Monday, May 16, 2005

   Just one posting
Can't scan the illustrations for When Chibis Attack!... my scanner wants to eat my intestines in exchange, and I think I can get it down to just one kidney if I wait on it.

So here you go.

I've been working on that, on and off, for a few months. It's been like knitting for me... I colorized it bit by bit. We'll see if anyone likes it.

And if you know of a real one that's colored, let me know.

I won't cry.
=^T.T^=
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   When Chibis Attack! Part 5
(If you've only just joined us, and would like to catch up, or you've missed a few chapters, catch up here. That is, if you really want to.)




"I've got a little list" Chibi Hakkai begins, completely failing to cite Gilbert and Sullivan, or Kazuya Minekura as source material. "If you don't mind getting a few things."

It is a very little list, with even tinier writing.

"I can't read this."

"I suppose you'll need me with you then."

"Ah."

"It should be alright as long as we ride in a cart with your jacket over us."

"We."

"Well, the other option is to leave Gojyo in the car. Alone. With the rum."

"I'll be fine here! I promise I won't break anything..." Chibi Gojyo is already trying to figure out how to get into the trunk from the passenger compartment, overcoming the difficulties of his tiny body and super deformed hands. I can see it in his chibi little eyes. Chibi big eyes. Little chibi big eyes of ...

Oh, whatever.







Two chibis into a cart, and away we go. My, what a merry adventure, goddammit.

"Now Gojyo, you must be quiet, There would be all kinds of trouble if we were caught."

"Like me getting a free ride to the asylum." It sounds better every time I consider the options. Quiet, free food, drugs to make little things like this go away...

My thoughts drift fondly back to the bottle in my trunk as I push the cart and my oddly vocal jacket into the store.

Alcohol, oh how I love thee. Let me count the -

"Vegetables we'll need..." Thank you, Mr. Jacket. You are ever a source of help and inspiration.






Idling up and down the aisles, ignoring the occasional hand snaking out to pick up items, my mind wonders to other topics. What would really happen if they were caught? Would they be taken to Area 41 or 57 or whatever? Forced to do Chibi-Reconnaisance in Afghanistan? Hugged to death by a crowd of hormonal housewives?

Hm. Is there a way out of this mess...?






Gojyo grabs a woman's bottom as the cart goes by her. She turns with a yelp to glare at me. Yet, I am on the other side of the cart, holding a sizable zucchini in both hands. Also, I am female. Why wouldn't I just spare myself the effort and grab my own ass, ma'am?

She appears to add up the same mental arithmetic and moves on to the tune of:
"Must have been... hooked on something."

"Right"

"My those tomatoes are fresh!" my jacket pipes up in a falsetto voice.

I hit it.

With the zucchini, and considerable force.

"Ow!" says my jacket.

There is rum in my car. Why am I here, again?

"Um. Let's just get this over with as quickly as possible." Says the suspiciously Hakkai-shaped lettuce, a safe distance from my jacket.

"Mrfgl" says my jacket. Or perhaps that is the zucchini talking, as the zucchini remains on top.







At last, the lettuce pronounces judgment. "I think that's everything from here."

"Good."

I turn the cart to face into a secluded back corner of the store.

"Excuse me... I think the checkout is the other way." The lettuce seems concerned.

A furtive glance confirms that no one is looking my way.

With reflexes honed by years of trying to catch my kitty, I whip into action.

Move jacket. Grab Gojyo by his cute little ankles. Hold him upside down. Shake vigorously.

Items previously secreted about his person form a pile on the floor only slightly smaller than the chibi himself.

"Hey! That's my..."

Drop cussing Chibi into the cart. Kick pile under shelf. Ignore the abusive language the apples have just learned. Desperately try to ignore the lettuce tying and gagging apples. The lettuce then seats itself on top of the apples as a further restraint and gives me a look of leafy empathy.

"Sorry about that. I obviously wasn't watching him carefully enough."

"Hm."

"Mrfgl-Wstfgl!" claims the apples, but I wouldn't believe it.





