Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thanksgiving...
So, everyone. It's that time of year again. Yeah, you know what I'm getting at. Turkey Day. Thanksgiving. And so, of course, in typical Kakeru fashion, I am going to talk about Thanksgiving and what it means to me (I know, I know, that sounded weird - bear with me, though, I couldn't think of how else to say it).

In the past, Thanksgiving... hasn't really been all that great. I mean, yeah, it's THANKSGIVING and all, but... There wasn't really that much for me to be thankful for, you know? Unless, of course, you count the endless hours of sitting around with NO life whatsoever as something to be thankful for. Which I don't. Would you?

Yeah, I know, I know, I sound like a spoiled brat here... At least I was ABLE to sit around doing nothing...

Anyway. Thanksgiving last year sucked royally - my cousin, who shall henceforth be known as Cai, was engaging in one of her favorite pasttimes: Pointing out all of my flaws and telling me how I should change myself, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Like I don't get that enough from my MOM. So while Cai's lecturing me and such, I'm trying not to lose my temper and yell at her, and her brother decides it would be fun to play football... In the house. Guess who ends up getting hit in the head? Yeah, me. It was basically stuff like that AAAAALLLL day, while being forced to be polite to people I don't really like that much.

A few weeks later, it's December 5th, two days after my 14th birthday. It's ALSO my first day at Los Altos, since my mom finally, finally, FINALLY allowed me to transfer out of Cornerstone, which is a hellish nightmare of a school. It wasn't really that bad, as far as first days go - hell, it was better than my first day at Cornerstone (and, come to think of it, Carden). There were a few things I could've lived without - such as me bursting into tears when I heard that I'd be transferred into a lower math class, because my mom had threatened to send me back to the cesspit that is Cornerstone if I had to go into a different class - but all in all it was pretty good. The highlight of the day was when someone came to sit with me at lunch. ^_^ Her name was Sarah Messi, and if it wasn't for her, I PROBABLY wouldn't be here right now...

So, Sarah - or rather, Arah, because I know a LOT of Sarahs - sat with me at lunch. And she showed me around the school, too. The best thing she did, however, was introduce me to her other friends... If she hadn't, I don't know what I would have done (gone insane, probably XD). And her friends became my friends, too.

For once in my life, I felt accepted. It was... well, great. You know how when you have a nightmare, and you get really scared, and you wake up and realize that it was all a dream and it can't hurt you? You know how that feels? It was kind of like that for me... Except in my case, I was falling into a wonderful dream... Once that I don't ever want to wake up from.

And what, do you ask, does this have to do with Thanksgiving this year?

Well, for me, it has everything to do with it. Because of the people I view as my friends - and I hope they view me as their friend, too - I'm not the person I used to be. When I'm around them, I can actually be myself... And I've started to be myself at home more, too. Honestly? If any of you had met me exactly a year ago, never saw me again, and then saw me now...? You wouldn't recognize me, not just because my appearance has changed as I got older... But because I'm actually HAPPY now. The "old" me... The me that my mom is trying to get me to go back to being... It was awful, I hated myself that way. I was WAY too quiet (I barely ever spoke, except for when I was asked a direct question), and I quite literally never left the house except to go to school or to my grandparents' house. I also... Had times when I would, well, break down. I still have those - but they happen much less frequently than they used to.

But the "new" me - the one that everyone I know off the computer knows - while the "new" me may not be normal (or anywhere near it) yet, I'm much better than I used to be.

So, this Thanksgiving, I actually have something to be thankful for...

I'm thankful that I'm changing from the way I used to be. I'm thankful that I actually have a life now.

But most of all... I'm thankful for my friends. ^_^

Thank you... All of you... So much.

