Tuesday, October 11, 2005

   Compartmentalization
Within my soul there are several boxes.

In one of them, I keep my heart.
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Monday, October 10, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 17
In Which There are Threats

Previous Chapters are available here.





The rum is in the kitchen, and that's where I'm going, come hell or high water!



Somewhere along the way, two surviving brain cells accidentally meet in the musty corridors of my mind. They move politely to shake hands, and the dry air causes a spark.



Grab obfuscating chibi. Lift to blurry eye level.

"Where the hell is my cat, you little green monster?"

"Excuse me, I'm not green at all..."

Turn Hakkai upside down.

"Cat." I state with emphasis.

"Yeek!" he responds.

"Hey! What are you doing to Hakkai?" I've caught the attention of two of his little helpers, while Kougaiji continues to unpack, in search of cookies I bet. Gojyo and Goku may be trying to look threatening. I have a headache the size of Kilimanjaro, and I'm feeling improbably sober... ish. At the moment, I'd be willing to take them on full size.

I'd get my ass kicked, but...

"Cat! That's what I'm asking, where is my c-"

"Shhhhhh!"




Three fingers cross three sets of lips in unison, even if one is dangling upside down by an ankle.



My stupid eye is twitching again.



"Step into the kitchen, won't you?"

What else can I do? She's my kitty. And for some reason, Hakkai looks so trustworthy with those glasses on.



"Cat." I repeat in the kitchen.

"Yes. She's quite safe and happy, I assure you."

"Where."

Hakkai sways gently from one ankle, and approaches the topic with care. "You are aware that Sanzo has a ... Kitten Problem?"

"What?"

"Oh yes. I call it the 'Kougaiji Effect': His eyes become unusually sparkly and he develops a fixation that causes him to ... um... affix himself to the object. Feline, in his particular case."

Glance to the right. Kougaiji has materialized on my shoulder, where he smiles beatifically and hugs my neck. I've gotten to used to the weight, I guess I don't even notice anymore.

I wonder if I'm becoming a hunchback?




"So," continues Hakkai, "for her own safety, we..."

Shake blabbering chibi lightly.

Hakkai's hair fluffs out and his glasses go askew.

"Yes?" He returns his attention to me. Which is good. You shouldn't ignore someone who's holding you upside down by the ankle.

"Where's my cat, Hakkai? I won't ask again."

Eyes meet blurry eyes. I can't stop mine from twitching. I hope it makes me look edgy. Kougaiji hugging my neck and humming "You Are My Sunshine" does not make me look edgy.

I look meaningfully at the blender. I has plenty of edges.




Sigh. Meaningfully. Close eyes. Shake head.




"Um..." Hakkai looks down... no, up at his shoes. "I'm sorry. Nerves, you know. Yes, she's in the basement with plenty of food and..."

Hakkai must have taken landing lessons from my cat. He hardly makes a sound when dropped, and lands neatly on his feet.

"The Basement?!"

"She's quite happy down there, and..."

"But! The Basement?!" The black pit of forgotten laundry and discarded, broken... things?

"It was quite a relief for her. Sanzo is very fluffy right now, and she was getting hairballs from..."

"But!"

"And there's the risk of diabetes, you see, from..."

"Gah!"




I follow my eloquent outburst with a mad dash to the stairs and down, smacking the light switch to illuminate the disaster below.




The cat is fine.

She gives me The Look, often seen by cat owners who try to 'rescue' the animal from napping in a previously undiscovered hiding place.

She's been brushed, which I never do, and her claws are trimmed, which I only do when she reminds me by scratching me.

And someone has been doing my laundry.



Leave, self-esteem utterly destroyed.




The stairs feel like Kilimanjaro. My headache is now the entirety of the Alps. And Hakkai is there, on ground level, giving me a sympathetic look.

"You know what you need?" He begins.

"A shotgun." Oh, yes.

"A nap."

"Nap."

"Sanzo gets cranky in the afternoon if he doesn't get a nap."

This image of the badly-behaved, heavy-drinking priest having to go down for a snooze momentarily throws my pace.

"Nap? Sanzo?"

"Chibis love naps."




I feel a twinge of empathy for cattle as I am gently herded to my bedroom. Kougaiji is already pre-napping on my pillow.

Remove royal chibi. Put in hallway.

