Monday, August 21, 2006

When Chibis Attack! Part 40
I really will be only posting this at this spot on fanfiction.net. Soon. Really...

Part 40: In Which Comeuppance Comes

Fold, fold, and fold some more. Socks and spare robes and more socks and boxer shorts with comical hearts on them.

"So... what brings you down here?" It's Hakkai's turn to start a conversation. "I thought you didn't like the basement."

I had almost forgotten my troubles among these warm towels, but here they come: like mental Mongol Hordes rushing back across the Ural Mountains of my consciousness.




"Sanzo. Holding my computer hostage. Won't go away."

"Ah. I see..." Hakkai ponders. Try to think of a new topic, since the turn has reverted to me. I wonder how we keep score?

Hakkai speaks up abruptly, saving me the effort:

"I... think I know a way." He hesitates, then sighs with resignation. "I hate to do this to a fellow chibi, but he deserves some punishment for poor Kougaiji."




Sanzo. Punishment. Good.





"Yes?" Do I sound a little too hopeful?

Hakkai pulls a blanket out of the dryer, then motions me over. He whispers in my ear.





It might work.

Just might.

He gives me the blanket, and smiles an evil, yet lovable, smile.

"Do your best."




He will kill me.

Sanzo may be small, but so is my cat, and my cat nearly kills me regularly. And she doesn't have opposable thumbs.

He's definitely going to make my life miserable.

Which he's already doing, so...




That stream of thought flows inevitably down to the Sanzo-based consequences of Hakkai-based ideas. The feet, however, are following quite a different track, inexorably climbing the stairs, transferring my body from room to room until the target is visible. The feet, having finished their part in the conspiracy, pass the torch to the hands, which spin the computer chair, Sanzo and all, to face me.

'I've done my bit.' says my body to my brain. 'Now it's your turn'

'...the hell?' replies my brain muzzily, still not quite with the new agenda.




Fortunately, Sanzo knows his lines.

"Problem?" He stares icily into my blurry eyes.

The body decides that the brain still isn't ready for its job and acts on its behalf:

Hold up the warm, fuzzy blanket.



From it's comfortable back seat, my brain critiques this: 'Like that'll work. Prepare to receive sarcastic comments.'

My body responds by suggesting that if my brain can do any better, it should get off its ass and do some talking.




Sanzo is silent.

His eyes are wider than ever, like a deer in the headlights, or a suspect on 'Cops'.

This is unexpectedly optimistic.

Wave warm blanket.

The encouraged brain finally steps up to the plate with Hakkai's words:

"I'll snuggle you!"





Sanzo's face loses all color. He backs away, kicking a few books off the chair in his haste.

"You... you wouldn't!"

Unfold blanket. Stretch it out. Shake lightly.

"Blanket. Warm! SNUGGLY!"

Sanzo screams like a little girl and runs away.





Problem solved. Ha ha.


Caligatio-Umbra over at Deviantart did some fanart for this, including a page or two of manga for the first chapter and a pic of Kougaiji that is very cute indeed.

And Kougaiji has something to say to you. By way of me. He needed hewp.
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Monday, August 7, 2006

   When Chibis Attack! Part 39
Eventually this series will only be posting over here. If you enjoy it, you might want to change your bookmarks.

Part 39: In Which There is a Monster


At unfortunately sober times likes this, I generally like to drink. But right now, the fridge holds disturbing memories along with my rum.

So, at unfortunately prolonged sober times, like this, I generally turn to my cat.

In the Basement.



"Here, kitty, kitty, kitty..." Doesn't everyone say that when they're looking for their cat?

The nakedly dangling light-bulb is already on. Did I forget to turn it off last time? The stairs are so creaky.

She had better be down here.




Though I'll feel a little guilty if she is.

Unless the first thing she does is scratch me.

Which she does.

Of course.



"You're such a mean kitty." Persist in scritching of ears until cat gets bored with bloodletting. Purring may be heard, but that is debatable.

Sigh.

Flop onto discarded furniture, and observe the Historic Laundry Heap.



It moves.



Do not scream.

Try not to scream, anyway. Not loudly.

"Ah!" Said in a regular speaking voice. This is the scream of someone who doesn't want to be heard by the monster, but would like to be heard by, say, a passing policeman or superhero.

