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• Michael D. Walker
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myOtaku.com: Capricious Tyrant
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Sunday, December 4, 2005
One step foward
So I was talking to my girl and I realize how different I am from this world. For one thing, I found out I was an Agnostic one step away from being a complete Atheist. While my girl is deeply tied to religion. I'm reading this book Atlas Shrugged and the one thing that I can see clearly is that sex is the one thing that gives one the purest form of joy ever. Yet I can't get it now cause it is "wrong". Not only to do but to feel like doing. I want to do it. I want my girl to give me something that no other should be able to give me. Sex is the one thing that you and you're love should share. Your friends can't give you that. Yet, the one stigma that is put on sex is that it is "dirty". Come on now... Anyways, I want to be alone with my love and share just that my love. However, there are two sides to every story so I have to respect her feelings as well... That is one reason why I feel so bad all the time. Deep down inside, my love for her is so strong that naturally I want her sexually as well. I have her mentally and emotionally why can't I just get it all you know? Well, I love her and don't want to hurt her, but there is one thing I cannot shake. I went into this relationship thinking that I could contain my wants for when I can get what I want, because at the time I didn't want that from her. However, the longer that this drags on I realized not only am I not that same person anymore, she hasn't changed you know. She wants me like true enough but she is more willing to fight herself more that I am willing to fight myself for I feel that fighting myself is a waste of time and that I need to get what I want. When I get what I want I am inherently free. I thought that this relationship would finally set me free however it has chained me more that ever. It has made me see me for who I truly am. If you are reading this baby I warn you again: Break up with me while you still have the chance...
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