Saturday, November 17, 2007

Update. . .
Hello…

Ok so I’m just going to list some random stuffs that’s happened…

Although it’s not much…

Ok so Friday I hung out with Justine for a while after school… we gots to lie in some leaves which was nice, but it was really cold… I need to get a better coat… -_-

So yeah, we stayed there for like 40 some minutes, then as we started walking towards my place we found an even better place that we could have laid so we were kinda mad about that… I mean it would have been so much better laying there, cause it wasn’t like out in the open… but whatever… I still had a really good time… we gots to talk about a lot of stuffs…

Then we went to my place for a while, and then I walked her part of the way home…

. . .

Oh and this is random but Sam-sam said it was going to snow today but it never did…

*Shakes fist*

Damn him, getting my hopes up like that…

o_o

hahaha…

Anyways, last night my mom was randomly going through some of our old videos, (she was REALLY bored) and she found the video of my first birthday… and I actually watched it with her… it was so weird, like I was watching someone else… its strange how we cant remember when we were that little, I kinda wish we could… like I wonder what I thought about, or if I thought at all… hahaha… anyhow, it was funny… I got to see me get my first cake, and open presents…(although I didn’t do much of the unwrapping)… -_- Oh and I was wearing a pink dress… I know, scary…

Hahaha…

*sigh*

Now for today… well I got up at like 8:20, and for some reason I thought there was school today so I like jumped out of bed and went to go ask my mom why she didn’t get me up, but then I remembered that it was Saturday…
So yeah…
I took a shower, and cleaned my bunny’s cage…

Then I called Michelle, cause we had to do our drivers project…

So I went over there, and we watched some videos, ate Doritos, played Sims, did our project, and had hot chocolate…

Over all it was a good time, except I was like constantly cold which sucked…

Hm, I had a BLT for dinner… (One of my all time favorite foods by the way)

Then we went to the sears by the library, and I got 2 hoodies… one is a blue pull over hoody and the other is… well idk, its black, and its kinda tight but not in a bad way… like it fits, its not baggy like all my other stuffs… and yeah, it has like a triangular cut out thing at the front neck part… yeah I’m no good at explaining things… sorry, I’ll probably wear it on Monday…

. . .

and yeah…

now I’m hear…

I guess its picture time…

YAY!



God, I can’t wait for it to snow… >_<



Aw, me wanna make a tiny snowman…

Ok me is going now…

Bye-bye

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Friday, November 16, 2007

Still Ok...
Yeah...

although i can feel the happy slipping its still here...

-__-

...

Gym sucked again but it wasnt as bad as yesterday...

so yeah...

...

thats it...

sorry, my life sucks...

...

bye-bye
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Thursday, November 15, 2007

Kellys a BITCH!
Man she doesnt even deserve to have her name up on one of my posts... GRRAAAHHHH... man I fucking hate her...

*sigh*

Ok so let me tell you what happened...

"Begin story"

Ok so today in gym we played dodge ball... and like when you get hit you have to go stand on the opposite wall until one of your teammates throws you a ball… (your standing behind your enemy team, not a good idea you stupid teachers)…

Ok so first off I wanna say that everyone in that fucking class like hates me, Elle, Amanda, Ashley, and sometimes Tony…

Ok so were all already fearing for our lives… I mean come on, like there not going to go after us…

*sigh*

Ok so this bitch Kelly is behind us and she throws a ball at me but misses… but I swear I could fucking hear the whistle of the ball as it went by my head…

So I got hit by someone else and had to go over to the other side for a while, but when I got back I heard that Elle had been hit in the head… now I’m like pissed as hell, cause that’s just pathetic, throwing a ball at someone while they’re back is turned that’s fucking pathetic… she needs to grow up… so yeah most of the game we were standing on the side wall so we could see what they were doing, but then we also had to make sure not to get hit from the other side… and then they were saying shit and god I just wanted to beat the shit out of them… Oh, and then in the locker room she through a bottle at us and like ran… What the fuck… then when we got out of the locker room she was talking with a few of her friends a guess and she pointed at us and then kept talking… I almost bashed her head in with Ashley’s English book… but there were to many people and I wouldn’t get to hit her as many times as I had wanted to… so tomorrow if she bothers us I’m planning on kicking her ass… I don’t care how much trouble I get into it would be so fucking worth it…

*sigh*

Whatever…

It just really pisses me off cause I was in such a good mood…

I mean I’m never happy for long so when I am happy I wanna keep it as long as possible…

But whatever…

“End of story”

Now for the rest of my day…

English I had to read my poem aloud… so that kinda sucked…

I mean the poem in general sucked so… yeah…

Well I’m good now…

I guess…

Tomorrow I’m supposed to hang out with Justine at her place which is awesome… I like never get to go in her house so… me is really excited…

^__^

Ok well me go now…

bye

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Wednesday, November 14, 2007

   Failure! -__-
Hola!

