Wednesday, September 23, 2009

   Why do people feel lonely?
Just a warning - there will definitely be more questions than answers in this post.

I have always been a more of an analytical person than an emotional person. As a result, I often look for reasons for the emotions. I think this is most important in analyzing anger. If I can identify the triggers, it is much less likely that I will get as angry when the situation happens again.

Loneliness is an emotion that still baffles me for the most part. I have definitely felt lonely before, but looking back, I think it is muddled because there are some other emotions that are pretty much cemented to the lonely emotion. It is not as clean as some of the simpler emotions like anger or fear.

I have spent time by myself many times & not felt lonely. So - what is different in those times where I have felt lonely? One of the easiest memories for me to recall where I was lonely was when I travelled to Japan for 5 months for work. The feeling that I call "being lonely" to me was a cold hollow feeling in my core. The cemented emotions that I referred to are sadness and fear. I really don't think anybody that is lonely feels safe or happy.

The fear in my situation was more than what I would consider appropriate looking back on it. The trip - although long, was for a limited period of time. I got to speak to my wife pretty much every day & was in no danger of physical harm. There was definitely reason for stress since I was in a country where people did not understand what I was saying & I could not understand them, but stress is different than fear.

My work environment was such that I generally interacted with my coworkers 1 day per week or sometimes once over a two week period. Definitely a lot of alone time.

There were times while sightseeing where I should have been caught up in the moment & engrossed in the new experience, but generally I had a constant feeling of something missing. It is kind of hard to understand how much talking to someone during a new experience adds to the experience. Taking pictures helped. Taking the photos & thinking of the captions could almost replace the missing conversation... almost. Even though I can see those components & understand them, I still don't have a full understanding of why I feel lonely sometimes & not others. I have been to Disneyland by myself & fully enjoyed the experience. I shifted into an observational mode & just focused on everything around me.

For the people reading this post - when do you feel most lonely? Do you always feel lonely when you are alone? If not, do you know why? I am hoping by understanding other people's responses, I might get a different perspective on my own emotions.

I hope everyone is well. Take care.

-bunraku
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Friday, July 31, 2009

   Another Oscar Injustice
I just got back from the movies. I expect the movie I saw (since nobody I know has even heard of it) will get passed by for movies that got more hype.

The movie is great for people who enjoy 1960's and 70's sci-fi movies like Silent Running, Logan's Run, etc. Sam Rockwell plays the lead & basically has to carry the acting load by himself. Kevin Spacey has voiceover work as a computer. Beyond those two, I think there is less than 5 minutes of dialogue by other people. I hope Sam is recognized for his acting come Oscar time, but since the movie opened in June & topped out at about 250 theaters & had no advertising that I saw, I expect it will not be a big contender.

Oh well. Today was the first day of my mini-vacation. Woohoo! ok - Mini-vacation = 2 days off work & I still logged in a couple of times today to help the newly trained support people. The big vacation activity today was giving a plumber lots of money & then going to the movies. Later this weekend - painting the master bedroom - I hope. I bought the supplies 4th of July weekend. It would be nice if I could complete the project in under a month. Tick tock tick tock... only a couple of days left for that self-imposed timeline.

Take care - I hope everyone is doing well.

btw - the name of the movie is "Moon"

-bunraku
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Tuesday, July 7, 2009

   Netflix has brought out the movie geek in me
My wife and I recently signed up for NetFlix - I think the tipping point was when movie rentals got up over $5 per movie.

I'm not sure if Netflix is a worldwide company or local to America, so I will give a brief recap of what it is. It is an online movie rental/streaming subscription service. For a monthly fee, you get unlimited rentals and streaming movies. The streaming movies I watch on either my computer or using my HD Tivo, I can watch it on TV. The limitation on "unlimited" is the number of movies you can have out at once. We have a 3 disc limit, so it runs about $20 a month. We can keep the discs as long as we want - there is no due date & they come with a prepaid envelope to return them. Generally, when we return a disc, we will get the next one 2 days later. I dropped 2 discs off at the post office on Monday morning & I already got confirmation that the next 2 discs on my list have shipped (today is Tuesday).

So, since we have had it - about a month now - we have watched all 24 episodes of Gankutsuo - Count of Monte Cristo, The Man Who Would Be King, a documentary on string theory, some Addams Family episodes, Tales of the Black Freighter, a Burns and Allen episode, The Bank Dick with WC Fields, The Secret (remake of a japanese movie), Definitely Maybe, The Day The Earth Stood Still (original), Children of Men, True Blood and... well, yeah - quite a few movies.

