Friday, August 17, 2007

I will punch you in the face
Not really.
I am not very violent.
But I did get in a fight in 7th grade with Josh Jenson.

We were in the lunch line and somehow we made each other mad and decided that the best way to become un-mad was to punch each other really hard. But there was a problem:

Adam Mackeankle.

He was Josh's friend and he pointed out in his infinite wisdom that we were in school and punching in school (no matter how much better it made you feel) was not allowed and we couldn't fight.

Distracted by his intelligence we momentarily forgot that we were angry and began making arrangements to fight outside, after school.

Again. . . Adam Mackeankle speaks up.

Apparently he and Josh had detention. What the heck!!

So we decided that at 4pm behind the elementary school we would go a round of fist-a-cuff's.

I turned back around in line and ordered my lunch and began thinking that:
a) I didn't want to fight anymore and
b) I lived 15 minutes from the agreed upon location and it was too far from the junior high to walk, so I would have to find a way to get there.

After thinking how to get there long and hard I decided the best thing to do was ask my mom to drive me. I explained how I felt bad asking her to drive me but for all the reasons I explained to you, the reader, I could not fight in school and that this was the only way and that if I wasn't driven in Josh Jenson and Adam Mackeankle would think I was a dork.

So she drove me.

Once at the school, she waited in the car and I walked around back. I was very nervous since I had never fought before and any and all pre-fight adrenaline that I had had in the lunch line was replaced by an overwhelming desire to just say "lets not fight, Josh"

But I couldn't . . . that would be really lame.

He and Adam rode up on their bikes, he dismounted, walked over and we squared our 7th grade frames to one another. We talked and made fun of each other (I was wearing a batman sweatshirt. . not for extra power or strength, but because it was on my bedroom floor as I was dressing for the rumble. I did like the sweatshirt, but I guess it was a bad choice for a fight, or at least josh and Adam thought so cause they made fun of it. Do word of advice: if you are ever fighting Josh Jenson or Adam Mackeankle, DO NOT wear a Batman Sweatshirt or they will make fun of you and you will feel silly).

Finally I told Josh that if he touched me I would punch him, so he poked my chest with his index finger.

I punched him in the face as hard as I could.

He punched me back and knocked off my glasses... it didn't hurt very much and I was kind of afraid that my punches weren't hurting him either. So I punched him back as hard as I could and I missed and I fell over and broke my nose.

No thats a lie. I just thought that as a reader of an action story you would like that. I also figured it would make you laugh. Maybe even lol (laugh out loud)

What really happened is I punched him as hard as I could and I hit him and it hurt my hand. I didn't tell him that though (cause I figured telling someone in a fight that you hurt your hand on their face wouldn't get you much sympathy) so I said something stupid and then while watching him I stepped down to pick up my glasses (they were fine . . . (which to you might not matter, but to me, a semi-blind kid in a batman sweatshirt standing in the cold behind an elementary school with his mom out front waiting in a car, the condition of my glasses mattered quite a bit.)) and put them on.

Josh said I was a p - - - y and then he and Adam Mackeankle got on their bikes and rode away.

At that point I figured that the fight was over, and I also figured that I won.

Telling my mom about the fight on the drive home was awkward.

Josh and I were in home-ec together the next semester. I think he remembered the fight differently because in his version, I WAS a p - - - y and he rode away thereby making HIM the winner. I didn't like his version retold my version, but since the cool kids liked Josh and I was not cool his version is the one that was believed (I think).

Either way, in the long run, whether I won or lost doesn't matter . . .
because last I saw him, he was really fat.

So now you know.

If you punch me in the face. . . sooner or later, you will get fat. It's just the way it is.

(I took this from my friend, but I thought it was freaking HILARIOUS! Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, if off...aluve')





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