Saturday, October 16, 2004

   Nappie nap time
Well, yesterday I was extremely tired, so I decided to take a nap after my Calculus class, and before I went out for Chinese with Person W. I had an awesome 1.5 hour nap. You see, I never take naps because I hate to sleep...I see it as a major waste of time. Anyway, I actually had a dream during my nap. It was an odd dream that really made no sense, but I am going to talk about it anyway. It took place in a hotel room, and it was like a movie night. Kyle, Cip, The Nik, Kelvin, Matt, Jordan, and Katie B were all there. There were also other people there that I don't know in reality, but we were good friends in my dream. Anyway, we were watching "Four Rooms" in a hotel room, and I had just gotten back from ice skating. I wiped my skates off with a towel, and then sat down to watch the movie. Not long afterward, the girls that I don't know asked me to come out into the hallway and talk to them...someone was having a problem. So, I agreed. What was strange was that when I was leaving, I put my hand on Jordan's shoulder and told him that I'd be right back. Then I don't remember the rest of the dream. It was odd because I have talked to Jordan maybe twice since I've known him. I know that I ponder too long on my dreams, but it was just odd to me. I have been through so much lately with guys that I found it odd to pick out a certain instance with another guy in a dream. Anyway, here are what the symbols in my dream meant:
___________________________________
Hotel: (Vision) Seeing yourself in a hotel: a trip you have planned will be much more expensive that you thought.
(Depth Psychology) You are dealing with emotional confusion -- the hotel is a metaphor for your flight from yourself. Are you about to explore unknown places? The hotel also represents your present attitudes and actions; sometimes it is a sign that you want more comfort and luxuries.
Towel: (Vision)If you are drying your hands on a towel: you want to get out of an unplesant situation. Looking at a clean towel: be sure that you conclude a matter "cleanly!" A dirty towel means more pressure in your life.
Ice Skating: (Depth Psychology) If you are ice skating: with the right "tools" you will go far. Your expectations are reasonable -- you will have good relationships and exercise good judgement.
Darkness: (Vision) Dreaming about being "in the dark" is a sign that you feel insecure at work and in life in general. You can't quite figure something out, can't understand it.
(Depth Psychology) Dreaming about darkness always refers to an emotionally dangerous situation or one that is unresolved. This may have to do with a specific experience with other people or yourself. Try to shed some light on the situation.
___________________________________
I love how dreams relate so well to life...if you haven't kept up with my journal entries then this makes no sense to you, but it does to me. ^_^ Anyway, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt shall be off for now. aluve'


Real Fan


What kind of anime fan are you!?!?!?
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Wednesday, October 13, 2004

   Boredom
Okay, I really liked this story, so I wanted to share it with you all...I'll write something meaningful later.

CHIPS
Jim Esch


I'm sitting in my couch watching television, and there's a bag of chips between the arm of the couch and my leg. The bag's clinging to me like a balloon clings to a wall. Has that static electricity feel to it. Can't seem to fend it off. And I don't know if I want it off yet. My arm feels like a club and the end of my arm, my hand, feels like a shovel, like a tonka toy shovel, and it's dipping and digging into the bag, taking one chip at a time out of the bag into my mouth. And I ask myself as I'm watching television, why am I doing this to myself.

I finally, actually start to think about the flavor of the chip, and how grotesque it truly is. The salt scum, the sandy dust, the chemical particles clinging, dried milk and cheese and salt and spices you can't name and chemicals they're still trying to think up names for -- clinging, coating the chip; wrapped all around it, and you keep putting them into your mouth. I put one into my mouth. I ingest it as I'm watching television. All of my life I've been putting them into my mouth.

