Friday, February 15, 2008

........
I'm not expecting anyone to comment on this post, although it would make me happy if somebody did. im in one of my sad/angry/nobody cares kinda moods, so it might be better if nobody even read this at all. maybe i'll just type up a bunch of shit and not post it.

Hm... no i'll probably post it.

*nods*

okay so now i will tell you about my day so far.

i woke up in a good mood, cause i finally got a good nights sleep for the first time in like 2 weeks. and i still had my stuffed animal, usually i wake up and its on the floor or something. so that was cool.

i ate a cookie for breakfast, it was the one that Kay gave me. (Thanks Kay)

i talked to the asian michelle and karina on the bus, which was nice, usually they do homework or sleep.

then we got to the school and i waited for everyone to get there.

...

yeah.

i ended up playing tetris instead of talking to people. but i did get to talk to michelle a bit, and she made noises for my tetris game, which was great. :)

lol

then i walked to class and took the tests and stuff. (this is wear i kinda had a breakdown)

i like cried through the whole fucking test. i dont even know why, but the tears wouldnt stop, and i just wanted to hug someone. (i was actually considering hugging my english teacher). anyways, then i got pissed, cause you know when you cry then you start sniffin and stuff. well its like REALLY quiet and im just sitting there sniffing my ass off and crying FOR NO FUCKING REASON. i mean what the fuck. i just wanted to get up and go home.

...

but yeah when i was sitting there crying i was thinking about everyone else, and trying to picture what it would be like if i wasnt there. like in the morning and stuff, and im pretty sure nothing would change.

Michelle would still just sit there, Justine would still be off in her own little world with Tony, Rachel would still just talk to everyone else, same for Mike, Amanda, and Elle. Fluffy hardly even shows up in the morning, and when she does its only for like 1 minute... who else, ashley doesnt really show up much either. and nothing would change for amber... yeah i think thats it.

basically i'm not needed. there is not one person in this world whose life would change if i just disapeared.

...

yep.

and i mean its not a big deal, im sure its the same way for a lot of people. theres no reason for me to be sad about it.

but whatever, back to my day of nothingness.

after the test i met up with sam, justine, and fluffy. and me sam and justine ended up missing our bus. well we missed there bus, i could have gone on my bus but i thought maybe walking home with them would cheer me up some.

and it did... kinda.

we talked about some funny stuff with this random guy that i dont know. and i bought everyone cookies at mcdonalds which i liked cause i like feeling usefull.

oh i also proved to Justine that i can climb fences.

SO HA!

although i did fall off, but (and none of you are going to believe me but whatever) i kinda did it on purpose, cause ive always wanted to fall or jump off of something into a pile of snow, cause its all soft and i wanted to see if it would make it not hurt as much.

so yeah, i dont care if you believe me or not.

>:P

...

then yeah, we walked to sam and justines home place thingy and then i walked home.

...

yeah.

...

and now im hear complaining.

sorry.

...

*10 minutes later*

ok so i just went back and deleted some stuff that i dont think i should say.

...

lyrics and i go...

Dont Let Me Get Me

Never win first place, I don't support the team
I can't take direction, and my socks are never
clean
Teachers dated me, my parents hated me
I was always in a fight cuz I can't do nothin'
right

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

I wanna be somebody else, yeah

LA told me, "You'll be a pop star,
All you have to change is everything you are."
Tired of being compared to damn Britney Spears
She's so pretty, that just ain't me

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe
somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Cuz I'm a hazard to myself

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

Doctor, doctor won't you please prescribe
somethin
A day in the life of someone else?
Don't let me get me

Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else


Lonely Girl (featuring Linda Perry)

I can remember the very first time I cried
How I wiped my eyes and buried the pain inside
All of my memories - good and bad - that's past
Didn't even take the time to realize

Starin' at the cracks in the walls
Cuz I'm waiting for it all to come to an end
Still I curl up right under the bed
Cuz its takin' over my head all over again

Do you even know who you are?
I guess I'm tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
I want to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?

Lyin' awake watchin' the sunlight
How the birds will sing as I count the rings
around my eyes
Constantly pushing the world I know aside
I don't even feel the pain, I don't even want to
try

I'm lookin' for a way to become
The person that I dreamt of when I was sixteen
Oh, nothin' is ever enough
Ooh, baby, it ain't enough for what it may seem

Do you even know who you are?
I'm still tryin' to find
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Everybody wants to be
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No

Sorry girl, tell a tale for me
Cuz I'm wondering how you really feel
I'm a lonely girl, I'll tell a tale for you
Cuz I'm just tryin' to make all my dreams come
true

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, yeah, yeah
A borrowed dream or a superstar?
Oh, I wanted to be a star
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell, I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
I guess not, oh I guess not

Do you even know who you are?
Oh, I'm tryin' to find
A rising dream or a superstar?
Oh, I have a all these dreams
Is life good to you or is it bad?
I can't tell anymore
Do you even know what you have?
No, no
Do you even know what you are?
A rising dream or a fallen star?
Is life good to you or is it bad?




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