Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I am so glad that this is my last week of research. Actually, we're not doing any research this week, but working and making the final touches on our papers and presentations. I cannot wait for everything to just be over with. Next week will be a good one. I am spending the week at camp as a counselor. I cannot wait to go back. This week is just full of me waiting for things to happen, it seems. It's all good though. I am reading the 7th Harry Potter book, just like the majority of the world. I got about half of it read today, and probably the other half tomorrow. I mean, what else do I have to do? Practice my presentation? Please. =P I think I got sunburned today...I am generally in a good mood regardless. YAY! Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, has a lot on her mind, but is ready for things to end...aluve'






What Pokemon Starter Are You?


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Tuesday, July 24, 2007

If it's not broken, don't fix it
So, I am still on the ship, and I can't wait to get off. The people here are real nice, and I enjoy being around them, but I miss being able to go for a walk outside or having a normal routine. I think it's the lack of a routine that is really bothering me. For example, I stayed up all night the second and third nights I was here, and that worked out great for me because I would go to bed around 4 or 5 in the morning and sleep until about 10 and be set. However, last night was different. Jes (the girl that I have worked with all summer) took a long break yesterday afternoon, so when midnight rolled around, the time that she usually goes to bed, she decided to stay up, causing me to have to go to bed then, or not until about noon the next day. Oh dang, was I mad. Not to mention that I wasn't tired at that point, so I had to force myself to go to bed, which didn't really work. So, I got a couple of hours of sleep in me, but I feel like absolute shit today. I just want to go home. I can't concentrate on my damned paper that I need to get done...soon (I am not sure of the due date) and when I did try to work on it, the data wasn't coming out right. I talked to my professor about it, and he said that he would help me in a couple of hours, when he got a chance to. Well, since excel wasn't working for me the way I needed it to, I decided to just do the calculations out by simple paper and pencil, and it worked out marvelously. I just entered that new data into my paper, and went on my merry way. Luckily for me, just after I did that, my professor wanted to help me, and I told him that I fixed the problem. He asked what the problem was, and I told him that I wasn't quite sure, so I just figured out things the "old-fashioned" way. Apparently, that wasn't a good enough answer for him. He told me that I should know exactly WHY I had a problem. But, if there isn't a problem anymore, should the initial problem actually matter? I got pissed and told him that the next time I had a problem and fixed it, he could go and fix it himself as well. It's like engineering. If it works well, you can just take it apart so it doesn't work, and then make it better...that was a terrible analogy. Well, whatever. What my point is, is that if it's not broken, then there's no need to fix it.
I am just irritable and exhausted. I need a normal schedule. I am not even able to keep track of my eating as I would like to because I lose all track of time on this ship, and I feel bad for not eating when the cook makes something special for me. I think I am eating about twice a day, but it could be more or less. I really have no idea. That's a big concern of mine, as always. For example, it's lunch time right now, and it's Mexican style, with a lot of vegetarian options, but I am not hungry whatsoever, so I probably won't eat, and then feel good about the fact that I didn't eat, but feel bad because the cook made a lot of things special for me. Or, I could eat now, and then not eat for the rest of the day, but I had a big breakfast that the cook made special for me. Yeah...that's what I go through in my brain every freaking day. Fun times.
Anywho, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, should go an work on her paper some more...aluve'





What Zombie Powder Character Are You?


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Saturday, July 21, 2007

Lake Huron, MI
So, I am currently on an USEPA (United States Environmental Protection Agency) ship in Lake Huron in Michigan. It was a 15 hour car trip for us. We traveled in a pickup truck, myself, my professor, and the girl that I work in the lab with all in the front seat. It was quite cozy, that's for sure. I was in the middle for most of the trip because I am the smallest person. The trip was broken up, though. We stopped in Bowling Green, OH and stayed in a really nice townhouse thing. When we got on the ship yesterday, I kind of had a mini anxiety attack because I knew that I was going to be on this ship for a week or so. I think I am going to get that checked out once the summer is over. But, yeah, it was rough for me at first...being around people I don't know and feeling uncomfortable with the surroundings. I ended up watching a movie later on with some of the crew, however, and that made me feel better. That, and I talked with the cook, who is really fun to talk to. That's funny and ironic in its own way, due to the fact that I have absolutely no interest in eating at all. I just want to no have to eat this entire trip. I know that I could do it too. I also know what that would do to my body. I didn't eat dinner last night, or much of anything, in that case, but this morning I decided to have an apple with some peanut butter, and then I decided to eat lunch, in which I had Texas Tomato Soup. Ohmigoshness, if I could eat one thing for the rest of my life, that would be it. It was FANTASTIC! Yeah. interesting times in my life. Anywho, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to do some more research...aluve'






Who's Your Wolf's Rain Hottie?