And they say, you know, on the ads, they say you can't just eat one, and it seems to be true. Why is that true? Because the flavor overwhelms; it overpowers you. The flavor's not good, it simply muscles over you, it destroys your taste buds. And a feeling lingers that if only I had one more chip, I would satisfy my hunger for this flavor...and the next one doesn't do it. It's like some mythological myth of Sisyphus trap -- you can never get to the mountain top, the mountain top being "flavor satisfaction" -- it won't happen. Along with this there's the rhythm of the crunch, the periodic rhythm of the perfect chip crunch. It's the same with popcorn -- the popcorn crunching in your mouth, you can't get enough of it, you have to keep doing it, and you keep reaching in and reaching in. Again. Your hand shovels in and pries out another chip. One at a time.

I'm sitting there watching television. I don't remember what I watch. It doesn't matter, it hasn't mattered, it didn't matter yesterday. All that mattered was eating those chips until the whole bag was gone. Like some furious madman repeating a mantra -- "North is the opposite of South; East is the opposite of West. North is the opposite of South; East is the opposite of West"...having to remind himself of that by repeating it as he walks down the street, as he goes to the bus stop. And you're doing this, i.e. I am doing this as I sit in my couch watching television -- some show, I can't seem to remember what it's about.

Then it strikes me that each chip I eat brings back all the other chips I had ever eaten, that these Doritos have been there all through time as I grew up and matured and became socialized. Maybe you had that experience as you met your girlfriend for the first time. Maybe there was a bowl of Doritos on the table at the party. Sitting in a basket perhaps in a nest of paper towels, and you pulled the chip out and you put it in your mouth and you crunched and you asked her what her major was, or you asked her what she was doing next Friday, or you discussed your favorite movies, or you said 'I like that group too', and she said 'I play the saxophone too'. 'You wanna listen to my Coltrane records?' And you kept eating the chips.

Or when you met your friends when they got their new house; you brought over a bag of Doritos because it seemed like the thing to do. It was acceptable; it was safe. Or when you went on picnics with your grandparents and you sat in the backyard and your grandmother was lying in the hammock and your grandfather was flipping burgers and hot dogs and you had Doritos on the picnic table and you had potato salad and you had buns and you had ketchup and mustard and it all seemed right. That comes back to you. The voice of your grandmother laughing as she reaches for another chip and falls out of the hammock, and you remember that. You were worried that she was going to break her hip but she wasn't old enough for that yet. Then it strikes you that she's no longer here.

Or maybe you got stoned out of your mind and you were out with your buddies when you should have been with your girlfriend because she needed you. And you had the munchies and you went to a convenience store and the first thing you saw was a bag of Doritos and you grabbed it and you ate the whole bag and you didn't save one chip for her by the time you got back. That comes back to you.

You reach into the bag and get another one out. And you think of the times when neither of you wanted to cook. So you got a frozen pizza and you threw it in the oven and you split it in half and then because you were too lazy to make potatoes or a casserole you just had a bag of Doritos and you put that on a paper plate on the side. And you both sat there at the kitchen table staring at the woodgrains in the table surface. And you didn't talk about it. That comes back.

All these Doritos chips -- is it a crutch? Maybe it's a crutch. A hobby-horse. Maybe it's just THERE as you wade your way through life. It's a flashpoint. One man's chip is another man's rifle is another man's automobile is another man's guitar is another man's record collection is another man's jogging habit is another man's religion. It just comes back and you can't get rid of it. You try to stop. Now I eat these chips alone. I watch television shows. The TV always seems to be on, and I don't know why I can't turn it off. I don't know why I can't stop eating the chips. It's not a joke anymore. It's not that I have an eating disorder. I'm not obese. But I know it's bad for me. And I know that each chip in going back over it is bad for me but I can't break the cycle. I can't break the rhythm, it's like a march that I can't fall out of step with.

One of these days if I ever wise up. I'll shake off the bag clinging to my arm and turn off the television. Unplug it. I'll put the television in the attic, or I'll sell it. I'll write a little note and I'll put it in a supermarket and someone will call and take the television away. Then I'll be left with my couch and Doritos.

