Monday, January 8, 2007

Back To School
So, I am back at school now. I got in Sunday evening, even though classes don't start until Thursday. Monday was Mitch and my 14 month anniversary, however, so we wanted to be together for that. Overall, my winter break went a lot better than I thought it was going to. I really enjoyed spending time with my little brother and sister, and I knew that it was going to be really hard for me to leave. It still makes me sad thinking about it. Today I was pretty depressed for most of the day feeling...homesick. I never thought I would think that. Ever. I just missed being around the twins all the time...having them watch the Lord of the Rings with me, or press the buttons on my extra controller when I played Final Fantasy 7 on my playstation, or crawl in to bed with me when they woke up in the morning. I know that my little sister cried a whole heck of a lot when I left. I guess she asked my mumsie dearest if she could take a picture of me to bed with her. That just crushed my heart, hearing that. Mitch and I went out to get some Chinese food this afternoon, after wandering around some shops looking for something to put my TV on for about an hour (and also waiting for the food place to open). I came back to my room after eating and such, and then I don't remember what I did. I know that Eliza was in her ball for about an hour and a half because I was just zoned out on my computer. I really don't recollect what I was doing besides feeling like crap. I cried a little bit, which I thought was a bit silly, and then I did some crunches, and then Mitch called me. He had gone out and bought me a teddy bear holding a heart that says, "ahhhh shucks...I love you." That made me cry even more, but tears of happiness mixed in with the depressed tears this time. Mitch told me that I should have just told him that I was missing home, as silly as I thought it was. He was right. I have a bad tendency to hold things like that in. I think it's a mixture of me missing the twins, and me not wanting this semester to begin because I am going to be busy as hell, and it's Mitch's last semester. I just hate thinking about that. So I won't. I am going to go do some more crunches and then call my boyfriend. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to try to feel better...aluve'

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

What's Your Theme Song?

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

   I'm at Home...
Yeah, so I am at home, and of course there is nothing for me to do. I only have dial up at my house, so I won't be on for a while during my winter break. I have been reading a lot...I have finished two books since I have been home, and I went to see Eragon today with my friend Gretchen. That was a good movie. I am missing my Mitchel more and more as the days pass, but luckily I get to talk to him every night until my phone dies. That's good, at least. Tomorrow I get to babysit my little brother and sister for the day, so at least I will get to make a little bit of money. This year we are having Christmas at my house, so that will be nothing short of hell for that day, with my aunts telling me that something about my appearance is wrong with me. I know that it could be worse, and I am thankful that it's not, but it still sucks. Anywho, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is going to wait for her boyfriend to get back online...aluve'

You Are the Very Gay Velma!

She might not even realize it... But Velma is all about Daphne... not Fred!

What Gay Childhood Icon Are You?

Comments (1) | Permalink

Monday, December 11, 2006

   Like, Bam Bam!
Today I had my first final: Materials Science. Oh man, I totally owned that exam. I was in there at 8:00 this morning, and I was out by 8:48. It felt so good. I was glad to get my least favourite class out of the way first. Now I have Physical Science and Biochemistry finals on Wednesday, leaving me with nothing to do tomorrow except work out and study. Both of which I have done already today. Man, it's going to be a long week in that respect. I have decided that I am not ready to go home for the break though. I just have to deal with drama at home that I really don't want to have to deal with. I have been depressed lately because of it. It's a dumb reason to be depressed, but I cannot help it. And then Mitch thinks that he did something wrong because I am not talkative or something, and it's just no good all around. *le sigh*

On a completely different topic, I really want to write a book. I have written short stories and poems before, but I just really want to write a book and get it published. When I was in poetry the other day, my professor was talking about a poem by Wallace Stevens again (the poet that he loves and I...well...don't), and I got an idea that I really want to make into a book. I am thinking that I am going to try to work on it over break...so I have something to do and all. We'll see.

Anywho, Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to study for a bit...aluve'

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

   =-)
I just want to thank Zero for this ^_^


Comments (0) | Permalink

   I just want to prove how much of a dork I really am...
Okay, so for my poetry class, we are given three poems every class, and we need to write down our interpretations / what they mean to us for homework. So, here's what I have for this class.

