Monday, September 24, 2007

Ah, Life
How it amuses me so. I have been so retardedly busy lately with APO and theatre that I barely have time for myself, let alone homework and work. On Saturday, I was at the theatre for 13 hours. That'll teach me. I did sign up for this, after all. Seriously though. 13 freaking hours? Oh well. We did get a lot done, at least. If it was a complete waste, I would be incredibly upset about it. Last night I had to spend catching up on homework since I couldn't do it on Saturday. It wasn't that long of a night, it was just inconvenient. At least I got all of it done. I had a lab report to write...it was half-assed, but sometimes those are the best papers. I don't really care about that class anyway.
So, I am starting to get back into the "I am going to feel bad about everything that I put into my body" phase again. That's always exciting. Last night, I had a bowl of ice cream, and felt absolutely miserable afterward. (That might also be partially due to the fact that I am lactose intolerant, but I have pills that I take so I can have dairy products when I feel the need.) This morning, I had a pancake - 1 pancake - with peanut butter and sugar free maple syrup...and felt terrible about it. I feel so disgusting, and it doesn't help when people that I have been talking to are like "You don't look sick" or "You don't seem to be the type of person to have problems." Oh man, shit like that really bothers me. I was telling my friend Steve about everything, and he said that he's never thought that I had any type of problems with food. Later on, however, he was like "You know, I have only seen you eat once." Exactly! I can pull off a front like nothing else, hell, I've been doing it for years now. Once it's actually brought to the surface though, and people think back to events where food is involved, or where we go out to dinner or something...things start getting explained. I hate food. I hate feeling fat. I hate having problems. Shit happens though. The only thing I can do is to suck it up and deal with it. I mean, I am so busy that I don't have tie to work out anymore, so that affects how much I allow myself to eat. For the past week or so I have been keeping my food intake to under 1000cals. It's enough to keep me going, but nowhere where I should be. I am almost at the point where I want to go out and buy a scale...but that's only going to make things 10-fold worse.
Ay de me. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, has to run off to work...aluve'





What's Your Personality Quirk?


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Tuesday, September 18, 2007

So, it's been an interesting past few days. I went to the Student Health Center on campus yesterday because I was trembling uncontrollably for a week straight, along with some chest pains, difficulty sleeping and concentrating, and I completely lost my appetite. It started getting in the way of school work, and that's when I decided to do something about it. The doctor at the Health Center told me that I had an anxiety disorder, and placed me on some medication to help calm me down. Then she referred me to a counselor, whom I saw today. He was really great, and just happens to be the same guy that Tosca was seeing this summer. We did some paperwork and talked a little, and we decided that I am going to start seeing him once a week. It's very likely that I have slight depression as well as general anxiety with a social aspect. I am glad that things are getting done. I have another appointment next week, and I am probably going to be put on some anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. As much as I don't really like to have to rely on that to make me feel better, it's definitely in my best interest. I started taking the medicine that I have now today. It made me retardedly drowsy. Usually I can cope with meds that make me drowsy, but this was just too much...I had many troubles staying awake in my class. I am feeling better now though. I can tell that it is in my system, and I am not freaking out about every little thing in my life. I also told the counselor about my anorexia, and he said that I was looking a little on the thin side, but good nonetheless. I am sure we'll address that at a later date. I guess the main concern is getting the anxiety and depression under control. That would be fantastic. I was also told that keeping a journal is good for me. *happy dances* Go me. Thanks for reading too, to all of my loyal readers, that is. Anywho, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, has a paper that she REALLY needs to get done...aluve'







What Rurouni Kenshin Guy Are You?


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Sunday, September 16, 2007

Fullmoon
Sitting on a corner all alone,
staring from the bottom of his soul,
watching the night come in from the window

It'll all collapse tonight, the fullmoon is here again
In sickness and in health, understanding so demanding
It has no name, there's one for every season
Makes him insane to know

Running away from it all
"I'll be safe in the cornfields", he thinks
Hunted by his own,
again he feels the moon rising on the sky

Find a barn which to sleep in, but can he hide anymore
Someones at the door, understanding too demanding
Can this be wrong, it's love that is not ending
Makes him insane to know

[Chorus:]
She should not lock the open door
(run away run away, run way)
Fullmoon is on the sky and He's not a man anymore
She sees the change in Him but can't
(run away run away, run away)
See what beccame out of her man...