I almost forgot how much I enjoy so many different kinds of movies & how much the older ones can tell you about the time they were made. The Bank Dick for example, was somewhat of a distasteful film by today's standards. The main character was an alcoholic habitual liar (I know - some people think that would be redundant) & in the end is rewarded for his lies. I did however, appreciate WC Fields'... I'm not sure if it was acting, but the persona he portrayed on screen. Based on his actions, I should have liked his character much much less, but I was still happy and sad for him at the end (happy, he was a millionaire - sad, he was still the same old drunk he was at the beginning of the movie). At the time, the drunk aspect of it had less of a stigma than it does today, so the final shot of WC Fields running after his bartender would have just brought laughs instead of the twinge of sadness it brought out in me.

I think I have another 20+ DVDs already queued up. The ones I am most excited about - The Reduced Shakespeare Company (all of Shakespeare's plays in 90 minutes - not 90 minutes each, 90 minutes total). Freedom (sci-fi anime) and The Great Dictator. I may have seen the Great Dictator before, but I think I have only seen clips from it & not the full movie. That was a brave movie made by Charlie Chaplin. It is a parody of Hitler made in 1940 - before the US got involved in WWII. It obviously had a strong political message. This was not a film Hollywood wanted made at that time.

Well, I just wanted to ramble about that for a while. I hope you all are doing well.

-bunraku
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Monday, June 15, 2009

   Recent animated viewings
Hello everyone - I hope you ar edoing well. I watched a couple of animated movies recently & thought I would share with you my feelings on those films.

The first is actually anime - it is called "Sky Crawlers". This one had a nice blend of fully rendered CGI environment and traditional 2D anime characters. The basic storyline surrounds some young pilots fighting without memory of their past or knowing the purpose of the fighting. This film is a little tough to discuss in detail because the message is tightly tied to spoilers. I did like the questions raised. The questions were very much in line with the themes of classic science fiction stories.

The pacing of the movie was definitely more art house than mainstream. There is a lot of quiet time in the first 2/3 of the movie. There is not much action or discussions in that segment that progress the movie or develop the characters. I think they were either too subtle or not subtle enough here. I picked up on a few things I was supposed to notice pretty quickly & then not much happens for about an hour. Rewatching it may show more things unfolding that I may have missed on the first viewing, but generally, I felt that this could have easily been an animated short of about 20-30 minutes and conveyed the overall messages just as well. So - I think the trick is looking at it more like art than a traditional film. If you are able to let the film wash over you & just immerse yourself in the images and atmosphere, you will most likely enjoy the film. If you are looking for complex characters or a well developed story - you might find yourself disappointed.

The other animated movie I saw was Up. I really enjoyed this film. It was not a perfect film, but there were definitely segments that were definitely a pleasant surprise. Most significantly, the backstory of the main character and his wife. I thought it was touching and very well done. I think the most disappointing aspect of it was the heavy. I don't think the movie needed a villain. I think it would have been less formulaic and could have developed the 2 leads better without it. Unfortunatley, I don't think it would have made as much money. So - comparing it to other Pixar films, I would probably put it above Cars and Bug's Life and below Toy Story.

I also just signed up for Netflix, so I hope I will get to start watching move animated movies soon. I was a little disappointed in their selection. I think Scarecrow video in Seattle had a MUCH larger selection - probably by a factor of 10. Unfortunately, I am in a not so metropolitan area now, so finding anime to rent is a little more challenging.

Until next time.

-bunraku
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Friday, April 3, 2009

   Religion and Politics
Two of my friends recently had a falling out. These are two people that have been friends for over 20 years. The topic: politics.

One of the two individuals was starting to believe a number of political conspiracy theories & most of the conversations with him were turning in that direction. He is obviously very passionate and concerned about these subjects. My other friend was pretty blunt about what he thought about those ideas. It did not go over well.

Now, for me, I had a number of in-depth communications via e-mail with the conspiracy theorist addressing specific topics. I took the route of spending a lot of time researching the issues to get my facts straight & did not summarily dismiss his feelings. My arguments did not persuade him & his arguments were emotional & did not hold up under rational scrutiny. That is not to say I proved him wrong. There is a big difference between highly unlikely and impossible. I put his concerns into the highly unlikely category, but still communicated that I understood his fear. We left it at it would be better if we could talk about it over a pint of beer & left it at that. I have had some superficial conversations with him since then, but have tried to avoid the politics topic.

My other friend took the route of basically calling him crazy. His last update indicated that he was saddened that his friend felt politics were more important than friendship.

