Sunday, October 3, 2004

Blegh
I'm tired. I feel rejected again. If one more person calls ans asks if I am depressed, ticked off, or stressed, they shall certainly find out.
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Saturday, October 2, 2004

Chu ...
Yes, so yesterday, I was at the Star Wars Film Festival with my way cool friends for 7 hours, spent vegetating and drinking soda, then bolting for restrooms during intermissions. What kind of stupid people lock the locker room bathrooms at 7, and why in the world would one lock the cafe bathrooms at 9? I mean, if you're gonna have a bunch of kids hanging around from 7:30 am to 11:00 pm, you need bathrooms!

The fun part was realizing I really can cue Alec Guinness's part and tearing through the halls with this wicked cute charismatic freshman someone adopted.

Seriously, incompetant people we are, we circled the building twice each time, running, on full bladders, searching for an unlocked bathroom.

Not that anyone really needs to know that.

Oh, and my friend is back with her boyfriend. This is good. Why? I no longer have to listen to her mindless drivel. He's really slow, probably autistic, and and doesn't handle conversation very well, but she thinks he's just a superb listener. It drives me nuts to talk to him, but as long as she can vent on him and not me, it's all better.

I've taken to biting people's heads off, and I feel bad, but I don't stop. I need to relax ...

So ... today, Mother had a breakdown because she's overworked by the farm but we aren't allowed to dis the farm, so she got mad at us, and Daddy was depressed because the chucks ate his prize squash. So, we went to Old Sturbridge Village, and right after, my sister (Tea) and I went to the marching band's classic. It was so cool, but since we hosted, we didn't get scored. At any rate, the bands were really good, but I'm so glad I'm not in them ...
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Thursday, September 30, 2004

*plunk*
Wow ... whatever the heck they did (and I can't figure out what it is, cuz my computer had a spazout for no apparent reason and I had to sneak into my own backroom as a result by making up an error in the url), it's really pretty.

So ... I have three friends, from three VERY different circles, at one lunch. It is the only lunch I have with any of them. And now they're all mad cuz I bounced around between them. It's a 20 minute lunch block, for God's love! And we're all gonna be at the 7 hour Star Wars marathon tomorrow! Blegh.

Well, no one told me, but I think my friend is back with her boyfriend again. Good. As annoying as it was to listen to her talk about him and watch her do what seemed to be mauling him (she was an energetic hugger; he was a little ... lethargic in reacting to physical contact) every few minutes, it was much worse to be expected to know how to patch it all up for her.

Of course, this will annoy everyone else more than me because they all get more aggravated when she gets obsessed than I do. So while I will no longer receive fun calls like, "You HAVE to talk to him in gym. I don't have classes with him! And I'm too chicken! But you have to talk to him! Please???" In the end, it's just less work to talk to the guy than get stuck taking the next call, having told her to suck it up and do it herself at the bus stop.

Right ... I need to go do something mind-numbing ... (webcomix, here I come!)
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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Well ...
I'm joining tech anyway.

The school was so bloody cold today. They didn't turn on the heat, so I in my two artistically layered shirts and a sweatshirt in the drafty doorways, froze my butt off, though no one can accuse me of dressing inappropriately. I wore jeans and shoes and socks and shirts and a sweatshirt and dried my hair!

It rained too. It was wet.

My English teacher wants us to watch the presidential debate for the persuasive arguement. That's not gonna work, as Bush can't string words on paper down so they sound as a sentence. Not to mention, that is quality time to be checking out webcomix.

My teachers stink this year. Even my teacher parents agree. It's sad when the only one I like is my band director. Though maybe that's actually natural, since I'm gonna see this guy a few hours a day for the rest of my high school career. He's also the only one who hasn't kicked me out of something, espressed dislike of me, or done something stupid that results in a whole lot of people with horrific grades.

Blegh. I need to watch Saturday's anime and the Eva I got fromt eh library, but I have no time! Ack!
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Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Shoot me (metaphorically)
UGH.

Well, now that I've been kicked out of folk band for not being in it last year, though I can read music, sing, and play a few instruments, and kicked out of tech because they have too many people the guy who runs it doesn't want anymore coupled with that he doesn't like me means they don't want me because I mean paperwork, I'm pretty disgusted.

Honestly, my school has no activities for you if you aren't athletic or artistic. In effect, all we have is tech, drama, bands, art groups, and the worst sports program ever. There's none of that academic stuff, except for book club, which conflicts with my sectionals (which went well, for a change - band can't kick me out; rather, they actually accepted me) and a new chess club, but I suck at strategy games. They have an RPG club too, but I don't play any and from what I hear, it's a really scary group. Oh well, at least I can read the books and pop in for about seven minutes before sectionals.