Fullmoon

Swimming across the bay,
the nit is gray, so calm today
She doesn't wanna wait.
"We've gotta make the love complete tonight..."

In the mist of the morning he cannot fight anymore
Thousands moon or more, he's been howling
Knock on the door, and scream that is soon ending
Mess on the floor again...

[Chorus]

See what became out of that man

[Solos]

[Chorus]

She should not lock the open door
Full moon is on the sky and he's not a man anymore
No, no, no
Oh, what became out of this man?

This song has been stuck in my head for days...it's by Sonata Arctica. It's a new metal band that I have fallen in love with. Last night, my roommate and I had a party complete with mixed drinks. Heck, I had one, and then I was done. It was fantastic, actually. I love hanging out with my roommate and other people. I also learned quite a bit about myself last night. I was up talking until about 5 in the morning. I loved it. I feel great today. I am going to be going to the health center on Monday to see if I can get something done about my anxiety...it's gotten really bad lately. But, yeah. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, has some homework to do and a shower to take...aluve'





What XXXHolic Character Are You?


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Monday, September 10, 2007

Changes
I have been having the most interesting series of days lately that I don't even know what to think about them. This weekend my best friend surprised me with a visit with a case of beer and a case of Smirnoff. My roommate was out for the night, so I invited my friends Tosca and Steve over to drink and hang out. It was a good time. We went to see a few comedians that night (with a good buzz), but they were kind of lame, so we decided to leave and drink some more. I drank much too much that night, but I didn't get sick. So that's a plus. It was a really good time though. On Sunday we had a dessert social for Alpha Phi Omega, and 20 freshmen showed up, which is fantastic...so many people interested in us. It made me happy and yet extremely nervous because I don't like crowds. I actually had a mini anxiety attack, but I think I suppressed it relatively well. Last night I also broke up with Mitch. I was also up tossing an turning all night because I had so much on my mind...schoolwork, theatre, APO, this weekend...so it was difficult for me to get up this morning. I have been pretty much on autopilot for most of the day. I have a long night ahead of me too. We are having callbacks tonight, as well as casting and making a rehearsal schedule all tonight. I got some coffee with my friend Ryan this afternoon after my Ecology class, and I am going to get some coffee with Gretchen later today as well. Man, I have a caffeine buzz right now...I hope two cups doesn't mess me up too bad. I really need to talk to Gretchen though, and doing so over coffee seems to work very well. But, yeah. Fun times in my life. I am supposed to go home this weekend, but I really don't feel like it. not right now at least. I am just getting so sick of the drive. My sister is coming home though from her college, so it would be nice to see her. Maybe I'll just go home for the night, and then come back here on Saturday. That might work out too. I really don't know yet. We'll see how I feel at the end of the week. Good times. Anywho, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, has a paper to work on...aluve'







What Hayate The Combat Butler Character Are You?


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Tuesday, September 4, 2007

So, the school year is starting off well...I am still enjoying my classes, and my clubs are doing well. Last night we held auditions for this semester's musical, "Oh, Kay!" I was surprised at the amount of talent that showed up...we have a lot of freshmen that can sing and act. I am actually looking forward to working on this musical. I am the Musical Director for this production, which is new for me. I personally cannot sing, but I have a musically trained ear, so I think I will do a fine job.

Aside from that, last night there was a bomb scare in a couple of the dorm buildings across campus, where I lived last year. The occupants were out of their rooms for 4-5 hours. It was quite the ordeal. It ended up not being anything, but a scare, but still...that's so freaking lame.