"Oh, I'm sorry!"

Oh, no! Not only have the great heaps of filthy clothing spawned a new form of life, they've eaten Hakkai and absorbed his vocal cords! The horror! the horror!




Try to pick up cat in preparation for a panicked dash to the stairs and safety.

The cat does not approve of my tactics.

"Owtch." Again screamed quietly, this time while sucking on fingers.

"I'll get you a bandaid." Laundryzilla offers helpfully.

"No thanks. Running away, you see."

"Um... would you mind at least taking the bandaid with you? Bloodstains are rather hard to get out, you see."

Concede to the demands of Laundryzilla.

Who turns out to be Hakkai, in a laundry suit.




"What on earth are you doing?"

Hakkai rubs the back of his head self-consciously. "Laundry. Since I was doing ours, I thought I would do yours as well. But there's... quite a bit..."

The heaps are the size of Big people, let alone Little ones. Or at least, they were. They appear to have been shrinking, against all laundry sense.

"Wow. Thanks. But you don't have to... I mean, that's way too much..."

"Oh no!" Hakkai smiles brightly. He's wearing a little miner's helmet with a nice, bright light on it. The better to spot stains with, I suppose. "I just do a little at a time. Any job is manageable if you break it into cute little parts. Like only washing things with polka dots, for instance. Polka dots are cute."




That... should have made sense.

"Are you sure the fumes aren't getting to you?" Asked gently, in case of madness. "Maybe it's time for a break?"

Hakkai looks up at me, blinding me momentarily, then over at the piles. He shrugs.

"Maybe you're right. I'll just fold this load, and leave it... for now." That 'for now' is menacing, somehow much more so than Sanzo's. It's as if he's swearing to vanquish an old nemesis.

"I'll help." It's the least I can do for the Laundry Slayer.




Folding big trousers and little trousers, big shirts and little shirts, seems awkward without conversation, and so I venture:

"Cat looks happy."

"Oh yes, she's quite content."

Static from the fabric jolts old brain cells to life.

"Hey... don't you have a pet?" Bite the collar, fold the arms in, shirt in half... "A flying, white... dragonmobile, or something?"




The look on Hakkai's face catches me off guard. His big eyes seem almost tearful, and his hair flops down.



Crap. Wrong subject.



"Yes." He answers before I can think of a segue to a new topic. "Jeep. My little white dragon."

"Um." Skillfully direct the conversation in both an enlightening and encouraging manner.

"But the transformation that made us all so small and cute... well, it was too much for him, I suppose.

"I'm so sorry."

I really am. Here he's been taking care of my kitty, and his own little fuzzy friend is... is...




Hakkai holds out a hand. I consider hugging him, until I notice a bit of fluff and metal on his palm.

Like a motorist passing a traffic accident, I can't stop myself from looking closer.

"Poor little Jeep. It seems that he was so cute to begin with that further chibification could only do this."

Collectable Keychain.



Fight down the desire to pet the fuzz. It looks so soft...

"That's... awful.

"He certainly thinks so."

"Huh? You mean..."

"Kyuuuu!"



The keychain dragon sits up on Hakkai's palm, and flaps its minuscule wings.

"He rather misses being able to transform without the others playing with the toy car. And it's difficult, being so small. I have to make sure he doesn't get blown away or stepped on, so... Well, we're getting by." Hakkai's shiny, serious eyes meet mine. "But we really need to get back to Chibigenkyo."



Words fail me.

Reach out a finger. Pet tiny dragon.

It purrs. Much louder than my evil cat. And it doesn't bite or scratch me.

"Of course." I sigh. "Poor little thing."

"Ah ha ha ha... it's not all bad. He's enjoying eating your houseflies."

"Good. Just... good."



Being back in Britain was... good. But it contains far too many of my relatives for my personal comfort.

Best way to maintain family harmony? Live on different continents.

It's good to be back. Well, back from back on the back...

You know what I mean. It's good to unpack.
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Sunday, July 2, 2006

   Times... They Are a'Changing...
I'm leaving my home, computer, and half of my worries for a month. After that, I expect to be really, really busy, probably for the rest of my life. That being the case...

