Saturday, March 15, 2008

alone time...
ok so im only posting this here cause "SOMEONE" asked me too... otherwise im usually posting on theotaku.

i hope your happy *shakes fist*

^_^

oh and this post is kinda depressing, so i apologize ahead of time.

hi.

well i finally got some alone time with the internet. so i planned on watchin some dirty stuffs... (sorry) but i think i just tramatized myself with some of the things i saw. AND I DIDNT EVEN WATCH ANY OF THEM! i just saw the covers or little gifs. God im such a loser... BUT ITS SO GROSS!!!

*sigh*

whatever, it doesnt really matter right, its not like its something i really needed to do. -_-

anyways...

how is everybody else doing?

...

Hm, it doesnt really matter but im not doing that great... yesterday when i got home my mom told me that my lil sis has been talking about suicide and stuff at school. i guess one of her teachers called her... but yeah, i guess shes been getting picked on at school a lot. and my mom said that its my fault too. cause im always so depressed and cause korie knows that i cut and stuff... and cause i call her names, and tell her i hate her...

...

so i dont know what to do now. mom just said to be nice to her and try to talk to her about it but im no good at that. im no good at being a big sister, i always just let sammy take care of her you know, cause shes the oldest and actually knows what shes doing. ill just end up hurting her more...

...

and you know i think my moms just trying to put this on me cause she doesnt want to be the one to blame. i mean i guess i feel kinda bad for her. me and sammy both ended up being suicidal at one point and now korie is too. she probably thinks shes a horrible parent... that shes doing something wrong...

maybe she did raise us wrong. maybe this is all her fault. maybe she shouldnt have had us to begin with, sense were all so miserable anyways... is it wrong to think like that, to hate the person who gave birth to you... im the one whos horrible.

...

i mean there are plenty of people out there who hate they're parents, but at least most of them have good reason to. im just being selfish... and mean. shes really not a bad parent, she just cares to much. maybe its the kids that are messed up these days... maybe the parents really are right.

Hah, although in real life id never admit that they were ever right...

Sorry, i probably shouldnt be posting about this, but i wouldnt have been able to say any of this to anyone in person. and i needed to tell someone about it... i cant keep things bottled up any more. or at least i dont like to so i try not to. but maybe its best if i just keep this kinda stuff to myself...

I'm sorry.

...

ill try to make my next post a happier one ok.

...

bye

Life: 03/15/08 | Posted By: BOBLOVER1 | 0 comments | Tags »

I cant think of a title...
and i cant think of anything to talk about either...

sorry.



bye.
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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Confused. . .
Yeah i have no idea how to do anything on theotaku.

*sigh*

and that sucks.

...

So yeah.

im not sure what to do, i guess ill just have to wait until somebody else figures it out and then they can show me.

-_-

but that sucks.

...

Um?

i guess ill just tell everyone how my day has been...

...

its been fine.

Hah, and thats it.

nothing interesting, nothing fun, just boring as hell.

*sigh*

oh well.

...

What else?

...

Oh, i got LIFE volume 8 yesterday, and it was good. kinda short though.

*nods sadly*

...

Hm, i guess ill just put up lyrics and go.

"Misery Loves Its Company"
Listen close as we wait for a sound to go

It's true, we are
we are destined to fail
It's true, we are
we are destined to fail

There is a problem here with our society
The absence of my tears is my sobriety
I have a growing fear and you're not helping me
Am I the only one who realizes it's true?

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

You're persecuting me, showing hypocrisy
I have a remedy for your insecurity
It's all the same, sadly, nobody works for free
Am I the only one who realizes it's true

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

Let your light shine through me
Take this hate I can't release
Help me make the blind see
Misery loves its company

When I dream, I see dawn turn into dusk, into dusk

Beat but I'm not broken
Guide me through with your hand
Lead with your words spoken
Show me how to listen

Let your light shine through me
Take this hate I can't release
Help me make the blind see
Misery loves its company

It's true, we are
we are destined to fail
It's true, we are
we are destined to fail


"Face Down"
Hey, girl, you know you drive me crazy
one look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around
I see what's going down.

Cover up with makeup in the mirror
tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again
you cry alone and then he swears he loves you.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect
every action in this world will bear a consequence
If you wade around forever, you will surely drown
I see what's going down.

I see the way you go and say you're right again,
say you're right again
heed my lecture

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.