This led to me to think about two highly emotional topics - politics and religion. These topics are very emotionally charged. I think one of the main reasons for this is that they go beyond casual conversation. Political views and religion are both tightly bound to a person's definition of self. These decisions and beliefs really define a person's explanation of the world around them & also plays a big factor in defining themselves. So - if a person treats these subjects callously, it can really feel like a personal attack and lead to... well, broken friendships.

The other topic that comes up is what is a friend & how important are they? I realize that is a topic waaaay too big for this measly post. I will suffice it to say that as people change, some of the changes can be great enough that there really is nothing but the past to base a friendship on & I do not believe that is enough for any kind of real friendship.

Take care & I hope everyone is doing well.

-bunraku


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Sunday, January 11, 2009

   Current Favorite Word
To continue on with the language theme - I thought I would briefly talk about my current favorite word. Mindfulness. For me it is almost a healthier version of obsessive about everything important. It is living in the moment - being aware of what is happening. It is being aware of your actions. It implies a deliberateness to both the awareness and action at a level that goes beyond the self. I look at it as somewhat of a zen thing - the awareness of being part of a larger whole. All summed up in a single word - mindfulness. Of course, that is what it means to me - the difficulty of language is that even within a language, words will have different meanings and contain different sublteties for different people. So, when the opportunity arrises, it is nice to have the chance to explain what you mean when you use a word that can be open to different interpretations.

Take care & I hope everyone is enjoying their new year. By everyone, I mean xsixtyeight & darkeangel (and anyone else that happens to stop by, but I don't really expect that).

-bunraku
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Sunday, January 4, 2009

   Language & Words I don't like
My wife and I have been watching a series this week about the 7 deadly sins. It is a great show to spark conversation. Most of what I find interesting is the language & how different people define the words.

Envy by one definition was when Someone wanted something someone else had & would be willing to destroy that thing or the person just so the other person could not have the desired object. I wholeheartedly agree that is a negative and possibly self-destructive attitude. Not very good for society. On the flip side, the desire to want something someone else has can be a very good thing if it motivates you to push yourself and achieve your potential. Is that still envy? Is it still a sin? I am going to have to rewatch that episode for one segment. The muslim culture has a phrase that equates to "it is as Allah wishes". This is used after complimenting someone else's successes or possessions to indicate that you appreciate what they have, but there are no negative feelings of jealousy surrounding it. I would like to incorporate that into my vocabulary because I like the sentiment.

These shows led to more conversations surrounding language. One of the words we discussed was "upset". For me, I don't use this word too much because I generally feel that it is a vague word that normally does not accurately describe how I am feeling. Does this mean I never get "upset"? Doubtful - many times I feel emotions that could be classified as upset, I just feel that there are better words to describe my feeling. When I hear people use the word upset, they can use it instead of the words: disappointed, sad or angry - or any combination of those. If I was feeling those emotions, I would probably use those words instead. The angry one is the toughest for me - sometimes I might want to say that I am indeed angry, but for fear of the person reaction to anger, I might demote the status in the sentence to "upset".

Now for my pet peeve - "got". I really dislike that word. First of all - I don't like how the word sounds. It is just an ugly word. Second - similar to "upset", I feel there are other words in every situation that are going to be more precise in describing the action. Take the sentence "I got a 20" for example. How did you get the 20? Did you buy the 20? Did you borrow the 20? Are you simply stating that you do indeed currently own 20? Did you earn the 20? Was the 20 a gift? I simply feel that the word "got" really is not the best word for any situation. If you ever catch me using that word, please slap me.

Take care & Happy New Year everyone!

-bunraku
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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

   Religion and politics
There was an election yesterday to modify California's state constitution to define marriage as only being between a man and a woman. It looks like the vote passed 52%-48%. First off, I would like to say there needs to be some changes to make the constitution at least as difficult to change as the state budget (which requires 66% of the legislature)

I am not a christian, so the bible is not something that I have any reason to follow. That does not mean that I do not value any of the messages in the bible or that I wish to stop christians from worshipping according to their beliefs. As far same sex-marriages go - I believe that they should have the same rights to marry as anyone else from the perspective of the law - not your church. If it is part of your religion that homosexuality is wrong, then I would not want the government forcing any church to perform those marriages. I also don't want to see religious doctrine written as law. Should pork be outlawed because some religions don't believe it should be eaten?

I also disagree with arguments comparing same-sex marriages and polygamy to bestiality and under-age marriages. The main difference I see there is with consent. It is our society's standards that both parties must consent to sex (or marriage) as a protection for those who are determined not to be able to comprehend the consequences enough to make an informed decision. The age of 18 has been selected by our society as the age of consent. Legally, animals are not able to consent, so it could never be considered consensual.

