Saturday, July 7, 2007

Movies again...
well yesterday i went to the movies with rachel mike justine and michelle again...
well actually this was the first time michelle was able to be there...

oh but before that we went to the forest preserve to eat lunch... yeah rachel bought us all some food, mainly fries... lol...
after we ate we walked around and as we were on our way back to the car we found a snake... it was just a gardener snake so we caught it and held it... and it crapped on me... god nature hates me... yeah then we tried washing it off at the water pump but it was broken so justine let me use the rest of her water bottel to wash my hands off... which was nice... thanks justine...
anyhow, it was fun. but back to the movies...

it was the same place we had gone to before. me and justine got to play this game where we had to save people in oceans and stuff... we got further then we did last time but then we died and we didnt have any coins left... then we went to see transformers... which was better then i thought it was going to be...

after the movie i had to go home cause my moms a bitch... but it wasnt that bad because justine was sleeping over again... so me justine and michelle walked over to justines cause she had to grab her stuff and michelle had to go home... so me and michelle waited outside and played with her puppy while she got ready... after that michelle went home and me and justine went back to my place...

we made some ramen and watched movies until about 2 in the morning but then we got really tired so we went to bed... we woke up at like 6:30 and then i had to walk her home...

so yeah...
thats about it...

Now for some pictures!



Bunnys are so cute!







i wish i was neko... *sniff*



yeah im going now...

bye-bye
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Monday, July 2, 2007

   Random Crap...
Hello…

Um, I’m really bored. And I don’t have anything to talk about. Although I did write a poem. So I guess I can put that up… but the ending doesn’t sound right.
So yeah…
Here it is.

*Nothing Dream*
I’ve lost it all
My one chance
The only thing
I never had

Now never again
Will it come
My nothing dream
Has come undone

I’ve had enough
This lonely girl
Is giving up

Ssooooooooooo…

PICTURE TIME!!!

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…



Going from left to right its…
Me (Apanda)
Justine
Aimee
Michelle





Okay so for the top 3 from left to right it goes…
Me (Apanda)
Michelle
Aimee
And then for the bottom 2 from left to right its…
Zinke
Justine





From left to right again its…
Aimee
Me (Apanda)
Justine
Michelle





Um, this one is hard…
Ok so the people we caught having sex will be Rachel and Mike… heeheehee
And I guess going from left to right it will be…
Justine
Aimee
Michelle is the little kid
And then me (Apanda)



Hm, we should do a group picnic…

One more pic…



Oh yeah…
I just remembered a question I was gonna ask…
*AHEM*
Sorry if I don’t explain this right…
Ok so…
Here we go…

Would you rather have felt love and have it taken away from you?
Or would you rather never feel love and not have to go through the pain of having it taken away from you?

Yeah I heard this question a while ago and last night it popped back into my head.

And for my answer…
I would rather have felt the love and had it taken away then to have never felt love at all.

But that might just be because I’m immature and have never been with anybody…

Hm…

Well I guess I’ll be going now.

Bye

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Saturday, June 30, 2007

   The Used...
"I'm A Fake"

[Spoken:]
Small, simple, safe price
Rise the wake and carry me with all of my regrets
This is not a small cut that scabs, and dries, and flakes, and heals
And I am not afraid to die
I'm not afraid to bleed, and fuck, and fight.
I want the pain of payment
What's left, but a section of pigmy size cuts
Much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks
Would you be my little cut?
Would you be my thousand fucks?
And make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid
To fill, and spill over, and under my thoughts
My sad, sorry, selfish cry out to the cutter
I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
Love is not like anything
Especially a fucking knife

Look at me, you can tell
By the way I move and do my hair
Do you think that it's me or it's not me?
I don't even care
I'm alive
I don't smell
I'm the cleanest I have ever been.
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)

[Chorus:]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x4]
Just look at me, look at me now
I'm a fake [x4]

Do I drink? Do I date?
I've got perfect placement all my ink
Satisfied, in your eyes
I'm the biggest fan I've got right now
I made sure, that I look how I wanted to look
The people around me, the people surround me
I feel big, I feel tall, I feel dry (dry)

[Chorus]

My stomach hurts now, and all tied off in lace
I pray, I beg for anything, to hit me in the face
and this sicknes isn't me, I pray to fall from grace
The last thing I see is feeling
And I'm telling you I'm a fake [x4]
And I'm telling you I'm...

