Tuesday, February 12, 2008

...
i hate my life.

now for lyrics.

yay

"Whatever It Takes"

A strangled smile fell from your face
What kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know that what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

She said "If we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see"
She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better

But remember the time I told you the way that I felt
That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
and believe that I can change
I'll keep us together whatever it takes

Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, February 11, 2008

To Good For Me
Hi, well im still kinda sicky today.

-_-

but over all today was pretty good.

yeah.

Um, i guess i talk about stuff now...

Hm?

well i didnt dress for gym today cause i forgot my uniform so i had that study hall thing. (to lazy to figure out how its spelled) so yeah, that sucked. although i did get to see sammy.

:)

Hmmmm, my english teacher almost cried today. i felt so bad. shes one of those very few teachers that actually cares about her students and we're all assholes to her. people are actually blaming her because they didnt pay attention. STUPID, you should have been listening. god i would have just laughed at the kid and walked away. but she ended up re-teaching the kid.

but yeah she gave us this 20 some minute lecture and she almost started crying, like we could here her voice cracking and stuff. i really just wanted to hug her. which is weird cause i usually hate my teachers.

...

yeah.

i ended up just staring at this pic that Justine gave me.

^_^

which made me feel even worse cause i was just sitting there grinning while shes yelling at us.

T-T

bad panda!

...


I LOVE THE PIC BY THE WAY!

lol, random.

and the stuffed animal too. although i kinda feel like i dont deserve it after what happended last week.

T-T

and i guess thats it.

...

i feel like im forgetting something though.

...

*5 minutes later*

Meh, if i think of it ill post it.

lyrics and i go.

"Shame On You"

Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
How can you act surprised?
Running with scissors wasn't smart
I tripped and cut open your heart
I didn't mean to, but I seem to
Have pushed us back to the start

In the wake of my mistake
I felt your voice starting to shake
The timing couldn't have been worse
For me to be this far away
Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
How can you act surprised?

Traveled the world under your spell
Cast on me in a motel
It turned my rain clouds in to rainbows
But I couldn't even tell
As days apart turned in to weeks
My memory played hide and seek
While I was playing show n' tell
I took your trust and set it free

Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
How can you act surprised?
Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
Now who will dry your eyes?
Shame on you for getting wet
How can you act surprised?

Running with scissors wasn't smart
I tripped and cut open your heart
I didn't mean to, but I seem to
Have pushed us back to the start
In the wake of my mistake
I felt your voice starting to shake
The timing couldn't have been worse
For me to be this far away


ok so this is one of my favorite hot hot heat songs.

sorry, theres really no meaning behind it. its just that i listened to it the other day and havent been able to get it out of my head.

...

bye-bye now
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Sickyyyyyyyy!
T-T

i woke up sick this morning. i couldnt even talk
cause my throat was so sore. now my throats a
little better but my nose is all stuffed up.

*sigh*

ok so all i did today was sit around the house and play with the chaos and listen to music.

Oh, i also finished tramps like us. it was great, i laughed so much.

^_^

...

Hm, i also watched thumbelina, which was one of my all time favorite movies ever when i was little.

lol

i smiled through the whole thing. but i didnt like that the 2 people fell in love after only meeting each other once. then he asked her to marry her only the second time they meet.

wtf

but it was still a good movie.

*nods*

and...

thats it.

...

bye-bye
Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, February 8, 2008

Stupid... stupid... stupid... stupid...STUPID...
*hits head on keyboard*

im such a fucking idiot, what the hell is wrong with me?

*hits head again*

i cant believe ive been so stupid. i feel like ive woken up from a bad dream or something. what the hell.

...

*inhales*

FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!

god i just wanna scream.

...

i really messed up this time.

im... so... fucking... STUPID!

god i cant even think straight, right now would be a great time to get hit with something. like a car would be nice. i should go get hit by a car. god i would love that right now.

.

..

...

i dont think theres any way for me to fix this. but i am going to try. i already know what i wanna say but actually saying it is the hard part.

FUCK!

i cant believe this.

im such a fucking asshole.

FUCK!

*hit head a third time*

so stupid...

im so stupid.

can i just keep typing that?

stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid.stupid...STUPID!

FUCK, its not helping.

*cries*

...

so fucking stupid.

...

I'M SORRY!


Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Fucking Study Hall
Yeah, so im in hell right now.

but at least they have computers here right.

