Tuesday, April 26, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 2
I hear a sound, a tiny muffled explosion, from inside my oven. Quiet, echoey chanting prefaces each little boom, much as would be caused by a miniature Hakkai setting off Chi explosions in an oven in an attempt to remove years of caked-on grime. But that would just be silly. So silly.

I refuse to look. Drain the glass of rum instead.


Pills on the Table: Mission Acccomplished. But wait! There are the Pills on the Microwave, carelessly forgotten. Leave table. Examine bottles. "Take With Food. I wonder if the previous food intake counts. Obviously, I can't afford to risk it.

Glance at the table.

My underwear is attempting to beat up the Monkey King. The paper is drinking a coffee with both hands.

My cereal appears to be momentarily safe.

Refill glass of rum.

Return to my seat.


Spoon and cereal in mouth.

("Hey, cutie... You know, I like big women!")

Close lips, remove spoon, swallow,

My own underwear propositioning me seems to elicit the wrath of the paper, which folds up a portion of itself, and proceeds to beat my underwear with it.


I take the pills.

("Put those back, goddamn Kappa!")
("None of your business, crap-faced monk!")

Drink another half of the rum.

("Hey, are you going to finish that cereal?")

I sit back and close my eyes, vaguely aware that the tiny explosions have stopped and a fourth chibi is now occupying my table-for-one.

("Now, now, we're guests here...")

I'm concious of pressure on my neck. It's hard to ignore neck pressure. Perhaps I'm choking to death in my sleep...

("Gojyo, put those back or I'll have to beat the crap out of you...")
("This sucks.")
("Get out of that cereal, Stupid Monkey!")
("Ow!")

"Heeeeee......"


That was right by my ear. Pressure on my neck and --

"Heeeeeeeeee..."


Reluctantly, I open my eyes. Slowly, I turn my head to the right.


Even the cutest, smallest face is enormous when its posesser is sitting on your shoulder, hugging your neck.

With a look of profound bliss on his face, Chibi Kougaiji gives me a big Chibi Grin.

"I wuv you!"


Blink.

"Heeeeee......"

"......"


Face the table. Focus eyes on the crumpled newspaper, cereal-splashed underwear and assorted super-deformed creatures.

"Um. Yes. We're not sure either. Whatever brought us here seems to have broken Kougaiji's brain."

"He's not usually like that," pipes up Chibi-Goku on behalf of the ear-snuggling youkai.

"Yeah, he's usually way more irritating..."

"Stupid Kappa!"

"Stupid Monkey!"

"Maybe he thinks you're his mother..."


My underwear begins fighting with the Monkey King... again. I finish the rum.

"Hey."

Tiny Genjyo Sanzo gives me a look of utter chibi determination, as if trying to intimidate me with sheer adorability.

"Can you see us?" he asks. His eyes seem to say, 'I'd kick your ass if I could reach it.'

"No." I state definitively.


Push back the chair. Stand.

("Did you hear that?")
("Yeah, and I could've sworn she could...")
("You really are stupid...")
("Oh yeah?!")

Walk down the hall. Open bedroom door.

Remove fluffy Kougaiji from shoulder. Held at arm's length, it speaks:

"I wuv you!"

Put it on the floor, quickly step backwards into the room and close door. Push rifled underwear drawer shut. Go Back to Bed.


I am dreaming. If you fall asleep when you're dreaming, you wake up. So, therefore...

I close my eyes with determination.

("I think it was a little much for her.")
("Oh well. Hey! She left the rum out!")
("And the cereals!")
("Um... Kougaiji? What are you doing...?")

Scrabbling noise. Cat must be trying to get in. Stupid cat. Must sleep now.

Metallic scrabbling noise.

Stupid cat.

Door cracks open.

Stupid cat, learning to open stupid doors.

Door clicks closed.


Well that's nice. What a polite kitty. Good night, kitty.

sleep
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