Oh, what else? It's been difficult for me to fall asleep lately, even though I feel exhausted at night. I started sleeping with a mouth guard last night because I think I was grinding my teeth at night. It wasn't uncomfortable or anything, so that's a plus.

I just feel really flighty lately...like I can't remember anything that I have to do until it's too late. I must say, though, that I am feeling better about myself and how I look, mostly because my roommate and I are going to the gym a couple of days a week.

So many things to do, so little time. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to do some reading for Ecology...aluve'






What Zatch Bell Mamodo Are You?


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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

So, this one time, I realized that it was bad for me to get more than 5-6 hours of sleep a night. Why, you might ask? Well, that is because I dream if I get more sleep than that. I know, I know. You want to say something along the lines of, "But Artemis, REM sleep is good for the body! It keeps you healthy and happy. In addition, dreams are the window into the soul!" In which to that, I would respond, "But (enter name here) when I do dream, they are all screwed up, and I am preoccupied with them for the following week, trying to decipher everything about them that I can." Long story short, I had a dream last night, and it was definitely something I was not expecting. Then again, I was expecting it too. I won't get into it, because the details don't matter too much for your sake. I am just happy that I brought along my dreamer's dictionary. It's been pretty accurate so far. Huzzah to that. So, yeah. Strange dream, and I have been thinking about it all day. I started classes yesterday bright and early at 8:00 -- Ecology Lab. It's a sophomore level class, so the people thought I was the TA (I am a senior this year). But, yeah, so I had Ecology Lab, and then I started working as a lab prep assistant, which was great, then I had Neurobiology and Ecology following that. Today I had my first class of Current Topics in Biology and Medicine (where we will be discussing "Current topics in biology and medicine" (direct quote from my professor)) and I did some more lab work. I also have my Evolution class in about an hour and a half, and I am pretty much looking forward to that as well. I think it's going to be a pretty good semester...I am only taking 16 credits, which is a lot less than I am used to, plus I have two jobs and am President of Alpha Phi Omega and Theatre. So, I am going to be keeping myself busy, but I am not going to go insane. I'll probably start applying for Grad schools this weekend and next. I am pretty pleased with things right now as far as school is concerned. I enjoy my roommate and living in the two person apartment with her on campus, and things are staying pretty well put together. I mean, yes, it is only the first week of school, but that is usually a good indicator of how things are going to go in the future. Anywho, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, has some things to take care of...aluve'







What Is Your Anime Fighting Style?


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Sunday, August 26, 2007

   Happy 21st Birthday to me!
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Monday, August 20, 2007

I feel terrible. I look disgusting. I was doing so well too...

:-(







What Get Backers Character Are You?


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Friday, August 17, 2007

I will punch you in the face
Not really.
I am not very violent.
But I did get in a fight in 7th grade with Josh Jenson.

We were in the lunch line and somehow we made each other mad and decided that the best way to become un-mad was to punch each other really hard. But there was a problem:

Adam Mackeankle.

He was Josh's friend and he pointed out in his infinite wisdom that we were in school and punching in school (no matter how much better it made you feel) was not allowed and we couldn't fight.

Distracted by his intelligence we momentarily forgot that we were angry and began making arrangements to fight outside, after school.

Again. . . Adam Mackeankle speaks up.

Apparently he and Josh had detention. What the heck!!

So we decided that at 4pm behind the elementary school we would go a round of fist-a-cuff's.

I turned back around in line and ordered my lunch and began thinking that:
a) I didn't want to fight anymore and
b) I lived 15 minutes from the agreed upon location and it was too far from the junior high to walk, so I would have to find a way to get there.

After thinking how to get there long and hard I decided the best thing to do was ask my mom to drive me. I explained how I felt bad asking her to drive me but for all the reasons I explained to you, the reader, I could not fight in school and that this was the only way and that if I wasn't driven in Josh Jenson and Adam Mackeankle would think I was a dork.

So she drove me.

Once at the school, she waited in the car and I walked around back. I was very nervous since I had never fought before and any and all pre-fight adrenaline that I had had in the lunch line was replaced by an overwhelming desire to just say "lets not fight, Josh"

But I couldn't . . . that would be really lame.

