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Wednesday, February 27, 2008


Chapel the Evergreen: Life is an incessant series of problems... all difficult, with brutally limited choices - and a time limit.

You know, a year ago I would have never imagined I would be where I am now. I am dating a wonderful guy that I used to be very mean to, so I don't even know why he would fall for me. I am also only taking 14 credits this semester, holding down two jobs, being president of the theatre company as well as acting in another play, VP of my fraternity, and still not manage to be stressed out. I actually finished a short story! My moods are unpredictable, and I was even on Zoloft for a month to help correct things, but it only made everything worse. My eating disorder is starting to surface again, and I have so many people monitoring my weight and behaviours that I don't know what I can control anymore. I am graduating in May, and I still don't know where I am going to Grad school. I am most likely going to end up working at a summer camp again, which never turns out to be good. On the plus side, I will lose weight there. I lost four pounds in the past two weeks, and I am aiming for 11 more before I graduate. I have been crying for just about every night for two weeks now. A girl from my high school passed away this past weekend, and she was a few years behind me and I had her in marching band back in the day, but I didn't know her well - I still felt extremely depressed by her death. I don't know why. In other areas of my life, I am a frigid bitch. I don't know what is wrong with me, and I am pretty sure the professionals don't either. ON the plus side, I went two months without having an anxiety attack, but almost had one on Saturday. It seems like my OCD is relatively under control, but I would much rather be dealing with my anxiety and OCD problems over depression and an eating disorder anyday. I want to get better, but I don't know how. I am afraid that my mood swings are going to start putting a toll on my relationship. That scares me. A lot. I now want to go to Grad School to get two Ph.D's, just because I think I am smart enough to do so, and there is a professor here with two of them. That's where I got the idea. I feel lost in life, but I know where I want to go. At least having a direction is better than wandering around aimlessly. Descending corticospinal nerve tracts control lower motor neurons. I am really proud of my short story. I should share it with the MyO community. It's based a lot off of Eureka Seven and Elfen Leid. Our main science building was closed off today and a Hazmat team was in inspecting a foul odour that sent two people to the hospital. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't like the people in APO. Theatre always pisses me off. I have a quiz and an exam tomorrow. I just want to watch anime and go to bed, or play LotR Online and not think about anything.
Welcome to life.
Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt...that's me. aluve'

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