Wednesday, July 25, 2007

*sigh*
I won't really get into detail... but...

I need to get this out. Whether anyone reads this or not, it is their decision, but I need to write this as many times as it takes to help me...

Jaicob. The boy I fell in Love with 7 months ago. Dumped me five days ago. Claimed to fall out of love.

I didn't even know it was possible.

And it was all so sudden.

I can't beleive it. I feel like I'm in denial... but..it really happened. And I'm hating every aching, lonely moment of life right now...

Hating it more and more every night.
And every night I can't help but cry....

I was always one to be terrified of the dark. Anyone who knew me, knew that. Always scared...

But now...the dark comforts me... Holds me close like no one else will...

I walk into my bedroom, without even turning on the light, or T.v., my puppy jumps onto my bed before me, and I turn on my iPod, put it on the speaker...and listen to whatever's on. Some of the songs I can't, though...brings back memories...

If I'm too tired to draw...which I try to, I try to do anything to distract myself, I just lay down...

I try to go to sleep, but I literally watch hour after hour go by on my clock...11:30...12:15...12:43...1:23...2:31...3:17...

I lay on my back, which, since I last got paralyzed constantly from doing so, I never did...

But I didn't care...I really don't. I'd rather stay like that, in my dreams, short of breath, than live like this. ..

I stare up at my ceiling, raising my hand up, twisting it this way and that... my mind is getting the better of me. I see my hand like an echoe, like it's trailing itself in the air above...

I really should turn the TV on... I tell myself that...

No, There's nothing worth watching. I'll just waste my flesh in front of TV.

I lay there, in the dark, crying...wishing...hoping....wanting to wake up from this terrible nightmare...

I've lost my love...I've lost myself.

I don't think I'll be getting either back. . .
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007

   :3
I miss Jaicob...

He's my boyfriend, in case you didn't know x3.

We don't get to hang out much, since my folks are super strict.

But I really do Love him...Really.
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Sunday, April 15, 2007

   Sad?
I dunno what's wrong with me. I've been so angry lately :( I'm usually not an angry person. But lately, it's been overflowing. Like...I bottle it in too much. *sigh* I just hope it'll go away...
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