Thursday, March 24, 2005

Chapters Six and Seven
Well, be warned. This may be messed up a bit, since we rearranged things a lot. If you see anything that doesn't make sense, help me out.

Chapter Six

Ishtar and Duzell sat down, trying not to get frosting, jell-o, and other less identifiable substances on the chairs. Which proved to be nearly impossible, but Mitzy and Chrissy agreed that it was the thought that counted. Mitzy and Chrissy also sat down carefully.
“Let me guess,” said Mitzy. “You are having identity problems because no one can tell you from your twin, am I right?”
Duzell and Ishtar looked at each other. “Actually,” said Ishtar, “I came here to hide from my bodyguard, Darres. Although now that you mention it, Duzie could use a little therapy, I think.”
“Wait a sec! I thought you said you had relations here! You didn’t say they were shrinks!”
Ishtar smiled. “Um, yeah…they’re distant cousins or aunts, or something.”
Duzell glared. “Ishtar, you had better not even try suggesting I seduce them.”
Mitzy and Chrissy both turned bright red.
“Don’t worry,” said Ishtar. “I wasn’t going to. I know you like Illsaide.”
Duzell spluttered. “I do not!” he yelled.
“Whatever. Maybe if you just ask nice they’ll let you bite them,” Ishtar said in a stage whisper.
“Um, hey?” Mitzy asked, rather nervous. “Maybe we should try word association or something now?”
Ishtar grinned. “Sounds like fun!”
Mitzy nodded, and decided to try to stick with safer words.
“Animals?” she asked.
“Duzie!” Ishtar yelled, glomping Duzell. Duzell growled.
Duzell glared moodily.
Mitzy gave him a look, but continued anyway. “Family?”
“Falan!” said Ishtar.
“Don’t have one.”
Chrissy asked, “You have no blood relations at all?”
“Oh, I have a few blood relations…” Duzell said, grinning and showing fangs. Chrissy went pale and shut up quickly.
“Eheheheh. Um, next word? Uh, love?” Mitzy asked, sweatdrops all over her forehead.
“Darres!” Ishtar said, then clapped a hand over her mouth.
“Hunting down Phelios’ reincarnation then ripping out his internal organs and dancing in his entrails,” said Duzell. “What?” he asked, looking at the two shrinks faces.
“You’ve been watching Eva again, haven’t you, Duzie?” she asked. To the shrinks she whispered, “He really likes Kaworu, especially that one bath scene.”
Duzell practically screamed, “I do NOT! Geez, why do you always have to make me seem gayer than I already look?”
Ishtar whispered again to the shrinks, “I think he’s in denial.”
Chrissy nodded. “Maybe getting him to talk will tell us his problem…er, problems.” To Duzell she said, “Now why don’t you tell us about you life?”
“Lives,” Duzell said. “Plural.”
Chrissy nodded understandingly. “Yes, tell us about your lives. We’ll listen.” To herself, she added, ‘If you don’t freak us out or try to bite us…’ She looked at Mitzy and knew she was thinking the same thing.
Duzell sighed. “Ok, it’s like this. I was a big powerful mean vampire dude who was bored and wanted to fight with humans, because, let’s face it, they’re fun to play with. But then some mysterious stuff happened that no one seems clear on and I ended up getting killed by this girl’s great grandfather. So I swear revenge on his soul and I get reincarnated and I go around biting people to find him and turning into Ishtar’s twin so much that sometimes I act like a girl and stuff and so Ishtar keeps trying to hook me up with guys who aren’t even my type and…yeah. I think that about covers it. Oh, yeah, my other form, not the big mean vampire one, is a cute widdle kitty. Or so says Ishtar.”
“You left out the part about accepting a marriage proposal from another guy,” Ishtar pointed out.
“Oh, that brings me to my other other… other problem. ISHTAR THINKS I’M GAAAAAY!”
Complete silence filled the room, but snickering could be heard in the waiting room.
“Ok, then…” said Mitzy uncertainly. However, she didn’t get a chance to finish because at that moment, a loud voice yelled something to the effect of, “GET YOUR [EXPLETIVE] [EXPLETIVE] OUT HERE RIGHT NOW BEFORE I COME IN THERE AND SPANK YOU IN FRONT OF ALL YOU’RE LITTLE FRIENDS!!”
Ishtar squeaked. “Duzie, quick! Be a kitty again!”
Duzell suddenly disappeared, replaced by a ‘cute widdle kitty’.
“Awwwww! How cute!” Chrissy yelled, picking him up. He bit her hard on the hand.
“Owie! He bit me!” Chrissy whimpered as Duzell changed back into human form.
“She isn’t even remotely related to you, you liar!” Duzell yelled at Ishtar. Belatedly, he realized that he was now in human form, and his human clothes were still on the floor. He squeaked and changed back.
Chrissy, still covering her eyes, asked “Is it safe now?” Mitzy, who had been about to slap the ecchi, nodded. That had been one of the more unique happenings in the office that day, and that was definitely saying something.
Suddenly, a sword impaled the door, removing it from its hinges. A tall young man in a warrior’s outfit stood there frowning at Ishtar. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you! Vord thought you had gone back to Ci Xeneth to teach the monsters how to make jell-o!” An older woman, er, man…person walked in behind the guard. “Darres, you know she only does this to get attention,” he/she/it said.
“I know, Yujinn, but don’t you think this is going a little far? I mean, when you have to come all the way out here to this fanfic to find her and get hit on by strange, bald women-“
“That wasn’t a woman, and I fixed his hair,” said Yujinn. “He’s actually rather pretty now.”
Duzell and Darres shuddered and moved away.
Darres grabbed Ishtar’s hand and dragged her away. Duzell, still a kitty, went after them, followed by Yujinn, a confused Mitzy, and a still bleeding Chrissy.