*sigh*

I’m trying to come up with different ways to start my posts, cause its always just hi or hello… and that gets boring…

Oh well…

Anyways, how are you peoples?

Hopes you’re all doing good…

Surprisingly I’m still in a pretty good mood…

Although I’m getting more and more insecure…

*sigh*

you’d think I’d be used to this feeling of doubt by now… sense its always there…

but no…

*sigh*

Wow, that’s a lot of sighs…

…

Hm, well I don’t have anything to talk about really… I wrote like 5 new poems recently, but I don’t wanna put them on theotaku cause… well I’m not really sure why… I mean I actually kinda like them, cause I think they describe how I feel pretty well… so yeah… here I’ll put up my least favorite of the bunch…

~ Don’t Believe Me ~

Don’t think of me as nice
Just to scared to be mean
Don’t think that I’m kind
Cause I’m far too selfish
It’s all just an act
So you wont hate me
And I’ve grown to attached
To this way of life
Maybe even far enough
For me to believe
That I was always this way
This shy little girl
Who can’t believe in anything
Because I cant even believe in myself

…

yeah, its crap but whatever…

I guess if any of you really wanted to see the other ones you could just PM me… but I’m warning you there all crap…

*sigh*

Whatever…

…

Oh, I’m trying to think of what to get peoples for X-Mas…

I might just try drawing people pics of there favorite anime characters… but lately I haven’t been able to draw…
Not even my crap kinda drawing where I look at another picture… I just haven’t felt like drawing at all recently… I’ve only wanted to write my crappy poems…

*sigh*

Oh well…

I guess that’s it…

…

yeah…

bye-bye

Oh and one more thing... nobody commented on my last post...

>__<

Meanies

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Late Start!
Hiya!

Well today i'm really happy... for small reasons that i wont explain... although you might be able to guess...

see this is why its good to like the simple things in life... they dont cost a thing but they make you happy as hell...

>_<

So yeah...

Good day

...

Hm, i really dont have anything to talk about...

I'm supposed to write a poem for english, but i dont know what to write about... its supposed to be about something big in your life... and all i can think of are friends, being gay, or depression...

Um, gym was boring... all we did was learn how to tie a few knots...

Oh, i'm supposed to hang out with Justine and Rachel tomorrow... but i think its going to have to be at my place cause we cant go to Rachels, and i dont think Justines mom will let us hang out over there so... yeah its probably going to be at my place which sucks, because theres nothing to do at my place...

*sigh*

i'm so boring...

...

Nope... its not going to bring me down, i want to keep this happy for as long as possible...

-__- *nods*

...

i tried writing a happy poem earlier but it sucked... i just cant write poems unless there sad and depressing... which even those tend to suck as well so... whatever...

...

Still happy...

*sigh*

yeah i dont think this is going to last very long... after i spend some alone time with myself later tonight (i really dont mean that to sound wierd by the way) and i start to think about stuffs, the doubt will slowly take over... but whatever, i'm used to it by now... thats why i try hanging out with people as long as possible, so i dont get the chance to think...

so yeah...

but i'll still try to stay positive... and happy.

...

and i think thats all...

i'll put up some pictures and go...















Ok sorry bout that...

me will leave now...

bye-bye
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Monday, November 12, 2007

Random Crap...
Hello peoples!

^__^

Well I actually don’t have much to say…

…

yeah, yesterday my mom made me go to this stupid church thing that we go to every year… its for thanksgiving… its basically just eating with your whole freaking church… and I hate those things cause I don’t like eating in front of other people… and also, I don’t go to church, this is the only thing I go to… so I feel like a fat ass just going there for food… but whatever… I don’t care what they think… it’s not like I ever see them… but yeah, the food was good, especially sense I hadn’t eaten a real meal in like 2 days cause my mom didn’t go shopping before she left…

That really sucked…

So yeah…

Now for today’s news…

Well there really isn’t much to say…

I saw my councilor earlier, cause I wanna drop out of my history class and take it over the summer… and after 30 minutes of talking about it we decided I would keep going for 3 weeks, and decide then… which really doesn’t make sense but whatever…

Oh and I talked to my councilor during gym, so I missed most of that period… which was cool…

