Monday, October 22, 2007

What’s Wrong With Me?
So i went to 6 flags on Saturday, and it sucked for me but everyone else had a great time... but it was my fault that I was sad... i excluded myself... and i felt like a bitch the whole time...

Anyways i had a lot of thinking time, (which is never good) and i basically just remembered that i don’t have a chance... which probably doesn’t make sense to any of you guys but it really means a lot to me... so yeah, i was really depressed... and i was trying not to cry the whole time... although that didn’t work out, whenever nobody was looking i kinda let some tears flow... then i would freak out cause i didn’t want anyone to notice... god I’m an idiot...

I was also cramping the whole day… L

Anyways now for today...
Well today sucked, i cried some at school, like in drivers I cried a lot cause the lights were off, and then on the bus I cried a LOT... (Sorry bout that Michelle)

And its hard to explain why... its going to sound like stupid reasons cause i don’t have much time but whatever... today i decided i wasn’t going to hug anybody cause it seems like that’s all i ever do, i hug people, so i wanted to see if anyone else would start the hug first... cause it seems like unless i start it, it wont happen... so yeah, but then i felt bad... and i ended up hugging a few people... so whatever... the experiment has failed...

This is random but i just feel like nobody cares about me... like maybe sense they don’t hug me first maybe they just don’t want a hug from me, but i don’t want to just stop hugging people cause then I’d be sad all the fucking time… hugs are really the only things that make me happy, so today I was miserable… that and I think I upset Justine… which if its even possible made me feel even worse…

There are a few other things that are bothering me but I don’t think I should put them up…

So I’m not going to…

I guess if you really wanna know you can just PM me or something…

But you’ll just think I’m an idiot…

Anyways, I have one more random thing to say/ask…

And this is it…

Ok so this might sound stupid, selfish, and conceited but whatever…

You know how I always say that I’m a fat ugly chick and my personality sucks? And that whenever I say that everyone’s always like, “no, that’s not true” and crap like that. Well if that’s true and all, what the hell IS wrong with me, cause there has to be something… cause if not, then why cant I get anyone to fall in love with me… why cant I get a girlfriend? Everybody says I’m such a great person… so what the hell… I mean if this isn’t proof of everyone lying to me then I don’t know what is…

So yeah…

I’m sorry…

But that’s how I feel…

God I feel like such a bitch and I hate it, I hate feeling this way… it makes me angrier and sadder…

And it hurts…

It hurts me to feel and think this way, like I have no faith in my friends… but I just don’t feel like I can trust them anymore, like sometimes they talk about other people that are in our group, do they talk about me too when I’m not there, do they just pretend to like me and when I walk away do they say shit about me, they do it to other people so why not me… and I hate that I think this way… but I just cant help it…


So I’m sorry…


…