Friday, October 5, 2007

Homecoming...
Ok so tomorrow is homecoming… and I got my whole outfit… (Except shoes) -__-

So yeah… I don’t really know why I wanted to go… ok so that’s a lie, I do know but it was just a stupid reason…

Yeah… it’s so pointless, I’m just going to go there and stand around while all my other friends have fun, and dance…

So stupid…

Oh and today they passed out roses, and of course all the pretty popular people have tons of them… it’s so stupid… one rose for the person you love is enough… if they want more dump ‘em… cause there just a selfish bitch…

Humans suck…

We should all just die…

Give the world back to the animals… hahaha

Yeah, that’s never going to happen…

Hahaha…

*sigh*

…

Oh I might be going to the football game…

I might not…

…

it doesn’t matter…

…

Hmm, I really want a hug…

Whatever

Life sucks…

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Thursday, October 4, 2007

lyrics...
BREAKING BENJAMIN LYRICS

"Unknown Soldier"

Border line,
Dead inside.
I don't mind,
Falling to pieces.
Count me in, violent
Let's begin, feeding the sickness.
How do I simplify,
Dislocate - the enemy's on the way.

[Chorus:]
Show me what it's like
To dream in black and white,
So I can leave this world tonight.

Full of fear,
Ever clear.
I'll be here,
Fighting forever.
Curious,
Venomous,
You'll find me
Climbing to heaven.
Never mind,
Turn back time.
You'll be fine - I will get left behind.

[Chorus]

Holding on too tight.
Breathe the breath of life,
So I can leave this world behind.

It only hurts just once.
They're only broken bones.
Hide the hate inside.

Oh.

[Very quiet voice:]
Forever ... one
I'll be fine

[Chorus]

Holding on too tight.
Breathe the breath of life,
So I can leave this world behind.



bye
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Wednesday, October 3, 2007

I'm sad so i write...
- Till Death -

What’s the point in talking
If all we hear are lies
Why do we even listen
When we know that later
As we lay alone in our beds
That those words will haunt us
And break us down
Till there’s nothing left
But our outer shells
The one part of us
That we hate the most
Is all that’s left
And as we sit there
Alone
In our cold dark rooms
We cry out our last bit of sanity
That single shred of hope
And lay down together
To die…


Now this is just some shit that I wrote during history…

Sorry…

I hate myself… but all of you already know that. I’ve said it hundreds of times before and will keep saying it until I don’t hate myself. But truthfully, when will I not hate myself. When will I be able to look in the mirror and say something good about myself… will that day ever come… or will I always hate myself. Cause even if I were thin, it doesn’t mean that anyone will like me any more then they already claim to… you know when I was younger I always thought that one day I’ll get to that point where I’m thin and I don’t hate myself… and I thought… that maybe someone would love me. That someone in this world would be with me. But only because I wasn’t fat anymore… and I thought about how if that person did see me and I was still my fat self that they wouldn’t give me a second glance… and I decided I don’t want to ever fall in love with someone like that… and I based my whole life on that… I started hating preps because they were pretty, and I avoided contact with anybody… especially boys… and I stopped speaking… and I didn’t fall in love… after a while, when I “matured” a little… I realized that I was an idiot; I’m just like everybody else… I want to have friends, I wanna have a pretty girlfriend, and when I cry I want someone to lean on… all my life I thought I was better then everyone else… but I’m no different. I’m just as conceited as the rest of the world… just as selfish and stupid and useless… if not more useless then them… at least they’re trying, I’ve just given up… I live for my friends and nothing else, when there sad I’m sad, when there happy I put on my mask and join them… I actually like it when there are problems, cause then I don’t have to try so hard to make them believe that I’m happy. I just blame my sudden mood change on whatever’s going on at the moment… isn’t that stupid… I’m so fucking weak… such a weakling… I can’t even kill myself… and I know people say that you actually have to be strong to not kill yourself but that’s not the case with me… (There I go again… thinking I’m so different then everybody else.) I’m so fucking selfish… I don’t want to leave my friends… even though I’m sure they’d be so much happier if I wasn’t here… Why can’t I just leave them alone…

The bell just rung so I gots to go…

I’m sorry…

Bye…

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Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Why arent you here?
Yes...

I’m talkin to you Justine...

WHERE ARE YOU...?

...

*sigh*

Yeah, Justine’s not here today...

