Monday, September 24, 2007

Ah, Life
How it amuses me so. I have been so retardedly busy lately with APO and theatre that I barely have time for myself, let alone homework and work. On Saturday, I was at the theatre for 13 hours. That'll teach me. I did sign up for this, after all. Seriously though. 13 freaking hours? Oh well. We did get a lot done, at least. If it was a complete waste, I would be incredibly upset about it. Last night I had to spend catching up on homework since I couldn't do it on Saturday. It wasn't that long of a night, it was just inconvenient. At least I got all of it done. I had a lab report to write...it was half-assed, but sometimes those are the best papers. I don't really care about that class anyway.
So, I am starting to get back into the "I am going to feel bad about everything that I put into my body" phase again. That's always exciting. Last night, I had a bowl of ice cream, and felt absolutely miserable afterward. (That might also be partially due to the fact that I am lactose intolerant, but I have pills that I take so I can have dairy products when I feel the need.) This morning, I had a pancake - 1 pancake - with peanut butter and sugar free maple syrup...and felt terrible about it. I feel so disgusting, and it doesn't help when people that I have been talking to are like "You don't look sick" or "You don't seem to be the type of person to have problems." Oh man, shit like that really bothers me. I was telling my friend Steve about everything, and he said that he's never thought that I had any type of problems with food. Later on, however, he was like "You know, I have only seen you eat once." Exactly! I can pull off a front like nothing else, hell, I've been doing it for years now. Once it's actually brought to the surface though, and people think back to events where food is involved, or where we go out to dinner or something...things start getting explained. I hate food. I hate feeling fat. I hate having problems. Shit happens though. The only thing I can do is to suck it up and deal with it. I mean, I am so busy that I don't have tie to work out anymore, so that affects how much I allow myself to eat. For the past week or so I have been keeping my food intake to under 1000cals. It's enough to keep me going, but nowhere where I should be. I am almost at the point where I want to go out and buy a scale...but that's only going to make things 10-fold worse.
Ay de me. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, has to run off to work...aluve'





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