Friday, January 20, 2006

   Wow... is this running slow, or am I high on something?
Yesterday, Otaku wouldn't let me update. I could give it my precious content (cough, cough), but I couldn't voice my priceless views for all my admiring fans to absorb and ponder.

The lack of protest has been ego-shattering.

Anyway, I made wallpaper. I do that. Even when I'm feeling frustrated

If this freaking page loads for you, I hope you're having a lovely day. Now if you'll exuse me, I have to go beat something with a stick.


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Thursday, January 19, 2006

   Oh joy! Oh rapture!
Want some fresh minekura? Not so fresh? Bakc issues that are not available here?

Check it out.

I can't vouch for the english yet, but... it looks nice!

And here's Tenpo to help with that big project you have due. He even brought you a sample thesis! Isn't that sweet?
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Tuesday, January 17, 2006

   It's 3 am... again.
Cheese Louise, do I ever post at a humane time?

Once apon a time, I started casting for a Gundam Wing Live Action Movie. I mean "Real people doing the acting. Live." It was just a fun thought experiment.

I sort of settled on Tobey Maguire as Quatre... because he looks like a little kid. And since this is my version of Fantasy Football (or whatever you do imaginary teams for in your part of the globe) I picked Rutger Hauer from Ladyhawk era as Zechs.

My pics for the rest were a little hazy, except for Trowa. Trowa was the reason for the whole thought experiment. I've always thought that (if you grow them up a bit, as I have to in order not to feel like a poacher) Trowa would be the closest to classical bish. If, say, Minekura drew him, he'd be... gorgeous. And a little feminine.

So, that's where it started: Jude Law, in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I don't follow actors (except DeNiro. And Christopher Walken. They need to be watched for safety issues). The movie didn't even particularly catch my eye. It was just Jude Law in a flight suit, with really long eyelashes, and an almost perfectly symmetrical face.

And a thin jaw. Longish hair? High cheekbones?

Almost pretty enough to be a girl...

Uh...

And that brings me to the reason for this rant.

Worth1000 did a few galleries of Gender Bending Photoshops. Jude Law is in almost every one of them. He makes a surprisingly pretty woman.


Does that make any sense?

I don't know. It's 3... 46 am.

=^-.-^=
I wish I was that pretty. Dammit!
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Friday, January 13, 2006

   When Chibis Attack! Part 25
Walking in in the middle? Previous chapters are here.

Part 25: In Which There is Suspicion


Two paragraphs, and the corresponding two pages, later, Hakkai interrupts my oratory - by falling head-first onto my lap.

He's out like a light. But the light is still on, so I suppose he's out not at all like a light.




Shift book higher. Try to read.

Snoring commences.




Check lap: Hakkai isn't snoring; Gojyo is. Goku is providing harmonious nasal backup, even though he has somehow managed to turn upside-down in his sleep.

To my right, Kougaiji is not only sleeping, but wearing his nightcap, and tucked in to my hair. Not to mention drooling on me and mumbling about cookies.




Could this be the secret to disabling chibis? Is this really the way to return peace and silence to my house?

"What's the hold up? Get on with the reading."

No, of course not. That would be too easy.

Sanzo glares at me over the lowered newspaper. There is a general indication that there will be Trouble if we don't find out how the kitten got out of the tree, and quickly.



"But... they're snoring. You see. And in the way." I gesture helplessly at the four-part Snore Harmony Choir.

"Then toss them somewhere."

Glance down at Hakkai. His fluffy teddy bear is firmly gripped to his little round chest.

"I'll just... put them away. I mean, to bed. You know."

"Then be quick about it!"

My patience snaps like a fatally worn bungee cord: "You could help, you know!" I snap, and toss the book on the couch definitively.




Sanzo heaves the Sigh of the Much Put Upon. Wonder where he learned it from, since he couldn't have come by it naturally. He folds up The Chibi Times, stomps across the couch and grabs Goku by the leg.

