Wednesday, November 28, 2007

O_O
Hm?

i don't know what to talk about.

nothing new has happened.

. . .

Oh, I'm trying to go to the art show thing with
Justine but her mom like REALLY hates me... and we cant figure out what i did wrong...

T-T

But yeah she said she want to talk to me, and I'm kind of fearing for my life...

*sigh*

i don't understand why so many parents hate me. I think I'm pretty good around parents.

. . .

ok so me and Justine were just talking about ACEN and cosplaying and stuffs so if anyone has any ideas on what we should dress up as please tell us...

. . .

so yeah...

bye
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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Now im mad...
Not really...

ok so i just wrote out my post and then the stupid internet thing kicked me off, so now all you get is a shorter version of what i wrote before...

ok so me is super happy

many reasons, morning stuff, Justine happy, gym, and right now just being alive is pretty damn good...

oh, in gym me and tony talked about how we're both having trouble sleeping cause were horny...

art was funny, the teacher did a demo about pulling handles, and all im going to say is PENIS...

heeheehee

yeah even the teacher laughed a little, it was great...

...

ok now lyrics and ill go

"Kiwi"

You’re such a flirt, I know you hurt
And so do I, I empathize
I see you out, you never cared
A conversation that we never shared

But it’s so strange, it’s something new
Amazing feelings that I have for you
I close my eyes when I’m alone
Wonder what it’d be like to make you moan

I wanna give you something better
Than anything you’ve ever had
A stronger and a faster lover
The world, it disappears so fast

Sweet kiwi
Your juices dripping down my chin
So please, let me
Don’t stop it before it begins

So give it up, and don’t pretend
And spread your arms and legs across the bed
And when you shake, you won’t regret
The things I whisper in your ear
(What?) I said:

I wanna give you something better
(You wanna give me something better)
Than anything you’ve ever had
(Than anything I’ve ever had)
A stronger and a faster lover
(A stronger and a faster lover)
The world, it disappears so fast
(It disappears so fast)

Sweet kiwi
Your juices dripping down my chin
So please, let me
Don’t stop it before it begins

I can’t wait to take you home
Fingers through your hair
Kisses on your back
Scratch me with your nails

Save me from myself
Show me how to care
Get everything out
Dripping everywhere
Lipstick smeared all over your face
How much longer must we wait?
Don’t think that I can wait

Sweet kiwi
Your juices dripping down my chin
So please, let me
Don’t stop it before it begins (hey, yeh)

Sweet kiwi (wanna give you something better than this)
Your juices dripping down my chin (hey, yeh)
So please, let me (wanna give you something better than this)
Don’t stop it before it begins

Don’t stop it before it begins
Don’t stop it before it begins
Don’t stop it before it begins
Don’t stop it before it begins

ok so i cant not laugh when i hear this song... its just... yeah i cant explain it... i think part of the reason as for why ive been so horny lately is because of that damn maroon 5 cd... its just so damn sexual...

heeheehee, its weird to talk about it... but thats what i think so... yeah...

^_^

and thats all for now

bye-bye

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Monday, November 26, 2007

Kinda bitchy...
Yeah I’m in the oddest of moods right now, and I’m not really sure why... its like every little thing is affecting me like… a lot. Yeah I’m not sure how else to put it…

Like this morning I was happy cause I was going to be able to see my friends.
Then on the bus Patty strangely wanted to tell me about how she broke up with her boyfriend cause she was cheating on him and she didn’t wanna hurt him… WTF, if you don’t wanna hurt him then don’t fucking cheat… god I don’t see why that’s so hard to understand.
So that pissed me off.
Then in gym Ashley cheered me up.
And then in English Tony made me mad.
Then Justine made me happy, and now I went on my site and found out that nobody commented and now I’m pissed again…

God I don’t like feeling like this… like I’m going to just start screaming at the next person who makes me mad… cause I don’t like being angry, and I don’t like yelling at people… so hopefully nobody else will feel the need to make me mad today… cause I warn you, I will snap…

…

Now to other news…

YAY, it’s Monday!

God, the weekend sucked. I don’t know what I’m going to do over winter and spring break… I might seriously kill myself.

*sigh*

I need to get a life, or just make more plans to see my friends…

Hm, Rachel said she was free this Saturday, so I’m hoping we can finally have that sleepover that we’ve been trying to have for the past like 3-4 weeks… that would be cool.

