Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Gosh, it has been a long time. I apologize to anyone who still reads this. So much has been going on in my life that it's just been crazy to even check up on MyO. I graduated from my University on May 11 with a double major in Bio-Molecular Science and Biology. I am going to be going to Graduate school in the fall to major in Animal and Food Sciences to get my Master's and then I will be off to get my PhD somewhere. It's a lot, and I am looking forward to it. This summer I am going to be working at the Summer Camp again, and I cannot wait for that to start. I have until the end of June for training to begin, and I am starting to get really bored at home. I am reading a lot, as well as playing Lord of the Rings Online and Age of Conan...both of which are fantastic games. I've also been having some crazy ass dreams lately, and it's causing my sleep schedule to get all screwed up. I've been sleeping in this past week or so, but it's because I keep waking up in the middle of the night scared out of my wits because of these dreams. On of them is reoccurring, one which it is the end of the world, and the only way to thwart the evils of the dark is raw hamburger. Then there was this dream last night where I was in a war camp that was being attacked. I hid in a closet to hide from the enemy, and then I went into some small plane with a girl that saved me and the pilot. The plane was heading to Canada, which I guess was some sort of haven. On the way there, we were suddenly being chased by a giant metal flying heart. It ate us, but we made it explode from the inside. We were on our way again, and then a metal trash can started chasing us. As it went to eat the plane, I woke up. All of these dreams, I am absolutely terrified during the dream, and I wake up in a cold sweat with my heart racing and me thinking "WTF?" I woke up this morning terribly lonely for Steven (my boyfriend) and not wanting to go back to sleep. I am also thinking of ways to start to lose weight again, because I gained 7 pounds this semester. I planned on only having one meal today, and I was doing great until I went to babysit my little cousin and she was having chips and dip, and then decided that she didn't want anymore. I hate wasting food, so I decided to eat it. I felt like a freaking bulimic on a binge eating that snack the way I ate it so fast. I felt like shit afterward. Figures. I thought that the medicine that I was on was helping with the depression, anxiety, OCD, and anorexia, but it seems like the eating disorder is still around. I feel so disconnected from everything right now...I just need work to come faster so I can stop thinking about myself and just about everything else and just be with the kids. That's the good thing about camp...you're kept so busy during the day that you don't have time to think. But, yeah. I just needed to vent. Hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight and have peaceful dreams...like being in my lover's arms again. Artemis, Goddess of the Hunt, is off to watch adult swim...aluve'
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