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Tuesday, July 10, 2007

   I'm miserable. What more can I say? I have been eating way too much lately, and I feel terrible about myself because of it. I am needed by so many people that I am feeling stretched. I want to make everyone happy and make life as easy as possible for them...but there comes a point when I just want to say "enough!" What about my needs? Fuck, I don't even know what my needs / wants are right now. I want to find a grad school close to home that offers the program that I am interested in, but I know that's not going to happen at all. Hell, I don't even know when I am going to graduate. I am scared that I am going to be forced to graduate early because I would have taken all of the classes that I can possibly take in my two majors. Then what? I'll have a semester of a break before I can go to grad school. Yeah, that sounds like a freaking blast. I just want to study algae. Is that so hard to ask? I want to feel as good as people tell me I look. I want to be content with staying in the apartment by myself for a few weeks. I want to be able to stop crying and tell people what I think...or to just be able to speak my mind. My mom blames my mood on PMS. I know she's wrong. I know it's probably something else fucked up with my head that I am putting off getting looked at. I don't want to go to the doctor and be put on medicine that will change who I am. I don't want to end up like Tosca. I love her like a sister, and I worry about her every day. I am just at a loss of what to do now. I want something to take care of in my life...something to look after and love. I wanted to get a kitten. I even went to the animal shelter today and filled out the paperwork. Everything was in order for me to take home this adorable spaz of a kitten...that is, until the animal shelter people found out that I was a student. The only way I could adopt that kitten would be for my mom to sign the papers and say that she was adopting him. I talked to her tonight about it, and she seemed okay with the idea, and then all of a sudden, she changed her tune. She wants me to take our cat from home back to school with me. I think it's because she hates that cat. I would have no problem with it except for the fact that my sister would kill me if I took the cat with me. She would completely stop talking to me. I wish my mom could understand that. She was on the phone with me tonight, and she told me that I should know, after 20 years, that me crying to her on the phone won't make her change her mind. I wish she could just realize that I am lonely and need some sort of a companion. She told me that I just need to make more friends up here. That's easy for her to say. I don't want to though. I don't want to let new people into my life when I can't even keep track of the people that are in my life right now.
I am at a loss.
Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is depressed and needed by too many people...aluve'





What Gankutsuou Character Are You?


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Sunday, July 1, 2007

Stapler
What a weekend. Hell, what a week I had. It was full of ups and downs...a freaking emotional rollercoaster, if you ask me. And those are always exciting. It started off with me getting pissed off at Mitch for something he said, and then I refused to talk to him for any extended period of time. I also refused to answer his calls. Sounds like a good time, no?
On top of that, we now have a gay guy living with us for the month of July, and already I am pissed at him. My roommate and I went to my house for the weekend, and I told him to stay out of my food and to stay out of my room. Well, when I got back today, I noticed that a blanket was missing from my room, and that my soup and my hummus was gone. I was less than pleased. Do you know how much hummus costs? I just hope that he pays me for what he took of mine. I don't eat much, and I buy just enough things to suit my needs for a couple of weeks or what have you, so doing something like that just throws a wrench into my plans.
Then there's this weekend. On Friday, we went over to Arion's place to drink...yay. I do hate drinking so. It was an...interesting time. To keep things simple, I don't plan on going over there for about a month or so. Yeah. Then on Saturday was Ryan's graduation party. I had a great time there, and then afterward he came back to my house with me and Tosca, my best friend Dan, Ryan and myself all went out to a bar because that's what Dan wanted to do. Well, the bar was packed, and I started freaking out because of the noise and the amount of people, and ended up having an anxiety attack. Ryan and I left the bar to go out and sit on the docks, where it took me 40ish minutes to regain my composure. We then went back to the bar to hang out with Tosca and Dan, who were pretty gone by then, and then we went to one of Dan's friend's places for an after-bar party. That was interesting, but in a good way. We all ended up crashing on this king-sized bed. It was amazing. There were the four of us laying comfortably on this bed, and there was still room for another person to lay down comfortably. I didn't sleep though. I had a lot on my mind, I guess. That, or I was feeling sick, and that was keeping me from sleeping. It could have been a mixture of both. We woke up this morning and layed in bed for three hours, and then decided to drive half an hour to go to Panera Bread for breakfast. I was not satisfied with it, but it was fun nonetheless.
Overall, it was a good weekend. I love going home for the weekends. I love having good weekends too. I like my friends at home. That's what it comes down to. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is content...aluve'





What’s Your Bleach Fun-ness Level?