*this is the space where i would put i smiley but i dont feel like smiling, so there will be no smiley*

Um, today has been fine i guess. i havent really talked to anyone. well thats not true i talked to Rachel but i think i made her sad cause i wouldnt tell her what was wrong with me. im tired of trying to explain things. i talked to amber for like 1 minute and then ran away to drivers. then i talked to tony... so i guess i have talked to people today.

i decided not to even bother with my english paper, theres no way im going to finish it in time so im just going to make sure i do good with everything else.

...

Hm.

yeah i think thats it.

i feel kinda dead today. like i dont really wanna move anything. even my mouth. its a pain to talk today so if i offend anyone by not talking today i apologize ahead of time.

...

lyrics. and i know ive put these ones up before but i still think they fit me pretty well.


"Had Enough"

Milk it for all it's worth.
Make sure you get there first.
The apple of your eye.
The rotten core inside.
We are all prisoners.
Things couldn't get much worse.
I've had it up to here, you know your end is near.

[Chorus:]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Intoxicated eyes, no longer live that life.
You should have learned by now, I'll burn this whole world down.
I need some peace of mind, no fear of what's behind.
You think you've won this fight, you've only lost your mind.

[Chorus:]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Hold me down (I will live again)
Pull me out (I will break it in)
Hold me down (better in the end)
Hold me down.

[Chorus]
You had to have it all,
Well have you had enough?
You greedy little bastard,
You will get what you deserve.
When all is said and done,
I will be the one to leave you in the misery and hate what you've become.

Heaven help you.




Yup, i got what i deserve.

...

i should have just been happy with what i had.

...

Sorry.





...



Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Meaningless
im just going to put up lyrics.

and then im going to take a shower.

a burning hot shower.

maybe that will take my mind off of it.



"Prelude 12/21"

This is what I brought you this you can keep,
This is what I brought you may forget me.
I promise to depart just promise one thing,
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

This is what I brought you this you can keep,
This is what I brought you may forget me.
I promise you my heart just promise to sing,
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

This is what I thought,
I thought you need me,
This is what I thought so think me naïve,
I promise you a heart you'd promise to keep,
Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.

Kiss my eyes and lay me to sleep.




"The Missing Frame"

One at a time, constants become surreal
One at a time, heart attacks are concealed
I can see that I lose the joys of life,
One at a time.
Suicides are revealed
You will see that I lost another life

But tonight

I'll let you tear it up,
If you don't wake me up.
But if you tear it, we can't repair it.
So please don't wake me,
Till someone cares.
Now no one cares.

One at a time, I watch them all forget
One at a time, I'm lost in little deaths.
It's the place that I, I forget my life.

like tonight.

I'll let you tear it up,
If you don't wake me up.
But if you tear it, we can't repair it.
So please don't wake me,
Till someone cares.
Now no one cares

Will the flood behind me,
Put out the fire inside me,
Will the flood behind me,
Put out the fire inside me,

I'll let you tear it up,
I'll let you break it up,
If you don't wake me up.
But if you tear it, we can't repair it.
So please don't wake me,
Till someone cares.
Now no one cares.
Cares,

Oh!

I'll let you tear it up
If you don’t wake me up
Cause its apparent
That you don’t care and
It sunk into me
Cause I Don't care
Now no one cares.


...


If i died tonight would anyone care?

sorry if thats to dramatic for some of you.

...

Whatever
Comments (1) | Permalink

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Today is rated a 2

but i guess im the only one whos sad about whats been going on lately.

because some of us are FUCKING 6s!!!!

WTF

*sigh*

no... i dont care... not gonna care... i dont FUCKING care...

...

ok so i care, and that really sucks, itd be so much easier to just not give a fuck.

whatever.

it doesnt matter.

...

anyways, the school called my mom and told her about the whole study hall thing and now i have to go. she couldnt talk them out of it i guess. i think she didnt even try, cause shes really pissed off at me and said that i deserve it.

whatever.

let me find lyrics and ill go.

...

*5 minutes later*

here we go.

