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• 1990-11-24
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• TOKYO JAPAN! (I wish...)
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• 2004-10-20
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• Student
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• Cerra! ^^ lol, I'm not telling

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• Too many to count...^-^'
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• Around preschool
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• KH since it is, Gravitation, Inuyasha, WHR. Manga - D.N.Angel, Pita-Ten, Fruits Basket, Demon Diary, and more
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• To move to Japan, become an english teacher then maybe go to University to become a Pastry Chef
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• Drawing, writing, Singing, Cooking, Playing VG (video Games)
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• Being Hyper, Drawing, writing, talking




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myOtaku.com: Cerra-chan


Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Bittersweet feelings and friendships
Well..... it hurts. It hurts a lot. To know that your best friend you've known for a while, to think differently about you. Not backing you up when you need it. Just another mocking shadow. It doesn't hurt that you know someone who dispises you enough to want you out of existence... but to know that your best friend doesn't tell that person to stop. And thinks that is they do interfer, they'll be in the middle of another fight.
Well... it's not like that. We don't talk... Amanda and I. Not at all. yet she still continues to talk about me. Not only behind my back, but in front of me. I don't care tho. She can go ahead and say shit to my face. I won't talk back unless I am to be threatened... just like that one day...

"You know, I feel like I need to shove a cucumber down your throat."

"Noo... really? I don't give a shit!"

... and so on... they all stared at me in disbelief... but hey... I was threatened.

Continueing on... these feelings are really hurting. I feel empty. My friend... my best friend... even tho I have others, has hurt me a lot, without even noticing it. I don't think I can look at her the same way. What would you do? Would you just stand there and listen to someone talk about your best friend with hurtful words? Or would you stand up for them? Tell them that they shouldn't go down to that level.
Sure enough that person would look at you weirdly... but yet again... I don't know if her... my friend... joins in on the "fun".

All she did was try to avoid the question... and so she said...

"Oh... I can't remember."

I don't remember... is that all the best you can say?

"I don't want to be in the middle of another fight."

Who said that someone was going to tell Amanda? Who said that you had to stop being friends with her?

All I want to do in crawl in a hole and cry...cry... cry. Friendship are the most important thing to me. I hold on to them as much as I hold onto family... and to be betrayed... and alone... to me, is worse than anything.

One day... I will read this. and either I will cry, to know that my friend had never imformed me of what she said... or laugh that I was stupid enough to feel and think this up...
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