Also, as it turns out, I'm not pretty or cool enough for all my old friends anymore. I was part of this close-knit (or I thought we were) clique with four other girls. Well, once the one I was closest to moved across the country, the ones left to start high school here pretty much fell apart. One picked up soccer friends who annoy me, one picked up friends who knows where, one got pretty and popular friends, and I realized I'd need someone to at least eat lunch with, so I started hanging out with some girls from band and some otaku girls I met. All through last year, we at least did sleepovers and usually got along. Well, I've been sitting behind the popular one all month in English, and so far, she hasn't acknowledged me. I mean, I'm glad there's at least this nice guy who doesn't have friends in that class, because it's pretty sad to be behind one of your best friends, yet not have a partner. Even worse is sitting next to her at lunch at a table with some of her friends and realizing people would have paid more attention to you if you sat with some freshman you barely know. I mean, sorry I'm not gorgeous or popular, but I'm not a totally hideous dork. I'm not someone I couldn't blame her for refusing to associate with.

Today, my friend (not one of the above) invited herself down to my house to work on out history projects. Thanks a lot. (It was a half-day.) I am so sick of hearing about her ex-boyfriend she's trying to get together with again. I don't care about her lovelife, and I don't have one so I can't give advice. And if she says "I never had friends" one more time, I'm doing my own project.

I don't have any classes with this girl who I have become so close to, my closest friend lives more than halfway across the country, and the three girls I've always been able to rely on aside from her don't want to talk to me. I am having a rejection issue, and I really don't care. There is a glass-half-full take: She's got friends now, plus a boyfriend.

I have been watching so much Star Wars, which is bad, because Star Wars is what I do for therapy. I can't talk to people, so I recite Alec Guiness's lines for him.
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Sunday, September 26, 2004

"New Jersey gives us glue! But you are from Rhode Island! Little old Rhode Island is famous for you!"
Been some time ... I've been ill and been shopping a few times ... I will be turning in early tonight because I need to read my new Hot Gimmick, I have sectionals tomorrow, and my friend is having a breakdown I will need to handle. Why she is talking to someone with no people skills and no hope of ever having a boyfriend to help her out with one of her major screwups, dumping the only person she felt she could be herself around, her slightly autistic boyfriend during a time of crisis because she didn't want to burden him with her issues, I don't really know. Apparently, she doesn't like spilling for the school shrink, but this doesn't justify asking someone fated to have the sophiscated love life of Wally Cleaver, minus hormones, to help her out. She has a friend who could seriously help with this kind of thing, but apparently, I have the connections (meaning the guy is in my gym class, so I'm a wonderfully convenient go-between).

Honest to Kharl, I need a nap. And Hot Gimmick.

My friends' reaction to Hot Gimmick:

"I can't believe you bought that."

A week later:

"Do you have the next volume? Rachel said it had plot."

me: "I thought you wouldn't read it?"

"Well ... it's more the name than anything else ..."

Which is very true.

Animerica rated WHR 7 on a list of 13 scariest animes. I don't get that one ...
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Thursday, September 16, 2004

OFFICIAL ELECTED TSARINA OF THE NO LONGER FREE WORLD
Okay, in response the alarming number of drugees, people of 'questionable character,' and the stupidity of athleticism as a standard, I am running for the office of OFFICIAL ELECTED TSARINA OF THE NO LONGER FREE WORLD.

Please vote for me. I am trying to save the world for all of you.
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Wednesday, September 15, 2004

EGO
Presidential fitness testing sucks.

I only fell into the standard for one thing, pushups. The standard for 16 year old girls has a minimum of 7 consecutive pushups.

I run a 11:32 mile. A girl twice my weight can walk it in 9 minutes.

I need to go do some math homework to boost my ego ... read some reviews at ff.net ... lock myself up with a CD ... I hate the first and last week of gym. It's so degrading to be unathletic. It's also the sole lapse in my incredible self-esteem.

Then again, when you hang out with clinically depressed people, someone has to have self-esteem.


Once, my friend Emma was talking to me (she comes under tha category of my depressed friends), and I was having a bad day. She told me that Faith had told her in confidence that she really admired me for various reasons. Since it was in confidence and she quickly turned it into a joke by saying, "You've got a pickled plum on your back!" (Furuba reference), I didn't really get any more than that, but it kind of makes me wonder what other people see in me. I'm not really very nice, I don't even think before I start talking, I can destroy people's self-esteem like it's going out of style, and I know I don't dress well. But it's kind of nice to know that not everyone sees a kinda overweight kid with acne scars and glasses.
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Sunday, September 12, 2004

RIP LUCY
Well, a day after I fixed up my new log as my old one died, my sister killed the computer. So, I've just done it again!
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Saturday, September 11, 2004

BLEH
I spent my dad being cussed out by old French-Canadian women who buy tomatoes but want them for less than what they paid. I no longer have functioning mental faculties. It was emotionally draining.

The worst is, I'll be like them someday. Cheap, old French-Canadian women.
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