…

yeah…

I listened to Maroon 5 for like 4 hours straight last night… and I’m still not bored of it yet…

-__-

Oh, and I couldn’t sleep last night… I wasn’t tired at all, so I was just rolling around in my bed for I don’t even know how long… and its like I couldn’t turn off my brain, it wouldn’t shut up… I just kept thinking about the most random things. Like one moment I’d be laughing, then crying, then I’d be angry, then horny… it was a very weird night.

*nods*

…

Um, I’m going to the dentist after school… so that’s going to suck… but its just a cleaning. So nothing painful…

And I think that’s it…

Ta ta for now

Comments (3) | Permalink

Sunday, November 25, 2007

   Old Drug... New Day
Hahaha... its funny when the only thing that makes you happy is the sight of your own blood…

The depressions back and its here to stay...

Woohoo...

Haha, yeah life’s good right...

Hahaha...

God I don’t know why I ever stopped being depressed, its so much easier this way... like everything’s just a big fucking joke.

*sigh*


Sorry people, I know yesterday I said I wouldn’t do this anymore but seriously, if I don’t talk about this stuff here then I’ll never say it anywhere and I’ll explode so... if you don’t wanna read then don’t read, and if your mad leave a mad comment... bring it on bitches.

Hm, I can’t think of a good face to make so just picture me smiling like a mad woman...

It’s all good...

And you know what I still wanna put up some of those Maroon 5 lyrics so here they are, take them however you want to... I don’t fucking care anymore so... whatever...

"Little Of Your Time"

I’m sick of picking the pieces
And second-guessing
My reasons why you don’t trust me
Why must we do this to one another?

We are just passionate lovers
With trouble under the covers
Nothing worse than when
You know that it’s over

I just need a little of your time
A little of your time
To say the words I never said
Just need a little of your time
A little of your time
To show you that I am not dead

Please don’t leave, stay in bed
Touch my body instead
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?

Well I’ve got nothing to hide
Dip down and come for a ride
Embrace a devil so sly
You cannot hear’em coming

‘Cause my defenses are weak
I have no breath left to speak
So take the evidence
And bury it somewhere

I just need a little of your time
A little of your time
To say the words I never said

Just need a little of your time
A little of your time
To show you that I am not dead

Please don’t leave, stay in bed
Touch my body instead
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?

Oh my, I don’t mind
Being the other guy
Nice try, for these games
I do not have the time
If you want me, call me
Come and take a risk
Kiss me somewhere deep below the surface

I just need a little of your time
A little of your time
To say the words I never said
Just need a little of your time
A little of your time
To show you that I am not dead

Please don’t leave, stay in bed
Touch my body instead
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?
Gonna make you feel it
Can you still feel it?


"Won't Go Home Without You"

I asked her to stay but she wouldn't listen
She left before I had the chance to say
Oh
The words that would mend the things that were broken
But now it's far too late, she's gone away

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

The taste of your breath, I'll never get over
The noises that you made kept me awake
Oh
The weight of things that remained unspoken
Built up so much it crushed us everyday

Every night you cry yourself to sleep
Thinking: "Why does this happen to me?
Why does every moment have to be so hard?"
Hard to believe that

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you

It's not over tonight
Just give me one more chance to make it right
I may not make it through the night
I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you
And I won't go home without you

"Nothing Lasts Forever"

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

"Can't Stop"

(One, two, three)

All alone in my room, think of you at a rate that is truly alarming
I keep looping my memories of you in my head, I pretend that you want me
And I fall asleep and dream of alternate realities
And I put myself at ease by pretending that she still loves me

And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You never call, what do I do?
And I can't stop thinking about your love

Ohh, yeah

Can't believe I could think that she would just follow me everywhere I go
I just wrestle with you in my dreams and wake up making love to a pillow
And I fall asleep and dream of alternate realities
And I put myself at ease by pretending that she still loves me

And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You never call, what do I do?
And I can't stop, and I can't stop

What I would give to have you look in my direction
And I'd give my life to somehow attract your attention
And I touch myself like it's somebody else
Thoughts of you are tattooed on my mind, let me show you

And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You'll never go, what do I do?
And I can't stop thinking about you

And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You'll never go, what do I do?
And I can't stop thinking about you

"Not Falling Apart"

Ooh…

Danced all night, slept all day
Careless with my heart again
Fearless when it comes to playing games

You don’t cry, you don’t care
Afraid to have a love affair
Is that your ghost or are you really there?