Prior to approaching the cashier, the lettuce voices a little concern. "I realize that you are allergic to cigarettes, but I really must say your life is likely to be endangered much more if we don't pick some up. They may be small, and currently not very well armed, but Sanzo and Gojyo can be very mean with they..."

"No."

"Mrrf!"

"Perhaps we can convince them to smoke outside." The apples nod so vigorously that one comes free.

"I'm not buying them." The apples look up at me with enormous eyes. "Forget it." The eyes begin to fill with a liquid that forms huge, glistening balls. "That's not going to work on me." A huge snot bubble forms, causing me to swear off eating apples for the duration of this hallucination.

"Mrrf-waaaaah! Mrf mrf mrf..." The sob of one facing heartless nicotine depravation makes me wince. Hakkai unties Gojyo and gives him a little 'there, there' and pat on the back. The Kappa continues to bawl, and I push the cart against a wall and whistle "Waltzing Matilda" loudly in an effort to cover the histrionics.

I can't take this any more.






"Screw it. I'll buy you a couple of packages of Nicorettes."

"But!"

"That's the best you're going to get! It's that, or I hand you over to... someone! Mall Security! Men in White Coats!"

"Nicorettes are fine, for now."

"Right." To the Pharmacy we go.

"And a couple of packages of condoms!"







Blink.





The laughter wells up from within like a noisy form of indigestion. Its unstoppable might causes me to lose my grip on the cart, pushing it noisily into a display of tissue boxes. Several rain down upon the startled Chibis.

I quell the snorting enough to breathe.

"For what? To use as rain hats? They'd be perfect little rain hats for you?" Get out of this tissue box maze. Get out of here. There's rum in my car, and once that car is parked at my house, I will consume enough of its contents that this will either cease to matter or begin to make sense.

"... hee hee... rain hats!!" I can't hold it in, I really can't.

"Hey..." Gojyo looks vaguely offended. When I can see him, through the tears flooding down my cheeks.

A woman stops to help. "Are you okay?"

"Oh yes! Yes, I'm fine. Just here for some Nicorettes and Rain Hats!"

"Oh. Right then."

Something in her expression as she backs away calms me down almost immediately. While free food and drugs have their appeal, I'd prefer it if you didn't call the Men in White Coats after all, thanks all the same, ma'am.

Grab a few boxes of Nicorettes from the Pharmacy. Run through till, paying as fast as possible, only half aware of the Chibis sneaking ninja-style under the counter.

"Let's get the hell out of here." Grumble the radishes, still offended by my comments on Chibi proportions.

"Yes, lets!" I wholeheartedly agree.

Yes, lets.




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Friday, May 13, 2005

   On second though...
I think I actually like this one. Which is a rarity for me.

And since my medication has left me thoroughly unfit to be in polite company... I colored a Sanzo. That's a very pretty guy. I wish I was that pretty..
=^T.T^=

And here's Kenren's friend. The full Text of Robert Bridges Poem "My Delight and Thy Delight" can be found here.

Also, it's been mentioned that Hakkai is under-represented in my little collection. There's no real reason for this. Sorry, buddy.

=^..^=

And here's ... uh... Gojyo. He always looks like he needs a hug. I mean, doesn't that face just seem to be saying, "Bring me a fluffy kitten so I can hug it!"? It does to me...

=^..^=nyuu~~~

Here's the last of the Flowers Series, Son Goku.

And hopefully last, but by no means least:

Oh. No. That's just not right.

But you love it. You know you do.


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   I really meant to post less...
But it doesn't always work out that way.

Side-effects to medications are like side-quests to RPG games. They can be annoying, or distracting, but sometimes you get a bit of a buzz out of them.

And so...

I took a picture apart and put it back together again.

And this is kind of neat. It's one of those moments.

Here's something that's not on fire. En fuego!

And I know I shouldn't be thinking about the fall, when spring is finally here. But that's Kenren for you. (messin' with my braaaains!)

Ah, and here's Sanzo wearing his monking hat.

I want a special hat.

I did a few illustrations for When Chibis Attack! Should I post them? Hmmmm...
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 4
The sky is blue, high above me. Sun hurts my eyes, but it feels good. My car door is notably solid; real, even. Hum a cheerful little tune: glad to know I'm not crazy, or at least sane enough to drive. Even the rattle of the wiggly bumper sounds refreshingly lucid as I pull out.

