Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Gosh, it has been a long time. I apologize to anyone who still reads this. So much has been going on in my life that it's just been crazy to even check up on MyO. I graduated from my University on May 11 with a double major in Bio-Molecular Science and Biology. I am going to be going to Graduate school in the fall to major in Animal and Food Sciences to get my Master's and then I will be off to get my PhD somewhere. It's a lot, and I am looking forward to it. This summer I am going to be working at the Summer Camp again, and I cannot wait for that to start. I have until the end of June for training to begin, and I am starting to get really bored at home. I am reading a lot, as well as playing Lord of the Rings Online and Age of Conan...both of which are fantastic games. I've also been having some crazy ass dreams lately, and it's causing my sleep schedule to get all screwed up. I've been sleeping in this past week or so, but it's because I keep waking up in the middle of the night scared out of my wits because of these dreams. On of them is reoccurring, one which it is the end of the world, and the only way to thwart the evils of the dark is raw hamburger. Then there was this dream last night where I was in a war camp that was being attacked. I hid in a closet to hide from the enemy, and then I went into some small plane with a girl that saved me and the pilot. The plane was heading to Canada, which I guess was some sort of haven. On the way there, we were suddenly being chased by a giant metal flying heart. It ate us, but we made it explode from the inside. We were on our way again, and then a metal trash can started chasing us. As it went to eat the plane, I woke up. All of these dreams, I am absolutely terrified during the dream, and I wake up in a cold sweat with my heart racing and me thinking "WTF?" I woke up this morning terribly lonely for Steven (my boyfriend) and not wanting to go back to sleep. I am also thinking of ways to start to lose weight again, because I gained 7 pounds this semester. I planned on only having one meal today, and I was doing great until I went to babysit my little cousin and she was having chips and dip, and then decided that she didn't want anymore. I hate wasting food, so I decided to eat it. I felt like a freaking bulimic on a binge eating that snack the way I ate it so fast. I felt like shit afterward. Figures. I thought that the medicine that I was on was helping with the depression, anxiety, OCD, and anorexia, but it seems like the eating disorder is still around. I feel so disconnected from everything right now...I just need work to come faster so I can stop thinking about myself and just about everything else and just be with the kids. That's the good thing about camp...you're kept so busy during the day that you don't have time to think. But, yeah. I just needed to vent. Hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight and have peaceful dreams...like being in my lover's arms again. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to watch adult swim...aluve'
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Tuesday, April 15, 2008

   Dog and Cat
DOG DIARY:

8:00 a.m. - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 a.m. - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 a.m. - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 a.m. - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 p.m. - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 p.m. - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 p.m. - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 p.m. - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 p.m. - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 p.m . - Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!

11:00 p.m. - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



CAT DIARY:

Day 983 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today, I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today, I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe... for now...
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Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Chapel the Evergreen: Life is an incessant series of problems... all difficult, with brutally limited choices - and a time limit.

You know, a year ago I would have never imagined I would be where I am now. I am dating a wonderful guy that I used to be very mean to, so I don't even know why he would fall for me. I am also only taking 14 credits this semester, holding down two jobs, being president of the theatre company as well as acting in another play, VP of my fraternity, and still not manage to be stressed out. I actually finished a short story! My moods are unpredictable, and I was even on Zoloft for a month to help correct things, but it only made everything worse. My eating disorder is starting to surface again, and I have so many people monitoring my weight and behaviours that I don't know what I can control anymore. I am graduating in May, and I still don't know where I am going to Grad school. I am most likely going to end up working at a summer camp again, which never turns out to be good. On the plus side, I will lose weight there. I lost four pounds in the past two weeks, and I am aiming for 11 more before I graduate. I have been crying for just about every night for two weeks now. A girl from my high school passed away this past weekend, and she was a few years behind me and I had her in marching band back in the day, but I didn't know her well - I still felt extremely depressed by her death. I don't know why. In other areas of my life, I am a frigid bitch. I don't know what is wrong with me, and I am pretty sure the professionals don't either. ON the plus side, I went two months without having an anxiety attack, but almost had one on Saturday. It seems like my OCD is relatively under control, but I would much rather be dealing with my anxiety and OCD problems over depression and an eating disorder anyday. I want to get better, but I don't know how. I am afraid that my mood swings are going to start putting a toll on my relationship. That scares me. A lot. I now want to go to Grad School to get two Ph.D's, just because I think I am smart enough to do so, and there is a professor here with two of them. That's where I got the idea. I feel lost in life, but I know where I want to go. At least having a direction is better than wandering around aimlessly. Descending corticospinal nerve tracts control lower motor neurons. I am really proud of my short story. I should share it with the MyO community. It's based a lot off of Eureka Seven and Elfen Leid. Our main science building was closed off today and a Hazmat team was in inspecting a foul odour that sent two people to the hospital. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't like the people in APO. Theatre always pisses me off. I have a quiz and an exam tomorrow. I just want to watch anime and go to bed, or play LotR Online and not think about anything.
Welcome to life.
Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt...that's me. aluve'





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