was really awesome. And when we went to the movies yesterday, we saw Date Movie and it was freaking halirious. It made fun of all these movies and was just really awesome. Orlando even left us alone, so I got to put my head on Justin's shoulder without feeling uncomfortable. And today I was writing notes to Ponce, and I wrote that Justin would look so much hotter without his moustache [or however you spell it] and that I wish he would shave it off. Artie got ahold of the note [this was in fourth period] and told Justin in fifth period. I felt so bad. Justin wasn't suppossed to know. Justin held my hand and asked me if I had really said that. I refused to answer and just tried to avoid it. I'll write more to you later, Stan.

4-8-06
0206 hours

Dear Paper Friend Stan,

School sucked today [technocally yesterday]. My stomach hurts. Its really early in the morning and Mark and Jordan are here at my house. They just called me and asked if they could come over. It was really sudden, but I said "What the heck?" and let them come over. We're having a really great time. We went to the cornerstore and bought all this junkfood. We bought a whole bunch of oreos, and I know that when I go back to school on Monday, I am going to be fat. I'm not really fat right now; lots of guys say I have a nice figure; but I'm trying to harden up my abs so that I don't look so flabby. I just need muscle, but I haven't excirsied since I quit karate in December. I never finshed telling you the story, but basically, Ronnie Al may have been molesting children there at the karate place. That place wasn't even phisaclly tiring, it was all the mental stress and problems that made everyone not want to go. It was very fustrating. Alphonse Elric is so cute as a child! I'm sorry, that was random. I'm watching Alphonse and Edward right now and they are just so cute and funny. I'll have to write more later. Mark and Jordan want me to go over there with them.

4-10-06
1937 hours
Subject: Justin

Dear Paper Friend Stan,

I'm going to take the little bit of free time I have right now to explain everything about me and Justin, starting from our friendship to our flirty relationship to our hook up to our break up to now. I met Justin in the fourth grade or around there. It was sometime in grade school. I didn't really talk to him, actually, I don't remember ever talking to him, but that's not the point. For some strange reason, despite the fact I never talked to him, I have a few pictures of him. Anyway, Justin was in my class in the seventh grade. He was a very quiet person, so I wouldn't really talk to him. I was deeply in love with this boy named Wesley Jeff Vanderpool at the time, so I never paid much attention to Justin. I believe there was a few times when my science teacher, Mr. Garcia, made me work with him, but otherwise we would rarely talk. But when we did talk, and we hit a topic of intrest for both of us, you couldn't pull us apart. Even now, that's the way it is. I'm one of the few people who can actually get Justin to talk for more than three minutes. Anyway, I loved Wesley. Meanwhile, my friend Aggie liked Ruben, but she realized that Ruben was never going to pay any attention to her, so she started liking Justin. She would lament on his eyes, which are a beautiful brown. I was getting jealous becaus ejustin was such a nice guy, he would talk with Aggie and indulge her because he didn't want to hurt her. I was angry, jelous, and upset because Wesley was paying no special attention to me. I went up to Justin one day, and we started one of our talks. We came to this akward silence, and I asked him, "Hey Justin, would you ever go out with Aggie?" And he looked at me and said, "No, I wouldn't." I proved my point to myself, but I still didn't like Justin. At that time, we were also writing our biograhies, which would be published together in a series of books called "The Series of Retarded Events." So we had to pair Justin up with someone, he had to have a girlfriend in the little side stories we wrote to fill the extra pages in our book. We paired him up with Melina, the Normie Queen. The story behind "The Series of Retarded Events" is this:

There are two factions in the school: The Retardos [which were us] and the Normies [which were those people who never hung out with anybody]. These factions HATE each other. The Retardos were all about being yourself and letting your cool, funny, stupid side show every once and a while, or most of the time. The Normies were all about trying to fit in and not act stupid. The message I am not effectively trying to get across here is the just being yourself is the best thing that can ever happen to you. My friends were always crazy and retarded (and mean, well, except for Anais), but they were always there for me. Without them, I would have never gotten to where I am today.
Now, if you’re wondering how I came across the whole “Retarded Events” business, keep on reading. I first came up with the title sometime in January, after lunch. We had just gotten back from lunch and were in our 4th pd. Class, which was ELA, when my friend, Mark, read out loud, “The Series of Unfortunate Events.” Now, my mind had been in Retardo mode all morning due to the lack of sleep all that week, and I heard “The Series of Retarded Events.” I then yelled, “Hey, that’s a good idea.” And everyone just stared at me as if I was retarded, which I am but that’s not the point. I just kept quiet the rest of the period. Our next period was math, and I was so ahead of my math class, I could slack off three days in the row and still be ahead. Anyway, my next period was math and all of a sudden; I just heard the little voice in my head call out, “The Series of Retarded Events!” That’s when it struck me; it could be a series of retarded stories all about us. It was perfect, the title fit and everything. I decided to write the first story then and there. But, I had writer’s block, I couldn’t think of anything, even though retardedness is my field of expertise. I sat there and I thought and I though. I thought so much that I let my mind wander. Now, at the time I had a crush on a boy named Wesley Jeff Vanderpool, and I started writing it all over the paper.
My friends saw this, and, as usual, started their chant of “Wesley Lover! Wesley Lover!” That’s when, it struck me like a ton of bricks, Wesley could be my main character in the first part! From there I just started to develop how I was going to write it and how I was going to do everything else. I decided to write the name curly, somewhat like this, but way curlier. I decided to do first, second, third, ECT periods in a different points of view and what period they were in depended on what period they were really in. Well, Wesley got the first chapter, then I started taking request on who wanted the next one and the next one, though I never took request in my stories. Everything I wrote, I wrote because we would really do that. All the couples were paired up by me and one of my best friends, Anais Hernandez (the one that’s not mean), and were put in the different “clubs” by us too. And everything else just developed from there.
Well, that’s my gist of it. If you ask some one else, they’ll probably tell you a completely different story. If it’s wrong, let it be forever printed wrong here so that it may be, in at least my mind, correct. I’m not sure of the complete history of “The Series of Retarded Events”, but I’m sure that it’s pretty interesting either way. I think that something bad might have happened and that my brain is trying to shut it off to stop me from remembering.