"Sunday Morning" By Wallace Stevens

1
Complacencies of the peignoir, and late
Coffee and oranges in a sunny chair,
And the green freedom of a cockatoo
Upon a rug mingle to dissipate
The holy hush of ancient sacrifice.
She dreams a little, and she feels the dark
Encroachment of that old catastrophe,
As a calm darkens among water-lights.
The pungent oranges and bright, green wings
Seem things in some procession of the dead,
Winding across wide water, without sound.
The day is like wide water, without sound.
Stilled for the passing of her dreaming feet
Over the seas, to silent Palestine,
Dominion of the blood and sepulchre.

2
Why should she give her bounty to the dead?
What is divinity if it can come
Only in silent shadows and in dreams?
Shall she not find in comforts of the sun,
In pungent fruit and bright green wings, or else
In any balm or beauty of the earth,
Things to be cherished like the thought of heaven?
Divinity must live within herself:
Passions of rain, or moods in falling snow;
Grievings in loneliness, or unsubdued
Elations when the forest blooms; gusty
Emotions on wet roads on autumn nights;
All pleasures and all pains, remembering
The bough of summer and the winter branch.
These are the measure destined for her soul.

3
Jove in the clouds had his inhuman birth.
No mother suckled him, no sweet land gave
Large-mannered motions to his mythy mind.
He moved among us, as a muttering king,
Magnificent, would move among his hinds,
Until our blood, commingling, virginal,
With heaven, brought such requital to desire
The very hinds discerned it, in a star.
Shall our blood fail? Or shall it come to be
The blood of paradise? And shall the earth
Seem all of paradise that we shall know?
The sky will be much friendlier then than now,
A part of labor and a part of pain,
And next in glory to enduring love,
Not this dividing and indifferent blue.

4
She says, "I am content when wakened birds,
Before they fly, test the reality
Of misty fields, by their sweet questionings;
But when the birds are gone, and their warm fields
Return no more, where, then, is paradise?"
There is not any haunt of prophecy,
Nor any old chimera of the grave,
Neither the golden underground, nor isle
Melodious, where spirits gat them home,
Nor visionary south, nor cloudy palm
Remote on heaven's hill, that has endured
As April's green endures; or will endure
Like her remembrance of awakened birds,
Or her desire for June and evening, tipped
By the consummation of the swallow's wings.

5
She says, "But in contentment I still feel
The need of some imperishable bliss."
Death is the mother of beauty; hence from her,
Alone, shall come fulfillment to our dreams
And our desires. Although she strews the leaves
Of sure obliteration on our paths,
The path sick sorrow took, the many paths
Where triumph rang its brassy phrase, or love
Whispered a little out of tenderness,
She makes the willow shiver in the sun
For maidens who were wont to sit and gaze
Upon the grass, relinquished to their feet.
She causes boys to pile new plums and pears
On disregarded plate. The maidens taste
And stray impassioned in the littering leaves.

6
Is there no change of death in paradise?
Does ripe fruit never fall? Or do the boughs
Hang always heavy in that perfect sky,
Unchanging, yet so like our perishing earth,
With rivers like our own that seek for seas
They never find, the same receding shores
That never touch with inarticulate pang?
Why set pear upon those river-banks
Or spice the shores with odors of the plum?
Alas, that they should wear our colors there,
The silken weavings of our afternoons,
And pick the strings of our insipid lutes!
Death is the mother of beauty, mystical,
Within whose burning bosom we devise
Our earthly mothers waiting, sleeplessly.

7
Supple and turbulent, a ring of men
Shall chant in orgy on a summer morn
Their boisterous devotion to the sun,
Not as a god, but as a god might be,
Naked among them, like a savage source.
Their chant shall be a chant of paradise,
Out of their blood, returning to the sky;
And in their chant shall enter, voice by voice,
The windy lake wherein their lord delights,
The trees, like serafin, and echoing hills,
That choir among themselves long afterward.
They shall know well the heavenly fellowship
Of men that perish and of summer morn.
And whence they came and whither they shall go
The dew upon their feel shall manifest.

8
She hears, upon that water without sound,
A voice that cries, "The tomb in Palestine
Is not the porch of spirits lingering.
It is the grave of Jesus, where he lay."
We live in an old chaos of the sun,
Or old dependency of day and night,
Or island solitude, unsponsored, free,
Of that wide water, inescapable.
Deer walk upon our mountains, and the quail
Whistle about us their spontaneous cries;
Sweet berries ripen in the wilderness;
And, in the isolation of the sky,
At evening, casual flocks of pigeons make
Ambiguous undulations as they sink,
Downward to darkness, on extended wings.

