Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thanksgiving...
So, everyone. It's that time of year again. Yeah, you know what I'm getting at. Turkey Day. Thanksgiving. And so, of course, in typical Kakeru fashion, I am going to talk about Thanksgiving and what it means to me (I know, I know, that sounded weird - bear with me, though, I couldn't think of how else to say it).

In the past, Thanksgiving... hasn't really been all that great. I mean, yeah, it's THANKSGIVING and all, but... There wasn't really that much for me to be thankful for, you know? Unless, of course, you count the endless hours of sitting around with NO life whatsoever as something to be thankful for. Which I don't. Would you?

Yeah, I know, I know, I sound like a spoiled brat here... At least I was ABLE to sit around doing nothing...

Anyway. Thanksgiving last year sucked royally - my cousin, who shall henceforth be known as Cai, was engaging in one of her favorite pasttimes: Pointing out all of my flaws and telling me how I should change myself, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Like I don't get that enough from my MOM. So while Cai's lecturing me and such, I'm trying not to lose my temper and yell at her, and her brother decides it would be fun to play football... In the house. Guess who ends up getting hit in the head? Yeah, me. It was basically stuff like that AAAAALLLL day, while being forced to be polite to people I don't really like that much.

A few weeks later, it's December 5th, two days after my 14th birthday. It's ALSO my first day at Los Altos, since my mom finally, finally, FINALLY allowed me to transfer out of Cornerstone, which is a hellish nightmare of a school. It wasn't really that bad, as far as first days go - hell, it was better than my first day at Cornerstone (and, come to think of it, Carden). There were a few things I could've lived without - such as me bursting into tears when I heard that I'd be transferred into a lower math class, because my mom had threatened to send me back to the cesspit that is Cornerstone if I had to go into a different class - but all in all it was pretty good. The highlight of the day was when someone came to sit with me at lunch. ^_^ Her name was Sarah Messi, and if it wasn't for her, I PROBABLY wouldn't be here right now...

So, Sarah - or rather, Arah, because I know a LOT of Sarahs - sat with me at lunch. And she showed me around the school, too. The best thing she did, however, was introduce me to her other friends... If she hadn't, I don't know what I would have done (gone insane, probably XD). And her friends became my friends, too.

For once in my life, I felt accepted. It was... well, great. You know how when you have a nightmare, and you get really scared, and you wake up and realize that it was all a dream and it can't hurt you? You know how that feels? It was kind of like that for me... Except in my case, I was falling into a wonderful dream... Once that I don't ever want to wake up from.

And what, do you ask, does this have to do with Thanksgiving this year?

Well, for me, it has everything to do with it. Because of the people I view as my friends - and I hope they view me as their friend, too - I'm not the person I used to be. When I'm around them, I can actually be myself... And I've started to be myself at home more, too. Honestly? If any of you had met me exactly a year ago, never saw me again, and then saw me now...? You wouldn't recognize me, not just because my appearance has changed as I got older... But because I'm actually HAPPY now. The "old" me... The me that my mom is trying to get me to go back to being... It was awful, I hated myself that way. I was WAY too quiet (I barely ever spoke, except for when I was asked a direct question), and I quite literally never left the house except to go to school or to my grandparents' house. I also... Had times when I would, well, break down. I still have those - but they happen much less frequently than they used to.

But the "new" me - the one that everyone I know off the computer knows - while the "new" me may not be normal (or anywhere near it) yet, I'm much better than I used to be.

So, this Thanksgiving, I actually have something to be thankful for...

I'm thankful that I'm changing from the way I used to be. I'm thankful that I actually have a life now.

But most of all... I'm thankful for my friends. ^_^

Thank you... All of you... So much.

P.S.
Yes, yes, I know, this was really corny... But I needed to write it. -.-;; ^_^
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