Thursday, June 14, 2007

So, for the past two and a half days, I have been doing some research on the boat. I only have about 6 hours of sleep in me since Monday, but there is no way in heck that I am going to complain! I absolutely loved being on the boat and running the experiments. The time went by so quickly, I just couldn't believe it. I am so happy that it went well. I have to go back to the lab in a couple of hours to run some experiments, but that is no problem to me. I have a meeting after that, and then I think I am going to pack. I am going to move off of campus for the summer and move in with Tosca for the rest of the summer. I am really looking forward to it. I think this summer is going to turn out being a good one. That's a major turnaround from a little over a week ago. So, yeah...life is good. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is finally happy...aluve'







What Suzumiya Character Are You?


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Monday, June 11, 2007

So, I went home for the weekend, which was what I really needed. On Friday I went out to dinner, shopping, and to see Ocean's 13 with my Gram and my sister. It was fun. Then on Saturday I spent the day with my little brother and sister, and my friend Travis. We went out to lunch, then we went to the mall to play in the arcade, and then we went to PetCo and took a TON of pictures of them all posing. It was so much fun. That evening I made some applesauce raisin cookies. Arion showed up, followed by Gretchen, and then later Ryan. We decided to go to Arion's to hang out, and I ended up getting pretty drunk. It was such a good time though. We watched Zoolander. I love that movie. On Sunday I spent a lot of time with my family, and then headed back up to school. I spent a lot of that evening with Tosca, and I might be moving off campus to live with her for the rest of the summer. She's pretty lonely, and I think it would be good for he both of us. This week I am going to spend a lot of time on our research boat. We're going out on the boat tomorrow at 4am and take samples every hour on the hour for 48 hours. That means that I am not going to be sleeping much at all. With my program, we get money for food every week. I am on my lunch break right now, and I planned on taking the check to the bank to deposit so I would have some money in my checking account and then I could go to the grocery store to get some energy drinks or something, but I guess we don't get the money until 9:00 tonight. LAME. Oh well. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is feeling better...aluve'







What Kingdom Hearts Character Are You?


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Thursday, June 7, 2007

I realized a terrible thing today. I realized that I don't really smile anymore. Not since I got back to school. I just don't feel happy. I feel bed, because I enjoy the work that I am doing, and I am looking forward to the weeks to come for the work that I am going to be doing, but I just don't feel happy with my life. I am going home this weekend because I need some sleep. I also need to see my family. I thought before I just had a sucky attitude. Now I am thinking that I am just depressed here. I am trying to be happy...but it's just not working. It sucks. I just want to sit down and cry. But I don't. I can't cry. I've tried...but I just can't. I don't know what's wrong. I don't find enjoyment in anything but looking forward to going home. I have only been here a week, and I already need to go home. It's so lame. I know that I have been losing weight since I got here though...so that's a positive, at least. Man...all I want is to be happy again. I want to be able to LOOK like I am happy, at least. I don't think I can even pull that off. Ugh. One more day. That's all I have to tell myself. Atremis, Goddess of the Hunt, has one more day before she can go home...aluve'







What Mew Mew Are You?


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Sunday, June 3, 2007

So, I am still feeling down, but this is going to be a short post...I just really wanted to post the Dante's Inferno thing at the bottom. Last night I was thinking about my future and where I want to go after I finish my undergraduate career. I kept thinking to myself that Massachusetts is where I was going to end up in the long run. Then I was thinking that it is going to absolutely crush me to miss so much of the twins growing up. I was looking at my school's graduate programs, and if I like the research I do this summer, I might consider staying here for graduate work. It's only an hour and 15 minutes from my house, which is better than the 6-7 that awaits me in MA. However, I have to wait and see what happens over the summer, and where I will go from there. *shrugs* Only time will tell. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off...aluve'

P.S. What is the most beautiful thing you can think of? That is the question I am posing to you.

Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis

You approach Satan's wretched city where you behold a wide plain surrounded by iron walls. Before you are fields full of distress and torment terrible. Burning tombs are littered about the landscape. Inside these flaming sepulchers suffer the heretics, failing to believe in God and the afterlife, who make themselves audible by doleful sighs. You will join the wicked that lie here, and will be offered no respite. The three infernal Furies stained with blood, with limbs of women and hair of serpents, dwell in this circle of Hell.