Response: Reading through this poem, the Elves of J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle Earth came to mind. In the battle for Middle Earth, the elves were reluctant to help fight the armies of Sauron and the Uruk-hai because they were planning to leave Middle Earth and go to the Gray Havens, in which they would live the rest of their lives in an Eden. They had no interest in helping the greedy Dwarves and Men. The second stanza brought this thought process about.

"The Idea of Order at Key West" by Wallace Stevens

She sang beyond the genius of the sea.
The water never formed to mind or voice,
Like a body wholly body, fluttering
Its empty sleeves; and yet its mimic motion
Made constant cry, caused constantly a cry,
That was not ours although we understood,
Inhuman, of the veritable ocean.

The sea was not a mask. No more was she.
The song and water were not medleyed sound
Even if what she sang was what she heard,
Since what she sang was uttered word by word.
It may be that in all her phrases stirred
The grinding water and the gasping wind;
But it was she and not the sea we heard.

For she was the maker of the song she sang.
The ever-hooded, tragic-gestured sea
Was merely a place by which she walked to sing.
Whose spirit is this? we said, because we knew
It was the spirit that we sought and knew
That we should ask this often as she sang.
If it was only the dark voice of the sea
That rose, or even colored by many waves;
If it was only the outer voice of sky
And cloud, of the sunken coral water-walled,
However clear, it would have been deep air,
The heaving speech of air, a summer sound
Repeated in a summer without end
And sound alone. But it was more than that,
More even than her voice, and ours, among
The meaningless plungings of water and the wind,
Theatrical distances, bronze shadows heaped
On high horizons, mountainous atmospheres
Of sky and sea.

It was her voice that made
The sky acutest at its vanishing.
She measured to the hour its solitude.
She was the single artificer of the world
In which she sang. And when she sang, the sea,
Whatever self it had, became the self
That was her song, for she was the maker. Then we,
As we beheld her striding there alone,
Knew that there never was a world for her
Except the one she sang and, singing, made.

Ramon Fernandez, tell me, if you know,
Why, when the singing ended and we turned
Toward the town, tell why the glassy lights,
The lights in the fishing boats at anchor there,
As the night descended, tilting in the air,
Mastered the night and portioned out the sea,
Fixing emblazoned zones and fiery poles,
Arranging, deepening, enchanting night.

Oh! Blessed rage for order, pale Ramon,
The maker's rage to order words of the sea,
Words of the fragrant portals, dimly-starred,
And of ourselves and of our origins,
In ghostlier demarcations, keener sounds.

Response: Again, this poem made me think of Tolkien's worls again, but this time it took me up to Aman instead of in Middle Earth. The fourth stanze talks about the true beauty of the Earth, making me relate this to Vana of the Valar (the gods / goddesses). Vana also happens to be the elvish word for beauty, and the goddess emulates the purest form of beauty, which is expressed in this stanza.

"The World as Meditation" by Wallace Stevens

It is Ulysses that approaches from the east,
The interminable adventurer? The trees are mended.
That winter is washed away. Someone is moving

On the horizon and lifting himself up above it.
A form of fire approaches the cretonnes of Penelope,
Whose mere savage presence awakens the world in which she dwells.

She has composed, so long, a self with which to welcome him,
Companion to his self for her, which she imagined,
Two in a deep-founded sheltering, friend and dear friend.

The trees had been mended, as an essential exercise
In an inhuman meditation, larger than her own.
No winds like dogs watched over her at night.

She wanted nothing he could not bring her by coming alone.
She wanted no fetchings. His arms would be her necklace
And her belt, the final fortune of their desire.

But was it Ulysses? Or was it only the warmth of the sun
On her pillow? The thought kept beating in her like her heart.
The two kept beating together. It was only day.

It was Ulysses and it was not. Yet they had met,
Friend and dear friend and a planet's encouragement.
The barbarous strength within her would never fail.

She would talk a little to herself as she combed her hair,
Repeating his name with its patient syllables,
Never forgetting him that kept coming constantly so near.