Defend You

I’m lying down
And you can’t see
Why I’ve gone to sleep

Try to relate
Can't give in to your temptations (temptations)

All your hopes and dreams, washing away silently
Forget everything
you've taught me (you've taught me)
When I looked up to you

Fall to your knees
And Give up your aspirations (aspirations)
Falling to your knees

So how can you expect
me to just close my eyes
And forget your mistakes
Defending you is getting
harder everyday, day

I'm breaking down
The ending’s near
The final call to make it through
You’ll choose

Try to relate
forget everything you've taught me
(you've taught me)
When I looked up to you

So how can you expect
me to just close my eyes
And forget your mistakes
Defending you is getting
hard everyday, day

I look inside myself for strength
Like a million times before
You'll never let it in because
I know you said
I know you said
I know, I know, I know, I know

Fall, how can you let it go? (let it go)
How can you be this way
I'll never forget (Never forget)
Where I come from, Where I've been
I'll never become you

So how can you expect
me to just close my eyes
And forget your mistakes
Defending you is getting
harder everyday, day

So how can you expect (I look inside myself for strength)
me to just close my eyes (Like a million times before)
And forget your mistakes (You'll never let it in)
Defending you is getting (Can you look inside yourself?
harder everyday, day (Is it hurting you at all? You'll never let it in)

You'll never let it in
You've lost it all


later.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, February 4, 2008

Why wont they just stop fucking lying to me?
My experiment failed.

T-T

Yes, its very sad.

really, it is.

im actually REALLY angry.

. . .

although theres really no reason for me to be.

i knew what would happen.

*sigh*

oh well, i guess im just going to go back to normal tomorrow.

and when i say normal i mean sad depressed lonely amanda.

lol

i really think i was born to be depressed, it just doesnt feel right to be happy you know.

whatever.

i think im just going to give up on everything and everyone. sense were all going to end up alone anyways i might as well get used to it now right.

-__-

...

what else to say.

...

Oh, my older sister sammy finally got a computer and is now able to talk to me through aim. which is AWESOME, that really cheered me up today.

and i also hung out with the asian today which was nice. we both just ranted about stuff thats been bothering us and i think we both felt a lot better after letting out some steam.

*nods*

you know what ive noticed, i have no reason to be depressed. like, i have a good home, a family that loves me (even though it gets kinda annoying), i have lots of friends, and people i care about, and although everything might not be exactly the way i want it to be, life for me really isnt all that bad. i mean theres thousands of other people out there who have it so much worse then me.

idk, i guess all im trying to say is im a selfish little bitch who cant even be happy with what ive got.

yeah, i think that fits me perfectly.

*nods*

yeah ill go with lyrics again.

"Change Your Mind"

Don't solve the problem,
when danger is better.
Far away where you stock them
In cages that tether

And all the bridges you've burned,
leave you trapped off at all sides.
And now the tables do turn,
and it's all gone, what's left for you.

And when the sky is falling,
don't look outside the window.
Step back and hear I'm calling.
Give up, don't take the fast road.
It's just your doubt that binds you.
Just drop those thoughts behind you now.
Change your mind.
You let go too soon.

Sit down, you're sinking,
there's no one to watch you.
Skip town, you're thinking,
there's no one to stop you.

And all the bridges you've burned,
leave you trapped off at all sides.
And now the tables do turn,
and it's all gone, what's left for you.

And when the sky is falling,
don't look outside the window.
Step back and hear I'm calling.
Give up, don't take the fast road.
It's just your doubt that binds you.
Just drop those thoughts behind you now.
Change your mind.
Let go too soon.

Don't run away,
Stop feeling fine.
It's better than your worst, your worst day.
No words to say, I'll give you mine,
and pocket all the hurt, and just stay.
Don't run away.
It's better than your worst, your worst day.

And when the sky is falling,
don't look outside the window.
Step back and hear I'm calling.
Give up, don't take the fast road.

And when the sky is falling,
don't look outside the window.
Step back and hear I'm calling.
Give up, don't take the fast road.
It's just your doubt that binds you.
Just drop those thoughts behind you now.
Change your mind.
Let go too soon.

Don't run away.
I'll change your mind.
Let go too soon.
[x3]

Don't run away.
I'll change your mind.



"Stab My Back"

Now we're broken on the floor
She just wants me to share her
It hasn't been this way before
She just wants me to dare her

The phone rings
And she screams

Stab my back
It's better when I bleed for you
You walk on me
It never was enough to do

I can't get past her
Falling fast
It's true
It hasn't done a lot for you

And every time he held you close
Yeah, were you thinking of me
When I needed you the most
Well I hope that you're happy

The phone rings
And she screams

Stab my back
It's better when I bleed for you
You walk on me
It never was enough to do

I can't get past her
Falling fast
It's true
It's better when I bleed for you

I hope that love he gave you
Was just enough to save you
You nearly broke my heart
Just look at what you're tearing apart

Stab my back
It's better when I bleed for you
You walk on me
It never was enough to do

I can't get past her
Falling fast
It's true
It hasn't done a lot for you

It's better when I bleed for you
It never was enough to do
It hasn't done a lot for you


later
Comments (1) | Permalink

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Juno
Best freaking movie EVER!

ok so today was awesome.

i got up and nobody was home, always a great way to wake up.

when they got home we all went out to randhurst and ate lunch. i ate at this place called the steakery and i got a turkey and bacon wrap and i got to watch them make it and it was so cool.

then i walked to borders by myself, and that was refreshing.