I'll look down at the bag, and there'll be maybe twelve chips left, and I'll say. NO MORE. I'll crumple the bag and get that static feel off my leg and off the hairs on my arm, off my skin. I'll destroy the bag. I'll just throw it away. I'll take a big jug of water and I'll wash all the salt dust scum of that so-called cool ranch flavor, which isn't cool at all, which is salty and spicy and sandpapery -- I'll just wipe it all away with bottle after bottle of water. I'll say to myself I'm never going to eat that way again, that there's gotta be more to being here than always having chips at your fingertips.



aluve'


You are D. You're a badass, but not egotistical.
You try not to connect with people because you
are afraid you might hurt them. You have an
awesome hat.


What Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust character are you?
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Tuesday, October 12, 2004

   Logic...Part 3
Well...yeah. I have a feeling that this situation is almost over. The three weeks of pain are almost over. Last night was extremely hard on me. I was talking to Persons A, C, and W at the same time. Person A was drunk, and he was attacking me on many subjects. I won't get into that though. Basically, he said in his drunken stupor that he could not be with me in the end because it wouldn't be fair to his roommate, Person C, which, in turn means that I cannot be with Person C either because it wouldn't be fair to Person A. We all screwed up in some aspect, but now it is almost over. In the end, we all lost. That's all there is to it. However, if you are able to look back on a situation like what we went through, and are able to remember a moment that you were happy, then you have taken something amazing from this experience. We must hang on to that moment...the hardest part of your life, if you can find that happy moment, you will not fall. That is some of the best advice that Person W has given me yet. It's true though. I have come out of this with three great friends...although we all wanted more. It didn't turn out that way, and now it is time to move on. I have to shut off my feelings that I have had for the past month so things can get back to being as normal as they can be, and it's going to be hard. I am determined to make it through this though. How can't I? I need to, and that's that. I can't go running back to Mumsie every time something goes wrong. I have to do things for myself now. It's a part of growing up. That's the way it has to be...however hard it is. I was just talking to a good friend of mine, and I mentioned how I wish that we talked more..and he said that he wanted things to be like they were. they can't though. We can't keep looking to the past and wishing that it was here again. It's not going to happen. Tomorrow is what we must look forward to now. And with that...I must be going off to class...aluve'


Vampire: A creature of the night, you feed off the
blood of human beings to survive. You often
times feel like an outsider looking in on the
living. Just on the edge, but never fully a
part of the life you left behind when you where
embraced. You are a predator, and people are
your prey. You have all the time in the world
to plan out your un-life, but your sensations
are a pale mockery of what you once had in all
things save one, the feeding, the embrace, the
feel of blood as it flows into your body to
sustain you. It is the one thing that you can
feel fully, and you cling to it.


What type of World of Darkness Creature Are You?
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Monday, October 11, 2004

   Logic...Part 2
I should be so tired right now. I have class today too, but still I am not asleep. I have a lot on my mind tonight, but this time it is making more sense. I talked with my friend, Person W, for a good while tonight. Of course, it was all about my situation with Persons A and C. But, before I get into that, I must mention that I went home this weekend. I had to have a talk with my Mumsie. I wanted her outlook on the whole thing. This time, the advice she gave me was in the Socratic state of mind. She never actually gave me any advice, but she made me realize some things. Basically, she got me to say that Person C = safety and that Person A = happiness. When I told Person W about this, he made me realize how incredibly simplified that was. We got out a notebook and began to create a "Pros/Cons" list. The list was successful in enlightening me in many aspects of my situation. The situation sucks and it needs to be resolved. Someone needs to stop being indecisive and make up their mind. The thing is, I know what Person C wants. Person B is going to make up her mind soon. Person W helped to speed up that process, I think. We slowly delved into the workings of Person B...what she wants and what she needs. Are they the same thing? Only time and more talking will tell. Eventually, this will all be over. Person b told Person W tonight that life can't really get any worse than this. The indecisiveness will go away, and things will get better. Whatever decision is made, it is better than this past three weeks from hell. (Mierda santa!) With that, I should be off to bed soon. It's 1:36 in the A.M. and I have class in the morning. So, for now, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt is signing off...aluve'



Dark angel. How are you an angel? Dark, demonic
even. Very risky, and live life for what its
worth. Yet, I wholeheartedly follow your
motto....you only live once...