P.S.
Yes, yes, I know, this was really corny... But I needed to write it. -.-;; ^_^
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Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Agh, sickness...
>.< Wah, I hate being sick. Yesterday I went into my room to do my homework around 3:50 PM and I think I fainted or something, 'cause I didn't wake up until 5:30 AM. And even aaaaall that sleep didn't help much 'cause I STILL feel like crap, and I actually WANTED to go to school today, and I really have no idea what I'm getting at, but I felt like posting. So yeah. *sweatdrops*
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Monday, November 6, 2006

Oh my god. Oh. My. God.
I am SUCH an idiot. >.< Okay, okay, how many of you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend?

...

How many of you ended up with one BY ACCIDENT?!

>.<

God DAMMIT. It was a total accident. I thought he was talking about going out with friends to see a movie or something, like we had the day before. So I said "Sure". AND IT TURNS OUT HE WAS ASKING ME TO BE HIS GIRLFRIEND.

And I don't know how to break up with him without being a total bitch. >.< Because he just asked me out yesterday. If I dumped him now, I wouldn't be any better than my first boyfriend, who ditched me the day after he asked me out.

Dammit.

I'm stuck with a boyfriend that I got on accident!! >.<
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Sunday, October 29, 2006

Just some stuff that you probably won't want to read, but I'm writing anyway 'cause if I don't I'll scream at someone...
Okay, first off I'd just like to say that at the moment, I am in a REALLY bad mood, so unless you want to read a rant, just ignore this. And, I apologize if you do read this and you're offended by anything I say - be it language (*coughIcussalot*cough*) or anything else.

-----

Sooo... This weekend seemed like it was gonna be really, REALLY good. After all, Friday-Saturday was a Halloween party at Arah's house, and Saturday-Sunday was Tohru's birthday party. Both were really fun, only it would've been funner for me if I wasn't feeling like crap the entire time due to the fact that my brother gave me his cold. >.< ANYWAY.

Like I said, both of the parties were good, and I was able to get through the Arah's party without being too much of a bitch due to feeling sick. At Tohru's, she gave me some medicine, which made me feel kind of better - but it didn't help as much as it had helped before, and I fell asleep to try to block out the way I felt. Which worked, until I woke up.

I don't even KNOW why I acted the way I did - but the things that I would usually think were funny, just weren't funny anymore, and I just couldn't smile. For like two hours, and I was able to kind-of smile and laugh... But it was kinda-sorta forced. By this I mean that I would've laughed and smiled if I was feeling normal, and I knew that, so I forced myself to. -.-;; And that's not it - I don't even remember part of what I did when I was feeling completely and utterly zombie-ish, although I do remember barely talking, sitting off by myself and trying to block out all the sounds, and trying to attack Travis when he did stupid stuff. But only flashes of it. -.-;;

Eventually, I started to feel a little better (around 1 AM I took another dose of medicine and it seemed to work a LOT better than before), and I THINK I was in a better mood - but I don't remember a lot of it... I think I fell asleep.

Fastforward to this morning. It was pretty good, although I'm pretty sure I was still acting kind of bitchy (I really want to STOP acting bitchy, but I just can't, and it pisses me off because I'm starting to act a lot like my mom -.-;;). And 'kind of' is probably an understatement... *sigh*

Anyway, when my mom called to tell me to come wait outside for her to pick me up, she sounded like she was in a really bad mood - which is NOT good at all. And, as it turns out, she WAS in a bad mood, and immediately started ranting about how my hair was a mess and my choice of clothes was, and I quote, "fucking ridiculous," and how I couldn't go out with her and my brother today because I was an embarrassment, so she dumped me off at my grandma's house until she and my brother came back and took me home.

And now I'm all pissed off again and I feel like I wanna kill something or someone, and my mom keeps telling me to stop coughing because it's getting on her nerves.

OH, and while I was at Tohru's party, my brother coughed once and my mom ran out and bought cough medicine and cough drops for him. -.-;; And she says I'm not allowed to have any.