^_^

i read absolute boyfriend volume 4 which was great. and i bought strawberry panic volume 1 FINALLY. ive been looking for it forever. me is so happy.

^_^

and yeah, it was a good book, i really want the next one now though.

-_-

anyways, after that i walked to the movie theaters and saw Juno, and it was awesome. i loved the music, i want the soundtrack now.

*cries*

i cant stop sing the song that it ends with.

so yeah.

then i had tacos for dinner.

*yum*

and then i watched sunshine, which wasnt that great. (its a movie by the way)

and now im on the internet PMing some guy i dont know. but oddly enough im having a blast talking to him.

so yeah, me leave with lyrics.

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du dududu dududu du dududu
Du dududu dududu du dududu
I don't see what anypne can see, in anyone else
But you


luv ya

bye-bye
Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, February 1, 2008

SNOW DAY!!!
Ok so today has been pretty good.

^_^

i love the snow.

*grins*

ok so what i did today:

- im re-reading loveless AGAIN.

- i shoveled my aunts car out.

- i played in the snow.

- Korie, my aunt and me all made a snow turtle outside our apartment. its so cute. and its big too. im actually really proud of it, it turned out pretty good. we also made two little snow people and put one by our kitchen window so its looking in at us and the other ones bye the turtle. ^_^

- i played the sonic game. i got rid off all my chaos and got new ones. but it sucks cause now i dont have a black one. T-T

- and i just got done eating egg salad, whenever i make this i think about that one day that Justine came over and i made it for her.

^_^

good times.

. . .

Oh, i also just found out that the play at school is still on for tonight so im going to try and go to that.

so yeah.

i think thats it.

. . .

oh i took some pictures outside today.

-__-

yeah...

one more thing, ive been going through the used
withdrawal. T-T i mean i have it burned onto my computer but i dont spend much time on the computer so i like never get to listen to them.

lyrics and pics and ill go.

"The Recipe"

Lives swallow the infatuation
Cleverly seduced
Evil's in the stink of you
Rise and fall we decompose

Rest against the sore
Push breath and pull
Ripping out compassion
Instincts adapting
Sin sings a moan
In slides night
Unite and spread the heart apart
And smile of pain

I can't show my true embrace
Now that you're subdued
I begin to weaken you
Rise and fall we decompose

Prey on the masses
Conscience relapses
The less we think and
more we drink our actions are casual
While sin sings a moan

Lives swallow the infatuation
Cleverly seduced
Evil's in the stink of you
Rise and fall
We decompose

Distance is safer than trust
Honestly honesty's a fable in love
Calloused
Shedding skin I start to grin as malice
Becomes my fuel

I can't show my true embrace
Now that you're subdued
I begin to weaken you
Rise and fall we decompose

Shedding skin I start to grin as malice
Becomes my fuel


"Through The Iris"

Cherish
Two circular hues of blue with a gray shade
So captivating
More than you know

False perceptions
That brought forth these questions of
Truth, love and hope
Now that you're injuring
I'll carry you with me just
Please hold on

Disappear and dissolve
A weakening wall
Will one day fall
It's wise to sever our loss
I redefine pulse
Through your iris

Love's not all lost
But it's nailed to my cross
And crucified all that I've held on
To be awaiting
Anticipating a touch such as yours

False affection
A spawn of neglecting
Of love, lust, hoax
Please understand me
That now where you're standing
Is closer then I'd hoped

Disappear and dissolve
A weakening wall
Will one day fall
It's wise to sever our loss
I redefine pulse
Through your iris

Disappear and dissolve
A weakening wall
Will one day fall
It's wise to sever our loss
I redefine pulse
Through your iris

Disappear and dissolve
A weakening wall
Will one day fall
It's wise to sever our loss
I redefine pulse
Through your iris



Hahaha, the first time i saw this guy i thought he was a girl.

. . .

ok me go now.

Bye-bye

Comments (2) | Permalink