…

this is random, but Tony’s starting to piss me off… I mean he’s funny and all but sometimes its just to much… he just doesn’t shut up… its really just annoying in class, I mean anywhere else is fine but shut the hell up in class… then he complains about not seeing his boyfriend and I probably shouldn’t get mad at him for that but it kinda makes me depressed… I mean at least you have a boyfriend…

I’m sorry, that really shouldn’t bother me so much…

But whatever, I’m just being honest…

Anyways, now I’m here in the library with Justine… we couldn’t use the MAC room because she needed a regular computer… which is cool, its good to change things up sometimes… even if its something little…

Oh I also got to see Spiderman 3 yesterday… and I have to say it was probably my least favorite out of all the Spidy movies… everyone was just so mean… if they all would have just sat down and talked things out then most of the crap wouldn’t have happened… but I guess that’s why its just a movie…

…

and I think that’s it…

I’ll put up some pictures and leave…







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Sunday, November 11, 2007

   Sunday Morning....
Hi!

well my mom and lil sister is coming home today... which i guess is good... we have like no freaking food here...

luckily my older sister brought me tacos yesterday...

^__^

thank you Sammy...

she was also able to hang out with me which was cool... we dont get to spend time with each other very often...

-__-

so yeah that was nice...

i also lit every candle in my apartment... i really like fire, and my mom never lets me lite candles so... HAHAHA!

Yep...

me is going to put up pictures and then go...



Hahahaha...









yeah me is going now...

bye-bye
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Friday, November 9, 2007

   Hypocrite!!!
Yep… that’s me…

But we’ll get to why later…

I’m going to start from when I woke up to now…

So yeah…

I’m in love with my dreams, and therefore don’t want to wake up… EVER… so yeah, that’s depressing… god I wish I could just sleep forever…

So yeah, when I woke up I was immediately depressed which sucked… but then in the morning I was pretty good, cause I got to see my friends…

Then everything was fine until art… this is where the whole hypocrite thing comes in…

…

I kinda don’t even want to talk about it cause its just so fucking stupid…

So stupid…

And its not like it’s a big surprise…

I already knew…

But I guess I’m not making sense cause I haven’t said what happened…

*sigh*

ok so here it is…

today my art teacher was talking to us about this wedding she’s going to on Saturday, and she said she was wearing a black dress… well everyone in the class kinda went silent cause I guess your not supposed to wear black to a wedding… so she started freaking out about it and we were trying to calm her down and I guess give her tips on what to wear…

Now right now I just wanna say that i’m not stupid when it comes to clothes, sure I look horrible and I dress bad but I know good clothes when I see them… its just that they don’t look good on me… that’s why I wear black, its easy, simple, and I thought it didn’t look like complete shit on me… but now I’m not so sure… I mean its not my fault that I’m ugly, I was fucking born this way… what I can change is me being fat and I’m working on that… and until I lose weight I’m not even going to bother shopping for clothes I mean that’s stupid… why the fuck would I buy clothes and then lose weight and then not be able to fucking wear it… so I’m sorry I suck…

Anyways back to the story… I don’t remember what I said but after I said it she was all like “like I should really be listening to someone who wears a dog collar”… Well fuck you… is what I’d like to say… but the problem is I really like my art teacher, and I think she has a great fashion sense… I mean, I think the only reason I actually care about this is because I look up to her or whatever… I mean I wouldn’t care if it was some smartass kid but sense it came from someone I like it really hurt, and I fucking hate that… I hate being so fucking weak… and I’m dwelling on it, which I have realized lately that I do that a lot…

So yeah, I’m a fucking hypocrite because I always tell people not to worry about what other people think of you but I guess that’s all bullshit now… you know what just don’t listen to me, don’t take my advise, cause its probably all fucking wrong…

So yeah… that all for that, now for gym…

Well I actually did stuff today… it was the whole fall from the bleachers shit, and it was scary as hell, but kinda fun…

English sucked, I just sat there staring off into space the whole time…

Dwelling…

…

and now I’m here, in the mac room… and I feel like I’m being a big baby, and bring people down…

I’m such a fucking asshole…

Whatever…

Lyrics and then I’m gone…

And by the way these are directed at me and only me…

"Had Enough"

Milk it for all it's worth.
Make sure you get there first.
The apple of your eye.
The rotten core inside.
We are all prisoners.
Things couldn't get much worse.
I've had it up to here, you know your end is near.

[Chorus:]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Intoxicated eyes, no longer live that life.
You should have learned by now, I'll burn this whole world down.
I need some peace of mind, no fear of what's behind.
You think you've won this fight, you've only lost your mind.

[Chorus:]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Hold me down (I will live again)
Pull me out (I will break it in)
Hold me down (better in the end)
Hold me down.