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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

What an interesting couple of days I have had. I spent most of Tuesday morning in the hospital with Tosca because of migranes and dehydration. That was less than fun. She is doing better now, though. Things are pretty strange for me at this point in time...I was up for a while last night talking to a couple of guys about my life and what's going on in it. It's been a crazy ride. I don't know what to do anymore. So many things changed this weekend...I think staying up for 48ish hours really messed with my head. I am just at a standstill. At least I can take comfort in the fact that I am going to be getting a Takkun plushie as well as a shirt that says something along the lines of "Science, it works, bitches." I am looking forward to that. I am also looking forward to going home again with Tosca coming along. I enjoy spending time with my housemate. Unfortunately, she may have to leave for the rest of the summer. That makes me sad, but I know it's for the right reasons. I wish I had that courage to do what she is doing, in all honesty. It's hard, however, when people don't believe me when I say that I have a problem...how can I get better if there's nothing wrong with me?
Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, will leave you with that...aluve'

You Are 88% Tortured Genius

You totally fit the profile of a tortured genius. You're uniquely brilliant - and completely misunderstood. Not like you really want anyone to understand you anyway. You're pretty happy being an island.

Are You a Tortured Genius?

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Monday, June 25, 2007

So, I have realized that I have fallen into another funk...which doesn't surprise me after the weekend that I had. I had a pretty amazing weekend. Friday was my sister's graduation and lock-in, and then Saturday was filled with graduation parties, and Sunday was my sister's graduation party. My sister was an absolute bitch to me during the party, but she gets like that when her friends are around. I spent the time drinking with Tosca...we took 96 pictures between 1:00 and 7:00ish. That's crazy. They were so good though! I ended up inviting Arion to come and hang out with us, and my friend Ryan that graduated with my sister too. It was a good time. I didn't want to leave. It made me sad. A lot of things have been, though. I couldn't sleep last night. Tosca and I watched Requiem for a Dream last night. that is one of the most depressing movies I have ever seen. I just sat there for a while, in a state of shock. I didn't know what to do. Then I was up for a while talking to a couple of friends. And for a while, I mean that I realized that I should get some sleep once 3:30 rolled by this morning. So, when I woke up, I was completely out of it. Right now I am pretty awake...I have my GRE prep course tonight, and I am SO not looking forward to it. I would skip it, but we get paid today...and I kind of really need the money. I need to get Ryan a graduation gift for the weekend, which is when his party is. Does anyone have any ideas on what a decent gift is that isn't money? Blehhh. I just feel so strange today. I am shaky...I thought it was due to a lack of blood sugar or some crap, but I don't think that's the case.
I just want to sleep, but I can't. I am waiting for my lab partner to call me so I can go back to lab and finish up my work. I think I'll just head over there after I am done with this blog. I feel like I should be doing something. I hate having energy when I am exhausted.
Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, feels crappy...aluve'

You Have Low Self Esteem 60% of the Time

While you sometimes feel good about yourself, you tend to struggle a little with self esteem issues. It's not about changing who you are, it's about accepting your faults. You just need to be less critical and demanding of yourself!

How is Your Self Esteem?

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I had a day.
I'll leave it at that.
Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is trying to fall asleep...aluve'






Who's Your Bleach Boyfriend?


