Saturday, March 17, 2007

I feel the need to get this off my chest.
/.



I say you are selfish because you only thought of yourself.

When I told you about all this, the first person you thought about was yourself.

When I told you about all this, the first person you worried about was yourself.

When I told you about all this, the first-only person you cared about was, surprise surprise,
YOURSELF.



sit back and think Princess.
I don't know about you, but I know me.

If the situation were the other way round, I'd be worried about you.

If the situation were the other way round, I'd be concerned about you.

If the situation were the other way round, I care about you.


I wouldn't go, "Oh, and what happens when you break up???? I'll be in the middle!! ooooohhhhhhhh!!"
Think harder. I would have already known about that minor but very important fact.
But no, you think I'm too silly, too immature to handle a relationship.
Screw you.

You've hadn't had your parents divorced, or forced to switch schools twice over, or had your childhood brutally raped from you.

So before you open your mouth and judge, think.





you're not God.















ps.
I will continue these sorts of posts. If any of my readers get sick of this, don't read. You have no such obligation.


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Wednesday, March 7, 2007

   i feel giddy
/.
Listening to : Nightwish [OverTheHillsAndFarAway]
mood : utterly giddy


I fought with him last night.
For bout 2 hours.

And at last we got through it.
...
And I feel somehow...stronger.
I didnt go to school today. Exhaustion, it must be.

My passion for acting came back again yesterday.
I realized that it didn't matter if the teachers were being harsh on us, or that I sucked.
Truth be told, I was harsher than the seniors above me.
People weren't commited to the scene.
So I yelled at them.


they shut up.
only to make double the noise.
So I yelled at them again.
They finally shut up.


I'm part of the emsembly in the play, not a big role. But it matters that every each one of the emsembly did their part right because, like My teacher says, "People are scrutinizing you. Each and every one of you."

The lines came to me somewhat naturally, even though I had no script whatsoever. I did my role with gusto, regardless of any stupid mockery.

Being the trouble-maker I am, I attracted more attention simply because I wasn't creating chaos.


I've always had a mental force telling me I must always win every argument, always come up on top.

Be the best.
to 'do it better.'

and do it better.

But, as I've learned, people do not always bow down to my whimsies. People eventually get tired of my arrogance and eventually attempt to put me in my place.

So far, few have succeeded.

My mentality must change, and so must yours Nadiah.

I address you specifically because you are the only loose end left to tie up.

Honestly speaking, I think you're a little too narrow-minded.
If say, someone who's a close friend to me fell in love with MY cousin, I'd be weirded out at first, but seeing as my friend is happy, I'd be happy for her.

And the real reason why we never wanted to tell you was because he knew you'd react this way. I thought I could in turn, spare you the shock.

Well forgive us for caring then.

And you didnt lose me to a boy, no.
You willingly gave me up.
I still want to try to work on this friendship, but since you already declared the end, it is thus, the end.



hope life's still fair to you.

-anis.


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Tuesday, February 27, 2007

   DANSE MACARBE
/.
Listening to: Danse Macarbe - BLOOD


I feel so, so amused. I MANAGED TO SLIP ALL PUNISHMENT TODAY =DDDDDDD

Being too tired for anymore homework-doing yesterday, I came home, showered, force-fed dinner, helped my brothers with homework and SLEPT.


OH GLORIOUS SLEEP.

I can't sleep now. Too much on my mind. gah.
I've got almost all my test papers back, and I scored well for most of them. Cept maybe Math, which btw, I got 7 outta 40 for.

I fail at logic =D

Managed a fair grade for Chemistry, WHICH I DID NOT STUDY FOR. Or paid attention to. Figures. 33 outta 50. =D

I did horribly for Biology though. A measley 38 and a half outta 50. Stupid,stupid careless mistakes.

English. 'Nuff said. Finished the paper within half an hour. And slept after that.

I should start reading the book assigned for Literature. Kidda stupid that I made up half the stuff I was writing and still managed a 80% for that paper. XDDDDD

God knows how I did for Social Studies.



HAHA.
I am obviously not academically inclined.
anddddd.
<33 for Chiru for her lovely comment. you really made my day :D



- ♥ Anis
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Thursday, February 22, 2007

   Gods the ironies are abound!
....
my passion for acting died today.

so did my compassion for majority of the people around me.
..cept maybe my lings and my family, but other than that, yeah.
Anyhu, reading past message logs reminded me of how selfish people can be.
Of how they don't know how to think of anyone else but themselves, and how they claim to be the greatest in all the god-forsaken land.


They often forget that we exist in the real world, where there are no such things as a speeding hedgehog, and actual wings growing out of one's back.





la de dah.

I surpress any strain of anger I would harbour against mentioned person(s). It scares me that the insane urge to scream and screw their lives up so bad has reduced itself to mere amusement.

I learned well from my mother.

You can't always trust your closest friends.