He and Adam rode up on their bikes, he dismounted, walked over and we squared our 7th grade frames to one another. We talked and made fun of each other (I was wearing a batman sweatshirt. . not for extra power or strength, but because it was on my bedroom floor as I was dressing for the rumble. I did like the sweatshirt, but I guess it was a bad choice for a fight, or at least josh and Adam thought so cause they made fun of it. Do word of advice: if you are ever fighting Josh Jenson or Adam Mackeankle, DO NOT wear a Batman Sweatshirt or they will make fun of you and you will feel silly).

Finally I told Josh that if he touched me I would punch him, so he poked my chest with his index finger.

I punched him in the face as hard as I could.

He punched me back and knocked off my glasses... it didn't hurt very much and I was kind of afraid that my punches weren't hurting him either. So I punched him back as hard as I could and I missed and I fell over and broke my nose.

No thats a lie. I just thought that as a reader of an action story you would like that. I also figured it would make you laugh. Maybe even lol (laugh out loud)

What really happened is I punched him as hard as I could and I hit him and it hurt my hand. I didn't tell him that though (cause I figured telling someone in a fight that you hurt your hand on their face wouldn't get you much sympathy) so I said something stupid and then while watching him I stepped down to pick up my glasses (they were fine . . . (which to you might not matter, but to me, a semi-blind kid in a batman sweatshirt standing in the cold behind an elementary school with his mom out front waiting in a car, the condition of my glasses mattered quite a bit.)) and put them on.

Josh said I was a p - - - y and then he and Adam Mackeankle got on their bikes and rode away.

At that point I figured that the fight was over, and I also figured that I won.

Telling my mom about the fight on the drive home was awkward.

Josh and I were in home-ec together the next semester. I think he remembered the fight differently because in his version, I WAS a p - - - y and he rode away thereby making HIM the winner. I didn't like his version retold my version, but since the cool kids liked Josh and I was not cool his version is the one that was believed (I think).

Either way, in the long run, whether I won or lost doesn't matter . . .
because last I saw him, he was really fat.

So now you know.

If you punch me in the face. . . sooner or later, you will get fat. It's just the way it is.

(I took this from my friend, but I thought it was freaking HILARIOUS! Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, if off...aluve')





What Lucky Star Character Are You?


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Sunday, August 12, 2007

My life change
Straight edge (also known as sXe, and xXx) refers to a lifestyle (deemed both counter culture and subculture) closely associated with hardcore punk music. There is considerable debate over what constitutes the practice of the straight edge lifestyle. The most widely associated perception involves practicing at least some degree of abstinence from alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Some views may also include abstinence from caffeine, following a vegetarian or vegan diet, and abstinence from various levels and forms of sexual activity
Contents
[hide]

* 1 Etymology
* 2 Overview
o 2.1 Attitudes towards spirituality
o 2.2 The 'X'
* 3 Violence and gang classification
* 4 History of Straight Edge
o 4.1 Old School Era
o 4.2 Youth Crew Era
o 4.3 Straight Edge 2000 Era
* 5 In media
* 6 References
* 7 Further reading
* 8 External links

Etymology

While many of the precepts can be traced to earlier ideas, the term "straight edge" comes from the 1981 song "Straight Edge" by the hardcore punk band Minor Threat. The lyrics, written and sung by Ian MacKaye, condemn psychoactive drug use. The song begins:

“I'm a person just like you
But I've got better things to do
Than sit around and fuck my head
Hang out with the living dead
Snort white shit up my nose
Pass out at the shows
I don't even think about speed
That's something I just don't need”

—Ian MacKaye, "Straight Edge"


The chorus is the phrase "I've got the straight edge." repeated several times.

MacKaye says that he meant that by abstaining from drugs and alcohol, he had an advantage, or an "edge", when compared to those who indulged too heavily; and he was considered to be "straight" during an era where recreational drug use was closely correlated with rock and roll.

