Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Shoot me (metaphorically)
UGH.

Well, now that I've been kicked out of folk band for not being in it last year, though I can read music, sing, and play a few instruments, and kicked out of tech because they have too many people the guy who runs it doesn't want anymore coupled with that he doesn't like me means they don't want me because I mean paperwork, I'm pretty disgusted.

Honestly, my school has no activities for you if you aren't athletic or artistic. In effect, all we have is tech, drama, bands, art groups, and the worst sports program ever. There's none of that academic stuff, except for book club, which conflicts with my sectionals (which went well, for a change - band can't kick me out; rather, they actually accepted me) and a new chess club, but I suck at strategy games. They have an RPG club too, but I don't play any and from what I hear, it's a really scary group. Oh well, at least I can read the books and pop in for about seven minutes before sectionals.

Also, as it turns out, I'm not pretty or cool enough for all my old friends anymore. I was part of this close-knit (or I thought we were) clique with four other girls. Well, once the one I was closest to moved across the country, the ones left to start high school here pretty much fell apart. One picked up soccer friends who annoy me, one picked up friends who knows where, one got pretty and popular friends, and I realized I'd need someone to at least eat lunch with, so I started hanging out with some girls from band and some otaku girls I met. All through last year, we at least did sleepovers and usually got along. Well, I've been sitting behind the popular one all month in English, and so far, she hasn't acknowledged me. I mean, I'm glad there's at least this nice guy who doesn't have friends in that class, because it's pretty sad to be behind one of your best friends, yet not have a partner. Even worse is sitting next to her at lunch at a table with some of her friends and realizing people would have paid more attention to you if you sat with some freshman you barely know. I mean, sorry I'm not gorgeous or popular, but I'm not a totally hideous dork. I'm not someone I couldn't blame her for refusing to associate with.

Today, my friend (not one of the above) invited herself down to my house to work on out history projects. Thanks a lot. (It was a half-day.) I am so sick of hearing about her ex-boyfriend she's trying to get together with again. I don't care about her lovelife, and I don't have one so I can't give advice. And if she says "I never had friends" one more time, I'm doing my own project.

I don't have any classes with this girl who I have become so close to, my closest friend lives more than halfway across the country, and the three girls I've always been able to rely on aside from her don't want to talk to me. I am having a rejection issue, and I really don't care. There is a glass-half-full take: She's got friends now, plus a boyfriend.

I have been watching so much Star Wars, which is bad, because Star Wars is what I do for therapy. I can't talk to people, so I recite Alec Guiness's lines for him.
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