Wednesday, July 12, 2006

   Letters
Letters by Nell Davis


Verse 1

It was a beautiful night
Lighted by the stars and fireflies
And you could tell by the look in my eye
I tried so hard not to cry, so hard to say goodbye

Life's so unfair,
He left in the morning to the middle of nowhere
And i go day to day with a blank stare
Left thinking of his smile, and his laughter, and his hair,
How i miss him, oh how i miss him.....

Chorus
So I'm writing you this letter
With the thoughts that have been haunting me
And i pray that things will be better
With the words written out where I can see
This envelope is sealed with my tears
And it's filled with my memory
The question will be answered if you feel anything
Once you see you recieved a letter from me

Verse 2

Baby hold on tight
Because we're in for the ride of our lives
And you know that forever's on my mind
I just feel like we're running out of time
(Please say i'm not wasting my time)

And this city i'm in
I'm left in the unfamiliar without a friend
But i think of what you would say and i grin
Because i'm wrapped up in the thought of you again
And i need you, and i miss you, how i miss you

Repeat Chorus

Bridge

Whoa...whoa...
How did time pass us by?
The ink flows from my pen,
And you're always on my mind,
I say a prayer again,


2nd Chorus
Today i recieved a letter
It was addressed from you to me
A tear fell from my eye as i read the words
Because it's just what i wanted to read!

Yes today i recieved a letter!
Three little words healed my heart,
Now my whole world is better,
I know that this is just the start,
The envelope was sealed with your prayers
And it was filled with your memory
The questions have been answered oh finally
These letters, in love at eighteen,
La la la, la na na la la la la la
la la na na na na la la.
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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

   Nineteen is a beautiful number....
Still smiling. Nineteen is a wonderful number.......

July 19.....Your birthday, the day you were born and the world was blessed with an angel. God put hope into the world. Hope in my world. The plan begun. I sent you a care package with a few things to get you by. I can't afford much now, yeah money's tight, but someday we'll have it all. Isn't life beautiful? I love you. Happy Birthday Baby. You turn eighteen, become a "man". lol. Hey baby, guess what, we're all grown up!

August 19.....I'm jumping into that van and i'm going into the mountains to run into your arms! I can't wait to see you! I'm gonna scream and cry! I'm gonna kiss you and hold you and never let go! You've made me the happiest girl alive! When we get home i'm cooking you a big steak dinner, just the way you like it, with grilled potatoes and my famous strawberry shortcake for desert! I'm gonna spoil you and treat you like a king, because you're the perfect man for me!

November 19......Home again from the city, i'll be coming back to Houghton to see you. Coming home to you! Spending thanksgiving with you! This is it isn't it? This is the real thing? Just like i dreamed when i was a little girl. You'll kiss me on the forehead, and wrap your arms around me, and we'll spend the whole night just talking. Your mom will always call us the "kids" no matter how old we'll get. And we'll sit together around the table, and hold hands during grace. After a couple of days i'll have to go back to the city to help make our dreams come true. And you'll see me off again before i go, because Christmas is just around the corner.....
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Friday, July 7, 2006

Come home and marry me!
Peter,
I cried so much last night. I miss you so much. I would do nething just feel you hold me. Just to run my fingers through your hair, or lay my head on your chest. I miss your smile, i miss your voice,I miss your scent. I miss the way your voice would move in me like a drum when we held each other when I would make you laugh. I miss the stupid random things we would debate about, like camels in the alamo. I miss the silly faces you would make, and your awkward chuckle. I miss talking on the phone for hours. I miss the way i felt so small yet safe when i stood next to you. I miss your shoulders and your broad chest around me when i felt sad. I miss your big rough hands around my insignificant small hands. I miss the way your eyes lit up when you smiled. Did you know that you have five different smiles? One when you're smiling to be polite. One when you're really laughing out loud. One when find something is funny, but you know ur not suppose to laugh. One when your embarressed and being humble. One when you are being sarcastic. And one when i force you to smile in a picture.
I miss you telling me that its going to be alright. I need you to wipe away my tears. I need you now. I miss the way you always knew the perfect thing to say without even realizing it, like Henry Ford, not the truck guy. Oh Peter, I need you. My mind is made up. I want to marry you! I don't need to go to New York to figure that out. I don't need a month to think about it. I love you Peter Moir Ries. I miss you. Be safe and careful so you can come home and marry me!
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Monday, July 3, 2006

   Rain

Not to worry anoyone, i'm not that low anymore, i've moved passed that. But i found this song, and it brought me to tears of comfort (is there such a thing?) To know that I'm not alone, there must be other ppl. out there who felt like i did at some point, look there's a song on it for goodness sakes! SO thank you God, for leading me to this song, i was meant to hear this song.