Overview

There is no single documented reason why an individual chooses to practice a straight edge lifestyle. Reasons for following it may be philosophical, theological, social or purely health related. There are various interpretations of the practice and various applications of the precepts. The label "straight edge" generally implies an acceptance of the philosophy and reasons for abstinence posited by at least one segment of the straight edge community.

Attitudes towards spirituality

There is much variation regarding viewpoints on how the straight edge philosophy affects or is affected by an individual's religion or theological associations.

Straight edge followers seem to run the religious gamut, and are comprised of atheists, agnostics, Judeo-Christian followers, and even followers of the Hindu deity, Krishna (represented in such bands as 108, Shelter and Baby Gopal).

The straight edge philosophy has been used to argue both atheistic and agnostic views. Personal responsibility, the rejection of the divine, and the concept of having an uninhibited mind have all been linked with such arguments.

Likewise, the philosophy has found itself in line with a number of Christian beliefs. The rejection of illicit substances and alcoholic beverages, as well as abstinence from premarital sex, are commonly encouraged by many mainstream churches.

There have been documented examples of an antagonistic view of individuals claiming straight edge associations towards Christian beliefs and followers. Examples include songs such as "This Ain't No Cross On My Hand" by Limp Wrist, "Real Edgemen Hate Jesus" by XfilesX, and "Straight Edge Punks Not Christian Fucks" by Crucial Attack.

The 'X'

The letter 'X' is generally the most prevalent symbol of straight edge. Commonly it is worn as a marking or tattoo on the back of one or both hands, though it can be displayed on other body parts as well. Some followers of straight edge have also incorporated the symbol into clothing and pins.

According to a series of interviews conducted by journalist Michael Azerrad, the straight-edge "X" can be traced to the Teen Idles' brief U.S. west coast tour in 1980. The Idles were scheduled to play at San Francisco's Mabuhay Gardens, but when the band arrived, club management discovered that the entire band was under the legal drinking age and therefore should be denied entry to the club. As a short-term compromise, management marked each of the Idles' hands with a large black "X" as a warning to the club's staff not to serve alcohol to the band. Upon returning to Washington, D.C., the band suggested this same system to local clubs as a means to allow teenagers in to see musical performances without being served alcohol. While the practice was never widely adopted by D.C.-area music venues, the mark soon became associated with the straight edge lifestyle.

A variation involving a trio of X's (XXX) traces its straight edge origin to artwork created by Minor Threat's drummer, Jeff Nelson, in which he replaced the three stars in the band's hometown Washington, D.C., flag with X's.

Violence and gang classification

A subset of straight edge—hardline—had a more militant mentality and was involved in physical assaults in the United States during the 1980s and up to the mid 1990s. Police in some communities—such as Salt Lake City and Reno—have classified straight edge as a gang due to violence associated with militant straight edge groups in these cities.


History of Straight Edge

Straightedge has gone through three different eras since its creation in 1980. Associated with punk-rock, the early years of the straightedge subculture are now called the Old School Era. However in the late nineteen eighties the straightedge subculture seemed to drift further and further away from the punk culture. The following era called Youth Crew, presented different types of elements that began to change the subculture. For example, vegetarianism became a major theme along with following the Krishna-consciousness faith. Youth Crew also led to tension inside the subculture. After nearly a decade of the separation of straightedge-punk from the punk culture, the era called Straight Edge 2000 brought the cultures together without clash.

Old School Era

Straight-edge ideas can be found in songs by the early-70's protopunk band The Modern Lovers, particularly their songs I'm Straight and She Cracked. With the rise of straightedge as a subculture of punk-rock, the two scenes were very closely related. Like punk-rock, the singer of an Old School straightedge band shouted more than sang. Straightedgers of the Old School Era often associated with the original punk ideals such as individualism, disdain for work and school, and live-for-the-moment attitudes. Though straightedge started on the east coast in Washington D.C. and New York, it quickly spread through the entire nation and Canada. By the mid-nineteen eighties, bands on the west coast such as Uniform Choice were gaining national acclaim. In the early stages of this subculture’s history, musical gigs often consisted of non-straightedge punk bands along with straightedge bands. However, circumstances soon changed and the Old School Era would eventually be viewed as the time “before the two scenes separated”.