"So, we're finally alone."

Crap.




"Nice job ditching Hug Boy, by the way. I don't go for the clingy types either."

Chibi Gojyo is trying to look sexy lounging on my front passenger seat. It's hard to look sexy when you're half as wide as you are tall, but he's still trying very hard. I suppose he'd have to stand on the seat to whistle at any girls outside...

"Why don't we go have a little fun, then? Just the two of us..."

Ah, shi...

"Um... Excuse me..."

Breathe.





"Aw, man! Hakkai, you're always ruining my cool!"

"I'm sorry, Gojyo, but there are a few things we need to pick up..."

How many of more are back there?

Ha ha. None. No, there's nothing there at all. The road now, focus on your destination.

"The liquor store."

"Whoo-yeah! Baby, you know where the party starts!"

"Gojyo, I'm sure she'll make other stops. And please get off the dashboard. This car doesn't drive itself, you know." No, ma'am, that was not a hula doll you saw on my dashboard. Hula dolls run in nicer company, and there are dances they just won't do. I wish it was a hula doll.

"The liquor store."

"Yes and..."

"The liquor store."

"...uh-oh. I think she's losing it again, Hakkai."

"Then sit on the seat and be quiet before we both die messy, messy deaths."





As long as I only look at the road, the voices are voices on the radio. And the head that occasionally pops into my rear-view mirror is... a trick of the light on my tissue box. Curse those fancy new age patterns.




The Liquor Store.

"Rum."

Life, it occurs to me, is composed of long strings of auto pilot separated by short bursts of wondering what the hell just happened.

This is the shelf. This is the bottle.

"That's the one for sure," says my left ankle. "I could hardly lift that sucker. Of course, it got lighter as it got emptier, ha ha!"

Hardly lift -- is that so? Cobwebbed cogwheels turn. This bottle goes back. That bottle is one class larger, and yet more welcome. My blissfully ignorant left ankle begins to celebrate loudly. "We're having a party tonight! You'll have to pour that sucker..."

Yes. Yes, I will.




I cannot completely ignore the sudden, muffled squeak, followed by dragging sounds. An unfortunately placed anti-theft mirror shows me Hakkai dragging Gojyo, bound and gagged, back out to the car. Lil' Hakkai gives me a gentle wave on the way out.




The till.

"Hey, I could have sworn I saw something moving over there. Was it a rat?" asks Mr. Minimum Wage-Clerk.

"Yes. They're everywhere. Filthy creatures."

Outside, to gently cradle my bottle in the sea of junk that is my trunk. Its safety is paramount.




I wonder if this is how sidewalk shouters get started. When your own hallucinations ignore you, perhaps you begin to shout at passers by.

Nonetheless, I must get back into my car and drive home. There, sweet unconsciousness awaits.





"Um. If you'll stop for groceries," begins Hakkai, Negotiator at Small, "I'll cook dinner tonight. Of course then, if we don't stop, Goku may try to eat you in the night."

"I will not be conscious to know about it."

"Ah. Well. Kougaiji probably wouldn't approve, and he and Goku can be very noisy when they get scrappy. It could keep you unfortunately conscious."

"Rum will solve that problem in high enough quantities." It is an excellent solvent for dissolving these kinds of problems.

"I see."

There is a minute and blissful pause.

"You're out of cat food."

A moment of sitting in the exit of the parking lot, contemplating the meaning of my life.

"I'll go get cat food."

Grocery Store, here we come. My senior kitizen has me well trained, and will smother me with her fuzz if I don't bring home the biscuit.
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Monday, May 9, 2005

   Stuff! Come get your stuff here!
To start, did you know that according to Minekura Sanzo is ambidextrous, Gojyo is left-handed, Hakkai is righthanded and Goku is ambidextrous and ambi... uh... podiatrist? I guess his handwriting is just as bad with his feet as it is with his hands.

First things First:

A good Too Bad It's Monday Paper. Poor, poor Kougaiji...