The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Moderate

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test
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Friday, June 1, 2007

Cute and Dangerous
Yeah, that's me. *chuckles* So, I am back to school now until August 2. I am living with three other girls, one of which was on my floor during the semester, but I don't really know her all too well. But, she helped me move in my things today, so that was a major plus. I was out of the apartment most of the day, though, running errands and hanging out with a friend of mine. I am so glad that she is up here, because if she wasn't, I would be really lonely and homesick. Hell, I am both right now, but that might just be because it's nighttime and no one is really around. I don't know...I just feel sad. I just want to sit in my bed and cry. I miss home already...not so much home, but my little brother and sister. It's always so hard leaving them. They have their Preschool graduation tomorrow, and I have to miss it. It's so lame. I just want to go home. I haven't even spent a whole day here. I hate getting this way. How the hell am I going to be able to go to Grad school so far away when I have such a tough time going an hour and a half away? Maybe I should reconsider. It just pains me to know that I am going to miss so much of the twins growing up. I want to be there for them. But, by doing that means that I put my life on hold. I can't deal with that either. So what am I supposed to do? Things would be so much easier if there were two of me...so I could be in two places at once, doing two things at once, experiencing two things at once, etc. I have just been so down lately that it's bothering me. That, and I have just felt terrible about myself. I feel so uncomfortable about anything I do, say, anything. I can't wait to be able to work out again so I can start toning my body and get it into the shape that I want it to be in. Man, today I was sitting at my computer, and I felt hungry...I almost cried. I ate a lot today, and the fact that I felt hungry just made me feel terrible. I honestly almost cried. What the hell is wrong with me? I am 20 years old...there should be no reason why I am homesick and wanting to cry over being hungry...it's all so silly. I just wish that I could be happy again. I miss being happy. It seems that I was only happy when the twins were around. I called home today, and my little brother answered, and he told me that he was sad that I left before he got home, and then I talked to my little sister, and she almost cried because I was at school and had to miss their graduation on Saturday. There is no way in hell, however, that I am going to miss my sister's high school graduation in a couple of weeks. I just won't let it happen. I'll talk to my advisor and work something out, because if I miss it, not only will I be absolutely crushed, but my sister will be even worse. I wish I was going back to camp this summer, regardless of how much Mitch despises the place. I loved being around the kids and the closeness with the counselors. It's hard knowing that I am not going back. Maybe that's part of the reason why I am so depressed. I mean, I don't really plan on making any close friends this summer besides forming a stronger relationship with my friend that is already up here. Mitch thinks that's a bad course of action. I see it as a means of protecting myself. The less people I befriend and become close to, the less people I will have to say goodbye to as the summer comes to a close and as I graduate. It's just easier that way. Yes, I might be lonely, but I should be used to that now...
Right?
Maybe I am just thinking about things too much. *shrugs* Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to read...or something...aluve'

nn
nWhat Anime Youngster Are You?n
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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Oh man. Yesterday my sister and I drove 3.5 hours to go to a theme park to see a concert. We saw Cobra Starship, The Academy Is..., Plus 44, and Fall Out Boy. I am not one for that type of music generally speaking, but she paid for my ticket, so why not go, right? Let me tell you, that was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. I was very impressed. They were all great. My sister and I went to the park early so we could get some rides in...we rode all of the roller coasters. It was a fun time. I got uber sunburned. We left at 7:30 that morning, and then got back around 3 this morning. Needless to say, it was a long day. I got to bed around 3:30 or 4, and was up at 6...and then up at 8, and then up at 9:30. By that time, I was angry that I couldn't stay asleep, so I said screw it, and got out of bed. I was pissed. Then, I found out that I had gained some weight, and that the new tire that I got for my car was soft, and to top it all off, we didn't have any peanut butter. It started to be a terrible day. I feel like shit...I am exhausted, and I feel horrible about myself. I feel so disgusting. I just want to be happy with myself. I don't think that's going to happen until I start to lose weight. I really need to. I want to lost 10 pounds by the end of the summer, and I think that's going to be a reasonable goal. I am just so unhappy with life right now that I want to cry. I actually cried this morning. I felt a little better afterward, but not much. My entire body hurts from last night, and I just feel like a mess. I leave for my internship this Friday. I am kind of not looking forward to going because I am so afraid that I am going to be lonely. I am starting to get back into my "I don't want to be around anyone" phase, which happens when I am depressed. It just seems like things have been going down since I got home from the end of the semester. I am upset that I am not going to be spending the summer at camp with my sister. Then again, I am happy because I am going to be helping myself out with grad school by doing this internship. Besides, the people at camp stop talking to me once I go back to school anyway. I am too smart for them. It's hard though, because we form such close friendships over the summer, and then I just feel like that is all thrown away and people forget about the smart gal that goes to that college up north. It just makes me sad, is all. Lately, a lot of things have though. I was supposed to go out with my friend Arion the other night, and I told him that I was babysitting for the entire night, so I couldn't go out. I wasn't though...I was done babysitting at 8. I just felt terrible and looked disgusting, and I didn't want him to see me like that. I mean, he's one of my closest friends that I have here, and I know that he wouldn't notice a one or two pound gain, but I could see it, and that makes me feel like the entire world can see it. It's annoying, because I have had people tell me that I look really good right now. I just wish I could feel as good as people say I look. *sigh* It's just been a rough month. I just hope this summer goes well for me. I really need it to. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to try to occupy her mind...aluve'







What Eevee Evolution Are You?


