Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Sorry About This...
I know I already posted today, but I’m really pissed off right now and I wrote some crap so I thought I’d just put it up here…

I want to apologize ahead of time…

So I’m sorry…

Here is the crap…

Can someone please tell me the point of living?
Because I really don’t know anymore. I don’t know anything. It used to be because my friends were here, but now all I hear are lies. Everything they say, it’s like none of its real anymore. I hear their kind words but at the same time something’s telling me that they’re all lies. That they’re just being nice to me. That inside they’re laughing at me and thinking about all my faults. And it’s making me miserable. But there’s nothing I can do, I can’t not think like this. Cause there’s nothing good about me. There’s no reason for people to like or love me. I mean I used to be happy that they lied to me. It made me feel needed and loved, but now it just pisses me off.

Why the hell can’t they just say it to my face?
Why don’t they hate me?
Why do they waste there time with someone as worthless as me?

I mean if its just because you don’t know how to tell me that’s fine, just come up and tell me you hate my guts, or if you don’t want to be that mean you could just say you don’t want to be my friend anymore, its that easy. No harm done. God this is stupid. Even this crap that I’m writing right now, this is a waste of your time, and you shouldn’t even be reading this shit. I’m so fucking pathetic, so pathetic…

So what’s the point in living if you think nobody cares. I should just go ahead and kill myself and make everybody else’s lives easier. No, that’s giving myself to much credit. I’m not going to kill myself to make it easier for them; I’ll kill myself for myself. I wouldn’t want to put that on them. Heh, this is starting to sound like a suicide note. God I wish it was, I wish I were strong enough to just kill myself, but I’m not, I’m fucking weak. You know I could never actually cut my wrists, because I was always afraid I would go to deep. Isn’t that pathetic, come on you all know it is. The stupid cutter cant even fucking cut her own wrists. What the fuck is wrong with me. I mean sure now I have the excuse that my mom will see it but even if that weren’t true, I still wouldn’t. I’ve always cut my upper arms and legs, and when my mom started checking those areas I moved to my stomach, and now she checks there too. I mean what the fuck is wrong with cutting anyways. As long as I’m not going to kill myself I don’t see the problem, and it’s not like I’m hurting anyone else by doing it, cause nobody cares. I’m only hurting myself, and I don’t see anything wrong with that. And even if I were to try to kill myself, what right does anyone have to stop me, if I want to die then fucking let me die. It’s none of there business.
Anyways back to the point, what’s the point in living? Cause if there isn’t one then what’s the point. God this is so stupid, I was going to put this on myotaku, but I wont get any REAL reasons. They’ll just tell me more lies, and for a while I’ll consider them. But after a while I’ll be right back where I started. But I guess there’s no point in writing this unless I put it up. Cause then its just a waste of my time. God I’m such a selfish bitch, I know it’s going to make people sad if I put it up but I really don’t care. Cause they wont stop fucking lying to me. I just don’t understand there reasoning.

What do they get out of lying to me?
They’d be better off just ignoring me. Right! I’m right, right.
Could somebody please just tell me why?
Why do you claim to like me?
There isn’t one good thing about me, so why?

I don’t fucking understand.

So please, will you tell me why I should keep on living?

Please?


Lyrics…


"Firefly"

You my friend
You're a lot like them
But I caught your lie
And you know I did
Now I'm lost in you
Like I always do
And I'd die to win
'Cause I'm born to lose

[Chorus:]
Firefly
Could you shine your light
Now I know your ways
'cause they're just like mine
Now I'm justified
As I fall in line
And it's hard to try
When you're open wide

Take my hand
We'll be off and then
We'll come back again
To a different land
Now I like this way
You can go away
If you guess the name
You cannot replace

[Chorus]

Bring me your enemies
Lay them before me
And walk away

[Chorus]

Fuck you firefly
Have you lost your light
Now I hate your ways
'cause they're just like mine
So you lost my friend
Such a sorry end
And I don't know why
So I choke and smile