Wednesday, September 23, 2009

   Why do people feel lonely?
Just a warning - there will definitely be more questions than answers in this post.

I have always been a more of an analytical person than an emotional person. As a result, I often look for reasons for the emotions. I think this is most important in analyzing anger. If I can identify the triggers, it is much less likely that I will get as angry when the situation happens again.

Loneliness is an emotion that still baffles me for the most part. I have definitely felt lonely before, but looking back, I think it is muddled because there are some other emotions that are pretty much cemented to the lonely emotion. It is not as clean as some of the simpler emotions like anger or fear.

I have spent time by myself many times & not felt lonely. So - what is different in those times where I have felt lonely? One of the easiest memories for me to recall where I was lonely was when I travelled to Japan for 5 months for work. The feeling that I call "being lonely" to me was a cold hollow feeling in my core. The cemented emotions that I referred to are sadness and fear. I really don't think anybody that is lonely feels safe or happy.

The fear in my situation was more than what I would consider appropriate looking back on it. The trip - although long, was for a limited period of time. I got to speak to my wife pretty much every day & was in no danger of physical harm. There was definitely reason for stress since I was in a country where people did not understand what I was saying & I could not understand them, but stress is different than fear.

My work environment was such that I generally interacted with my coworkers 1 day per week or sometimes once over a two week period. Definitely a lot of alone time.

There were times while sightseeing where I should have been caught up in the moment & engrossed in the new experience, but generally I had a constant feeling of something missing. It is kind of hard to understand how much talking to someone during a new experience adds to the experience. Taking pictures helped. Taking the photos & thinking of the captions could almost replace the missing conversation... almost. Even though I can see those components & understand them, I still don't have a full understanding of why I feel lonely sometimes & not others. I have been to Disneyland by myself & fully enjoyed the experience. I shifted into an observational mode & just focused on everything around me.

For the people reading this post - when do you feel most lonely? Do you always feel lonely when you are alone? If not, do you know why? I am hoping by understanding other people's responses, I might get a different perspective on my own emotions.

I hope everyone is well. Take care.

-bunraku
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