"You'll wake him u-" Goku thuds against the ground, only to be dragged down the hall by the Grumpiest Monk. My words of concern elicit nothing but a dismissive, "Ha!" from Sanzo.

Goku's snoring doesn't even falter.



Gather up the remaining personifications of cuteness. Follow Sanzo: Goku bounces unconsciously along behind him, only to be tossed into my sock drawer. Sanzo then stalks out past me, shooting an incongruously sparkly Death Glare at me on the way by.

I'd better hurry, or... uh. Trouble. Lots of Trouble.





Tuck Hakkai in to his neatly-made camp bed. Reluctant to drop Gojyo in to my underwear drawer, I search for a better option.

An unusually helpful idea occurs to me that seems to kill two birds with one stone. As if it was birds what needed killin'.

Tuck Gojyo into my bed, carefully spreading his hair over the pillow. Untangle Kougaiji from my hair. Tangle him in Gojyo's.



I wonder how long that'll fool them?

I wonder where I'm going to sleep tonight?

Affordable local hotel?


They would follow me. I know they would.






Sanzo is waiting, impatiently, on the couch.

Ignore him and his tapping foot. Sit. Open book.

Read two more paragraphs. Pause to treat my vocal cords with alcohol therapy.

"Then what happened? Not that I care..."

Sanzo has migrated from the far end of the couch to Not Touching! distance*. The Paper remains open, but it seems to be upside-down.

Put great effort in to ignoring the Mini-Monk, and all facts concerning the paper. Fuel the effort with rum, an efficient and natural fuel.




After a few more pages, pause again for supplementary alcohol.

The glass drained empty, surviving concentration tries to return to the book, only to be blown off course by the chibi sitting on my lap.




"Uh. Are you..." Sick? Crazy? Out of Character?

"What? I can't see the goddamn book from over there." Sanzo crosses his arms and glowers up at me over his reading glasses. "And don't even think about hugging me! Instant death."




Character remains. Chibiism distorts.

Rum enables.

Drink.

Read.







"The Little Kitten and his Kitten Friends loved their new home, and lived happily ever after."

Close the book.

"Uh... The End?" I add, in an effort to prompt chibi evacuation.

"Hmph," Sanzo snorts. But it's an approving snort, and he uncrosses his arms and takes the book out of my hands. "Not a bad story..."

"Um... Yes. Plenty of..."

"Kittens." Sanzo finishes. "And a happy ending. Not that they even happen like that in reality. Still, kittens should have happy endings."

"...yes." I can only agree. Not final trips to the vet, or close encounters with cars. Only happy endings, in which they inflict mild flesh wounds on helpless owners for the rest of eternity.

Come to think of it, the certainly shouldn't get cuddled to death by certain chibis that will remain unnamed for not-getting-shot purposes.





Yawn artificially, followed by the genuine article. "Well, bed time, I gue-"

It's the briefest movement that draws my eye. Four heads are peeking around the corner. Four pairs of eyes have just caught the Legendary Grumpy Monk in a situation that is suspiciously cuddle-like.

Four huge, sparkling pairs of eyes vanish, and the sound of little, round feet flying up the hall is followed only by...

Well, by Sanzo, cursing and shooting at them, pausing only to refresh the caps in his Kiss & Hugson.




Sigh.



Sleep time for me, too, I guess.

Wander up the hallway in the hope of finding a flat surface and a piece of blanket.






*Footnote: Any parent will be familiar with Not Touching! distance, and even those young enough to remember family car trips will know precisely how far it is.


Sorry for the length of this post, but I wanted you to get a sample of Chibis Gone Wild! I'll be posting the following story on another site and linking to it in future. Don't worry, I'll make the link obvious.





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   Chibis Gone Wild! Chapter One.
This is just a taste. I'll be posting this fic over at fanfiction.net, and you can read it there. It's the sequel to When Chibis Attack!, but spoiler free if you've read up to ch.25 of said fic.

And, once again, the characters all belong to the great and wonderous Kazuya Minekura. Except the drunk. She's more mine than I'm willing to admit.