Looking back on it, it seems pretty damn stupid now, but it's just put me in a really really really BAD mood, and if I have to talk to anyone today, I'll probably yell at them or act like a bitch or something. -.-;;

-----

Okay, rant over... You can all go home now... *sigh*
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Why...?
Why does it seem like whenever you take a chance and do something you've wanted to do for a really long time, everything goes wrong? It always seems like that's the case... And if it is, why bother trying, if it's just gonna be fucked up in the end? Why bother trying if anything you do isn't going to matter anyway?

Why does it seem like whenever you actually admit something, it turns out that the thing you were admitting pushed someone further away when all you wanted was for them to be closer to you?

Why does it seem like no matter how hard you try to do what *they* say they end up disappointed with you anyway?

Why does it seem like everything's useless anyway...?

Gah. I don't know why, but I've been thinking and over-thinking about this kind of stuff lately. *sweatdrops* Ne, it'd be nice to have the answers to 'em, though. Soooo... yeah...
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Sunday, September 17, 2006

I dare you... To tell me the truth.
Six things you wonder about me
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Five Things you like about me
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Four things you don't like about me
1.
2.
3.
4.

Three of my best features
1.
2.
3.

---

Two words that describe me
1.
2.

One question for me (I HAVE to answer this honestly)
1.
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Sunday, September 10, 2006

Life...
-they call me: Kakeru, Kake-chan, Brittany, Britt, Bitch, and 'Hey you'.

-status: Single..

-occupation: Tch. Just trying to survive's enough. I don't need an occupation!

-best friends: Tohru, Momiji, Hiro, Yuki, Kyo, Aya, Ritsu, Kagura, Sophia... Hmm... And anyone else who's my friend who I forgot... *sweatdrops*

((Rewind))

-my first breath of air: December 3rd, 1991...

-most memorable memory: ...

-worst memory: Eh. It's a tie between the one time my mom got REEEEALLLYYYY pissed and hit me really hard and the time my grandpa got waaaaaay pissed and cussed me and my brother out.

((Love))

-Love is: Giving someone the power to shatter your heart, but trusting them not to.

-Love or lust: Love

-When love hurts, you: ...Get a lot clumsier than normal...

-Is there such thing as love at first sight: Yes

((Opposite Sex))
-Do your parent's opinion on your bf/gf matter to you: I don't care what my mom thinks... But I want to make my dad proud, even if he is an ass sometimes.

-Where do you go to meet new people: School... >.<

((Picky Picky))

-cat or dog: I like 'em both!

-short or long hair: Long

-rain or shine: Rain

-sun or moon: Moon

-one best friend or ten acquaintances: One best friend

-summer or winter: Winter!!!

-playstation or nintendo: Hmm... Both, again. *sweatdrops*

-car or motorcycle: Motorcycles!!

-house party or club: Umm... I dunno...

((Lately))
-how are you today: Sleepy...

-what pants are you wearing right now: Pajama pants...

-what shirt are you wearing right now: Pajama shirt...

-what does your hair look like at the moment: Really, really messed up from going to the beach. Short. Blonde. "Surfer-chick-ish".

-how is the weather right now: It's not raining or anything, but it's waaaay dark.

-last person you talked to on the phone: My mom

-last dream you can remember: Eh. It was a nightmare, and I don't want to talk about it. *shudders*

-who are you talking to right now: No one...

((More About You))
-what are the last four digits of your phone number: 4317

-if u were a crayon, what color would you be: Pink. Why? 'Cause... I wear pink a lot...

-what's the next cd you are going to buy: I dunno...

-have you ever won any special award: Yes

-how many kids do you want to have: *bluuush* I-It depends on who with!

-shampoo: Head and shoulders...

-how many TV's do you have in your house: Four, but one's my aunt's.

-do you have your own TV: Yes!

-who do you tell your dreams to: No one, usually.

((Have You Ever))
-drank: Once. Because I was forced to.

-stayed in your pj's all day: Yeah, it's fun.

-left your state: All the time.

-left your country: Yes!

-drank milk straight from the carton: Once.

-tripped up the stairs: Mmhmm!

-wished upon a star: Yes

-had it come true: Surprisingly, yes.