Face down in the dirt, she said,
"This doesn't hurt", she said,
"I finally had enough."
[x2]

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
it's coming round again.

Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
[x2]

Face down in the dirt, she said,
"This doesn't hurt", she said,
"I finally had enough."

I can sing this whole song beginning to end without having to hear any of the music. lol, yes i am very proud of this. although i probably dont sound that good. -_-

one more and i go

"Your Guardian Angel"
When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
And now that I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]

Yeah, so these are all the red jumpsuit apparatus songs, and i have fallen in love with this band.

>o<

lol

ok me go now.

Bye
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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Cant wait for the new otaku!
HI!

Wow it seems like its been forever sense ive posted.

How is eveyone doing?

Ive been pretty good, and i plan to continue being in a good mood for as long as i can.

^_^

...

Hm, this is the part where i would complain about how it never lasts... But im not gonna do it. >o<

So HAH!

lol

...

Hm?

what to talk about...

Oh, i never got to tell everybody about my b-day. i got the used and the 3 days grace cd. and both are good. then i got volumes 2 and 3 of kashimashi. (i hope thats spelled right) and a CELL PHONE! its a peice of crap but i love it anyways. lol.

...

oh and we went to midevil time (that doesnt look like its spelled right... sorry.) and that was fun. my older sister came with us so i had a good time. Oh, i also got 2 burned cds from my sister. and they were good too.

*nods*

so yeah.

i guess thats it for today.

...

yeah lyrics and i go.

"Waiting"
Whoa oh oh oh

Feeling sorrow
for all the things you had to steal and borrow.
Bring back the days we had before tomorrow
relapse and then collapse into yourself once more.

Waiting for this life to change seems like it's taking me forever
and I can't hold on. This light is breaking into the day
This life is going to change seems like it's taking me forever
And I can't hold on. This light is breaking into the day

Void I can't fill.
The doctor tells me to relax and stand still
Prescribes me a new pill to quell my anger.
Wish I could make her pull herself up off the floor

Waiting for this life to change seems like it's taking me forever
and I can't hold on. This light is breaking into the day
This life is going to change seems like it's taking me forever
And I can't hold on. This light is breaking into the day
Again, into the day, again

Waiting for this life to change seems like it's taking me forever
and I can't hold on. This light is breaking into the day
This life is going to change seems like it's taking me forever
And I can't hold on. This light is breaking into the day

Take time to contemplate who you are and where you want to go.
[x2]

Into the day.

bye
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Saturday, March 1, 2008

Stupid Computer! >_
yeah, well todays my B-day.

...

yep.

and my computers being an ass anyways.

*shakes fist*

...

i got to have one of my gifts this morning, and it was the first used cd. and its pretty good, not the best out of the three used cds that i have but still worth having.

*nods*

im not aloud to have my other gifts till 4, but im trying to get it to 3.

...

although im not having any luck with that.

...

anyways.

im in a better mood today, probably cause i got to talk to Justine about some stuff yesterday. but theres still some other stuff with other peoples thats bothering me...

and yeah, theres really nothing i can do about the other stuff, i just gots to wait and see what happens i guess.

*sigh*

i hate waiting...

...

Um, i watched a movie yesterday. its called imagine me and you. and it was a GREAT movie. i loved it, and i wont give anything away, but theres a lesbian couple in it. ^_^ but the most they do is kiss, and they only do that twice. but it was so cute. *squee*

^_^

so yes, everyone should go see this movie.

once again its called Imagine me and you.

oh and they played this song at the end, and i like it.


So happy together

Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night, it's only right
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight
So happy together

If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba

Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together

So happy together
How is the weather
So happy together
We're happy together
So happy together
Happy together
So happy together
So happy together (ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba)

…

ok so ill post about what goes on today tomorrow.

Bye-bye

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Friday, February 29, 2008

Still Sad
Yeah ive decided that we should all mourn my birthday.

SO MOURN!

>_<


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Thursday, February 28, 2008

STILL FUCKING DEPRESSED!

Sorry.

...

yeah, i dont have anything to say.

So sorry again.

...

yeah i still just feel like dissing myself so i wont put you peoples through that.

^_^

ill just think them to myself, FOREVER.

...

sorry.

and im sorry for saying sorry so much. lol, yeah im to stupid to come up with anything to say so i just say sorry.

so sorry.