I'm sorry to say that I have those sorts of friends. Those who are self-righteous. Those who claim to be innocent when they themselves indulge in 'sinful' activities.


Then again, I also learned well from my father.
He taught me to respect people and their own opinions.
Mostly, I ignore his advice. But now I'll start to pay attention to him.

I'll respect your opinions.
If you don't ever want to speak to me again, I'll accept that. You already live halfway across the world.
I want to make this friendship work. But you don't seem to want that.
If I try to redeem myself, I'll be a coward who bends to everyone's will just to suit others.

I won't, no, I REFUSE to be that coward.

I'll be more...selective in choosing my friends.
Or better, limit the number of friends I have.
That'll make my life easier.



And he's right you know.
You all do kiss and tell.
I'm ashamed to admit that even I have that annoying habit. I'm working on that. nn.




My passion for acting dies today.
And so does my compassion for your kind of people.











check and mate.
-anis.
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Monday, February 5, 2007

   I get tired alot nowadays.
I NED SLEEP.


WHY WON'T GOD LET ME SLEEP?????
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Friday, January 5, 2007

   heyoo
/.
listening to: Kazen no Slave - Suicide Ali
mood: full

AAAA
CLICK THIS!

yesh, that's me as a pseudo-Isis, with weird substitutes. I haven't made anything yet, this was more of a makeup test. To see how I'd look like as her. And in my own opinion, not too bad, but meh, that's just me.
and yes, it's been edited. xD


anyhu, school's back on. so..tiring. Drama was a drag today.

I haven't really been drawing lately, which is kinda sad since I'm working on a piece for Nadi. It's bigggg and complicated looking!


I'm also working on Ryeka's doujin contest! It's hard, but I'll make it!


it's still raining a fair bit here, and it's hot too.


that's all for today.

-hitomi.
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Sunday, December 31, 2006

   [ digital love ]
I've been MIA for a bit ne? ^^;;
my internet's been down alot, because of the weather and because of the earthquake in Indonesia. It spread all the way here. And because my area's one of the older ones in Singapore, the connection thingy would take even longer to get fixed as compared to the ones in more 'newer' estates.

Anyhu,onto more boring updates.
I still can't submit anything into theOtaku because it keeps timing out on me, or I get a notice telling me that my submission is too large.
it sucks shat ._.

Old men still keep coming onto me. ewww.

I've had Daft Punk on constant repeat. so sue me, eh. ..old school Techno strangely attracts me.

I haven't been drawing much either, or at all. huh.

I'm running out of makeup ._.

My (singing)voice is starting to irritate me more, but ironically is more liked by my friends. O_o

and..



HAPPY NEW NEW TO EVERYONE.

i love you guys. ♥

PS to Chiru :
No problem hun. It was a pointless post anyhu, and even if no one commented I wouldnt feel bad ^^;;; but thanks so much for the compliment and tip!
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Sunday, December 17, 2006

   I realized today that Singapore's Cosplay standards are abysmally poor.
._.
it's depressing.
There are only a handful of good cosplayers.
I hope to be one of them one day ^^
anyhu, does anyone have pictures of Isis (or Ishizu) from 'Yugioh!'?
I wanna cosplay her...but one of the smaller cosplaying events lol, jrock cosplay is my bigger aspiration. ^________^

thanks everyone!
-hitomi
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Wednesday, December 13, 2006

   { rag doll Annie }

/.
Listening to: Route (U) - Vidoll
Mood: bitchy


[rant]
I want all this to stop.
First of all, we all bloody well know that we can never control who we like and whom we fall in love with. SO WHY EVEN TRY CONTROLLING??
And ya know know what, don't bug on our relationship when yours is failing. Don't hate the guy just because you're envious that you don't have a boyfriend.
Don't give me bullshit excuses like my age or studies. I know bloody well what I'm doing. It's fucking December for Christ's sake.
I very much want your blessing, but then again, you're not my parents, nor his, so back off will ya?
fuck you and your incapability to handle other people being happy for once in their life.
...I want to hate you all and your uncanny likeliness in being utterly stupid, but because you all are like my sisters, I don't have the heart to.
He does however. He hates you.
.....

I'm tired okay.
If you'd rather me go out with some mindless, horny moron than him, please say so. Actually, I'd very much like to dare you bitches to go and find me some one even better than he is to me. You know you'll fail.

ah ha ha. fuck you hypocryptical bitches.
fuck
you
all.
[/rant]



-anis.
♥
(that is, btw, my real name.
I only use it when I want to prove a point.
so there.)
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Friday, December 8, 2006

{ we end up right here my friend.}
/.










My inspiration level has never been higher, and yet I can work no wonders. I wonder if God has taken away the talent that I have so often taken for granted. hmm.
my days have been rather strange. I've been battling my inner demons, and it seems as though I'm growing weaker. I keep losing.



...and in the end we all end up deadened inside.
don't you think so?
♥


-hitomi
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