Monday, August 27, 2007

Happy Birthday Justine!
Yeah, so yesterday was Justines birthday... and if you want more info on that you can go to her site...
YEAH!
Ok, so i drew her a picture... and it was just a whole bunch of random shikamaru and kiba pictures that i found on the internet that i redrew... so yeah it was pretty stupid... like all the other things that i ever do... STUPID...

Sorry...

im not in a good mood right now...

im actually REALLY depressed and i wanna cry but i cant because my mom will see and then she'll bother me about it and then she'll ask if im cutting and then ill say no and she wont believe me and she wont sleep and tomorrow she'll blame me for stressing her out... so im just going to hold it in until i go to bed...

so yeah...

see thats what i always do, i hold in my emotions because i know it'll just make other people sad... but then it just keeps building until i EXPLODE...

but what the hell right...

what does it matter, i dont matter, maybe one of these days ill just hold in to much and ill finally be able to just kill myself... god it would be so much easier that way... not having to worry about anything, except maybe being tortured for the rest of forever in hell because theres no way someone like me is going to heaven...

hahaha...

yeah...

sounds like fun right...

yeah...

...

Oh im going to put up some lyrics from michelle branch... and i think i should explain why first... *ahem*
Ok so sometimes i feel like i have a split personality (dont worry i know that i dont) and this song kinda fits that... ill explain better after i put it up...

"Are You Happy Now?"

Now, don’t just walk away
Pretending everything’s ok
And you don’t care about me
And I know there’s just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don’t care... yeah, yeah, yeah

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you’re happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,
And left me with an empty plate
And you don’t care about it, yeah.
And I am givin' up this game
I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care, yeah, yeah yeah,

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you’re happy now, oohh oohhh
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now? yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you really have everything you want?
You can't ever give somethin' you ain't got
You can’t run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you're happy now, yeah, yeah
come on, tell it to my face or have i been replaced,
are you happy now? Ohhh, ohhhh
are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I’ve had all that I can take
I'm not about to break
Cause I’m happy now, ohhh, ohhh
Are you happy now?


Ok so the whole pretending i dont care and everythings ok now... yeah its kinda self explanitory...(and i think thats spelled wrong)

"Could you look me in the eye" yeah i cant look at myself it the mirror because im basically digusted with myself...

"Have i been erased" im trying to get rid of that part of me...

"Are you happy now" i always wonder if im better off without me...

"You took all there was to take, And left me with an empty plate And you don’t care about it" this would be the other me thats left with nothing because she doesnt exist anymore... (this is really making me sound crazy isnt it)...

"I’m leaving you with all the blame cause I don’t care" i blame her because im not strong enough to blame myself...

"Do you really have everything you want?" no im a very selfish person...

"You can’t run away from yourself" yeah...

"come on, tell it to my face or have i been replaced"... truthfully i wish she was gone but shes not, shell be here until im gone to...

"I’ve had all that I can take" Yup...

"I'm not about to break" im already broken...

so yeah... im not sure you people will fully understand this but whatever...

sorry if i sound crazy...

well i guess ill go now that you all think im some insane, phycho, depressed person...

Bye