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Sunday, September 12, 2004
09-12-04
My son turned 2 years old today. Today was his birthday...and I wasn't there. How I wish I could have been. I miss him more than I could ever put into words, and nothing helps.
I sat in my room tonight, staring at his picture, and crying for nearly an hour. I rarely cry. I hate crying.
I wanted to stop it but I just couldn't. I wanted to cut, but I just couldn't. I've resolved to just shut down. Just for the remainder of today. If I don't shut down, I think I may honestly kill myself. Because I feel like I can't breath, and I'm in agony. It's weak of me, I know, but I have to make this pain stop somehow. Since I refuse to kill myself, I must shut down. I'll be back when I feel like it. Blessed be.
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