What Element Angel Are You?
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Friday, October 8, 2004

   Aretmis...Goddess of the Hunt
The ninjas never even saw it coming. I have had the strangest couple of nights. Wednesday night I don't think I got any sleep. I was in the half-conscious stage of the night for the whole night. I knep having these images in my head that were all connected, but made no sense at all. For goodness sakes, it was all about Philosophy in accordance to the "Book of Kyle." The "Book of Kyle" is a nice short book that states "I'm right, so f**k you." Yeah, so try to put that together. The images/dream things were all about that, but in a Philosophical point of view. Strange indeed. Then, last night I went for a walk with Cip--Person W--for a couple of hours. The story: we were gone for so long because we were attacked by 8 ninjas. It's a good thing I am secretly Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt in disguise. I took out seven of the eight ninjas. I let Person W to take out the last so he didn't feel too left out. ^_^ What's funny is that after the ninja experience I went back out for a walk with The Nik and then I went to do my Chemistry post-lab around 11:45 pm with my freakishly tall lab partner. So, yeah...it's been an interesting and confusing couple of days. Needless to say, some people read "Logic, Part 1." This weekend Part 2 should go up. Fun times. *laughs* well, I guess that's all for now, aluve'


~BRUNET OR BROWN~
My tpye of girl. You're the tough chick or the tom
boy or game boy. You're more of the fighter. A
person that like to pertect. You have a tough
personality and aren't afraid of anything or
what people think of you.


What's your anime hair color? COOL PICS^-^UPDATED!!!
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(I love typos in these things)
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Wednesday, October 6, 2004

Logic...Part 1
Okay, so let's see who can follow my scenario. There are four people involved in this scenario: Persons A, B, C, and D. Persons A and D used to date, but Person D dumped Person A. Person A though he was over the breakup, so he sort of fell for Person B. Person B enjoyed this greatly. Person D found out about Persons A and B, and became jealous. Person D told Person A that she still held feelings for him. Person A became confused. Person A still loved Person D. He told Person B that he still wanted to be with Person D. Person B became depressed, so Person C consoled her. Persons B and C became close. Person A was acting strange about it. He did not seem too keen on the idea of Persons B and C being together or whatnot. Things weren't going as smoothly for Persons A and D. Person A asked Person B what she felt about that. Person B began to think about Person A again. Person B thought she still had feelings for Person A, but didn't want to hurt Person C. Person B was now the confused one. What was Person B to do? Person B still does not know what her heart desires. Person B is still confused. Person B does not want to create problems between Persons A and C because they are friends. Person D needs to make up her mind so Person A knows what to do, which will ultimately help out Persons B, C, and D. How long can Person B keep feeling strong emotions?
Okay, so, that's a fun scenario that has been going on for much too long. And by fun, I mean F**ked up. Sorry for the implied profanity. It's movie night tonight, and my sister's soccer team just beat their biggest rivals. Hopefully the rest of the night will go smoothly...I don't want any more awkwardness.
Horoscope for the day:
Venus, planet of love, is opposite Uranus, planet of sudden and shocking events. Look for a perfect stranger to excite you more than the kisses of your lover. There is no need to pursue anything too deep, but do enjoy the feeling that you are in control.
I'm gone...aluve'



Ritsuko- You're shy and like to keep distance
between yourself and others. You're never
without your trusty sniper rifle. While you're
really caring, your shy attitude keeps you from
getting close to people.