"Rain"

Rain
Rain

Rain, Her mother gave her a name on a weary day
24 hours of pain then she gave her away
Into the arms of another family
Into a life of confusion and misery

Rain, day after day in her room where the walls are bare
No dream exist in the eyes of her empty stare
Night after night in her room with no one to care
She lays her head down to cry and whispers a prayer

Oh woah

Oh God there must be some mistake
But no one's ever loved me
I'd like to believe in you and I try
But I'm just so lonely

Rain
Rain

Rain, one tennis shoe on the ledge one in midair
She feels a whisperin breeze rushing through her hair
She lifts her face to the sky in complete dispair
And cries aloud in the night with her very last prayer

Oh God there must be some mistake
But no one's ever loved me
But if there's something more in my life you can make
Here I am won't you show me

And then the clouds begain to roll
And the peace replaced her pain
And on her face and in her soul
She felt the drops of that sweet, sweet
Rain
Pourin' Rain

I need your love to rain down on me

Rain

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Sunday, July 2, 2006

   True beauty
I moussed my hair and let it down, and did it all pretty with a blow dryer and hair pins. I put makeup on, mascara, blush, red lipstick, the works. I put on a skirt and tank top and high heels. I put on earrings and bangled bracelets and looked at myself in the mirror. Yeah, i could make it in the city. You could say i even looked hott. I looked like a girl in the magazines after working out for a month, and pratically not eating. Just one difference, I still had a good size chest and a killer ass to boot. Sure I could stand to lose a couple more pounds i guess, but to whose standards? I was happy. I had the body of a woman, not a ten year old boy. New York City here I come. My smile was perfect. Years of orthodontics, and premium whitnening strips had done that. I knew how to pose, how to wink, how to smile, that was practiced. I had a manipulitive mind to get what i wanted, and a quick wit and charm. Yes, New York city, here i come. This was my dream.....right?
I removed my heels. I slid off my skirt to around my ankles and pulled up a ripped pair of jeans. I slid off the sequined tank top and put on an old t-shirt. I put my hair up in a pony tail and washed off the make-up. Peter thought i was beautiful just like this. I tilted my head to the side and put my hands on my hips and took a look. A genuine smile crept across my face. Peter was an honest man, and who was i to accuse him of lying?
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   *Barely Breathing*
Everything is changed, it's like i'm living in a parallel universe. It's like someone took me out of my life and dropped me in someone else's. I wanna go home. Home is where he is. This isn't home. My life is crazy. And all i have is the promise that he made me. All i have are the words that you told me. The promises you made, and i believe you Peter. Because if i can't trust you, then i can't trust anyone in the universe. It was like when we were in the canoe. I didn't tip over because you were steadying me. I knew you wouldn't let go. You won't let go. I trust you. You told me to hold on for two more months...two more months.... YOu'll be home, and you will grab my hand and save me. You'll keep me afloat. I want you to know that i cry every night. I pray for you every night that God will keep you safe. You have become my back bone. You were what i was looking for. What they couldn't do, you have already done. YOU are IT. Come home soon. I trust you. You'll come home to me. Because you're Peter and I'm Nell, and that's how it is. ANd that's all i'll ever have to know, and everything's gonna be all right, because you said so. And i trust you.
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Friday, June 30, 2006