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

Ooh, oh

Weather on a sunny day
Time slows down; I wish you’d stay
Pass me by in crowded, dark hallways
Mmm

Try my hardest not to scream
I find my heart is growing weak
So leave your reasons on the bathroom sink

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

I heard you say you needed me now
What’s the problem I can’t see
You destroyed me, I won’t fall apart again
I’m not falling apart

Take what you want
I will be just fine
You will be better off alone at night
Waiting and falling
Constantly calling out your name
Will it ever change?

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

I heard you say you needed me now
What’s the problem I can’t see
You destroyed me, I won’t fall apart again
I’m not falling apart

Ohh, ooh

"Better That We Break"

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

A fool to let you slip away
I chase you just to hear you say
You’re scared and that you think that I’m insane

The city look so nice from here
Pity I can’t see it clearly
While you’re standing there, it disappears
It disappears

It’s not right, not OK
Say the word it should say

Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break

Saw you sitting all alone
You’re fragile and you’re cold, but that’s all right
Life these days is getting rough
They’ve knocked you down and beat you up
But it’s just a rollercoaster anyway, yeah

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?

I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break, baby


Yeah if there’s a way for you to actually listen to the songs do it, they’re really good… at least I think they are…

I listened to #5-7 like 20 times each last night… I just kept replaying them… they’re addicting…

…

Oh I drew another picture last night… and it kinda sucks so… whatever…

Yeah…

I think I’ll put up some avatars and leave…







Ok I officially love this avatar, this fits perfectly… cause everyone likes me for what I’m not, nobody knows just how disgusting I am… that’s why you should all hate me…

^_^

It makes me happy that I’m not the only one who feels this way…



Ok so this one is true too, but I would probably still just lie to the person… I’d just be happy that they asked… although I’m not sure if that makes sense…

Hm, next pic…





Ok that’s it…

Now its time to go back to my boring life… if you even want to call it a life…

*sigh*

Later bitches

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   Good, but not really...
Ok so today was over all good. I hung out at Rachel’s most of the day with Michelle... so that was fun.

...

Yeah I don’t know... I just got kinda sad...

And it’s stupid so I’m not even going to try and explain... not like anyone would care about why anyways...

I’m sorry, this happens a lot doesn’t it... I’m happy one moment then sad the next and I’m all like "nobody care", and "I’m all alone"... god I’m sorry, that’s gotta get annoying… I’ll try to stop doing this… it just brings other people down and that’s not very nice.

I’ll just put on my happy face…

Yeah…

So, new subject…

…

I just got home from my older sisters place. Its cool, we’ve been able to go over there a lot lately… usually we don’t see her very often so… yeah.

But its like she only want to talk to our mom… and I don’t understand that because she used to hate her, and whenever it’s just me and her she acts like moms the worst person in the world…

But whatever, I guess it doesn’t matter… she’s just being nice to me after all.

Sorry…

Don’t worry I wont get into that either…

…

Wow, if I don’t talk about that stuff I really don’t have much to say…

That’s kinda pathetic, just goes to show you how lame I am right…

I’m sorry…

This is so stupid…

And pointless…

…

Oh I got to listen to the new Maroon 5 CD and I was going to put up lyrics but I really don’t feel like it now so… I’ll just put up the titles of the few songs that I really liked…

#5 Wont Go Home Without You
#6 Nothing Lasts Forever
#7 Can’t Stop

Yeah its weird, there’s a lot of CDs were I like numbers 6 and 7… well I guess its not weird, just odd…

…

Yeah, I guess that’s all for now…

I’m done being stupid, pathetic, needy, and lame…

I’m sorry…

-__-

See ya…

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Friday, November 23, 2007

Me Is So BORED...
I almost wish we had school... this is so pathetic... I have no life, NO LIFE...

*sigh*

Well I just made plans to go over to Rachel’s tomorrow... and I guess Michelle was already planning on going over there so that'll be cool.

Yeah...

...

i might be seeing a movie later today... so that'll be something fun... I guess.

...

SO BORED...

That and my mood is slowly going downhill... this break is giving me way to much thinking time, and all my insecurities are coming back...

*sigh*

This sucks...

I wish I could just fast forward to Monday...

-__-

...

Hm...

I don’t think I have anything else to say...

I found some avatars that I like...







Yeah I really like the last one…

…

God I suck…


Anyways, that’s it for my pathetic ness… I guess I’ll be going now.

…

Later

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Thursday, November 22, 2007

IT’S SNOWING!
I LOVE SNOW!

YAY!

I already went outside and stood in it but it’s no fun when you’re alone…

-__-

But it was nice… and cold.

._.

But yay!

