myOtaku.com: celestial69

myO Still <3's You

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AIM
• luciferses
E-mail
• Click Here
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• celestial69
Website
• Click Here
Yahoo! Messenger
• kogomarusess_2111

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Birthday
• 1990-03-30
Gender
• Female
Location
• realm of eternal darkness and evil.
Member Since
• 2005-11-04
Occupation
• Leader of the "Der Vampir Brüdershaft"
Real Name
• Celestin

Personal

Achievements
• managing to stay on the otaku
Anime Fan Since
• the day i first saw sailor moon(4 or yrs. ago)
Favorite Anime
• Inuyasha, Yu Yu Hakusho,DragonBall Z, One Piece, Kenshin,Fruits Basket,Angel Sanctuary,Planet Ladder,Saiyuki,Blade of Heaven,Fushugi Yugi,The Vampire Game,Gravitation,Absolute Boyfriend,Godchild,Nana,X...and so many more just to name a few...
Goals
• to read/watch as many anime/manga b-4 i die.
Hobbies
• reading/painting/writing/kicking ppl's ass
Talents
• painting & drawing &kicking ppl's ass....

myOtaku.com: celestial69

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Hello.....T.T

Hello. Today is not a happy day. I feel depressed. There's really no reason for this depression. I don't know why I feel it. I guess it's because I spent all of yesterday reading vol.5 thro 7 of Hellsing and the last volume was sad. So after throwing a tantrum to my self that that was all of the Hellsing out and how it didn't match the anime series and so on. I started pondering about the past and i started crying. I don't know why but to me it seems that the best part of my life has passed away and I didn't realize it till i start pondering about the past. To be honest the past two years was the worst so far. In those two years I cried my soul out and it's left me longing for the past. I guess that's why I feel like I'm no longer the same person that i use to be before that two years occured. I feel like i don't belong in my family that i'm just a pawn for others to use. In that two year my sister left and my dad didnt like, but i got blamed for knowing where she was when in reality i didnt know she had left until i was blamed for it. and to top it off she had left two or three months after my uncle died. so it was hard, but as i was being blamed for something that i didn't know this hatred towards my family began to form and now i feel that it's starting to consume me. Now my sister is happily married and has a daughter, but i still feel resentment towards her. if i told her that i would break down because i love her dearly just like a mother. She was always the one to cared for me and my real mother was just a title for the one who gave me life. My mother and i dont have a close relationship but she had a really close one to my sister. Many ppl say that i look like my sister and i dont like that because it reminds my mother of how my sister was always there for her and she depends on me to be just like her, but i cant. if i did that then what's the use of being me if i'm not wanted the way i am. oh i dont know i fear that on of these days i'm gonna hate my family and myself and go mad. I cant help but hate how everyone is an pity myself. Everyone thinks that i'm over it but last year on Halloween my sister came over a i didnt feel the connection that i use to have with her and it scared me that i had lost it. Of course my dad still has a grudge against her leaving so he didnt stay home that day. Even tho me and my dad never see eye to eye it broke me again to see him treat her like she wasnt even there. Since then the hatred towards him has grown ten folds. but the point is that i dont feel connected to my family. Everyone that i loved is going away and what's sad is that i dont think that my dad ever really loved me. It breaks what little of a heart that i have to think that but i believe that its true........i'm gonna go now and hopefully i'll be in a more cheery mood tomorrow. and kyrie if you read this please dont let it affect you. You and Kaylee are the ones who i depend on to keep me sane.

Here's a pic. i found on the internet. it seems that everyone is haveing a fun time catching up.

"I stand alone, everything that I believe in is fading."
~Godsmack

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