Bonus Chapter– Chrissy vs. Mitzy OR Why Kaworu isn’t in This Fic
(Chrissy is typing Character List)
Chrissy: Ka..wo..ru… Mineminemine…
Mitzy (looking over Chrissy’s shoulder): Hey, waitaminit! Kaworu’s mine!
Chrissy (glare): No, he isn’t.
Mitzy (glares back): Yes, he is.
Chrissy: You already have Duo.
Mitzy: So? You have Dark!
Chrissy: No, Britty does. Kaworu is mine.
Mitzy: You wanna fight? Huh? Huh? Do ya?
Chrissy: Bring it, punk!
Mitzy: GRAAAAAA!!!

DUE TO THE GRAPHIC NATURE OF THIS SCENE, READER DISSECTION IS ADVISED.
ON SECOND THOUGHT, WE’LL JUST CENSOR IT. YOU CAN STILL SEE THE FIGHT ON PAY-PER-VEIW, THOUGH.

AND…WE’RE BACK!

Chrissy (panting): Mine.. you old… hussy!
Mitzy: Mine, you… two-timing…dog!
Chrissy: I’m not… two-timing…anyone!
Mitzy: You have… other characters!
Chrissy: So… do you!
Mitzy: But I like Kaworu!
Chrissy: Well, he likes me!
Mitzy: That’s not what he told me last night!
Britty: Guys? You do realize that you are arguing over a FICTIONAL CHARACTER?!
Chrissy and Mitzy (gasp): How dare you say that?!
Britty: (rolls eyes) Could you at least settle the dispute a bit more maturely?
Chrissy and Mitzy (pout): Fine.
Mitzy: You can have him Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
Chrissy: But you’d have him four days!
Mitzy: Well you’d have him Friday nights!
Chrissy: Grrrrr…
Mitzy: Grrrr…You wanna fight again?!
Chrissy: Yeah, I’ll whip you like last time!

THIS SCENE CENSORED DUE TO VIOLENCE, BLOOD, GUTS, AND GENERAL GORE (NOT AL).
WE WILL RETURN SHORTLY…WE HOPE.



