Wednesday, April 26, 2006

   2 loves
My heart is torn between two loves. One for as man who has asked my hand in marriage, and who has made me happy beyond belief. And one for my best friend, yes, BEST FRIEND, whom i love and who is almost like a part of me. Two different loves, yet love just the same, and they hate each other. ANd i'm caught in the middle and lost.
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Thursday, April 20, 2006

   It's amazing how many emotions, feelings, and sensations one single kiss can create!
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Saturday, April 15, 2006

   He KISSED ME!!!!
He held my hand......then he KISSED ME!!! HE KISSED ME! la la la la la la dum diddly dum! HE KISSED ME and held my hand! We looked at the moon and walked through the rain! Sooo romantic! He kissed me! *Sigh*
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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

   Loving....or not really
U know what's hard? Loving someone. U know what's harder? Trying not to still love them.


Annnnd that's why i have Peter. lol. To help me through this difficult time with sarcasm and humor to put everything in perspective. I've said it once, and i'll say it again, Thank God for Peter Ries!
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Monday, April 10, 2006

   New Woman
Okay, bought a bright sexy red dress, new sunglasses, new high heels, changed my hair (BLONDE BABY!!) , got asked on two dates, TWO!!! lol, and i'm packing my bags and leaving to the city in a month and a half. New beginnings baby, out with the old, in the new. How i need something new! Like a man! Tall, handsome, kind, charming.....lol i know he's out there somewhere, and i'm gonna go get him in Manhatten! I'm sick of ppl. holding me back, telling me i'm not good enough, trying to make me feel bad about myself. My entire life! No more. I'm leaving in a month and a half, and after i pack my bags, i'm never ever coming back. Kiss me goodbye my darling, the next time u'll see me is on the silver screen.
I'm a new brand new girl, wait, no, woman! I think it's safe to say that now. I'm ready for the glamour and fast lane. I'm ready for a new life! I'm going to be confident, charming, flirtateous, witty, and smart! My heart's been broken enough, i'm gonna break a few now. No turning back. No more "Nell". Nell is weak, she cares too much. Now it's Chanelle. And if i have to be manipulative and ruthless to get to the top i'll be damned if i'm not! I'll be on top of the world! I will defy gravity! To hell with him! To hell with them! They may have killed Nell, but this is a new beginning! And they will be sorry. The world will be my throne, and admiration will be my crown! And he will be a nobody, forgotten. I will have the perfect hair, perfect body, perfect smile! No longer will i be ugly, no longer will he be able to call me "fat".
My new life will be great! Everyday i will go to my classes, read a book at the coffee shop around the corner, go to the gym with my roommate, party at night at the hottest spots! Shop in the hippest boutiques, make the best of friends, and then get engaged to the most perfect man in the world. Then i'll get my agent and get my break and become rich and famous. Then i'll marry the man, and have many children and live comfortably and happy for the rest of my life. His memory will be erased from my mind through happiness, safety, and love. Mark my words, I will be loved.
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Monday, March 20, 2006

Hey Guys, i foiund this incredibly profound and deep statement that i wrote in my notebook from a long time ago. It read... "Life's a pimp, time's a bitch." lol. Life sucks ass.
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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

   Life is so blissfully tragic. And i'm kind of standing on the outside looking in right now. Luckilly i have amazing friends. I'm gonna miss them so much next year. But hey, HELLO NYC!
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Monday, February 6, 2006

Life sucks when ur butt ugly
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Monday, January 23, 2006

   Pills
I'm angry at God. I'm angry at Doug and Sue. I'm angry at everyone i've ever met. And i have the greatest urge to see my blood run just to remind God that i'm still only human. To see blood run for some kind of release, any kind of release. Is it normal to think about suicide.....often?
And i just keep thinking about those pills. So many pills. They're just sitting there waiting for me. Purple and yellow ones, pink ones, red ones, yellow ones, clear ones. Just waiting. ALl i'd have to do is swallow. Just swallow. Swallow. And it'd all be gone. No more haunting memories, no more regret, no more pain, no more anger, no more hurt. They couldn't hurt me anymore. No more abuse. Escape. There's a lump in my throat, my eyes are bloodshot, and i'm tired of crying. I could fly away. Freedom in the form of a pill.
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Tuesday, December 20, 2005

   O....M....GOSH!
Vacation.....soooo bored.....don't know....if..I...can...MAKE IT! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
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