Pic time if i can find any.



i actually really like this one, cause im pretty sure that if i just stopped talking to people and just went my own way, nobody would care enough to try and get me back.

T-T



yeah this one doesnt really work for me cause i cry all the time. its really stupid. actually i dont really even feel it anymore, ill just be staring off into space during class and sudenly theres tears pouring down my face.

*shakes head*

its really annoying.



lol, sorry this one is just because i love that anime.



arent we all...



lol, its me.



Now THATS the perfect avatar for me. *nods*



Thats from a song... what song is that from... OMG thats going to bother me until i figure it out!



God im on a role today. thats perfect. lol

...

ok one more and im done.



lol, thats a great ending.

right?

whatever.



Later.
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Still Depressed...

And now i feel sick.

T-T

All day ive felt like i have to throw up, and i hate throwing up... Although im not sure if theres anyone out there who likes throwing up...

>_>
<_<

yeah i dont think so.

...

so yes, me is depressed.

and i know im going to get in trouble next period.

...

oh, my whole english class thinks that i want to be a nun now. lol, and this one girl didnt know that nuns couldnt have sex. i was like WTF, thats the only reason why id want to be a nun.

lol.

...

Um... 3 more days till im 17.

Yay!

my mom made reservations at some resturant and she wont tell me where it is.

>_<

which sucks.

lol, she said id like it so i asked if it was hooters. ^_^ she gave me the funniest look.

O_O

but no, it would be wierd to go there with my mom and lil sis.

...

Hm?

what else to talk about...

oh im playing a zelda game that Justine let me borrow. ^_^ and i kinda suck at it but its still fun to play. (i suck at video games)

...

Oh im thinking of changing my classes for next year. im going to get out of my art classes if possible. although i might not be able to cause i might need the credits...

but yeah, today in art i was just feeling stupid, and not creative at all. i mean the new thing that we just started. i couldnt even think of anything, my teacher drew out everything and basically came up with the whole thing. so i have no motivation for it at all.

...

and yeah, its just getting to be a pain. im not meant to do art, so im just going to stop trying. you know there are people out there who could practice art every day of there lives and never be good at it. and im one of those people. i just wish i would have realized it earlier, so i wouldnt have wasted all that time.

...

yeah, me is not happy right now.

and i honestly think i broke something in my head, cause when i walk i hear/feel this clicking thing in the back of my head, near my throat.

so im not sure what thats all about. itd be just my luck if something really was wrong...

...

4 minutes and i get to leave this classroom.

...

yeah as you can see im out of things to talk about.

or... well i could just complain.

like ive noticed i cant do ANYTHING RIGHT, and im a fucking hypocrite... what else?

...

No, i wont bore you all with my dissings of myself.

Just, think of every bad thing in the world and call me that.

*nods*

lol, that so doesnt make sense.

...

yeah me go now.




..?

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Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Depressed.

...

Yeah today i woke up sad, and im not really sure why. like i had a kinda depressing dream but i dont think that was enough to make me this sad.

...

so yeah, that sucks.

And then Justine isnt here today, so that made me even sadder.

T-T

and im hungry.

...

Oh but there is group today, which is cool.

guess which period.

GUESS!

Heeheehee, its 6th, and for those of you who dont know, ive ditched this class the last 2 times, so me is happy to not have to go for one more day.

^_^

but it sucks cause Justines gonna miss it AGAIN.

T-T

yeah.

lyrics and i go.

Ok so i saw the music video for this song this morning and i liked the song but the video was kinda stupid.

"Like You'll Never See Me Again"

If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me again

Oh Oh Oh

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it's everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You're beside me
I'm so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
(can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me
(see we don't really know)
Touch me like this is the last time
(see everyday we never know)
Promise that you'll love me
(I want you to promise me)
Love me like you'll never see me again
(like you'll never see me again)

Oh oh oh oh oh


So yeah, i really like this song.

...


Bye-bye now.

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Monday, February 25, 2008

Ditching Again

Yeah, me and Justine decided to ditch again.

AND ALL SHES DOING IS TYPING!!!

...

Me is bored.

...

But me is also happy.

*giggles*

Bye
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Sunday, February 24, 2008

   One more thing.
My sister is now able to burn CDs, so she told me to make a list of songs and there artists. but im having some trouble finding the artists. if anyone could help me with that i would REALLY appreciate it.

^_^

ok, remember to read my other post, although theres really nothing important in it.

Bye
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