Response: This poem makes me happy because I can relate this to Tolkien's world again. this time, we go to the love between a human man and an elven maiden, as in the tale of Beren and Luthien Tinuviel, or that of Aragorn and Arwen Evenstar. Both tales left the maidens waiting for their loves to return from dangerous quests, all the while sending their spirits along in dreams for inspiration. Elves can only die by heartbreak or by being slain in battle, and by staying with their men in dreams they were able to stay strong and not fade away because of heartbreak.

Yes...Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is a geek...aluve'

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person. However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways. You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order. You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

   True Story...
So, this one time I was doing homework and chewing on my pen, and then I momentarily put it down. Then, I picked up a pen to chew on, thinking it was the one that I was chewing on. Come to find out, it was my white-out pen. Needless to say...I got white-out on my face.

That's all I have...it just happened, and I thought it was amusing. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to do homework...aluve'

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are a giving soul. Way too giving in fact. You often get stuck doing the dirty work that no one else will do. Your look is put together, classic, and stylish. You always look fashionable without trying. You are a very outgoing person. You are true to yourself, and you never hold back. In relationships, you are practical and realistic. You have a romantic side, but you only let it out when it's appropriate.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

Comments (3) | Permalink

Monday, December 4, 2006

   XD

Random Comic Generator v2.0 by Delya
Nickname
Paper or plastic?	PaperPlasticneithernonebubble wrapSeran� wrapbloody tissue paper
panel 1
panel 2
panel 3

Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Washed Jeans
You know how you have a pair of jeans that you just love to wear, but eventually you have to wash them, and then they're all tight for an hour or so before they get all comfortable again? I hate when that happens. It makes me feel like I have gained weight. I hate that feeling as well. It makes me feel bad about myself, which I have a bad habit of doing...especially when I am stressed out. Like, yesterday, I went to put on a pair of jeans that I live because they are dark and really long, and they were nice and tight around my hips. So, my first thought was "Oh dang, I knew that I gained a little weight, but THIS much?" (It's silly, really, because if you look at my cosplay, you can see that I am far from fat by any means). So, that made me feel crappy about myself. Then there was the fact that I was not able to go to the gym yesterday because I had two exams last night back to back that I had to study for. So, that was a bit more added stress. Then there was the fact that my suitemate is a raging bitch and doesn't like me or my roommate, and talks about us when she is in her room and we can hear her. I have also had A LOT of trouble sleeping lately, which just adds a little more stress to my life. It's not like I don't bring it upon myself or anything, because I like to keep myself busy...I am just venting.

*Break to go to Lab*

Okay, so I went to the gym too. It was to blow off some steam. It worked. I have some homework to do, so I am going to end this now. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is somewhat glad the semester is almost over...aluve'







Who's Your Tokyo Mew Mew Date?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Mad World -- Gary Jules
All around me are familiar faces,
Worn out places,
Worn out faces,
Bright and early for the daily races,
Going nowhere,
Going nowhere,
Their tears are filling up their glasses,
No expression,
No expression,
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow,
No tomorrow,
No tomorrow,
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles,
It's a very very,
Mad world,
Mad world,
Children waiting for the day they feel good,
Happy birthday,
Happy birthday,
And I feel the way that every child should,
Sit and listen,
Sit and listen,
Went to school and I was very nervous,
No one knew me,
No one knew me,
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson,
Look right through me,
Look right through me,
And I find it kind of funny,
I find it kind of sad,
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had,
I find it hard to tell you,
I find it hard to take,
When people run in circles,
It's a very very,
Mad world,
Mad world,
Enlarging your world,
Mad world...
_________________________________________________
So, I have a lot to say, but no desire to type it all...I will just have to leave it for another day. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, has a lot on her mind...aluve'






