Sunday, October 31, 2004

Charming. Just charming.
One of my oldest and closest friend's away message explains just about all I really need to hear tonight. It says she's out trick-or-treating with another very old, closer friend.

I would just like to note, that there are two things I have never been invited to do that all the other girls from this old gang of mine have been invited to do. One is go to the Mormon dances. I don't like dances, I don't care for them. But I mean, I usually at least get asked if I'm going to dances, but these Mormon dances, the ones that most of the kids I hang out with get invited to because I hang out with a lot of girls who are common friends with a few Mormon girls, and they all get invited to these dances, which are said to be a lot of fun, and the kids there are really nice. The part that stings most is that one of those Mormon girls is one of my close, old friends from the old group we were in elementary and middle school. I mean, maybe I wouldn't have gone, but I mean, I never even got invited to these, and they talk about them right in front of me. "You'd have liked it." Well, maybe, but you never told me!

And this is totally irrational, especially from someone like me, but it really hurts not to get invited to these. I mean, it's such a classic thing for girls to get worked up about on TV, but that's one of the few things that actually does really hurt, even for the dorky girls, because no one likes to be rejected. Stepping out is one thing, but being excluded is different.

I mean, do they think I'm such a dork I don't have a dress? That I couldn't figure out how to behave? That I'd stand there and stare at the wall all night? Not that Mormon dances run very late at night ...

The other is trick-or-treating. The one year I almost got invited, one of the girls got hit int he fact with a hockey puck and got some teeth knocked out. So we didn't go.

But the thing is, half the time, I think I should just forget the girl whose away message got to me. She's so inconsistent, and as another girl put it to me the other day, "Did you know she's claustrophobic?" So I said, "No, does this go along with being vegetarian?" And she said, "Oh, no, it's not the whole impress people one. This is the, 'Oh, your table's very crowded, I'm so claustrophobic, I'm sitting with my Cool Friend today!'" She's very smart, except for not thinking I wouldn't be a little hurt that everyone discussed the fun they had at the Mormon dance they went to with her that she neglected to invite me to in front of me the next day.

God, I hate my friends. I think I'm gonna bum around with the only person I really want to be with right now for about a week. She's the greatest person I know, and I wish we'd made friends earlier. We're really alike, and even though we don't always know how to react to eachother, I know she always makes me feel better, and I think I make her feel better too.

Maybe I'll talk to my super-closest friend who moved to MN tomorrow afternoon. She's even more to me than the aforementioned girl. Except that I never see her, and I don't even know if she just humors our phone calls, since she never makes them, just takes them.

I could really use a good cry.



List of TV I've watched since yesterday:

Gilmore Girls (3 hours)

Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide (.5 hour)

Even Stevens (.75 hour)

Lizzie McGuire (.25 hour)

Sabrina the Teenage Witch (2 hours)

The True Story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1 hour, I'd like to subtitle this show, "A Short Summary of the Lives of Robert Louis Stevenson and William Brodie: What Not to Get Addicted to: Opium, Crime, Opium, Sex, Opium, Gambling, Opium, Morphine, Opium, Tobacco, Opium, Booze, and Opium.")

Yuyu Hakusho (1.5 hours)

Rurouni Kenshin (.5 hours)

Rave Masters: (.15 hours)

Megas XLR (.15 hours)

Emeril Live! (1 hour)

The Haunted History of Halloween (1 hour)

NCIS (.75 hour)

Witch Hunt (1 hour)

Incredible but True? (.5 hour)

Animatrix (.15 hour)

Ghost in the Shell (.15 hour)



How sad is that?
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