Yes, it’s very sad...

But I wasn’t really sad today, like I was yesterday... I was just SUPER mad at myself... and during and after lunch I just kept dissing myself constantly...

Which made me happy...

And I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing...

Hmmm...

Yeah it’s hard to explain... I just don’t understand how or why anyone could ever like me... in any way...

I mean come on... I’m the most disgusting person I know... inside and out...

I’m sorry…

But it’s true…

Oh… and I’ve got 5 years to live… top’s…

I’ll explain… I got 2 years until I’m 18… then I’m supposed to live with Justine, but that’s probably only going to last for a year at most before she gets bored of me… then I’ll probably try to live with michelle and aimee… and that wont last long… then the asian and my older sister… so yeah… 5 years…

then I’m going to bye a gun (if I don’t already have one) and kill myself


bye

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Monday, October 1, 2007

quick post......
today i was REALLY sad and tired and depressed...

and it felt like my guts were being ripped out of me all day...

-__-

so yeah, not a good day...

Umm...

i played kingdom hearts 2 when i got home...

...

Oh and i drew some crap form full moon...

and it looks nothing like the picture but i was just drawing it because i liked what she was saying... i thought it kinda fit with some stuff thats been going on latly...

it was...

"i dont understand."

"because i hate myself..."

"what do you love about me?"

i dont believe you love me!"

...

so yeah...

i gots to go now...
its bedtime for me...

so goodnight

and goodbye...

^__^
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Friday, September 28, 2007

Movie???
I dont really feel like doing a post but ive got nothing better to do so... whatever...

today im supposed to go to the movies with Justine but i have a feeling its not going to happen... cause her moms a jerk...

its supposed to be the new resident evil movie by the way...

yeah thats it...

my life sucks...

bye...
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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

   Crap...
Hi...

Ok for all of you people who dont know ive been over all really happy latly and i knew it was going to end soon so i decided that i should lower mysefl a bit before hand so that when everything went to hell i might not get as depressed as i usually do...

so yeah...

basically i just reminded myself that im worthless and a nobody whose going to be alone all my life...

and then i came up with this poem...

yeah, its crap...

- A Trusting Idiot -

You worthless little girl
What do you think your doing
You’re not aloud to feel this way
Or say these things
Silly little girl
You do realize its all fake
Right
Those sweet words
They’re all lies
Stupid little girl
Did you seriously believe
That anyone could love you
I mean really
Who could love someone like you
Ugly little girl
How could you even hope
That it was true
You’ve known all your life
That you’ll always be alone


i wanted to keep going with it but i ran out of ideas...

Hmm...

Michelle wanted me to title it "Right?"...

but i dont know...

i just left it...

i dont care anymore...

bye...
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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

I havent been posting alot recently...
So Hi!

sorry i havent been on much, although i doubt any of you noticed...
and i dont mean that in a mean way for you guys, its just because its easy to forget me...

-__-

anyways, i dont have much to say...

Justines back...

My older sister is living with us again...

...

and i think thats it...

yeah my life is boring...

...

PICTURE TIME!!!



Ok i REALLY like this picture and i was GOING to try drawing it but its to fucking blurry... and i dont care if thats spelt wrong...

*sigh*



Hahahahahahaha... i kinda want to put this one up as my avatar... ^_^



So true...

yeah i kinda gots to go now...

so...

bye-bye

:)
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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Happy but sorta sad...
Hi!

so yeah i is happy, but sad at the same time...

i wont explain the happy cause... cause i dont wanna...

but the reason why im sad is because Justine isnt here...

for all you people who dint know, Justine is in las Vegas right now... (shakes fist)

so yeah...

me miss her...

Oh and im watching her sugar glider Nara while shes gone. which is cool but shes a little bitch, she fuckin hates me... :(

but Justine said that she just hates everybody...

so oddly that made me feel better...

yeah...

Picture time...





hahaha... this is kinda how i hugged Justine last week...



Ok, so the middle one is me...
and... well i think the red haired one would be michelle because shes really huggy, and the blond one should be Justine but michelle says it should be the other way around... so i dont know...



So cute...

one more and i will go...



yeah i just thought this one was really cute...

...

bye i guess...
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Friday, September 14, 2007

Sleepover...
I GETS TO SLEEP OVER AT JUSTINES!!!

yeah...


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