What Hellsing Character Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

   I am rather inconsistent with these blog entries lately. There really isn't any pattern to when I update. I am not going to apologize, because I have been busy, and I am not sure how many people actually read this anyway. (To my faithful readers...I do apologize =P). So, right now I am waiting for Mitch to get back from work, I gave up on studying for my Physical Chemistry exam because I couldn't concentrate, and I have a lot of things running through my head. I was just talking to my roommate about how I "slept in" this morning; I normally wake up at 7:00 a.m. for classes so I can get some work done before I go to class. This morning when my alarm went off, I did not want to get out of bed, so I went back to sleep. My roommate came back from PT, and was surprised to see me still asleep. When I woke back up at 7:30, I was completely confused as to why she was back from PT so early. Then I realized that I just turned off my alarm this morning instead of hitting the snooze alarm. I only ended up getting about 4 hours of sleep last night because I just did not feel like going to bed. That worried me, because that means that I am slipping back into depression mode again...and there is no reason for that.
I don't know, maybe there is. I know that I am being too hard on myself, for one. Last night was our voting for the pledges to continue on to brothers or not. When it came to one pledge, there was some hint of him cheating throughout the pledgeing process...and that is far from what our morals are. But, since we do not have a solid proof of it, there is not much we can do about it. I was told last night that I was too passive as a Pledgemistress, and that if I was tougher, then they would have done better as pledges. It was also pointed out to me tonight by my roommate and one of my suitemates that I am a rather passive person, which is something I am not used to hearing at all. I know that since I have come to college, however, I have seemingly become more passive as the time has passed. I let a lot of little things get to me, but don't really do anything about them. I keep a lot of things inside until I get too stressed out because of it and I snap and just let it out by lashing out and crying about it later. I don't talk much because I feel like whenever I have something to say, people tend to talk over me or just plain not listen. I get that a lot. I try to explain something of mine, be it a viewpoint or a fact, and someone will just start talking over me. How disheartening is that? I can tell you that it is very disheartening for me, and that I am actually teary-eyed thinking about it.
That's another suggestion of my oncoming depression. I am getting emotional about something insignificant. Last night I started crying about an hour after our GBM / voting session because I had an assload of work to do, and I was going to have to stay up until 2:00 in the a.m. to get it all done. I just wanted Mitch to help me with my Material Science homework, but all of the Brothers and pledges followed us to hang out, so I didn't get to start my homework until about 11:00 that night. I was just frustrated about it, when there was really no reason to react like that.
Then there's the dillemma with one of my suitemates, and the fact that she is getting kicked out because the other three of us cannot tolerate her anymore. I know that the RA was thinking about having a meeting with each of us separately to get our sides of the stories, but it just so happened that my roommate and I went in for our meeting on Saturday. I have realized that I do not talk when I don't have to in any situation anymore, and being forced to talk is not much better. I just feel like I know that I am an intelligent individual (hell, I wouldn't be at this University if I wasn't) but I am not able to portray that because I keep things to myself. I know that I am being offered a TA position for a freshman biology laboratory...but how good of a TA could I be if I cannot manage to get my point across to a group of friends? How disheartened would I be when they all wanted to talk over me? I am not an assertive individual. I know this. I fear that this is going to hinder me in my career aspirations as well. Hell, I don't even know if I can get the job because my mother dearest took out an extra loan for me for the year that I didn't really need.
I wish I had a pet. For some reason I feel that taking care of something would make me feel a little bit better. My mom doesn't want me to have a pet, though. Hell, I am 20 years old...you would think that I would be able to decide something like that. I just want something like a hampster. I miss having a pet to care for. I know that we have a new cat at home...but that is their cat. It's not my cat, like the one we had put down in October. This cat won't know me...it'll be my family's cat, but not my pet. I don't know if that makes sense to you, but it does to me. I just want something to care for that is mine. I wish I had some extra money to buy one. Unfortunately, I owe my mom $25 for random things, and I want to buy myself an Alpha Phi Omega hoodie, and as of now I don't have extra money as it is...so it's really not feasable right now.
And that is extra depressing.
Don't get me wrong...I am not trying to make you feel bad for me, because that is the last thing I want. I am just venting so it doesn't all stay built up inside of me.
Basically, what it comes down to is that I feel like a failure. I know I am not, but I feel like I am. This week is going to be emotionally draining as it is. We have our fraternity Brotherhood week, which in itself is emotionally taxing. This semester two of our Brothers are graduating, and one of which is my Big. Then next semester is going to be even more difficult, because Mitch and Matt are going to be leaving...and I don't know what I am going to do next year without them. But, I suppose that is neither here nor there for the present.
I know that I have other important things to worry about, like getting my resume all dolled up so I can start looking for internships for the summer and get ahead in my life. Did I mention that I took on another major? Yes, I added Biology as a second major, and I am still going to graduate on time. Basically, what it came down to was that I either took on another major, or graduated a semester early, thereby making it more difficult for me to get into Graduate school.
So, this ended up being a rather long post. I am still waiting for Mitch to get back from work, but he will be out soon. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, hopes she feels better soon...aluve'





What Keroro Platoon Member Are You?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Comments (0) | Permalink