Tears of objection form in his eyes even before his feet touch the ground.




Exhaustion, confusion and a strange sense impending doom tap a deep well of instinctive knowledge within me. That knowledge bypasses my broken brain, transmitting directly to my face. The ensuing facial expression cuts through the pink chibi fog to Kougaiji's inner survivor.

'Now is not the time for a tantrum,' telegraphs my face.

'A tantrum would lead to punishment, or a Sigh, or perhaps even the dreaded Crying Parent.' my face continues.

Meanwhile, all my brain manages to crank through thinking is, 'Hakkai may be on to something. I certainly wish I was unconscious right now.'




Kougaiji skips over and hugs my ankle. Then, much to my surprise, he lets go, and smiles up at me.

"Smeep well!" He grins, then shuts the door softly on his way out.



I feel rather small.

I wonder if it's Chibi-itis... or whatever.




Who cares. Mr. Pillow has made an excellent argument for snnrft-



New Chibi Fan Art is available, done by teh1337kw33n! Poor wittle Gojyo looks like he needs a hug...
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Friday, October 7, 2005

   Night of the Living Chibis
CB is back from vacation. But whilst sojourning in a foreign clime, stuff happened. Hence, this is a one-shot spin-off of When Chibis Attack!, found here. Enjoy!


The snoring comes in gasps and mutters from the other room.

"How the hell can you sleep with that racket?"

This mutter comes from the end of the bed. The chibis are 'helping' one another climb out of my suitcase and on to the foot of the bed. Most of the 'helping' seems to involve the stomping of fingers.

"Earplugs. I'll put them in after I finish this Sudoku." I return my eyes to the number puzzle in my hand, actively ignoring my well-travelled hallucinations.

"Bloody loud. The pictures are shaking." Gojyo is trying to muffle the reverberations by pulling the panties on his head down over his ears. His antennae, protruding from the leg-holes, twitch in time to the snores.

"Feel bad for my mother, since she's stuck in the same room. She's probably dreaming of bear attacks."




There is a moment of silence in sympathy for my mother, sharing the next room with my Grandmother. An elderly, yet vigorous woman, Gran's sinuses have a seldom-encountered power. Their acoustics are second to none. My mother inherited but a minor fraction of their power, while I am a throwback to the male line, inheriting nothing but a headache and buzzing ears. Needless to say, we all live alone.

I thought Mum was hitting the wine a little hard tonight...

Mind drifts to the bottle of rum... 6000 miles away.




The rattling silence is broken by Sanzo. "I'll take those earplugs if you're not using them."

"You should try panties! Works waaaay better." Gojyo grins down from his new hammock of carefully strung brassieres, several pairs of underwear on his head.






The bizarreness of this comment temporarily overrides the otherwise inevitable beating Gojyo is looking forward to.

"Um... does that really block the sound?" Hakkai asks, stuffing cotton balls in his own ears.

"Nope!" Gojyo declares cheerfully. "But it makes staying awake a helluva lot more fun."





The beating ensues.





I can't figure out where the nine is supposed to go. Did I screw up somewhere? I think I have an extra six, but I might have just been writing upside down somehow. These damn number puzzles can drive you mad...



Glance at Goku, still fast asleep, chewing on my sweater. The pom-pom of his nightcap dangles over the side of my suitcase, and swings gently in time to the shaking snores.

I wonder which puzzle did it? Or did I start doing them after I went mad? Cause and effect can be a deceptive thing.

Oh well. However it went, it's rather a moot point by now, isn't it?




"It's like a goddamn train wreck!" Sanzo mutters, tucked into a dolls bed from which the ornamental teddy bear has been unceremoniously evicted. My ear plugs (wrapped in plastic to prevent cootie transfer) are in his ears.

"Really? Maybe the earplugs are trapping the sound in your head so that it echoes." I muse aloud, as loud as I like, confident that I am unlikely to be heard over the venerable train wrecker in the next room.

"What?" Sanzo takes out the earplugs, the better to glare at me. I seize the moment to grab them and stuff them into my own ears.




I'm sure he's yelling something profane at the top of his lungs, though still unhearable over Gran's healthy snore. I praise the inventor of industrial-grade earplugs, as I can't hear his histrionics, and the snore is now as gentle as the rolling of the sea.

