Sunday, April 11, 2004

   Happy Day-On-Which-A-Zombie-Inspires-Hallmark!
I spent Easter at my aunt's, and was repeatedly fondled by my grandmother and cousin in most unpleasant ways until I started cursing the French (in Japanese), which prompted them to feed me copious amounts of chocolate to quiet me down. I feel I genuinely like this concept of rewarding protest of molestaion. I feel that I will do this more often, if only to emphasize the fact that I have finally found a socially-acceptable custom that I can identify with. (Breast bearing and the bombing of defenseless, impoverished cultures not included.)

On a side note, I ate an entire bag of jelly beans, the act of which was probably more exciting than the past six months of my life. (I say 'probably' because I really wouldn't know. Thank Gods for mental repression of memories.)
Comments (0) | Permalink

Friday, April 9, 2004

   From the Outbox...
Highlights from the last e-mail survey I completed:

4. hobbies:
Taking moronic online surveys, practicing sneezing, misspelling the word 'survey', reading the dictionary.... lying outrageously on online surveys to see who will believe me (5 cents says Gabby P. asks me how the plot of the dictonary is so far)

5. read any books?
No. None. Ever.

9. what's the best moment in your life?
This quiz. Definately. I don't get out much.

14. what's your favorite thing to do?
Go back and look at question 4 and wonder WHY it is being rephrased and repeated so incessantly.

17. what is your most precious possession?
My list of all my posessions.

20. favorite animal?
Sauteed and covered with curry. Oh, you mean what _is_ it? Oh, I don't care. Just as long as it was able to walk to the slaughterhouse.

21. Which season is your favorite?
Autumn. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll get nicknamed after a verb, too...

23. favorite place?
Inside my head. Hell is nice this time of year, too.

25. If you had one wish, what would it be?
For one wish. Ooh, ooh, and then I'd want a wish!

Comments (0) | Permalink

   From the Astrologer:
My MyYahoo! Horoscope, complete with bored/acerbic comments:

Ordinarily, you offer unexpected company only one appetizer: a cold, icy stare. "Would you like one? I've only just gotten them out of the 'fridge..." Today, however, you'll be far more accommodating, most likely because your visitor may be someone you've been trying to conjure for some time. "Aargh! This transportation spell just...won't... work!" *poof* "Ah! Hello, there!"

Comments (0) | Permalink

   Another Party. (And There Was Much Rejoicing. Yaay.)
I'm going to the first birsthday party of my best friend's little brother today. Hopefully it will have better results than my own party (at which I screamed when the girl I was 'hitting on' touched me), although I have a feeling that more popcorn will end up under my couch for absolutely no fathomable reason at all, as it did yesterday. (I've come to believe that the hours I spend with a vaccuum in hand are my penance for social interaction. No _wonder_ I'm such a mentally healthy child.)
Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, April 8, 2004

   Social Trauma
I'm actually going to be entertaining people today. Of my own free will. I'm still not quite used to the idea, seeing as the last gathering of friends I held at my house resulted in the fractuing of several lifelong friendships, and the lifelong terrorizing of several small girls into believing that my downstairs bathroom houses a vampire (who is quite talented on the grand piano).
Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

It was my father's birthday today. (And there was much rejoicing throughout the land.) My mother, in a surprising grasp of wit, purchased a card that read,

If I could speak French, the language of love, I would say to you,
"Mon ami,
fwah
fwah fwah la plume fwah fwah mwah,
mon cheri!"

And all I could think was, "Yes!"

(It's Fruits Basket humour. Humour me, please.)

And then she completely ruined my moment of mental comedy with unceasing comments about the six-inch meringue mushrooms on the Buche de Noel (more like a Buche d'Anniversaire in this instance, but I digress). She seemed to think that repeatedly calling them minarets was choice humour, because "who knew that the Arabs made 'booshes'? (Hyuk, hyuk.)".

Yes, mother, they're six-inch-tall minarets. And if you look closely, you can see the Smurfs worshipping dilligently inside.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, December 8, 2003

   The Analogy from Hell
In my e-mail inbox, I found this glittering gem of wisdom: Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs and hope you don't multiply! *looks at the 64% on her math quiz* Sex... is like math?

Oh, shit.
Comments (0) | Permalink

   Eek.
With an ever-growing pile of vital STUFF to do, a hankering for self improvement, and a failed math quiz (!), I've come to the realization that I need to be re-allocating some brain space. In short, I'll be around OB far less than I used to. This is the part where you all go, "Aww...."

(I give this impassioned little resolution of mine 1 week. Tops.)
Comments (0) | Permalink

Monday, August 18, 2003

   Jeez, I'm bored.
Am considering selling my soul for something to do. As I have no soul and don't feel up to working out arcane contracts at this time of night (it's realy, yes, but humour me. I'm tired.), I'll probably be sitting here downloading scanslations and Monty Python films until I have a hot chocolate craving.
Comments (0) | Permalink