Next, since this one with the beer was so popular, I've done another one with the alternative sake.

Did I mention yet that I'm only going to be updating/checking this once or at most twice a week now? I'm finding I spend way too much time online...

I'll still make cool stuff like this, though. I'll just be posting less often.

Here's a cute one that I'd like to dedicate to my big brother, whose bandwidth and software... and hardware and electricity and toilet paper... I use to make this stuff. I totally ruin his cool. It's the best part of my day...
=^..^=

Courting the danger of being accused of flooding, here's Three of a Kind:
1. Kougaiji, of course.
2. Sha Gojyo, as often as not.
3. Genjyo Sanzo, 'coz everyone likes him. The Alpha Male thing, you know.

While we're at it, then, here's a little incentive to work. Yeah, I'd take that assignment...

If you need some other celestial help getting motivated when work can be so irritating, look no further. Of course, if you don't have a problem, don't bother looking at these older wallpapers. Unless you need a chuckle. Or you're really bored.

Anyway, I love this one, but then I'm biased. Any pic of Kougaiji with questionable pants-status is um... um...

...nevermind.

a-hem.

Anyway, here's something silly to finish off with. Sanzo is painfully skinny. But then, Minekura says his waist measurement is about 22 inches... which is unbelievable on a guy who's 5'10"...

Maybe it loses something on the journey from metric to imperial.

Anyway, that's it for today, before I get accused of flooding. Again, it's because I'm having to post whole weeks of fooling around on one day.

For those ... uh... maybe 2 people who were looking forward to "When Chibis Attack!"... I hope to be updating it soon. I'm still trying to decide whether to keep posting it here, as it does make the web page quite long. Thanks so much, Summoner Rekka for all the cheerleading! You rock, and I can see the chibis doing high-kicks beside you. Thanks also to Kout3uka, who makes me chuckle in an undignified way.

Here's the clunky fan-fiction site where it's currently posted. I just signed into the first one that came up with google. It has no rating system, a clunky comments system, the editor you have to use destroys most style stuff... in other words, if you know a better fan-fic post site, and they might take my fluffy chibis, let me know.

If I don't post it here, I'll post a direct link to the chapter I update on here. Again, let me know if it doesn't work.

Kittens for all, and to all a good night!
=^u.u^=
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Monday, May 2, 2005

   Meep.
Smeep, meep meep.

Here's a peaceful, sentimental piece.

Here's a rainy day.

Here's something cute...

And for those that missed it, Gojyo and Goku and that poor kitten has been posted.

Enjoy.


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Friday, April 29, 2005

   I am not on crack.
To answer the question that is on everyone's minds.

Know a more appropriate place to post my 'fiction'? Post.

I am vaguely proud to say that the paper of Kougaiji with no pants on is being beaten in hits by Kougaiji with indeterminate pants status. Even I don't know.

Here's a few grumpy old men and a little kid. Here they are again, only in some unidentified fluid.

Here's an aerial view of the road trip... which took me 5 hours to clean up and sort out. That's why it looks like nothing's been done to it. Here's more road trip coolness.

Finally, Gojyo, who's feeling a little neglected.

Love the chibis, or they will eat you, one little bite at a time.
=^..^=
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   When Chibis Attack! Part 3
Wake up.

Headache. Weird dream, will have to write that one down. Ha ha, strange what the mind will do.

Lift head.

Can't lift head.


Stupid cat is sleeping on my head again. Why does she do that? Rat-bag is trying to kill me, I'm sure. She'll eat me in my sleep, one day.

"Come on, fuzzy-buttons, shift your hefty self --"

Reach over shoulder to remove colonizing kitty.



"Heeeeee...."
"I wuv you."



Awww. That's so cute.
I think I need another drink.



My kitchen is spotless, though it has the carmelized-sugar smell of someone trying to smoke Japanese stick confectionary.

Small voices arguing. Why is it always voices? Aren't visual hallucinations maddening enough?

"I wish they'd all stop talking." The mumbles escape me.

"So do I." Thanks for the input, Lil' Sanzo.

"I wuv you!" Oh god...