Which 'Those Who Hunt Elves' Character Are You Most Like?
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Monday, October 4, 2004

   I like this face...
I should be doing homework...I have a thing I have to watch at nine for my Biology class. It's about evolution. I just had quite an awkward time though. It's kind of got me creeped out. There is something that is not right with Kyle lately. He and The Nik were in my room at the same time after our theatre meeting today...and the atmposphere was just strange. I mean, it was great to hang out with the both of them, because I really enjoy their company. I am not going to complain about that. Hell, if I don't think about it, then it won't bother me. I wish I could do that too. Life would be so much easier if we could forget about our problems for a little bit. Or would it? The longer we put things off, the longer they have time to grow and become more difficult. More difficulty results in more pain. Come on now, who really wants more pain? I know I don't. That's for sure. I have had enough of that recently. I really should complain about it on here, becaue I am sure most of you don't really give a shit, but there are some things that I just need to get off of my chest. I am sick of playing games. I hate the phrases "I don't know" and "What if...?" They don't solve anything, and can only prolong the problem. Nothing gets accomplished. I am sick of waiting for something to happen. People around here need to stop messing with my emotions. I want to go back to the way I was, but I don't see that happening any time soon. I don't want to hurt anyone, but, in turn, I don't want to be hurt either. It's too late for that. I have been hurt. It's not fair...I did NOTHING to deserve this. What did I do to get myself into this? Why am I even bothering to wallow in self-pity? It's my problem, and I am going to deal with it...aluve'



love angel
You care about his life and u really do....love
him? No matter how stupid he acts.......


Love of Ranma! This is a Ranma 1/2 based quiz. 4 girls only. (May have a part 2 later)
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...thanks Shippo
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Sunday, October 3, 2004

   I'm not an alcoholic...I am just trying to keep warm...
Sometimes, songs just get stuck in your head...and sometimes, the lyrics just fit your life at the moment. I feel like I have messed up, but I know I haven't. I have a great thing in front of me, and I don't realize how lucky I am to have it. The rose, the blue hair, the talks...they must all mean something. Why am I being so dumb?
***********************************
"Poor Jack"

What have I done?
What have I done?
How could I be so blind?
All is lost, where was I?
Spoiled all, spoiled all
Everything’s gone all wrong

What have I done?
What have I done?
Find a deep cave to hide in
In a million years they’ll find me
Only dust and a plaque
That reads, ‘Here Lies Poor Old Jack’

But I never intended all this madness, never
And nobody really understood, how could they?
That all I ever wanted was to bring them something great
Why does nothing ever turn out like it should?

Well, what the heck, I went and did my best
And, by god, I really tasted something swell
And for a moment, why, I even touched the sky
And at least I left some stories they can tell, I did

And for the first time since I don’t remember when
I felt just like my old bony self again
And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King

That’s right! I am the Pumpkin King, ha, ha, ha
And I just can’t wait until next Halloween
‘Cause I’ve got some new ideas that will really make them scream
And, by God, I’m really gonna give it all my might
Uh oh, I hope there’s still time to set things right
Sandy Claws, hmm
***********************************
"The Nightmare Before Christmas" is a great movie. I reccoment it to anyone and everyone. Although I have not seen it in a very long while, the songs still stay with me. My friend Gretchen burned me the CD even. That was a while ago, for my birthday. Anyway, yeah. Watch it. That's all. aluve'


You are Sally! You are the voice of reason, but it
seems nobody listens. You try and save the day
but end up getting saved. Hey, at least you
Jack right?


Which Nightmare Before Christmas Character are you?
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Thursday, September 30, 2004

   Oh My
Oh wow...that's the state of mind I am in at the moment. I only had one class today, which was great, but the day seemed to just drag on. I have the feeling in the pit of my stomach that was there last weekend...which isn't a good thing in the least. I have become utterly confused, once again. *shouts obscenities* I don't know what to do anymore. Befoer I went to write this, I had everything planned out about what I was going to write about. I was going to write about emotion. I was going to make a whole post about love, and how I have never experienced it. The three of my closest friends here, Kyle, The Nik, and Cip, have all been in love, and every once in a while it'll come up in conversation. I never have anything to say on the subject. I am not the type of person that enjoys showing any emotion really, and the fact that someone can feel so strongly about one person just blows my mind. I don't understand it in the least. I don't know if I want to either...at least, not yet. After I experienced what Kyle went through because of love...gah. I am not in the mood to post any more...sorry. aluve'


Lady Eboshi - You're Lady Eboshi. You're good to
the lepers and the brothel girls. You love your
people and they love you back. You just can't
help but want to kill everything that's
stopping you from ruling the world.