[Chorus]

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Thursday, June 28, 2007

Sleep over...
Hello…
It’s the Apanda again…
Yeah, I’m like SUPER bored. And I can’t wait till tomorrow.
Heeheehee…
I’m going to see 1408 with Rachel, Mike, Justine, and Michelle…
And then Justine is going to sleep over.
FINALLY
We’ve only been trying to have a sleep over for the past month or so…
I’m so happy…

Now for some PICTURES… hahaha…



OMG if Aimee and Michelle were one person this is what they would look like…lol…



crap i gots to go now...

bye-bye
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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

FUCK.....
well i think i just made my hand ten times worse then it was before...
here let me try to explain... *ahem*....lol...

ok so ive grown quite fond of punching walls... and i guess the reason for that is because i stopped cutting myself... but i couldnt do nothing it was driving me CRAZY... ("it" meaning whatever problem i was having at the time)... so i hit a wall and i liked the feeling so i kept doing it... it really does wonders for my stress...
Anyways, i was in the shower just now and i was getting really angry... which usually doesnt happen. because i usually do all my calm thinking in there... but then i just got really upset so i hit the wall and after awhile of just standing there i looked down at my hand and i flipped out because now its like twice the size it usually is... so now im scared i broke it but i dont wanna tell my mom about it...
and it hurts to tighten my fist... or to touch it... it even hurts to open my fuckin water bottle
...WAAHHHHH...
well i guess ill put pics up now...



this is kinda what it looks like except its my ring finger knuckle...



i think ive already used this one but i really like it... so suffer... mwahahahaha...



random...



Awwww... so cute



ok so im listening to simple plan right now and this song is like perfect... so im going to put up the lyrics ok... good... lol...

"Welcome To My Life"

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

yeah i think im done now...
let me think... wait... wait... no... never mind
me go now...
bye
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Tuesday, June 26, 2007

SOOOO TIRED...........
Hi!
ok so i just read michelles post. and now im really angry and i wanna go over there and beat the crap out of her mom and aimees dad. god people really suck you no that. i can think of like 1,000,000,000 ways to harm them... heeheehee.

huh, i think my anger level just went down... lol

ok so im going to put up lyrics to all the things she said because i think it fits the situation... so yeah...


All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
This is not enough

I'm in serious shit, I feel totally lost
If I'm asking for help it's only because
Being with you has opened my eyes
Could I ever believe such a perfect surprise?

I keep asking myself, wondering how
I keep closing my eyes but I can't block you out
Wanna fly to a place where it's just you and me
Nobody else so we can be free
Nobody else so we can be free

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
(Running through my head)
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
(All the things she said)
This is not enough
Ya Soshla S Uma - Ma!
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said

And I'm all mixed up, feeling cornered and rushed
They say it's my fault but I want her so much
Wanna fly her away where the sun and rain
Come in over my face, wash away all the shame
When they stop and stare - don't worry me
'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me
I can try to pretend, I can try to forget
But it's driving me mad, going out of my head

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said, she said
All the things she said
All the things she said

Mother looking at me
Tell me what do you see?
Yes, I've lost my mind

Daddy looking at me
Will I ever be free?
Have I crossed the line?

All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
Running through my head
Running through my head
All the things she said
All the things she said
This is not enough
This is not enough
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said
All the things she said.


anyways i havent put up pictures in a while so i think ill do that...

hmmmm...



i wish i was i neko... *sniffs* yeah i think im going to do that for acen next year... and also some one from naruto...



god that just like me... lol



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... that looks like something i would do... hmmmm... *poke...POKE*

OMFG this next pic is great...



i guess ill name them...
going from left to right its...
Aimee
Michelle
Justine
and then me Apanda

god we really need to come up with nicknames for you guys...

ok these next pics are for all you people who dont no how to use a japanese toilet...



What The Fuck...



i still dont get it...

one more just for nothin... that doesnt make since... oh well...



me after lasser quest... god i really suck at that... i thought i would be good at it but i wasnt... :(

yeah im done now...

bye-bye
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Saturday, June 23, 2007