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Saturday, June 23, 2007

My sister graduated on Friday. I was so proud of her. The ceremony was nice...a few parts dragged on, but that happens no matter what. She won an s-ton of awards, which made me just that much more proud of her. She told me that our father had called her earlier that day and asked her if he could come to the graduation, and she said that she didn't care, which meant that she didn't want him there. I was fully expecting him to show up, and I stayed for a good while after the ceremony was over to see if I could find him, but he was a no-show. How freaking lame is that? He has the balls to call and ask if he could come to graduation, and then never shows up...man, I am just glad that my sister and I are used to him being an unreliable asshole like that.
After the ceremony was over, my sister and a couple of her friends came back to our house to hang out for a couple of hours until midnight, when they were going to go back to the school and stay the rest of the night for the lock-in. Well, to make a long story short, Tosca and I ended up going to the lock-in with my sister and her friends. The thing is, each senior was allowed to bring a guest to the lock-in, and luckily for Tosca and me, my sister's two friends that had come back to the house with us didn't have guests. It was kind of weird to be hanging out with people three years or more younger than me, but for some reason it wasn't awkward at all. It actually felt...normal. Like I was supposed to be there. I don't know what it was about it. I was talking to my friend Ryan, whom I had brought to the lock-in when I was a senior, and now, three years later, I was hanging out with him again, but this time he was a senior, and I was a freaking Junior in college. It was a lot of fun though. At the present moment, I have been awake since 6:00 Friday morning. It's crazy to think about, in a way. I just had a lot of fun though. I took a s-ton of pictures, which I posed on my facebook and myspace accounts.
There was a point, though, when I was walking around the school with Tosca and my friend Ford from Camp when all of a sudden, I just stopped caring about anything. I just did not have a care in the world. I was content. Completely content. It was the strangest feeling in the world. It was like I was stoned or something, but I was just lacking sleep. Hell, I still am. Unfortunately, once I left school, that content feeling left me.
I have also realized that lately I have been worrying about food a lot more than I have been in months. I am so obsessed with controlling my calorie intake and how much weight I have to lose to make me happy that it's just all I think about. Even when I stopped caring about things in the hallway, I was thinking that I should stop caring about eating too, and just do it when it's a complete necessity. That's a bad way to go about things, I know, but I think that is what is going to make me happy at this point in time. I don't know what it is...I had both Ryan and Brother Dan comment on how I have lost weight, but then again I feel like I have been eating a lot lately and feel gross. Then again, it might have to do with the fact that I am eating smaller portions, but a little more often, so I am getting the same amount of calories that I usually get (or less, sometimes) but I feel gross about myself because I feel like I am eating a lot because I am eating more often. Does that make sense to anyone?
It makes sense to me. I guess that's all that matters.
I just feel so unstable in my life right now. I know what I want to do with my career and where I want to go in life, but the means in which I achieve those goals is a bit hazy to me.
I hate that. Uncertainty. It's always following me. I have also had two crows following me lately, but that is an entirely different post in itself, which I may or may not get into.
Anywho, that's enough for me. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to check out some other things...aluve'





What Xenogears Character Are You?


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Sunday, June 17, 2007

So, I am not all moved in with Tosca, and it feels great. I went home for a night this weekend because I had a bad day on Friday. When I woke up after 7 hours of sleep (which is a lot for me), I was absolutely exhausted...when I got to the lab I could barely keep my eyes open. Then when I got to the lab I decided to take it upon myself to crunch all of the data that we obtained during the boat trip during the week, which took a good 3.5-4 hours. I skipped my lunch break to keep going with the data because I was on a good roll. When I got done with that, I took a 10 minute break to go get my mail out of the mail room, and when I got back, the girl that I work in the lab with was like, "since it's the weekend, and we don't have much else to do, there's no reason why we both need to be here...have a good weekend." Little did she know that she made a solution wrong, so I had to wait another half hour after remaking the solution to actually start any analysis. I ended up getting out of there an hour later than I usually do. I was pissed. Then, I went to pack my things into my car and get home, and my tire was flat. The same tire that I have had problems with 3 times now was flat again. I flipped out. It was far from pretty. I blew up my tire and finished packing, and then I got home. Being home was nice though. So that's a plus. I went in our pool on Saturday for the first time in a year and a half...and I even wore my two-piece bathing suit, which I hadn't worn in even longer. I was so self-conscious, but my mom told me that I looked good, so that made me happy. I left back up here that evening, and spent the night unpacking and hanging out with Tosca. Today I went to Walgreens and bought myself a bike lock; since I live off campus and such, I decided to bring up my bike from home to get to and from campus so I didn't have to drive. Then I went to the library and took out the first manga of Ranma 1/2, and finished it a little over an hour later. I loved it. Now I have something to do all summer during my free time...YAY! I have a meeting at 4 this afternoon for a dumbass presentation that I have to give on Monday. Needless to say, I am not going to be in the mood for that. After that I am going to grab the rest of my things from the townhouse I was loving in, and probably get back to our place for some din-din. Sounds interesting enough, no? Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is happy that she has a new manga to check out...aluve'







What Wedding Peach Love Angel Are You?


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