I choose to follow man-made laws because I believe it makes for a better world. I do believe however that the main purpose of those laws should be to protect people for one another - not to protect them from themselves. I do not believe same-sex marriages threaten anyone outside of the 2 consenting adults involved in the relationship. The only reason I see to prevent them from calling it "marriage" is to keep them separate. The supreme court determined long ago that separate but equal is not equal (Brown V. Board of Education). I understand supreme court decisions can be overturned, but I personally feel that was an incredibly powerful and just decision. I hope that this country can continue to move in a direction away from discrimination. Of course, I think everyone reading this actually lives outside of "my" country, so I am not certain how much influence religion has in your respective countries & how far along the road to tolerance the countries are but I would love to hear your thoughts.

ok - enough of my political rant. Take care.

-bunraku
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Friday, October 24, 2008

   Random ramblings
I have been meaning to do a post, but I haven't been able to really coalesce my thoughts into a coherent post. I decided to finally just start typing & post what comes out.

This past weekend, I went to a wedding that many of my old friends attended. That was definitely weird. I have not seen any of those people in the past 4 years (since the last wedding we attended). Several of them have children now. It is definitely strange when people you knew when they were in high school are now responsible parents. I’m already plotting how to embarrass them in front of their children when the kids get older.

This led me to join Facebook. A number of them were active on that site, so I decided to join. It is definitely a different experience when it is with people I know in real life. It makes it even stranger since I have not had regular contact with any of these people in the past 8 years. I would assume it would be like going to elementary school with a group of people then going to different middle and high schools then meeting again in University. You feel you should know these people because you spent a lot of time with them in the past, but a lot of time has passed since then, so – do you still know them? Are these people that you would want to know if you were just meeting them now? Kind of weird, but I am not spending that much time there, so I will just play it by ear. If it is anything like the other web sites I have joined, participation will drop significantly once the initial rush is over.

Last week, I went to a special showing of the live action Death Note II – the last name. That ending was soooo much better than the anime. I am still buying the anime DVDs – I’m not sure why. It is somewhat of a compulsion – I have the first 6 volumes, so I must get the last 3 (along with the figures – can’t forget those). They actually did the English language voice-overs for the anime in… Canada!!! I guess there are 3 places for anime voice-overs – Los Angeles, Texas and Vancouver.

Halloween is coming up & I have decided to dress up this year. I was invited to a party on Saturday, but I doubt I will attend. It is about a 2 hour drive & the parking there sucks. If nothing else, I will wear it while handing out candy on Halloween night. I have all of the costume components, but haven’t tried them on yet. I chose… Dr. Horrible. If you enjoy Joss Whedon’s work (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel and Firefly), you should check out Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog at DrHorrible.com

I guess that is all for now. I’m sure there will be more randomness to follow – just not sure when.

Take care.

-bunraku

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Saturday, August 23, 2008

   Actually going to talk about anime today
One of my favorite anime series is Full Metal Panic & Full Metal Panic TSR. I found out about a very amusing fan service in FMP TSR. In the episode where Sousuke goes to a salon for a harcut, when they cut to the street scene after he atacks the hairdresser, they have Light and Misa from Death Note on the street. Immediately after - L rides by on a bicycle. Quite amusing.

I once again found out that memory is fluid and not static. I have watched the FMP series multiple times. I should know it pretty well by now. Unfortunatley, I have also read the manga and the first 3 novels multiple times each. There are minor differences, but apparently some of those differences get blurred with the anime. For example, in the giant AS episodes, they hide out at a neighboring high school and get the assistance of a janitor there. Well, that is how thought I remembered it from the anime. Turns out, in the anime they were at their own high school & there was no janitor. I could have sworn I saw it, but apparently, it was one of the times where my imagination stood up to the challenge and made a pretty good image from reading the novels & basically overwrote the original memory from the anime series. Weird, but interesting.

Another animated series I enjoy is Avatar on Nick. Or more appropriately, I should say that I enjoyed. They had the series finale this summer with a 2 hour special (ok - 4 1/2 hour episodes shown back to back). I think it was a very suitable climactic battle. I have the first 2 seasons on DVD already & the 3rd is due out in Septmeber. I would prefer if the box set was a little cheaper though. $60 for a season is a little high for just over 20 1/2 hour episodes. I prefer my animation to cost less that $2 per episode. Not sure why, I just kind of came up with that figure & it seems reasonable to me.

ok - That's it for today. Take care everyone.

-bunraku
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