Hello
Hi...
well this is a pointless post...
just saying hi...
god i like just woke up an hour ago...
which was about 12:30...
and im still tired...
i have like no energy whatsoever...
that and im kinda sad...
but not super im going to kill myself sad...
just a little disappointed is all...
justine was supposed to sleep over yesterday but she never called me back...
we've been trying to have a sleepover every friday since before summer started and we still havent had one...
her mom always messes things up...
so yeah...
thats why im sad...
hmmmm...
now for some other random news...
i went to the movies yesterday with rachel and her boyfriend...
which didnt help my mood at all...
the whole time i was thinking of reasons of why she hadnt called...
we saw knocked up...
which was fuckin awsome...
but then rachel and mike (her bf)
were making out and stuff...
it was really gross...
anyways...
after that we went to lasser quest...
and it was my first time going there so i kept getting hit...
the first time there were only a few people but the second time there were like 20 little five year olds...
so i went to one of the top decks and it was like shoting fish in a barrel...
hahahaha, its funny how i freak out with the whole killing fish thing but its fine to shot little five year olds...
god im sick...
anyways after that i went home and tried calling justine again...
yeah i know, im pathetic...
then i made myself some popcorn and watched sailor moon...
yeah im rewatching all my anime over the summer because i have no life...
Meh...
so yeah...
thats about it...
oh im going to the library soon...
and im supposed to be going to sixflags on sunday for my little sisters graduation gift...
the asian was supposed to come but she has to work...
so im going to be stuck going on rides with my lil sis and her stupid friend sean...
so yeah...

whatever...

me go now...

bye

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Wednesday, June 20, 2007

NAME???
Hello... ok so ive been trying to think of a better loveless name for myself and this is what ive come up with...

Worthless
without worth; of no use, importance, or value; good-for-nothing: a worthless person; a worthless contract. Lacking worth. Low; despicable.
morally reprehensible; "would do something as despicable as murder"; "ugly crimes"; "the vile development of slavery appalled them"; "a slimy little liar"

i really like this one... i think it describes me quite well...

Helpless
unable to help oneself; weak or dependent: a helpless invalid.
deprived of strength or power; powerless; incapacitated: They were helpless with laughter. affording no help. Lacking support or protection.
Impossible to control; involuntary. unable to function; without help
unable to manage independently.

yeah this one would work to but i still like worthless more...

crap i have to go now... stupid time...

whatever

bye
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007

   WHASUP!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi... i dont have much to say. my summers been pretty boring so far.
well over the weekend i slept over at rachels house, we went to a movie with her boyfriend so i felt a little odd because i thought i was in the way and i felt like i third wheel and such... but every once in a while rachel would hold my hand or lean on me and for some reason i was really happy when she did that because it made me feel lovededed...lol
anyways after the movie we went to t.g.i fridays but i didnt wanna order anything really big because rachels bf was paying and all... and rachel paid for my movie ticket to so i felt poor the entire time... >_<
Meh
hmmm what else did i do recently..................
.....................
oh the asian michelle canme over yesterday...
and it turned out that she had never seen the grudge... along with 50 or so of my other movies... i guess she doesnt get out much...
so yeah we watched the grudge and she wasnt scared at all. which made me mad because after i first saw that movie i was scared shitless... but she kept making it funny. like the main scary girls face... she said it looked like she was giving head or somethin... here ill get a picture for all you peoples who dont remember or just never saw it... damn it im getting freaked out just looking at pictures... i guess it doesnt help that im alone in my apartment... shit...
anyways heres the pics... god they dont have any good ones...


see with the open mouth and the wide eyes and shit... all you need is a cock in front of her and her head moving up and down...
can you see it... because i sure can... lets see if i can find a better pic...
omg this ones PERFECT. shes under the covers and everything...lol...

yep...perfect...lol...
so yeah...
anyways after that we started watching ever after which is like a real life cinderella type of movie.. yeah my mom thought we were nuts. going from the grudge to ever after and all... but we didnt get to finish it because she had to go home so shes going to come over today to finish it...

and i guess thats it...
picture time...




omg thats sasuke... ^_^ heeheehee...

oh heres a saikano pic... im rereading this manga.
while i wait for my stupid computer to load the damned pictures ill say more about it...
ok so ive also seen the anime... actually i own the anime... its freakin amazing... i cry every time i see it... and i also cryed when i was reading it... yeah it doesnt really take alot to get me crying actually... and now that i think about it my loveless name really shouldnt be tearless if i cry alot.... hmmm... whatever... oh the pics r finally done loading... lol yay...


the last love song on this little planet...
yeah i should watch that again once im done with the manga... itll give me a good long cry... lol



chise is sooooooo cute...



one more and then i have to go...



yeah this anime also has my favorite opening song...

me goes now...

bye
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Tuesday, June 12, 2007

PATHETIC!!!!!!!
yeah ive realized that i am pathetic... but im not in the mood to explain y so i guess ill just put up some pictures... if my computer will let me that is...

god i looked up pathetic anime on photobucket and this is all i got.





so pathetic...

well i guess pathetic is going on my list of things i hate about myself...
see even saying that is pathetic...
god...

.... wait.... i think i found another pathetic pic... or should i say avatar...
well here it is...


...YAY...
*says in dead voice*

right... i guess ill get my pathetic self off the computer now... i might do something even more pathetic...

bye
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