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Wednesday, May 23, 2007

   I was sunburned today. I was outside walking a lot of the day because it was so nice out. It was actually kind of hot out during midday. Regardless, I was outside today walking in flip-flops all over town. It’s the first time I have been in sandals in years, so my feet are killing me tonight. It was just a blah day. I woke up feeling depressed. I got out of bed, had breakfast, and ate too much, which was my first big mistake. Then I felt bad about it all day. So, I did some crunches, leg lifts, and lunges for 45ish minutes after breakfast to make myself feel better. I then went to take a shower, which was refreshing…I stayed in until I ran out of hot water. Then I went to put on a pair of capris, and they ended up feeling too tight. That made me feel even worse. I felt fat and terrible about myself. It was all because I ate a big breakfast. So, I spent most of the day busying myself to the best of my ability in this one-horse town to try to burn as many calories as I could to make myself feel a little better. Then I decided that it would be a good idea to make some Mints (a type of frozen cookie) for my family, and I ended up eating one, which didn’t make me feel any better either. I am just at a low right now. I am going to be going to the drive-ins this Friday with my friend Ryan, whom I haven’t seen in years, and I am so afraid that I am going to look and feel like crap when that time comes around. Like, tonight Arison and Arion stopped by, and it was great to see them and all, but I just felt like I looked like crap, and was just self-conscious the whole time they were visiting. It’s so goddamn retarded, because the other day my mum told me that I looked great, and that I shouldn’t worry about losing weight. She doesn’t realize that that is one of the things that is constantly on my mind. I mean, that, and how much I miss my Mitchel. I just don’t know what to do anymore. The longer that I am left home alone, the more and more I feel bad about myself. My sister gets to work at Camp again this summer. I am so jealous. Then again, I shouldn’t be, because this research this summer is going to be a fantastic opportunity for me. Plus, I always feel like that when school starts, the people at camp forget about me. They have parties and get togethers, and I never hear about them until my sister mentions something about it. It hurts – bad. I just feel like I am just a Plain Jane, and that I am not really that memorable of a person. I am not a great conversationalist, and I tend to keep to myself rather then be a social butterfly. I am not smart enough to produce something worthy of a Nobel Prize like I dreamed of when I was a kid, and I don’t have enough creativity to write a novel as I have wanted to for quite a while now. I can’t think of any talents that are worthy of any sort of recognition whatsoever. I am a gosh darned obsessive compulsive neat freak. I told my mum about it, and she told me to keep that quiet, and that it’s just in my head. Yeah, and so is the anorexia. I have been told that so many times that it’s ridiculous. How can I seek help if no one believes that I have a problem? I am so goddamn low right now, and I just wish that people could see it. But they don’t. They just see me as the helpful person that can do anything for them when they ask it of me. I’m a freaking doormat. Feel free to wipe your feet on me. Don’t worry, I’ll clean it up afterward. That’s all I am good for anyway; cleaning. What’s that? I have wants and needs? Nah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.

I always am.

Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to do…something…aluve’






What Abyss Character Are You?


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Thursday, May 17, 2007

555 Days and Counting
I have been with the amazing Mitchel for 555 days now. I would have to say that is a pretty freaking amazing feat. It's been a while since I last updated, so I guess I have a lot to talk about. Mitchel is all graduated from college now, and his job search is underway. I spent the week before his graduation at his place along with our friend Tosca. Toward the middle of the week or so, it started getting hard for me to be happy. I became pretty depressed because I didn't want to leave Mitch. I still have a year of school left before I go to grad school. Hopefully by then I'll be nearer to him and we can live together. It's just hard not being able to see him every day. Tosca stayed with me for a few days after graduation, which was nice because she kept my mind off of the fact that I was sad and lonely. That, and I have my siblings that keep me company. Unfortuantely, Tosca went home today, and the twins are at the sitter's for the day, so I am home alone. Add to that the fact that I just got in a fight with my mum an hour ago, and I am feeling pretty down. I ended up going for a walk around town and just taking a ton of pictures. It made me feel a little better...I just cannot wait for June to roll around so I can go back to school for the rest of the summer to do my research. It'll give me something to do and keep my mind on something other than feeling lonely. Meh. It's all too depressing. I apologize to my readers. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to upload her pictures onto her laptop...aluve'





What Is Your Anime Hair Colour?


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Monday, April 30, 2007

Happy Finals Week...
Today we salute you stressed out college student during exam week. As you sit in your lonely cubical in the library, doped up on Starbucks & Aderol, you think to yourself, "am I ever going to need to know this stuff in life?" The distractions are tempting, and you have suddenly diagnosed yourself with ADD. I'm sure by now you know exactly what everyone is doing because you have checked your buddy list and Facebook 800 times. Summer break is just days away, and your Prozac prescription will be in tomorrow. So crack open an ice cold bud light after that last exam, college student, because for most of us, Summer will be spent in rehab.







What Is Your Primary Anime Day?


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Sunday, April 29, 2007

Feeling Better
Dear Immune System,
Welcome Back. I missed you.
The Body







What Anime Season Are You?


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