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Birthday
• 1988-06-21
Gender
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Female
Location
• Multiple dimensions all at once.
Member Since
• 2004-03-20
Occupation
• Bookseller, or rabid CLAMP fangirl. You decide ^_^v
Personal
Achievements
• I've survived for 19 years on this planet
Anime Fan Since
• About the age of 12
Favorite Anime
• Too many to name. But pick pretty much any of CLAMP's works.
Hobbies
• Reading, video games, collecting anime merchandise...
Talents
• Sketching, fan writing (I don't know that those are talents, though.)
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Wednesday, January 18, 2006
*blink*
I posted last night. Maybe you guys missed it, or decided to sit out on the pity party, I dunno. Comment if you like. This is a followup to my last post.
Well, I won't say I'm better because I'm really not. I still haven't managed to get anything fixed or whatever.
I keep telling myself that I'll go and that I'll deal with it even if it's difficult. But at the same time, I know if my mom talks to me again, my resolve will dissolve. I can't hold on to my decisions. I can't be stubborn.
But at least I'm not crying like I was during to last post. Oh, my lord. I broke down for half an hour and was sitting in my room, holding my extra large teddy while I sobbed to myself, "They don't think I'm ready. They don't think I can handle it!" Then I realized that my reaction to being thought of as a little kid was to sit on my bed and cry while hugging my teddy bear, and I realized that I really was just a little girl.
At which point my mom came in and found me and hugged me and told me not to freak out. Eventually, I stopped crying and went to bed.
But I can still feel that mental collapse is very close, and practically anything could set me off and the only thing keeping me from having another freak-out is just refusing to think about it at all. It's not a good feeling.
I'll survive though. Guess that's all that matters, ne?
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