[Chorus]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Heaven help you.


Later…

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Thursday, November 8, 2007

   No strike...
yeah we had school today...

which i was actually happy about, cause i didnt want to be home with my little sister and grandma all day... that would have sucked...

so yeah...

...

im pretty happy today...

...

yeah...

oh, i found out that we're taking my grandma home on saturday... and my mom said that i could stay home, and im like super happy about that. it will be my first time being home alone for a whole night... so yeah... i kinda want to have someone sleep over but i dont know if that would work... my mom probably wouldnt like that... although i guess i could always sneek someone over... heeheehee

that or ill ask my older sister to come over with some vodka or something... that would be awesome...

*sigh*

but i dont know... vodka and a sleepover would be cool, but i dont know if anyone would be able to come over...

whatever, if anything ill just spend the night alone listening to music, and watching T.V.

so yeah...

that would kinda be depressing though...

whatever ill figure something out...

...

Oh yeah, i cleaned my room last night. i dont know why, its more like i just pulled a whole bunch of old random shit out and started looking through it and stuff... see i'm kind of a pack rat, i hate throwing stuff out... so after a while of stashing things i just go through it and get rid of a few things... i ended up with a whold garbage bag full of old drawings, spirals, and writings... it was amazing, i got to read some stuff from back when i first thought i was bi... god i was so stupid back then... then there was all the old cutter stuff, like all my old poems (they sucked by the way)... i also had some stuff i had writen about an old crush of mine... and that was kinda weird though, cause i cant picture her in that way at all now...

but yeah i actually had a good time... sometimes i just get in the mood to clean, but i usually just pull a whole bunch of shit out of drawers and then i make a big mess and for those of you who dont know, i hate cluter... i freak out and usually end up making a bigger mess... its kinda funny. -_-

yeah im an idiot...

but thats fine...

ive accepted it...

i think...

well for now i have...

so yeah...

me is going to go now...

so Bye-bye


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Wednesday, November 7, 2007

I Suck...
Its official, I’m an asshole…

But I don’t really feel like saying why, cause everyone will just say I’m wrong…

So I’m sorry, but that’s it for that topic…

Now for today’s news…

Well there really isn’t anything to say… the teachers are probably going on strike tomorrow which is cool, but it also kinda sucks cause depending on how long they have the strike for its going to be taken out of our summer… that and I’m probably not going to be able to hang out with my friends much if they do strike…

*sigh*

Oh and my crazy grandma is living with me now… which sucks, cause I feel really weird around her. So now I can’t even be comfortable in my own house… and we’re not aloud to wear red, cause apparently that’s satins color… so I have a whole bunch of random red stuff hidden in my closet… -__-

It’s REALLY annoying…

Whatever…

I’m going to put up some pictures and then I’m going to leave…







ok I feel like putting up some lyrics now…

so yeah…

"Worst December"

It’s a big mistake
50 days, 3 months away
I’d be laughing today
But your voice on the phone gives me no reason
Don’t take from me
My heart is barely beating
Don’t take from me
I’m falling down

All I want to do is lie in bed with you
All I really ever need is you
All I got to do is give up all I have to be with you

It’s a different day
1500 miles away
Why would you want to stay?
So take a look around

All I want to do is lie in bed with you
All I really ever need is you
All I got to do is give up all I have to be with you

All I want to do is to be close to you
All I want to do is to be next to you
All I want is you to give up all we had to be
I can’t remember why I’m here
If you’d let me spend my life with you

December’s gone
It came and went
All I really need is you
I’m waiting here for you
December’s gone
It came and went


"No One"

I just want you close
Where you can stay forever
You can be sure
That it will only get better

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you

When the rain is pouring down
And my heart is hurting
You will always be around
This I know for certain

You and me together
Through the days and nights
I don't worry 'cuz
Everything's going to be alright
People keep talking they can say what they like
But all i know is everything's going to be alright

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel

I know some people search the world
To find something like what we have
I know people will try try to divide something so real
So til the end of time I'm telling you there is no one

No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I'm feeling
No one, no one, no one
Can get in the way of what I feel for you, you, you
Can get in the way of what I feel for you


"Runaway"

Graffiti decorations
Under a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learn were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true
Now I find myself in question
(They point the finger at me again)
Guilty by association
(You point the finger at me again)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

i'm gonna run away and never say goodbye
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)
i'm gonna run away and never wonder why
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)
i'm gonna run away and open up my mind
(gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away gonna run away)

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind
i wanna run away
and open up my mind

ok I’m done now…

bye-bye

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