Thursday, October 25, 2007

Angry!
I'm so fucking mad right now i am not having a good day...

today during gym we had to do the whole thing where you had to get your whole group over the string... and of course it involves lifting people, and im a fucking fat ass, nobody should be lifting me. but anyways i just got it over with and everything was fine... then we had to do it again except it was timed... so im like the last person to go, (i had to step on tonys back) and i get one leg over, but as i get my other leg over my fucking pant leg hits the rope. so i had to do it again, and again, and again, until i finally got it and then i just walked over to the was and elle (sp) came over and hugged me and i just started crying and saying i was sorry... it was so fucking stupid. its not like it was just the fact that i was embarassed about it, it was the fact that i was bringing everyone else down. i ruined it for the whole group... so after a while i told elle (sp) that i was going to the washroom for a sec and i asked her to tell our teacher... so i go to the bathroom and completely break down, and then one of our leaders comes in to talk to me, after a while she leaves and then she brings back 2 other girls... now this is just stupid, just leave me the fuck alone so i can calm myself down wash my face off and come back to class on my own. what the fuck, i doubt anyone wants 3 girls that they dont know talking to you and trying to cheer you up enough to come back to class and not quit the damn class... i was so pissed, if anything that was more embarassing then anything...

so yeah, after i got myself cleaned up i had to go talk to my teacher and i guess im not going to change classes yet... i would be even madder at myself if i quit...

so yeah... now i have the constant feeling that im going to start crying, its like if i just sit and do nothing im going to cry... and its surprisingly hard to keep yourself busy at school...

so whatever...

im also angry cause i just wasted 10 to 15 minutes of my lunch in the fucking office... god i hate being a kid, cause i was waiting there but then another teacher went ahead of me, and im just like what the fuck...

im just really upset right now and i really want a nice long hug, but i know ill start crying so... i dont know what i want...

i guess it doesnt matter....

later...