Which Princess Mononoke Character are You?
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Monday, September 27, 2004

Coffee and being bored...
I slept in my own bed last night. I was pretty happy about that. I wanted to think that my bed was at least a little bit comfortable, but after sleeping on the State beds you cannot go back. I had a good night last night though. I am making a surprise visit home this evening, and bringing along The Nik and Cip. I have talked about my Mum so much lately, that I decided that they should meet her. That shall be an adventure and a half. So, anyway, I am drinking coffee right now. Coffee makes me incredibly jumpy and hyper, but hopefully the feeling will pass so I can drive home safely...yeah. My spirits are higher at the moment...I spent almost 3 hours today cleaning our theatre with a friend of mine from my floor. Before that, I found a little something that I found to be interesting in my friend Sara's journal, so I decided to modify it and put it in here, just because I have the urge to do something of such sorts:

Thirteen random things you like:
1. Peanut Butter
2. Being on Stage
3. Rings
4. *points thumbs toward self* This guy, right here!
5. My freinds from Theatre
6. Playing the Clarinet
7. My Cat
8. My Rabbit
9. Smiling
10. Sock collections
11. Long, long, long late-night talks
12. Falling asleep in someone's arms
13. Fantasy

Twelve movies:
1. The Fellowship of the Ring
2. The Two Towers
3. The Return of the King
4. Spirited Away
5. Princess Mononoke
6. Hidalgo
7. Ten Things I Hate About You
8. The Triplets of Bellville
9. The Nightmare Before Christmas
10. The Blue-Collar Comedy Tour
11. Castle in the Sky
12. Dodgeball

Eleven good bands/artists:
1. The Red Hot Chili Peppers
2. Blink 182
3. The Ramones
4. The Killers
5. Howard Shore
6. Queen
7. Styx
8. Shelby Lynne
9. Tenacious D
10. Gavin DeGraw
11. System of a Down

Ten things you like about yourself ... physically (a lot harder to come up with that one would think):
1. My eyes change color with my mood
2. My smile
3. My teeth in general
4. My hands and knees (only at the same time)
5. The way my jeans look
6. My hair color
7. My ears
8. My figure (most of the time)
9. My flexibility
10. (this is way too hard) My back

Nine good friends (in no specific order):
1. Gretchen
2. Daniel
3. Matt-Matt
4. Kyle
5. The Nik
6. Cip
7. Charis
8. My Mum
9. Nicole

Eight favorite foods/drinks:
1. Peanut butter
2. Bagels
3. Ice
4. Iced Mocha Latte
5. Cereal
6. Pasta salad
7. My Mum's French Toast
8. Waffles with peanut butter

Seven people you’ve kissed (now THIS ought to be interesting):
1. Luke *shudders* (bleh, total regret)
2. Bova
3. Matt-Matt (another regret)
4. Arion
5. Kyle
6. I feel like a whore (but don't tell Cip that)
7. But that's all of my list

Six things that annoy you:
1. Pronounced Arrogance
2. People who will do ANYTHING for attention
3. Whores/Sluts
4. Bastards
5. People who don't know how to treat others with respect
6. People who try to prove me wrong when I know I am right (does that contradict my first annoyance?)

Five things you touch everyday:
1. My hair
2. My contact case
3. A stuffed animal
4. My lotion
5. The ground

Four shows you watch:
1. Inu Yasha
2. Case Closed
3. Trigun
4. Survivor

Three things you wear everyday:
1. My rings
2. Clothes
3. A necklace of some sort

Two celebrities you have a crush on:
1. Ethan Zohn
2. Mark McGrath

One thing you want everyone to know about you:
1. I am not your typical...anything, so don't even attempt to label me. You will not succeed.

aluve'


Nicholas D. Wolfwood


Which Trigun Anime Character Does Your Personality Resemble?
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