"Coffee? I'm afraid we're out of rum..."


The banana bowl is empty of bananas, yet strangely full. It's acting as a bed for two snoring chibis, softly lined with my underwear.


Sigh.

Try to put down Kougaiji. Can't. He's attached to my arm by hug power.

Sigh.

"Coffee. Yes. Please."


While he fills my fresh, unusually clean mug, Lil' Hakkai feels the need to add unwanted explanation like a free shot of steak-flavored syrup in the brew.

"As best as I can remember, we were travelling across the land of Chibigenkyo on our way to Ten-Chibbikyu when..."

It all registers as a mild form of blah blah blah from there. No thank you, Little Barrista Man, I think I'll skip the steak syrup today, even if it is free.


Lift coffee to mouth and drink. Focus on inside of cup, looking outside is hazardous to the swallowing ability.

Kougaiji continues to cling to my right arm with wuv-powered grip, parallel to the ground whenever I sip.

"...and so we all followed him, and before we knew it..."

Aren't you done yet? Curses... to face this level of morning I need a drink with more life-force than coffee. Rum! The extra effort to lift my wuv-weighted arm would be worth it if there was rum in this mug.

"So we came out of the cabinet under your bathroom sink. But when we tried to go back through the door, all that was under there were outdated free samples of deoderant and a few packages of..."

Screw it.



Stand.

Pull on shoes. Find wallet. Where's my keys?

"Where are you going?"

"I'm out of rum."

"Oh. Well, if you're going shopping, I have a list of a few other things we're going to need..."

"Can you get them at the liquor store?"

"Um. No. But we'll happily reimburse you..."

"Liquor store. Rum. Home. Unconciousness." That's a well organised list, I'd say.



There are a variety of objections floating around my knees as I hunt for my keys.

"Hey."

Keys, knees... geese...

"I'm out of cigarettes."

Jacket! Keys live in Mr. Jacket. That way I don't get cold when I go outside.

"Marlboro Red. Filtered."

"I don't buy cigarettes." That's an automatic response, the same voice as I use for the kids outside the Red.

"Take the card. Get them at the liquor store."

"I'm allergic to cigarettes, hence I do not buy cigarettes." I knew a man who was allergic to chocolate once. And a girl who was allergic to coffee. Tragic thing, allergies.

"Um, I'm sorry, but he tends to get...even more violent without his cigarettes. It's probably best if..."


I have found you, Mr. Jacket! Hurrah! Now where the hell are my keys?

"I don't buy cigarettes. Forget it." The pocket search song: pockets, pockets, which of my pockets...

"Just pick up the goddamn cigarettes, woman!"

"Go get them yourself."


I find myself face to barrel with a small, fat gun. The hammer is drawn back, and a pudgy chibi-finger is on the trigger.

"I said, Marlboro Red. Filtered."


How did they manage to make a gun look cute? I mean, it's a weapon, it shouldn't be possible to make it cute.

I reach out and grasp the tiny barrel between two fingers.

Really, how can any weapon be cute? But this little gun - lifted to eye level for closer inspection - is quite adorable. It has a little Heart on the side instead of a Ying-Yang, and appears to be made by 'Kiss and Hugson'.

It also has a very angry chibi dangling from the grip, who chooses this moment to pull the trigger.



A stick shoots out of the barrel, and down flops a flag.

"Bang!!" reads the flag.



Blink.


"...you should be careful. You could poke someone's eye out."


I put the red and twitching Sanzo back on the table and walk to the door. The Keys are hanging on their hook, right where I left them.

I must now negotiate with care.

"I can't put on a coat if you're on my arm."

"I wuv you!"

"Then you don't want me to get a cold, do you?"

"...wuv you..."

Kougaiji drops off my arm like an incredibly adorable salted leech.

"It's... uh... bad luck to put on a coat indoors. One second."

I open the door and step backwards outside.

"I wuv..."

"LOOK! Ice Cream!!"

Slam.

Sigh.
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Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Kitten Theater 3 is Here!
Back by popular demand, or lack of public outcry...

Gojyo and Goku vs. Kitten.

Purrrrr?
=^..^=
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