Me is pretty happy…

I really wanna call Justine, but I’m not sure if her mom would get mad or not so I’m not going to… I’ll just mope around all day and wait to see if maybe she calls me… I know, pathetic…

No I probably won’t mope…

^_^

(Sorry bout that Michelle)

Hm…

Well now me is going to put up some random lyrics… I heard this song a while ago and I REALLY liked it so… yeah… here it is…

Breath In Breathe Out - Mat Kearney


Breathe in, breathe out
Tell me all of your doubts
Everybody bleeds this way, just the same
Breathe in, breathe out
Move on and break down
If everyone goes away, I will stay
We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
And I’m not letting go
You hold the other line
Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

Hold on, hold tight
If I’m out of your sight
And everything keeps moving on, moving on
Hold on, hold tight
Make it through another night
In every day there comes a song with the dawn
We push and pull
And I fall down sometimes
And I’m not letting go
You hold the other line
Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

Breathe in and breathe out
Breathe in and breathe out
Breathe in and breathe out
Breathe in and breathe out

Look left, look right
To the moon and the night
Everything under the stars is in your arms

Cause there is a light in your eyes, in your eyes
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes
There is a light in your eyes, in your eyes

Yeah, I don’t know…

It’s not like the best song in the world, but I do like the lyrics…

I like the first chunk of lyrics a lot…

So yeah…

Oh, and i drew a picture of soubi from loveless volume 7, and i actually really like it... which is suprising... cause i never like my drawings...

and thats all i guess...



Bye-bye
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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Bored... and kinda lonely...
yeah, today Justine AND Michelle werent at school today so i was quite lonely...

T_T

and thats really all i have to say...

oh but i wrote a shitty poem so im going to put that up too...

and then ill go...


~ Friends For Life ~

life is pointless
unless you have friends
those few special people
who tell you they care
adn help you get by
through each passing day
with a smile on you face
and laughter in your voice
so take hold of those people
whom you can be real with
keep them close
and never let go

so yeah, thats it...

oh and here are some random lyrics...

"Time Of Dying"

On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain
I can see my life flashing before my eyes
Dead I fall asleep
Is this all a dream
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

On this bed I lay
Losing everything
I can see my life passing me by
Was it all too much
Or just not enough
Wake me up, I'm living a nightmare

I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying

I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die, I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying


bye-bye peoples
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Tuesday, November 20, 2007

   Useless once again. . .
Well today I feel useless, cause when you’re a kid there’s really nothing you can do…

*sigh*

You know I usually don’t want to grow up… I like being a kid. It’s just when there are problems there’s nothing you can do… and that sucks. I hate feeling so fucking useless, like I can’t help anyone… I guess it’s kinda like the whole needing to be needed kinda thing…

There’s nothing I can do… and it’s tearing me up inside.

. . .

But this is pointless, there’s nothing any of you can do about it… I don’t see why I always do this… its stupid to write about this stuff because there’s nothing anyone can do… maybe agree with me, or pity me, but that’s it… that’s all this is good for…

So stupid…

I’m sorry… I guess I’m done with this conversation…

Now for random shit I guess…

I wrote a stupid yuri story yesterday cause I was feeling oddly horny, and I needed to get it out of my system… so yeah, it sucks but I kinda wanna put it up… but I wont... I don’t think it would be a very good idea… I mean it doesn’t get that into the whole sex thing, like its not very detailed I guess is how I should say it… which sucks, cause the whole point in writing it was to just write some hardcore sex scene but I couldn’t, I had to put in some kinda story and it turned out depressing… but I guess that was good cause when I finished it I wasn’t horny anymore, just really sad…

*sigh*

Oh well…

I guess if you wanna waste your time you could read it…

-__-

me done now…


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Monday, November 19, 2007

New Hoody. . .
Ok so today I’m wearing that hoody that I told you people about the other day and I feel REALLY self-conscious… and I really want my other hoody… ok is hoody even a word… how the hell are you supposed to spell it… >_<

. . .

So yeah, today I is really uncomfortable… -__-

Hm, I don’t think I have anything else to talk about…

I just found out that I might be able to sleep over at Justines which would be AWESOME!

. . .

Oh, I tried calling Aimee yesterday. And she actually picked up. And this was the conversation…

Aimee: Hello

Me: Aimee

Aimee: Yeah

Me: It’s Amanda

Aimee: Click

Me: AIMEE… AIMEEEEEE

So yeah… she hung up on me…

*sniffs*

And although she probably had a good reason to she coulda said something, or given me some sign that she couldn’t talk… I mean come on…

. . .

and I think that’s it…

me go now…

Bye-bye

*says with over excited wave*

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