Turn off the light.

My jet lagged head hit the pillow. I feel a slight tug at my hair, and tilt my head to catch Kougaiji tucking himself in to said hair.

Lip-reading skills are completely unnecessary to decipher the "I WUV you!" that precedes his good-night hug.





I suppose this clinches it. No matter how far I run, I can't get away from the chibis.

I smile in the darkness, oddly reassured.

Oddly at home, 6000 miles away.
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Friday, September 23, 2005

   As I run out the door...
LouBlue let me play with my crayons and her pictures. The results of this collaboration can be seen here.

Lou's graceful black and white original can be seen here.

And here is the other one Lou let me have fun with. Her original of Youkai Hakkai makes me want to hide under the bed... and color!


It's been a while since I colored anything that wasn't minekura, and it's been refreshing. Anyone got other ideas? I love this "collaboration" thing... since I can't draw anything worth crap if it's smaller than 2'by 3'.
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Thursday, September 22, 2005

   The Forgetful Blues
It's 3am and I'm
...half-sober,
lost in an irreverent reverie.

Remember the memories
. I remember of me?
Recall the call
- we all call
- when we all call out?

I seem to forget these things.


Lost in the upside-down
. turned around
. wound and wound
. clockwork-creaking world,

I can't go on for that long.
. I'm not that kind of strong.
. Don't get me wrong:

It's 3am and I'm
. half-sober
. on the half I left behind.
Time to unwind,
. and swat
. this scat
. under the mat.



I'm heading out of the country... uh, Chibigenkyo, if you must know... I'll be back one day, and post then.

Don't break anything while I'm gone.

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Monday, September 19, 2005

   Nya.
While I'm at it, here's Goku. Rare for me, I know
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   When Chibis Attack! Part 16
Mouldering chapters archived here.

Part 16: In Which There is Property Damage


Hakkai is avoiding my eyes.

I love my kitty. She never complains, as long as her dish is full, and she generally provides appropriate levels of fuzziness for my enjoyment. She does not scream, go bang, or receive deliveries.

"Where's my cat, Hakkai?" I repeat, moving to block his tactical retreat.

"Ah ha ha ha... she's quite alright, let me assure you."

"Where."






A curse on all doorbells.

Grab meat-tenderizing mallet.

Front entrance: Open door. Step outside.

Break Doorbell.

Retreat.




Oh, wait. There is a large man standing outside the door, holding a clipboard and pen. He seems oddly surprised by my newly invented DoorNotBell.

"What?" I inquire. I wonder if he would like me to install one at his house. Or would he like to help me apply for the patent?

"Ah!" Is he perhaps simply afraid of my 'Mallet of Peace' De-Doorbelling Tool? "Groceries! Ma'am."

Oh, is that all?

Wait... what?

"... what?" I seem to be repeating myself a lot lately. My life is in the re-runs. Runs, rums... Screw work! Need alcohol!




"Big Men With Little Deliveries, Ma'am." I can read your shirt, sir. I'm not that sloshed... yet.

"... wh-"

"You ordered groceries from us. Internet." The clipboard pays a close visit to my nose. I gaze at the incomprehensible form and wonder if there was some way I could have disabled the doorbell from without opening the door.

"But I'm afraid this isn't a 'Little' delivery, ma'am." He continues, gesturing at the load of boxes and bags. "You see, we don't charge for 'Little' deliveries when you order from Big Me-"

"Yes, yes, I'll take it from here, thank you. Excuse me, please."





My train of thought, trundling along the narrow bridge over the Drunken Gorge, follows thusly: Hakkai, why are you standing on the shoe-holding bench-thingy? Why are you taking off the little lab coat? Why are you plainly visible? Why the hell are you talking?

This train derails, spilling it's contents into the Gorge, and leaving me speechless. After all, I was just going to ask this nice, assumedly real person if he would like a drink.

Perhaps he could help me burn this place down.




"You see," continues Hakkai, the Little Litigant, "it isn't her order. It's mine. Here's the Gold Card."

I feel a sympathetic twinge for the delivery man, whose name tag introduces him as, "Hello! My name is TRAINEE." He looks like he could use a drink. Mine is on the kitchen count...

Wait! I can't leave poor TRAINEE alone with the chibis! They might... eat him? Or get cute with him.