   Two more months......
I wrote him a very loooong letter today. I wrote to him everything that was on my mind and in my heart. It gave me comfort, little comfort, but comfort just the same. I miss him so much. I would do anything to see him in person, to talk to him in person, to have him just hold me once more and assure me that he was there and that everything was going to be alright. Heck, now i would even settle for a phone call. I would love just to hear his voice! But there were no phones in the middle of the woods. As far as i knew he could be in a canoe in the middle of a lake or on the top of a mountain somewhere. So i guess i'll just write this letter, and fill it with the clippings from the comic strips, the ones that he likes. Oh Peter, come home soon! lol, i miss him so much! If only he were here, everything would be better. He'd make everything alright! But for now all i have is this letter he gave me before he left, and the photograph of him and i that his father took, that i keep on my nightstand. I've even started talking to it like he was here. I'm going crazy. I'm losing my mind. Oh nell,w hat's happened to u? Houghton withdrawel, scared to grow up? Idk. I'm just lonely i guess. Or stuck, idk. Lord help me. Peter come home soon. Two more months......two more months..............


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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

   IT'S MY EIGHTEENTH BIRTHDAY TODAY!!!!
HAPPY BDAY TO ME!!!!!! I'm finally eighteen! I can vote, join the army, buy tobacco products, and buy and see must be 18 years or older!! WHOOT WHOOT! HOORAY FOR NOT BEING A MINOR!!!
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Monday, June 26, 2006

   Man i love this kid.
Dear Peter,


My parents took me to the cabin today, but it wasn't the same. I sat on the edge of the dock and peered out onto the slow ripple of the green water infront me. No, it just wasn't the same. The place was just different without you. I had been coming to the same cabin at the same lake since i was four years old, and I had only brought you there once. But somehow, that day you changed everything. The sky was just that much bluer. The air smelled fresh and clean, and i distinctly remember how the water seemed to gleam like diamonds. But now you were gone. And now the lake was reduced to just a gigantic mucky pond.

I hung my feet over the edge of the well worn wood of the dock and sighed. I remembered how you worked so hard doing a shake out of your canoe while i tried to warm myself on the floating dock. I remember screaming when i jumped into the water and how cold he engulfing form felt against my submerging body. I tried so hard not to stare when you took your shirt off. You tried to teach me how to canoe, but i was awful at it. But you smiled and laughed at my awkward achievement anyhow. And I remember how you looked at me. Your eyes locked with mine, and you smiled, as if we both had an understanding of this magical escape of life. It was our day, our moment.

Hot tears welled up in my eyes. My fingers twisted and clenched the nearest rock I could find and with all my might I threw it as far as i could. I watched the rock plunge into the water and disappear. Soon the ripples, the rocks only evidence of it's watery departure eventually faded away. The tears in my eyes started to fall quickly. I sat on the dock and cried and cried. You were gone. You were gone forever! Just like that stupid rock! All i got was one day with you, life was so unfair! I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes but they just kept coming. I got up and briskly walked up the stairs, past the cabin up the hill. I decided to spend the rest of the day in the car.





I MISS U PETER!!!!!!!

THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES!!!!

COME HOME SOON!!!!!

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Saturday, June 24, 2006

   Peter
Hanging from a string
A part of me
Spinning around
In pure nothingness
Waiting for the next big thing
To take hold of me
To wake me up
And to point me to my dreams of greatness

And you wrapped your arms around me that night
You asked me if I was alright
I shook my head
And I apologize that you didn’t know what to do
I always took you by surprise like that
And someday I’ll look back and laugh
Oh, you poor thing, you poor man
But in the end you’ll remember how I loved you
And it will bring a smile to your face

You were my everything
Even for a little while on this earth
You were the white knight prince I read about at least for some fast pace moments
You looked just like a king to me
As the boy next door in your white t-shirt
So thank you love for mending the heart of this little girl

So I guess the time for goodbye has gone and passed 3 times over
And every time I die inside and cry a little more
They all thought I was crazy, but a part of me
Will always be
Will always, and always, and always be in love with you
And I die just a little more
That day was just so wonderful, and I curse the time that it had to end
Like Salvador Dali, a clock molded in the back of my mind

I hope I never will completely get over you,
Like that one boy from the 6th grade, I still smile when I see him
I hope you are kind of like him, just a little more
For I fell for you at seventeen
Seventeen, what a blessed cursed aged.
I want you to know I love your laugh, smile, your arms, the way your hair curls
Everything about you
I just want to hold you
So please don’t go, not ever
Because since the day I met you I have been counting down the days till I had to say goodbye, and now it’s here.
So all in all. I love you.

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