Friday, April 29, 2005

   When Chibis Attack! Part 3
Wake up.

Headache. Weird dream, will have to write that one down. Ha ha, strange what the mind will do.

Lift head.

Can't lift head.


Stupid cat is sleeping on my head again. Why does she do that? Rat-bag is trying to kill me, I'm sure. She'll eat me in my sleep, one day.

"Come on, fuzzy-buttons, shift your hefty self --"

Reach over shoulder to remove colonizing kitty.



"Heeeeee...."
"I wuv you."



Awww. That's so cute.
I think I need another drink.



My kitchen is spotless, though it has the carmelized-sugar smell of someone trying to smoke Japanese stick confectionary.

Small voices arguing. Why is it always voices? Aren't visual hallucinations maddening enough?

"I wish they'd all stop talking." The mumbles escape me.

"So do I." Thanks for the input, Lil' Sanzo.

"I wuv you!" Oh god...

"Coffee? I'm afraid we're out of rum..."


The banana bowl is empty of bananas, yet strangely full. It's acting as a bed for two snoring chibis, softly lined with my underwear.


Sigh.

Try to put down Kougaiji. Can't. He's attached to my arm by hug power.

Sigh.

"Coffee. Yes. Please."


While he fills my fresh, unusually clean mug, Lil' Hakkai feels the need to add unwanted explanation like a free shot of steak-flavored syrup in the brew.

"As best as I can remember, we were travelling across the land of Chibigenkyo on our way to Ten-Chibbikyu when..."

It all registers as a mild form of blah blah blah from there. No thank you, Little Barrista Man, I think I'll skip the steak syrup today, even if it is free.


Lift coffee to mouth and drink. Focus on inside of cup, looking outside is hazardous to the swallowing ability.

Kougaiji continues to cling to my right arm with wuv-powered grip, parallel to the ground whenever I sip.

"...and so we all followed him, and before we knew it..."

Aren't you done yet? Curses... to face this level of morning I need a drink with more life-force than coffee. Rum! The extra effort to lift my wuv-weighted arm would be worth it if there was rum in this mug.

"So we came out of the cabinet under your bathroom sink. But when we tried to go back through the door, all that was under there were outdated free samples of deoderant and a few packages of..."

Screw it.



Stand.

Pull on shoes. Find wallet. Where's my keys?

"Where are you going?"

"I'm out of rum."

"Oh. Well, if you're going shopping, I have a list of a few other things we're going to need..."

"Can you get them at the liquor store?"

"Um. No. But we'll happily reimburse you..."

"Liquor store. Rum. Home. Unconciousness." That's a well organised list, I'd say.



There are a variety of objections floating around my knees as I hunt for my keys.

"Hey."

Keys, knees... geese...

"I'm out of cigarettes."

Jacket! Keys live in Mr. Jacket. That way I don't get cold when I go outside.

"Marlboro Red. Filtered."

"I don't buy cigarettes." That's an automatic response, the same voice as I use for the kids outside the Red.

"Take the card. Get them at the liquor store."

"I'm allergic to cigarettes, hence I do not buy cigarettes." I knew a man who was allergic to chocolate once. And a girl who was allergic to coffee. Tragic thing, allergies.

"Um, I'm sorry, but he tends to get...even more violent without his cigarettes. It's probably best if..."


I have found you, Mr. Jacket! Hurrah! Now where the hell are my keys?

"I don't buy cigarettes. Forget it." The pocket search song: pockets, pockets, which of my pockets...

"Just pick up the goddamn cigarettes, woman!"

"Go get them yourself."


I find myself face to barrel with a small, fat gun. The hammer is drawn back, and a pudgy chibi-finger is on the trigger.

"I said, Marlboro Red. Filtered."


How did they manage to make a gun look cute? I mean, it's a weapon, it shouldn't be possible to make it cute.

I reach out and grasp the tiny barrel between two fingers.

Really, how can any weapon be cute? But this little gun - lifted to eye level for closer inspection - is quite adorable. It has a little Heart on the side instead of a Ying-Yang, and appears to be made by 'Kiss and Hugson'.

It also has a very angry chibi dangling from the grip, who chooses this moment to pull the trigger.



A stick shoots out of the barrel, and down flops a flag.

"Bang!!" reads the flag.



Blink.


"...you should be careful. You could poke someone's eye out."


I put the red and twitching Sanzo back on the table and walk to the door. The Keys are hanging on their hook, right where I left them.

I must now negotiate with care.

"I can't put on a coat if you're on my arm."

"I wuv you!"

"Then you don't want me to get a cold, do you?"

"...wuv you..."

Kougaiji drops off my arm like an incredibly adorable salted leech.

"It's... uh... bad luck to put on a coat indoors. One second."

I open the door and step backwards outside.

"I wuv..."

"LOOK! Ice Cream!!"

Slam.

Sigh.
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