Old School straightedge bands included: Minor Threat, 7 Seconds, SSD, Uniform Choice, and Cause for Alarm

Youth Crew Era

Although the music and the subculture are dependent on each other, at certain points in the subculture’s history, the musical influence seems to be stronger than at other times. During the Youth Crew Era, the influence of music seems to be at an all-time high. Furthermore, the new branches of straightedge that erect during this era all seem to come from an idea presented in a song. The Youth Crew Era emphasizes the idea that cultures are influenced by media; Music is the dominant media source for tenets of the straightedge subculture.

Starting in the mid- eighties, the Era was given the name from New York’s straightedge band Youth of Today. In their song “Youth Crew” they expressed their views on uniting the scene into a movement. The most identifiable theme that arose during the Youth Crew Era was straightedge association with vegetarianism.

In 1988 straight edge band Youth of Today released their song “No More” that would initiate this new theme within the subculture. Lead singer Ray Cappo displayed his vegan views in the lyrics: “Meat-eating, flesh-eating, think about it/ so callous this crime we commit”. By the end of the 1980s, bands all over the United States and Canada sang about animal cruelty.

During the late nineteen eighties, not all people that claimed to be straightedge identified with animal rights issues, though as the 1990s came on the horizon, bands such as Earth Crisis (with their frontman Karl Buechner) had continued this trend. By the early 1990s, hardline and militant straightedge were a well known presence in the straightedge music scene. The term militant described someone who was dedicated and outspoken, but also believed to be narrow-minded, judgmental, and potentially violent. The Militant/Hardline straightedger was characterized by the following: less tolerant of non-straightedge people, more outward pride in being straight edge, more outspoken, and believed that violence was a necessary method to promote clean living.

Straight Edge started out as a phenomenon within the punk-rock culture, then transitioned into a movement. A movement that had been perceived by some as a positive subculture associated with great morals. Other’s perceptions, which included the United States media, depicted members of the culture as “politically correct terrorists”.However, the end of the Youth Crew Era brought new elements to the straightedge subculture, elements of positivity.

Youth Crew Era bands include: Gorilla Biscuits, Judge, Bold, Youth of Today

Straight Edge 2000 Era

As the Youth Crew Era matured, some of the negative aspects that surrounded straightedge started to disappear. The Straight Edge 2000 Era once again reunited the punk-rock culture. Similar to the Old School Era, straightedge and non-straightedge bands played concerts together regularly. Since the straightedge movement had existed for around twenty years, many members disliked the Youth Crew Era style of music and principles. Others did not care about Minor Threat or any of the pioneers of the movement.

Straight Edge 2000 Era bands include: Champion, Carry On, The Unseen, Good Clean Fun, Casey Jones, Trial, Have Heart, Verse, Down To Nothing, Throwdown, Allegiance, Cast Aside, Desperate Measures, Stop And Think, Mental, Betrayed, Shere Khan and Youth Attack.

In media

* Dark Planet: Visions of America (2005) Straight edge is one of the four subcultures studied in this documentary film

* Another State of Mind (1982) documents Minor Threat and Dischord's early history, including some scenes of Ian MacKaye explaining the rationale behind straight edge.

* Professional wrestlers CM Punk, M-Dogg 20, and Josh Prohibition are straight edge and use it as their in-ring gimmicks.

* The character Jason Embry (Kyle Gallner) on the (Utah based) HBO drama Big Love identifies as Straight Edge, getting a Straight Edge tattoo in an episode. Beginning early in the second season he is seen attempting to "recruit" his best friend Ben Henrickson (Doug Smith) into the ethos, taking a hard line with him in the process. When they finally do go to a show together, Ben ends up getting beaten up.

Your Punk Band Name Is...

The Confused Glass Eye

What's Your Punk Band Name?

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