Friday, June 16, 2006

Not feeling very good on my side of the world tonight...
My aunt yelled at me again today. I was having a good time with her boyfriends kids but her kids came home and the oldest boy was drawing on his bed with HIS markers. She came in and I told her about it and she gets mad and starts screaming at me, telling me I did it and I shouldnt have brought my drawing stuff over at HER hous and that if I ruin one more thing in HER house then I have to pay for it.

What's wrong with this little picture? I always loved these games as a kid...
1. He was using his markers, not mine. I dont trust others with my drawing stuff cause they usually dont take the care I require of it so I dont let them use it unless I dont use it anymore. Also, my markers were put away and packed up. I didnt even use them.
2. It's not HER house. It's my grandparents, it was formerly my great-grandparents. They let their daughter (my mother) live there free and they're letting HER live there free. Not GIVING, letting live in.
3. What things things have I destroyed in "her" house? Nothing. What has her kids destroyed in our house? The NEW furniture. What have her kids destroyed in "her" house? Their PS2 controllers, the stone steps, many of their "expensive toys", their mini-table/chair set...you get my point...
What have I broken in my house? Nothing but I have used a lot of things until they're worn out(when I say until they're worn out I usually mean 4-5 years more or less depending on what it is).

Taking a break from work to calm down, <3,
Aya
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Meh...
My mom's doing better now and I have a little brother named Clark Allan. I'm sorry all but in my last post I was scared. The doctors said if it wasnt for the doctor's appointment my mommy had earlier that day then there may have been a death...

The church competition turned out prejudice and unfair as always. It annoyed me so I talked to my youth pastor's mother about how it shouldnt be a competition and it should be an encouraging learning experience with no trophies and no ribbons and guess what. She stands up before the awards were handed out and said "Well if you dont get a ribbon today that's alright because this isnt really a competition, it's just that the person with the better talent wins." Tell me, did I miss the memo that said that a competition doesnt measure who is more talented? Oh and my church members were yelling at me all day but what else is new...

My competition results:
Drawing: 2nd, judge scores: 100, 86, 91 (The 1st musta been close to me because the judges talked like it was hard to decide)

Singing: 3rd, judge scores: 92, 78, 60 (no, the last one is not a mistake...it was a PREACHER of a church who said they'd beat us no matter what. He gave a girl from his church that didnt do as well as I did higher just because of the church she goes to, hence the prejudice info in my statement earlier)

Human video: 2nd (We spent all of our time on our group song, which never works out well, and threw this together, I was suprised we got that)

Group song: 3rd (....I'm not even gonna start I'm just gonna say that it's a total miracle we even placed)

Well if anything this has made me the talk of the church. I used to be the "shadow" who always looked down, was the outcast, and only loved by the small children of the church. Now I'm being asked to do art for people, sing with the worship team (4 people arent a choir so...), act in all the church plays, and help teach the children more. This is making the people who knew me before this happy I dont feel so "lonely" as they think I look and the people who've picked on me there mad as heck (because before they were the big families in the church but now that the preacher's family and the other families notice me they cant do much without me saying something to someone and getting THEM isolated...although I'd never do that cause I'd never wish the time I had in the past years on anoyone)

I'm getting noticed a lot in other places too...do you guys think that I'm becomming popular or something? Dear god, I hope not... By the way, I have a special thank you for AnimaStrider for giving me the great advice and I'm sorry for losing my head on ya. *hugs*

Random quote: Every girl needs her king kong <3

Love,
Aya

P.S. Got King Kong AND Memoirs of a Geisha. Very good. Convinced my mom to watch King Kong with me too.
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Thursday, March 23, 2006

   Scared/sad/worried/wishing/praying/screaming/......help.....
I've been having a bad day but I kinda kept it from my friends and now I wish I didnt cause things just jumped from bad to almost rock bottom and now there's no one to talk to about it.

My mommy's been taken to the hospital because her baby's heartbeat is getting weaker. They're forcing her into a delivery but it's almost a month early. I'm really scared (and those of you who know me know I dont get scared easily...) because I keep getting flashes of images of my mommy and/or my baby brother dying and these images I get usually come true (like visions). We cant go to the hospital until my aunt's boyfriend comes to watch the kids but I'm starting to think he's never gonna come. Darnit! Why today? Why today?!

*Can a heart still break after it's stopped beating*-from the Corpse Bride

T_T Love,
Aya
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Monday, March 13, 2006

The poem I've been putting off posting
Hey all,
Yesterday was my baby brother's birthday but he's having his party today cause I had church competition pracitce. Nya, it went ok. I'm the lead in the human video again this year. I was gonna politely turn it down but when I heard the song and though about how I've been feeling lately I changed my mind. The song is called Praise you through the storm and it's sung by Casting Crowns (pretty cool band). My boyfriend got saved yesterday, too (yay! ^_^).

Today has been sorta grr. In my first class, gym, we had to go into the weight room and...heck I may be strong but girls cant lift weights very well...well, most of them cant (any girl who can I applaud greatly...guys too). Second class was really annoying. This one boy who was being really nice to me in gym and seemed to be following me announced that I was his new "girlfriend" and tried to hit on me! Ugh! Then he tried to hit on a friend of mine which wouldnt be odd but the friend was a GUY who I know is straight. Then he started making out with his best friend (who is also a guy) while the teacher's taking roll! Third block (class of the day), Japanese, was dull and in my last block (math) I had a quiz. I hate math...(btw our school goes by a class system that we only have 4 classes per semester but they switch each semester[two per year]and they are each an hour and thirty minuates long, it's called block scheduling)

Oh and here is the poem I've put off posting. It's sorta a mix between how things have been up but everything down happening has hurt bad and looking back on how the relationship with my current boyfriend has changed. So this one's for Rayne. Btw-Rayne you're very lucky and special, you just dont see how special you are.

Unlucky Star
Make a wish on a star,
that's what children whisper.
Take that star, make it yours,
cherish it forever.

I must be wishing
on an unlucky star.
Watching my magic dreams fade
has made life seem so hard.
And if I had one wish of mine come true...
Would it really matter?
Would it really matter?

Time goes by
cant erase the way I feel.
Only that unlucky star
can taste my tears are real.

Why do you love me,
my unlucky star?
Why can't you se right past me?
Why mend my broken heart?
And if I had one wish of mine come true
I know it wouldnt matter...
I know it wouldnt matter...

And I keep holding inside all my truths...
When all I want to say is I love you...

Oh, I need you with me
my very lucky star.
I dont need my wishes,
I only need your heart.
And if I could make one wish of your's come true...
I know that I would matter...
I know that I would matter...
I know that I would matter...
I always knew you mattered to me...

Well what do you think? I think I've improved a lot. I really like this poem. Funny think is it comes to me as a song. Who knows, maybe I'll get the music down someday. Well I have some things to do so I'll probably write after my brother's party or tomorrow. *hugs* Thanks to all my friends here who always got my back, you guys all rock.
Love,
Aya
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Thursday, March 9, 2006

   Ups and downs
Well the church competition is comming up and causing all kinds of stirrs in life. The one youth leader is amazed at how my skills have changed and the other is trying to make it hard for me, my friend, and my boyfriend. The youth leaders' eldest daughter, as always, is doing whatever she wants to with no limits to restrain her. The closer the competition comes the less I want to paricipate but I will unless I am severely mistreated.

Everything else is good. My mommy's gonna have her baby next month and I get to help plan the shower, my drawings have improved (see my deviantart account, AmayaofChaos), and I'm doing much better in math, my worst subject. Oh and I have a song/poem I shoulda posted ages ago....but I cant post it now. Sorry.
Love,
Aya

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