This site won't be updating. If I draw something I like, I'll post it, but I won't have time to make wallpaper.

The Chibis will still continue their Attack (they are relentless), but I'll only be posting them over at fanfiction.net.

Thanks for your comments, support, and random kittens over the years. I hope you all have fun... and think seriously about your own priorities. I mean, this can be a real time-sink: I could have learned Japanese in the time I've spent doing this. I'm not telling you to stop, I have no right to tell you to do anything; but life is short: do your best. Either way, take care!

Ja!
CB
=^-.-^=
wuv you...
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Tuesday, June 27, 2006

   Return of the Evil Thoughts.
You really shouldn't encourage this kind of behaviour. But since you did, I posted it.

And if you really like it, I made it into Wallpaper. (I made the wp for my own use, but I figured I might as well upload it...)

Le sigh... I don't see why so many people are afraid to acknowledge that they love kittens.

Everyone loves kittens.

They're just so... kitteny!

=^..^==^..^==^..^=
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Thursday, June 22, 2006

The Break-Down
The following post was written with half my brain tied behind my back.

Mood: Twisted

Drinking: Rum and Tonic with a squirt of lime. Refreshing and exotic!

Slosh Percentage: 12%

Days Since Last Slept: Three

Listening to: King of Bandit Jing OST, Advent Children OST and Everything I Have By Toshihiko Seki and/or Animetal, all mixed together.

Have: Hiccups.

Adobe Hatred: 74%

Naked or Not: Not.

Thoughts on World Events: Screwed. And pointless. Pointlessly Screwed.

Kitten: Watching me from a distance. Teasing me with the possibility of ear scratching. Sleeps on my head. 11 years old... but spry!

(Distantly) Upcoming Excerpt From "When Chibis Attack!":

"Must... not... sleep!"

"Why not?"

"Because... now... is not... Bedtime!"

Most Funky Senior Citizen Nominee: Nobue Uematsu. Who the hell starts a Rock band at 60? Wearing leather pants, and support socks....

Sephiroth Obsession: Going strong.

Cracked: Slightly.

Leaves the Country In: 11 days.

Ready: Heck no.

Missed: Dental appointment. Forgot I had teeth.

Secretary's Mood: Foul.

Posting Instead of: Sleeping.

Need: Hobby.

Hate: Those stupid surveys people send you as forwards. As if I give a flying monkey's anus what kind of shampoo you use. And if you care what I wash my hair with, I don't really want to be your friend... and I'm calling the cops.

Good: Night.


=^-.-^=
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

   This is getting to be fun...
I still despise Adobe Illustrator. But I admit that it's getting fun.

I've actually thought of a bunch more of these. Should I keep going, or have you had enough of my freaky chibis?

=^o.O^=
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

   Absolutely True.
The first time I played Final Fantasy 7, I made my way all the way through the big boss fight at the end of the game, then lost the scripted battle that follows it. You know, the one where you're fighting a wounded, shirtless guy, who only has one HP left. I lost that.

This is why.

I mean, doesn't the Geneva Convention require it? But I couldn't find it anywhere in my menu commands...

=^..^=
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Saturday, June 17, 2006

   Strange things you think of when you're not quite in the pink...
Wouldn't it be nice if you could make e-Spam into spamwidges and eat them?

It probably wouldn't taste very good though.

Never mind.
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Thursday, June 15, 2006

   When Chibis Attack! Part 37
Wondering how this started? Previous chapters hidden here.

Part 37: In Which There is Melodrama

Step out from behind the counter.

Step back, out of the way. The fireball scorches my wallpaper, and fills the room with the stink of burning glue.

"Wait just a damn minute!" Shriek the words calmly, inspecting the scorch mark. I like that wallpaper. And this is my house! And that could have been my head!




"I bear you no ill will, Great Beast..."

"I think I preferred 'Mummy'." Edge towards the fridge, muttering under my breath. "Though not by much."

"...but I cannot afford another delay. There are people relying on-"

"Yes, yes, that's nice. Cookie?"

Present Hakkai's neatly-arranged plate.




The look he gives me is not cute.

Not... right.

That little face, those huge eyes: he should be the cutest of the cute. But now...