Enjoy!

Chibis Gone Wild!

Chapter 1: Because I Can.



It's a beautiful afternoon in Togenkyo. A few wispy clouds are blown thin, and stretched over the pinkening horizon by the southern wind. The sun rides its golden chariot in their direction: ever westward, into the dusk. Even the lone string of geese cutting a wedge through the clear blue sky travel west by some accident of migration.

Neither Sanzo, nor any of his travelling companions note these forces ofnature urging them on towards their globally important goal.

That's because they're indoors. And, to an individually greater or lesser degree, they are drunk.




"More. Now."

"But sir, don't you think you've had enough?"

"Ah ha ha ha... don't worry, miss. You'll know when he's had enough. You see, his head will hit the table with an unmistakeable 'clunking' noise."

"Hakkai, shut the hell up. Just get me more beer, woman."



It is possible that the gods hadn't considered the effect on the religious inclinations of their followers when they installed Genjyo Sanzo as priest. As an example, the barmaid, once rather devout, is now considering atheism due to her brief encounter with Buddhism's emminent representative. This is not an unusual response.

Sanzo would have been proud to hear it. His Employers, on the other hand, may be a little perturbed*.

That perturbation, at least, would explain the next rumbling from Sha Gojyo - valiently slumped in his chair, piling beer cans in a prophetic replica of yet-milleniums-future Tokyo Tower.

So spake Friar Sand:

"Hey, Sanzo. Remember that chick? Whatshername, you know. The girl.




In a testament to the sheer quantity of alcohol that Sanzo has consumed, he takes a minute to formulate a sufficiently witty reply.

"Unlike you, you perverted Kappa," he eventually declares, "I don't keep a catalogue of everything that looks female along the side of the road. So, no. I probably don't remember."

"No, no." Gojyo continues, unfazed by this carefully assembled rejoinder. "You'd remember her. She had a book you liked."




The brief, yet notable pause recurrs. Then:

"I can't recall anything female, in possession of reading material, of any kind, that I have enjoyed, since the last... oh... lifetime. I'm a monk, asswipe! If it's not a sutra or the paper, it's a waste of my time!"

Sanzo punctuates this statement with a definitive chug of his beer, followed by crushing the can on the table.

In terms of the Drunked Orator, that is Q.E.D..




Still, Gojyo persists in persisting. The doggedness of his train of thought has caught Hakkai's attention, and now he, too, is trying to remember a woman with a book - any book - that Gojyo might have found noteworthy.

Goku continues to eat. This hardly deserves recording, except to note that he is there, and he is alive. Hence, he is eating.




Gojyo-zilla knocks over part of Togenkyo Tower, and then begins to rebuild it. But his speech continues:

"No. You'd remember her. You loved that book. You know the one..."








Far to the west. a jar breaks. A powerful prince turns towards it, eyes widening in terror.

It fell off the shelf. He was nowhere near it.

He certainly wasn't trying to get at the contents.

He didn't try to take the cookies!








But back in Togenkyo, only Gojyo can be heard in the sudden silence.

"You know... the one with Kittens on it."







*Footnote: Then again, rabid atheism is also the most common reaction reported by devout believers upon meeting the Merciful Goddess her/himself, apparently due to his/her wandering hands. Perhaps this is all part of the Plan...




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Thursday, January 12, 2006

   Soooo... about them chibis...
They take too damn long to type up. So here's something to look at while I procrastinate.

That pic was a great aid to my procrastination. It took forever. Mainly because I had to correct a bunch of mistakes and misproportions in my original drawing...

Background ideas? Mistakes you spotted? Okay, don't bother with the last one: I can already see three or four that will drive me nuts eventually.

Nya. Enough for 3am...

=^-.-^=
zzzzzzzz


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Monday, January 9, 2006

   Here comes the rain again...
After the long, dry days of November and December, wherein I excercized self-control and didn't touch the hooch, January has brought relief.

A mickey of rum, and I'm thinking of writing again. Who the hell am I, Oscar Wilde?