Chapter Seven – Madness Takes its Toll

Darres stopped suddenly at the entrance to the waiting room, causing a five-person-one-cat pileup behind him. From their place in the squished mess, Chrissy and Mitzy could hear music coming from the waiting room, as well as many voices singing along. Chrissy looked at Mitzy, worried. Mitzy looked back at Chrissy, smiling happily as she wiggled out of the pileup and went to join whatever fun was being had in the waiting room.
By the time Ishtar, Duzell, and Chrissy had untangled themselves from Darres and Yujinn (who, Chrissy noted, wasn’t trying very hard to get untangled from Darres…) the party was in full swing. All five stared in horror at the scene before them. Madness was taking its toll.
Flueky’s computer was blaring out the “Time Warp”, and everyone in the room was dancing to it. Most had mop or broom partners, though a few were dancing with each other. The Gundam boys had their arms linked dancing in a line. Satoshi and Daisuke were jumping to the left, Nuriko, Miroku and Sango were stepping to the right, Hideki and Chi had their hands on their hips and their knees in tight, and everyone seemed to be going insane. Matt and Duo were standing on the receptionist’s desk, dancing and singing like there was no tomorrow. Flueky was looking around as though they were all crazy, yelling something about having her computer hijacked. Someone had broken out a few bottles of wine, Chrissy didn’t know who, but most everyone seemed to be a least a little tipsy. Mitzy was dancing along with everyone else, seemingly more drunk than any of them, even though Chrissy knew she didn’t drink.
Chrissy felt something hit her leg and looked down. Duzell, still in cat form, was Time Warping on her foot. Yujinn and Darres had finally gotten back on their feet, and Chrissy could see the music was affecting them as well. NO! It was having some kind of weird, psychological effect on them all! Chrissy ran over with her trusty hammer and put an end to the evil music. She turned back to the room, looking around to make sure everyone was ok. They were all staring at her. Not really suprising, considering she was wielding a hammer, had just brutally murdered Flueky’s computer, and was now covered in computer entrails.
A drunken Flueky crawled over to her poor, mutilated computer, crying over her lost Weaver pictures.
Chrissy brushed some monitor glass off her pants and grabbed Mitzy’s arm. “Matt, can you fix our door? Oh, and we can take the next-“ she started. She didn’t get to finish, though, because just then, a really, really mad-looking girl stormed through the doorway.
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY CAR?! YOU SHALL PAAAAAAY!” she roared.
Mitzy and Chrissy grabbed Ed and attempted to hide behind him, which was difficult because he was so short. (Ed’s note: I AM NOT SHORT!)
The girl’s eyes locked onto them as she came toward them with her murderous gaze. “You had better pay for my car, or I swear I’ll…” she threatened.
“We will! We’ll fix it, we promise!” squeaked Mitzy and Chrissy in unison.
“Okies! My name is Britty,” said the girl. “Let’s all be friends!”
Chrissy and Mitzy gave her a nervous glance, then decided it would be better to have her as a friend than an enemy.
“Yay! We can all shrink together!” Britty smiled and stood on a table. “NEXT PATIENT!” she yelled. Chrissy and Mitzy exchanged looks that clearly said Britty was the one in need of a shrink.
The three shrinks (a/n: Britty has an honorary shrink license at this point) returned to the waiting room, which was oddly quiet at this point, and looked for their next patient. They found her…him, him, we mean, fighting with Darres over the Duzell-kitty.
“Nuriko-san? It’s your turn…” Chrissy said, nudging his shoulder. Nuriko only growled and held Duzell tighter to him. Darres glared and pulled Duzell back.
“Mine!” they both yelled simultaneously, and suddenly they were playing tug-o-war with a cranky reincarnated vampire-cat. Mitzy quickly grabbed a dictionary and thwacked Nuriko and Darres over the head. Both clutched their bruised craniums and dropped Duzell. Chrissy and Britty glanced at the new dachshund kitty and wondered if they could claim it as a new species, then turned their attention to the injured patients.
“You know, Mitzy, hitting a psychologically disturbed person in the head may not be the best treatment you could offer,” Britty said sarcastically.
“How do you know? Might knock some sense into them,” Mitzy said, still waving the dictionary threateningly in Darres and Nuriko’s general direction. “Now,” she said to Nuriko, “Will you come with us quietly or do I have to beat you into unconsciousness and drag you back myself?”
“Um, Mitzy? Violent much?” squeaked Chrissy.
Mitzy gave an evil glare. Chrissy meeped and hid behind Britty, who was already hiding behind Matt.
The two nervous shrinks crept along behind Mitzy and Nuriko, who had opted to stay conscious. As they passed Ishtar, who was still trying to avoid Darres, Mitzy called out, “You can’t take her back yet, Darres. We haven’t given her the results yet.” Darres groaned, still holding his head, and grumbled something about an angry Sir Keld.

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