Anyway, Melina was declared the Normie Queen, and since Justin was going out with her in our story, he was the Normie King. I told him about the "Series of Retarded Events" and told him that he was paired up with Melina. He said,"Couldn't you have a least put me with someone cutier?" and I said, "Like who? Me?" and he smiled. Anyway, eventually we found out that that couple was not working out, so we put Justin with Maria. Eventually, we had to stop the Retardos and lay low because people were getting mad with the pair ups or the turn of events, so the Retardos ended with the year. Now I'm at the end of my eighth grade year. This year has been wholly uneventfull compared to last year, but its had its perks too. [Like I got my first boyfriend this year. And my first kiss, although it was on the cheek because I didn't want to get too serious.] This year is the year where I really started talking with Justin. I first started talking to him on more than a monthly basis when the teacher sat me in front of him. I don't remember what period or subject it was in, but I remember Justin's eyes. They're beautiful. I love them still.
Anyway, we started talking, and I was on this "raging hormones" spree because I liked about five guys at once. Those five guys were Ruben, Leeroy, Justin, Arite, and Osmel. I flirted with all of them. Osmel returned my flirts because he's used to it and is just that kind of person and Justin also returned my flirts. Ruben was afraid he was going to get in trouble, so I stopped flirting with him. Artie was too oblivious to notice and Leeroy told me that he wasn't intrested. I felt like none of those guys were ever going to like me back, so I gave up and said, I'll pick one and just stay with him. I picked Justin because he was single, [Ruben had a girlfriend] sweet [Leeroy could be mean at times], had beatiful, bright eyes [no one had nice eyes], was a nice height [Artie was way too short], and was respectful and not perverted [the opposite of Osmel]. I told my friends that I liked Justin. Anais kept it under wraps, as usual, but Aggie kept hinting to Justin that I liked him. Then, on day, she was annoyed that Justin never got the hint, so she just yelled it, "JUSTIN, BLURR LOVES YOU! JUST GO OUT WITH HER SO THAT SHE CAN SHUT UP!" Later that day, in fifth period, Justin passed me a note saying, "I've been being told that you like me. Is that true?" and I wrote "Yes. You're really sweet." So that's when we started really flirting. We were always flirting and we were together so much that people would always ask us if we were going out. I would sarcasticlly reply, "Yeah, the wedding's next week." while Justin shook his head behind me. When whoever it was left, he would say, "you didn't invite me to my own wedding?" I would laugh and say, "The invetation got lost in the mail." We were always together and always talking.
Then, Valentine's Day came around and I got him a card and wrote him a poem. He liked this other girl, who was my cousin, named Jassel. That's when I thought, "Did all this time we spent together mean nothing?" He called me that night, but I was at this special Valentine's chruch social, so I didn't get to talk to him. And he didn't even bother to try the cell phone. We kept talking and flirting like usual. Nothing really seemed to change. Then, Spring Break came along, and I told him to call me so that we could go to the movies because otherwise I would proably end up spending my Spring Break talkking to Mark or getting fat. He laughed and said alright. He called me on the Thuesday of spring break. We talked for a while and then I asked him, "Why'd you call?" He said he wanted to talk, but then my mom came in and said I only had ten more minutes. Justin got Edward to shut up and then he asked me, "Do you love me, Blurr?" and I told him, "yes" and he said, "How much do you love me?" And I said, "A lot." and he sighed and said, "I love you too." I became estatic. I didn't know if he ment he loved me like a brother loves a sister, or like friends, or the way I love him. I didn't really care, though. He had told me he loved me, and that made me feel special. The next day, I went to the movies with my friend, Jordan. I told her about what Justin had told me and she asked if I wanted to call him. I said yeah, and she called him. She put him on speaker and we talked to him for awhile. Then Jordan told him, "I know what you told Blurr." And he said, "What? That I love her?" And Jordan laughed and said, "I didn't say anything. He admitted it himself." She took him off speaker and asked him, "Justin, why don't you go out with Blurr?" and Justin said, "I'd go out with her." And Jordan said, "So as of right now, you two are officially going out." So, since 1906 hours on March 15, 2006, Justin and I had been officially going out. We talked on the phone that night and I also got to talk with Edward. I already described that day in full detail, so I'll skip past it. I didn't write in my journal [I might have once or twice, but I don't remember] while I was going out with Justin. I could never find the time and all I would write about was him anyway.
Justin and I had a weird relationship. Public shows of affection are not really my style, and they are not his style either. We showed affection for each other, but we didn't really like to hug or hold hands in public, but we never had time alone. So that's probably what made our relationship weaker. Anyway, we ended up breaking up about a month after we started going out. Now, we don't really talk, so I think we would have been better off just staying friends. But I don't really care about Justin anymore, I realize that he wasn't my type.

5-21-06
1654 hours
Subject: Nothingness

I am sitting in my room and typing this with nothing better to do. I am really bored and my friend Jordan is here. there's mnothing to do and I just got my playstation 2 and gamecube to start working again, but I havenn't bought a game for them in ages, so I'm not playing them right now because I"ve either already fifnishedf the game or grew bored of it long ago.
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