-slapped someone: Yes...

-danced like a maniac: Heck yes!

-chased a butterfly: Yeah.

-gone on a cruise: I don't really remember...

-driven a motor boat: No

-burned stuff just because: DUH!!

-seen a ghost: Maybe?

-had something published: Yeah, in the school newspaper.

-written on money: Who doesn't?

-lost someone you cared about: Yes... More than once...

-ran away: It depends on your definition of "running away".

-punched a wall: Yes

-punched a person: Yes

-talked to a street sign: Well, I -yelled- at one... Does that count?

-shopped at wal-mart for over an hour: Yes, with my grandma.

-been a hero: No, never.

-taken a picture of yourself: Yes, to try to figure out how my camera worked...

-had a journal: Loads of times.

-worn mardi-gras beads: Yes

-been to Mardi-gras: I don't think so...

-heard of blind melon: Well, -now- I have...

-been to a rally for a cause: With my dad a few times

-given up on your dreams: Yes...

-had your dreams come true: No...

-seen someone as your guardian angel: Who'd want to guard me?

-been to a sit-in: No

-had a pen-pal: Yes, twice.

-gone out with one of your friends: Once. And it sucked.

-put a message in a bottle: When I was camping with my dad, yeah. ^_^

-sent a telegram: No...

-received flowers: No, no one likes me enough to send me flowers.

-listened to a sea-shell: Yes!

-been stung by a jellyfish: No, thank God.

-been on tv: I think I was... Once...

-played tag when you were over the "acceptable" age: Tch, yes.

-been arrested: I -almost- was!

-been put in jail: No

-been put on trial: No, but I've had to GO to trials...

-re-named yourself: Yes!

-followed someone just because: Yeah.

-been stalked: I still AM being stalked. >.<

-stalked someone: May-be...

-lived a day like it was your last day: No

-had your 15 minutes of fame: No

-been self-conscious: Yes

-been in a band: Once

-started a band: No

-sat and watched smoke float through the air: Yeah, it's really relaxing...

-want to be somewhere w/ someone so much that you cried: More than once.

-played a practical joke: XD Who hasn't?

-had a practical joke played on you: yeah

((People Think))
-my father thinks I am: Precious to him

-my mom thinks I am: ...I DON'T want to talk about it!!

-you are often complimented for: My eyes and my eyelashes

-what makes you happy: *smiles* There's a certain someone who never fails to make me happy!

-upsets you: A lot of things...


((Yes or No))

-you keep a diary: Yes

-you like to cook: Yes

-you have a secret you have not shared with anyone: ...Yes...

-you're in love: *mumbles something incoherently*

-you set your watch a few minutes ahead: Yes

-you bite your fingernails: No! ^_^
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Hee hee. No brain.
One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.

TOMMY: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky.

TEACHER: Did you see God up there?

TOMMY: No.

TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just doesn't exist.

A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: Tommy, do you see the tree outside?

TOMMY: Yes.

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky?

TOMMY: Yessssss!

LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher?

TOMMY: Yes

LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain?

TOMMY: No

LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!
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Saturday, August 26, 2006

Well...
There are a few things that I don't want to happen under any circumstances. They are:

1. My mom deciding to make us move
2. My dad deciding he wants me to move in with him and my stepmom
3. My mom making me get my hair cut
4. All my friends hating me
5. Losing my internet connection forever.

One of 'em happened. Can you guess which?
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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

...Well... Crap. That's all I have to say...
I just had a thought:

HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO GET TO SCHOOL?!

My mom was able to drop me off at school before because her work started after school did, but now, she has to be in another city by the time my school will start. And she says I can't be dropped off waaaaay earlier, because something might happen (translation: She thinks I'll ditch or go take drugs or something. She doesn't trust me at all!).

...So... How the hell am I going to get to school...? >.<

Maybe I should've thought about this BEFORE it was less than a week before school started...

That reminds me, I haven't done back-to-school shopping yet...
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