"Your tokens are meaningless. Loyalty requires decisive action." Coldly, dismissively, he knocks that plate out of my hand.




Screw this.




Grab Chibi.

Ignore scalded fingers and nasty burned-hair smell.

"You - rrrgh! Let go!"

Hug.



"Help! For the love of-"

Hug more.

You were the cutest damn thing I ever saw. Why can't you just be cute? Even if it's a little out-of-character, even if it freaks me out when you call me Mummy...

Cute really suits you.

"Mrrf!"

I... miss you already.

Hug viciously.




"Mrrf... wuv... you..."

Barely heard that, but...

Relax grip, just a little.

The little body is limp.




Panic.

Lay chibi on table, now surrounded by enormous, staring eyes.

He doesn't move.

"Hey..."

Poke him with a finger.

Nothing.



Hakkai lifts the tiny wrist to take a pulse.

Oh my God...

Hakkai drops the wrist. He doesn't look at me.

I think I'm going to-

Hakkai fumbles in his pocket, and pulls out a cookie.

Waves the cookie under Kougaiji's nose.




Goku helps Hakkai put bandages on his bitten fingers, and Kougaiji rolls over: munching the cookie and mumbling in his sleep.

"Well, I think it's safe to say he'll be fine." Hakkai says, giving the sleeping chibi a vengeful little kick. Kougaiji's snoring doesn't even falter. "Though I'll get out the little stethoscope later to check."

"But..." Gojyo stares at me, white faced and shaking. "She nearly cuddled him to death!"

"Yes... I suppose we can say now that Aggressive Hug Therapy reverses the affects of The Drink. Speaking of which..." Hakkai rifles Kougaiji's pockets. The Little Prince giggles ticklishly in his sleep. "Ah. Here it is."




The bottle does indeed have curly letters.

"Where on earth did you find that?" I certainly don't remember buying it.

"Under the sink."

"You drank something that was under the sink? That's crazy!"

"See? That's what I said!" Goku chimes in triumphantly, though his triumph is dampened by the effort involved in stopping Gojyo from nicking whatever else may be in Sleeping Cutie's pockets.



"That's why I gave it to Kougaiji." Sanzo says, taking the bottle from Hakkai.

"Really?" The tone of my voice must have changed: the chibis have started backing away, even Kougaiji is surreptitiously rolling in the other direction. But not Sanzo... no, he's still staring at that damn bottle...

"Hell yes." He continues. "Think I'd test it on myself? I'm not stupid."

"Testing."

"Better than testing it on animals. And if he kicks the bucket, it's one less pain in my a-"




By the time Sanzo is returned to the table, I have the bottle, and all of his cigarettes... as well as what feels like a sprained wrist, and many, many little bite marks.

"You're DEAD!" He screams.

"You're LUCKY!" I retort in righteous rage. "If Goku weren't chewing on my ankle, you'd be flushed by now! You can let go now, damn it, Goku!" Shake free of the Vicious Chomping.

"Give it back!" Sanzo's fury is undampened. He leaps for the bottle.




There's something about Sanzo... jumping up and down, trying to get the bottle in my hand. His little sandals make a pitter-patter sound on the table, his blonde hair fluffs out, and his face goes cherry red.

It's cute. Really cute.

"That's so cute." Hold the bottle just out of reach.



He stops on a dime. He glares at me. He turns and walks away.

He trips over Kougaiji, who mumbles "More cookies, pwease!" and tries to use Sanzo's robes as a blanket.

Sanzo gets up, and brushes himself off.

He glares up at me, once again.

I smile. Still cute.




And he knows it.




He sighs profoundly.

"Fine. I can always get more cigarettes. We'll call it even... for now."

It must be hard to sound ominous when your feet go pitter-patter when you walk.

Hee hee hee!


Okay, who guessed that the cure would be hugs? Think Chibi, people, think Chibi!

And I'm leaving my current country for a month, so summer will be slow for this fic, but don't give up on me! I'll be back, and when I am, there will be cuteness!
=^..^=
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Friday, June 9, 2006

   Is it that obvious?
I've had a bootleg, badly-subbed version of Advent Children for a while now.

This week I bought the Official Release.

It's re-ignited an old flame. Is it obvious?

=^..^=
I bet he likes kittens...
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