Friday, June 1, 2007

Cute and Dangerous
Yeah, that's me. *chuckles* So, I am back to school now until August 2. I am living with three other girls, one of which was on my floor during the semester, but I don't really know her all too well. But, she helped me move in my things today, so that was a major plus. I was out of the apartment most of the day, though, running errands and hanging out with a friend of mine. I am so glad that she is up here, because if she wasn't, I would be really lonely and homesick. Hell, I am both right now, but that might just be because it's nighttime and no one is really around. I don't know...I just feel sad. I just want to sit in my bed and cry. I miss home already...not so much home, but my little brother and sister. It's always so hard leaving them. They have their Preschool graduation tomorrow, and I have to miss it. It's so lame. I just want to go home. I haven't even spent a whole day here. I hate getting this way. How the hell am I going to be able to go to Grad school so far away when I have such a tough time going an hour and a half away? Maybe I should reconsider. It just pains me to know that I am going to miss so much of the twins growing up. I want to be there for them. But, by doing that means that I put my life on hold. I can't deal with that either. So what am I supposed to do? Things would be so much easier if there were two of me...so I could be in two places at once, doing two things at once, experiencing two things at once, etc. I have just been so down lately that it's bothering me. That, and I have just felt terrible about myself. I feel so uncomfortable about anything I do, say, anything. I can't wait to be able to work out again so I can start toning my body and get it into the shape that I want it to be in. Man, today I was sitting at my computer, and I felt hungry...I almost cried. I ate a lot today, and the fact that I felt hungry just made me feel terrible. I honestly almost cried. What the hell is wrong with me? I am 20 years old...there should be no reason why I am homesick and wanting to cry over being hungry...it's all so silly. I just wish that I could be happy again. I miss being happy. It seems that I was only happy when the twins were around. I called home today, and my little brother answered, and he told me that he was sad that I left before he got home, and then I talked to my little sister, and she almost cried because I was at school and had to miss their graduation on Saturday. There is no way in hell, however, that I am going to miss my sister's high school graduation in a couple of weeks. I just won't let it happen. I'll talk to my advisor and work something out, because if I miss it, not only will I be absolutely crushed, but my sister will be even worse. I wish I was going back to camp this summer, regardless of how much Mitch despises the place. I loved being around the kids and the closeness with the counselors. It's hard knowing that I am not going back. Maybe that's part of the reason why I am so depressed. I mean, I don't really plan on making any close friends this summer besides forming a stronger relationship with my friend that is already up here. Mitch thinks that's a bad course of action. I see it as a means of protecting myself. The less people I befriend and become close to, the less people I will have to say goodbye to as the summer comes to a close and as I graduate. It's just easier that way. Yes, I might be lonely, but I should be used to that now...
Right?
Maybe I am just thinking about things too much. *shrugs* Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to read...or something...aluve'

nn
nWhat Anime Youngster Are You?n
nHosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.n
Comments (0)