We all get our inspiration from somewhere, that's all I'm saying.



=^..^=
Gah! The Chibis! They're coming to get meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
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Friday, January 6, 2006

   When Chibis Attack! Part 24
Doesn't make sense? Read the previous chapters.

Part 24: In Which There Are Arrangements

The little creeps are perversely quick about cleaning up and herding me to the couch. I feel like an elephant surrounded by fluffy little cats... that will eat me if I trip. Though given the size of the meal they just ate, I doubt they'd have room.

Flop gracelessly on couch. Gaze with resignation at the piles on piles of books littering every semi-flat space. Hope for... I don't know, something easy. And clean: I can't say bad words with your huge eyes staring up at me. Easy and clean. Please, please don't pick the Iliad.

Please, please don't pull my hair...

Rearrange Kougaiji, to the tune of "Wuv You!"




Hakkai helpfully holds my hair aside while the Little Prince gets settled... nearly giving me a heart attack due to Unexpected Appearance on Shoulder.* Under 20 Pounds? Does he weigh anything at all?

Or maybe I really am a hunchback...

Please, please don't pick Victor Hugo. I'm depressed enough as it is.





It seems that "on the couch" is Chibi-Speak for "on you" when referring to seating arrangements. Since the upper levels are full, Goku and Gojyo fight briefly over "sides", then crowd so close that "side" becomes a technical term.

I wonder what kind of training one needs to qualify as furniture?

The only chibi with any remaining sense of personal space is Sanzo, who tosses a book at me, then sits on the furthest arm of the couch and opens the paper. I grasp at the notion that there are some personality traits that even this bizarre transformation can't change.



Sanzo's pick from the huge and dusty (despite Hakkai's best efforts) assortment:

... has a kitten on the front.

A kitten. In a tree.





Blink.





"The Little Kitten Who Could," must have been left here by the last 'little people' that ransacked my house. The ones who ate my cards.

"Do you have enough light?" Hakkai plays with the lampshade, wearing it as a hat as he adjusts the bulb.

"Here, I'll hold your drink." Move rum out of reach of Gojyo's 'helping' hands, provoking the addition of, "Dammit."

"This is gonna be great!" Goku repeats, eyes still sparkling wildly.




Anyone left who hasn't gotten his two cents in yet? Eyes right to see if Kougaiji needs to make a comical comment before I start.

"Heeee..."

Well, at least he's quiet. Staring, clingy, ever-present and still static-filled, but quiet.





"What the hell is taking so long? I don't have all night." Sanzo rustles the paper grouchily.

Look at the book.

Don't look at the monk.

Whatever you do, don't look at Mr. Crabbypants. He's got a gun. And he likes kittens.



Sigh.

Even my hallucinations are crazy.

"Once upon a time..."






Footnote:

*UAS or Unexpected Appearance on Shoulder kills hundreds of unfortunate people each decade. Help find a cure for the chibi-afflicted!



It's short this week, simply due to how the chapters break up. I'll try to update soon.

Also, I've started a sequel to this that should be spoiler-free after the next two chapters. Anyone want me to post it here, or should I just post it on the fanfiction site? The rating will be a little higher, since it will involve the full-size characters reminiscing about their time as chibis... I just can't Bowlderize Minekura. Sanzo would kick my ass, dropping F-bombs all the while if I did. So... save the bad language for a rated site and link to it, or save you a click and post it here? Decisions, decisions... Comments?

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Thursday, December 29, 2005

   Purring.
There is more of the chibi story coming... but I figured most of you wouldn't be around to read it right now, so I won't update until January.

Anyway, here's something to look at while you wait.

But I didn't really like that one, so here's the fixed version.
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Wednesday, December 28, 2005

   Celebration!
Now is the time to be celebrating... because I just beat Trema in FF X-2!

Rejoice, leap for joy! The world is now safe again!

...Why do I feel like I should get a medal for killing a fictional character?

Have a drink on me, anyway.

=^!.!^=
can't quite believe it
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