"Snrkt... get cute!... hee hee..."



Whoops! My little vocal slippage appears to have thrown some mental water-wings to his floundering coping skills. His eyes focus entirely on me, slumped in my chair, and exclude all impossible else.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but whoever the order is for, it's too big to qualify as 'Little'."

"A-hem." Hakkai, despite his relatively brief experience as a teacher, has fully mastered the Cough of Authority. Classrooms the world over become curiously silent, and TRAINEE's eyes drag down as if caught by little hooks.



Poor Bastard. Doorbells aren't his friends either, I guess.



"Your website specified that an order qualifies for free delivery if that order is, and I quote, 'a Little order'. When examined the information under your Terms of Service agreement..." Uh-oh. Hakkai has a folder of paper out. Now it's all over but the screaming. "It says right here, 'Under 20 pounds'. Nowhere does it specify if the 'Little' order was an order that is little, or an order that belongs to 'little' (as in person). Can you see this from way up there?"



Poor, poor bastard.



As anyone confronted with their first hallucination would do, and as I have personally experienced, he is trying to look through, or around, Hakkai. He stares intently at the papers, desperately avoiding the tiny fingers holding them aloft.

He is, no doubt, half-looking for an 'off' switch.



There isn't one, kiddo. I checked. Run now, and don't look back!



"You... can't be..."

"Oh, I assure you, I'm well under 20 pounds." Hakkai, are you blushing a little? Why is that cutely disturbing? "I eat well and take care of myself. Who doesn't these days? Anyway, if you have a scale I would be happy to.."

"But! It's the-"




And Comet KouGoGo rounds the Inner Wall System again, trailed by:

"Help! Help! Help!"

"We're gonna diiiiiiieee!"

"Nyaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

"Bang, bang, bang!"

"Mua ha ha ha ha!"





"Sign here."

"Thank you."





And the van is gone, a slight smell of hot rubber wafting in from the street.




"Come help me unpack or there'll be no lunch!" Hakkai calls.

And the Exercise ends as abruptly as it began. Three chibis begin to feign industrious assistance, and one retreats to polish his new gun and cackle maniacally.

"Say, Hakkai, I thought we weren't supposed to let anyone see us...?" Gojyo enquires, having caught his breath.

"I somehow doubt he'll tell anyone what happened. Ah ha ha ha."





They know someone on their own, someone like me, won't talk. They're like the mob. The Chibi Mob.

Someone could make a movie about it. They could call it The Unhuggables.



Kitchen.

Rum!



Brand new and highly adorable art from Lou Blue is up. Here's her take on Chapter 15.

As I type this, I am wearing Kitten Ears on my head. I apologize for any resulting inconsistencies.


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Thursday, September 15, 2005

   And while I'm concious....
Here's Hakkai.


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   I... I'm in love!
All over again.

Downloaded Final Fantasy: Advent Children, just like everyone else on the planet. It was better than I expected it to be.

...
...
...

... That meaning I screamed with joy and have nose-prints on my monitor.

Will I go see it in theaters now that I have downloaded it?
Absolutely. Wild horses couldn't stop me from watching those gorgeous graphics in enormous technicolor with Uematsu's brilliant music invading my head and beating my heart without the intervention of my brain. I'll probably see it several (read: more than 12) times. Wild horses may choose to join me. They might like the bike scenes.

Will I buy the video?
Yes. I will even buy an "extended" 2nd release if it comes out. I will buy a plushie of whatever characters I can lay my hands on. I will buy candy and eat it while watching said pretty pictures

I may even cut back on rum to finance this. But the Chibis are giving me the thumbs down... I guess they've nixed that one.




On a more spastic note: How in the nine hells did THIS get 129 downloads? I posted it as a gag, and it's made it to my top 12!

There's something really wrong with that.

=^..^=

a-hem.


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Tuesday, September 13, 2005

   Holy Paycheck!
New Saiyuki fan-fiction of the above title (by yours-kitteny) is now available here. With a little bit of luck. If that link doesn't work out, after you give it a half hour... let me know and I'll post it here.

Or, y'know, if you're banned from that site and want me to post here.

Or you want to tell me my haircut looks nice...

though that would actually be quite scary.

Oh, look! Rum!

Bye bye...
=^@.@^=
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